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I need an English to Starbucks translation...


Pancake

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Does anyone speak Starbucks? I'm meeting a friend there later today, and i'd like just a normal coffee with skimmed milk and no sugar. What do i ask for? Also do they sell any coffee that doesn't come in a MASSIVE container? I'm not a horse!

 

Just ask for that. Seriously, the first time I went to a coffee shop, I had (well...have in some cases) no clue what to ask for so I just said "Coffee with no sugar and lots of milk" and they just do it. But seriously, I find Starbucks is overrated, go to Costa Coffee, they're awesome!

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They serve tea.

 

I was told once (no idea if this is true) that if Starbucks sell one cup of tea, then every cup of tea they sell after that is profit, since that first cup of tea pays for all the tea bags used in a day after that.

 

Therefore, you should order a tea, and then when they give it to you, you should say:

 

"Y'welcome." and walk stiffly away.

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This

 

and if they say anything tell them to f'ck off

 

What...even if they say the normal stuff?

 

Barista: Sugar is over there, sir, please help yourself.

 

Arnold: F*ck off.

 

Bartitster: That'll be ?2 please, sir.

 

Arnold: F*ck off.

 

Tittytwister: Er... you have to pay... for the um... drink... um...

 

Arnold: F*ck off.

 

Nakedtwisterwithagreasymat: ...um... security?

 

Arnold: F*ck off.

 

 

 

I'm sure it'll get you far :)

 

And yes, Starbucks has "Ordinary" coffee as well as monkey-poop coffee with extra monkey poop caffeine.

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Starbucks' profit margins must be huge- each coffee they sell is always going to be the same amount of grounds (or close enough) , but the price jumps between totally unnecessary large coffees is massive. You're basically paying for extra hot water.

 

Or less, in some cases, if they put whipped cream on top. I noticed my mochas were getting smaller everytime I went (once a week or there abouts) because they were filling up the takeaway cup with whipped cream so my medium was infact a small. Bastards. Stopped going now anyway as it's a waste of ?3, especially when I can get the same for a pound on campus and it's less sickly.

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I generally agree that Costa is better than Starbucks, except for their Frappuccino Cremes. They're super tasty and I'm not sure how to make them at home.

 

There's the chocolate one (add a shot of caramel too) and a strawberry one.

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I love both bits, but I agree, the cream is aweeesome :0 just a shame its so full of calories lol

 

Starbucks hot chocolate is awful! The cream is even worse! The only thing worse than Starbucks hot chocolate and cream? Starbucks Caramel hot chocolate!

 

I can't stand the stuff. It isn't chocolaty in the slightest. Being a non tea/coffee drinker the only thing I ever get when I have to go to Starbucks is a bottle of water.

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