Diageo Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Well here's most of the story. Reveal hidden contents So I was at my dad’s nightclub when my dad comes over to me after clearly having a good few drinks. He starts crying and telling me he loves me and that he has the most important question of his life to ask me. He kept trying to ask me and then failing, but saying he loved me no matter what over and over again. So I thought, this sounds like a good time to tell him. So I said I was bi. He started off still maintaining that he would love me no matter what and that everything was fine. But quickly it moved to him saying that people there in his small town don’t understand it, and that the most important thing there is masculinity. People talking about me would disadvantage his business. I told him there would be no problem because I’ve told him but he laughed at me. He’s always cared a lot about what other people think about him. I even think it’s the most important thing to him. And not even what the people he cares about think about him, but the general population of the town. So I asked him what he wanted me to do, if he wanted me to leave. He said of course not, and that he was happy I told him, that he needed to know. He asked if it was a choice, and I said of course it wasn’t. So later on I was in the car with his girlfriend, and she started crying. And I asked her what the problem was, and she said that my dad was cheating on her (something I already knew). Then my dad stumbles out of the bar and crookedly walks to the car. He starts to drive and is crossing over other lanes and swerving. So the girlfriend screams at him to stop and he doesn’t, so I said, “Please stop the car dad”. It took a few repetitions and he eventually stopped the car. So he got angry and stormed out of the car and started walking away. The girlfriend got in the car and drove after him and eventually we got him in the car again. After getting in they started screaming each other, calling each other names and complaining about the relationship. When home they argued some more. The girlfriend asked me to sleep with my dad while she slept in my room. I tried but he just kept crying and I couldn’t sleep, so I went to the couch. She heard me go to the couch and gave me my bed while she went back to my dad’s bed. The next day he sent me a message on my phone saying he wanted to talk to me. He said things like “You’re old enough to know not to fuck over other people’s business”, and that “people would be talking about his son”. I told him that if he cared so much about gossip, I would leave town. I got all my stuff packed away and when I was about to leave, his girlfriend screamed at me saying that I wasn’t leaving. So I just sat in my room for a while and my dad stood silently at the door for what felt like 2 hours. He said it was a pity things had to end this way and I said that they can end any way he wants. So he sat beside me and started talking about all the memories he had of us as if I was dead. He said it was his fault and I explained that it wasn’t. He said that his heritage is completely against it, that his dad would take him to see naked women from a young age to make sure. I said it wasn’t a choice, asked him if he chose to be straight. He told me that when he was younger he tried having sex with both men and women and chose women because he didn’t like men, so he did make a choice. I had no idea what to say after that. He also said it was the biggest disappointment of his life, and that he had lost the will to live. Then he started complaining about me never having told him before. That it was an insult to keep this from him and my mam, that I should embrace every choice I make no matter the consequences (Ironic from a cheater like him). He said I had to tell my mother. Then by some wonderful stroke of luck, my mother calls. And he starts talking to her. He starts telling her and I tell him to give me the phone. So then I have to tell my mam over the phone. I told her and she was so great about it. She wasn’t angry or disappointed or anything, and even made jokes and laughed about it. So then she talked to him on the phone and they had their chat, thankfully with her on my side. So I started talking to the girlfriend and stupidly enough, told her about the girl he was with the other day, and that she shouldn’t be with him. She started crying and went to their room. My mam told my dad that I don’t want to be there anymore, that I want to get the next bus, and she starts making travel arrangements. So I go back to my room and stay there for a while. The girlfriend and my dad have more fights. Her friends even come over and take her away. He takes 6 sleeping pills and goes to bed, but then says he can’t sleep so he goes off to drive somewhere. I told him he shouldn’t because of the sleeping pills (of which he’s meant to take 1). He doesn’t care but takes the car anyway. I tell him I’m tired and I’m not going with him. The reason was because I was scared he would drive us both into a lake or crash into another car. So he went off, funnily enough to the house of the girl I told his girlfriend about. I didn’t know what he was going to do. He might get hammered again and become angry. The girlfriend said that he had become drunk and violent in the past. I didn’t know if he was going to burn the house or come back with a knife, or the myriad of other scenarios that went through my mind. I wanted to sleep in someone else’s house but I wasn’t sure what he would do to himself if he found me gone. So I waited in my room until he came back at 12AM. Telling me how sorry he was, crying at me not to leave. I said I wouldn’t and he went to bed. The next day he comes into my room screaming, saying that I told his girlfriend about the other girl, that he needed to go to work so I had to go after the girlfriend, who had gone out the door with a knife, claiming she would kill herself. So I went after the woman and she didn’t appear to have a knife when I found her. I got her to come back and went back into my room. Later my dad comes into the room and lays on bed. He asks me what I think of him. I tell him I’m scared. Scared he might kill himself, drunk drive off a bridge, scared he might hurt me or break my things. He assured me that he would never do any of that, shocked that I wouldn’t even think it. Then he says that I told his girlfriend that he had cheated on my mother and all the other girlfriends I knew he had. Which I did, and said that it was my mam who said all that. He said that everyone would do something bad to him first, that my mother would go off with another guy while he was taking care of me (not true), and other excuses. He said everyone thought he was the bad guy because no one ever knew his point of view. He said I was too young to understand it, that no one is ever happy and that everyone betrays everyone. He later came back crying with his girlfriend, both begging me not to leave, that they wouldn’t fight anymore. Incidentally she was crying because he told her it was her fault I was leaving. I told them I didn’t want to be in the town, that he needed time to think and that I couldn’t take it there anymore. He wanted to me to give him another chance, and when I said I would come back in two or three weeks after everything calmed down, he took it as me not giving him another chance, and started moaping all day. He would randomly start sobbing, say really passive aggressive things, or just generally ignorant things like, “If everything keeps going the way it is, everyone will be gay and humanity will end”. So eventually it was time to take me to get the bus. The car trip would take about 2 hours because we had to go across the border to Argentina. We got in the car and the girlfriend came crying out screaming that he would kill himself on the way back. So I pull the handbrake and she gets in the car. He keeps asking her to get out of the car, over and over, sometimes crying, sometimes screaming, but she refuses. I don’t know what to do so I call my mam and text my friends, but they don’t have any solutions either. We drive away and I ask him to promise me not he wouldn’t kill himself. He tells me to mind my own life. I tell him he’s part of my life and he says barely. So we continue the most silent and emotionally charged drive of my life. And I start thinking about what I can do, crying a few times. And he starts rolling a joint while driving, and then eventually goes to light it. When he does the car veers into the other lane and I have to pull the wheel back to the proper side. After smoking it the car remains silent for another while, and then it’s as if something suddenly changed in his head. He slowed the car down from the ridiculous speeds he was going at, saying we had plenty of time to get there. He started giving me driving tips, talking about memories and Google as if nothing had happened. Thankfully this more relaxed atmosphere continued, and he took me to a restaurant and a casino. We drank beer and wine, bought my bus ticket and I eventually went to get on the bus. As I was getting on the bus the girlfriend hugged me and said told me I had to come back because it’s probably the only thing he has left to hold on to. Then my dad hugs me and says he loves me, and that he’s sorry for everything. And finally the bus drives away and I can relax, I guess. I’m with my aunt and granny now. He keeps texting saying he misses me and that he’s sorry. And I don’t want to go back to that emotional rollercoaster but I don’t know what he’ll do if I don’t go back. I didn’t get to see my sister either or some other cousins. I feel like there’s a weight on me all the time, like my default emotion has changed from the normal happy-neutral to general sadness. I don’t really want to do anything which sucks because I need to finish my research for my final year project before November. What I really want to do is go back to Ireland but I have a month left here.
Ramar Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Jesus Diageo, hope everything works out for you. Stay safe.
bob Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 That sounds pretty bad, but it seems to me (from what you said) that although he has these outrageous views about gays, he does love you and that there is the possibility for him to come to terms with it, given time. Maybe spending some time away will help that, but try not to ignore him if possible. Try and keep in contact as best you can so he doesn't feel forgotten and left out. I'm not much help i'm afraid, i'm better at making fun of peoples spelling. On a side note, i didn't know you were from South America, i thought you were Spanish!
Beast Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 @Diageo, I wouldn't be much help either but I totally agree with bob. Your dad loves you but he's from the old days where everything was more strict. Some people have the mindset of present times but others do not. As bob said, don't ignore him but give him a little space and time. It seems that you're okay with his girlfriend so maybe, if you're worried, call her and ask how he's coping. But as I said, bob has said completely what I was going to type. My friend came out of the closet last year and his mom threw him out and told him she didn't want him there because of the fact he chose to be gay. His brothers and sisters were okay with it but she wasn't, which surprised even me. He used to phone me up every night, fretting over it (I was the first one he came out to but it didn't surprise or phase me, I had an inkling anyway) and worried she might do something stupid to herself or her kids and he'd wonder what she'd do next to him. About a month or two into it though, she accepted him, apologised for her behaviour and explained that she didn't understand so he made her understand. She's okay with it now and he's moved back in with her but she still says that he's not allowed to bring boys home unless he's serious about them (but she's like that with her straight kids so it's nothing to do with him being gay). It was a rough couple of months for him but now they're okay and I'm pretty sure you will be too, keep your head up and stay strong, dude! ==== My bad stuff is that I was treated like shit at work by a customer and I snapped at him. Basically, what had happened was I was putting stock out on the shop floor when I heard this guy clicking his fingers and saying "Oi! You! Boy! Get here!" I took no notice because I thought he might have been joking with his mates or talking to his own kid. Again, he clicks his fingers and says "Boy! Are you deaf? You there, putting shoes on a shelf, I know you can hear me!" At this point, I was like 'is this dude genuinely for real?!' so I turned around and he tells me to go to where he is so I do, intrigued as to what makes him behave like this. "Get me this in a size 9 now!" he says to me and shoves the shoe into my hands. "Excuse me? Get me this in a size 9 what?" "Are you hard of hearing? I said get me this in a size 9" I didn't take any of this. "I heard what you said, I just can't believe your attitude" "I can not condone yours. Where I come from, exceptional customer service is necessity for a successful business and the customer is always right" And I said "Yeah? Well, where I come from, we speak to other people with manners regardless. When you ask for something, you say please. When they do something for you, you say thank you. It's not hard." He said "Well, this is outrageous. I've never been spoken to like this before" And I said "Well, it's about time somebody did then. Maybe now you'll learn to have manners before you speak to other people like they're something on the bottom of your shoe" At this point, he says something and threatens to call the manager and I said "Okay, he's right over there and saw everything, please tell him how you were extremely rude to me and how I wouldn't tolerate being spoken down to. Actually, tell everybody in this shop exactly what happened word for word and I can assure you that they'd say I was right" At this point, he says he wouldn't tell my boss and that I was lucky and stormed out. My boss did talk to me and asked me what happened. I told him exactly what happened and he was okay with it and said he didn't blame me in the slightest. He said if I get a complaint from him, he'll take no notice of it because he knows I'm great when it comes to the customers anyway. It was a nice thing but I still felt angry that some people are even this rude. I was even shaking with anger, I had to calm down. But yeah, I need to ignore these kinds of people. Retail has its ups and its downs, I guess.
Fierce_LiNk Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 @Diageo, hope you're ok, dude. I did a massive "huuuh?" when Argentina was mentioned because I was sure you were in Ireland. Take care of yourself. Your Dad sounds like he has a fiery temper, though. Give him time and maybe he'll calm down about things. But still, that's a tough situation to go through. Stay safe, brah. @Animal, well done for standing up to that guy. I haaaaate rude people. Some of the parents at my school are rude as hell, yet you can't really say much in that situation because you have to see them every day.
Beast Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 That's probably the worst thing about me, I don't care, lmao. I've told people I've worked with off before for being rude to me, including my boss even, but we get along later on. I just can't sit there and tolerate that shit. I know I should kind of watch myself but I'm not going to be treated like a mug or something.
Fierce_LiNk Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Nah, it's a good thing to be. Far too many rude people about nowadays that expect to be treated like royalty.
Ganepark32 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 So much stress!!! Less than two weeks to get my masters dissertation completed and handed in and I'm still testing people. Which in itself isn't too bad as I've gotten everything I can written up done so all I'll have to do is do some analyses and discussion to top it off. But, my supervisor is away in Australia and is going travelling next week and hasn't gotten back to me with feedback on the first drafts of parts of my write up which I sent him over a week ago and his PhD student, who I asked to have a quick read over and given some basic feedback if she had time, isn't around either. So, I'm stressing out about that and not getting much in the way of sleep and not really able to eat anything (because it simply comes straight back up ) while trying to keep friends who are also doing their dissertations on the straight and narrow, helping them out and trying to keep them calm. Also struggling to find the time to find a flat for September onwards for my PhD place but that latter point is an issue in and of itself as although I've accepted the place, I don't really want it. But I've promised one of my best friends that I'll at least try it for 6 months/a semester before making my final decision. Confusion!!! Wish I could have just stayed in bed today, and for the next couple of weeks, with the duvet over my head pleading ignorance to everything going on around me
Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 That sounds absolutely horrible, @Diageo. I hope everything works out.
nightwolf Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Christ guys, I hope you'll all be ok <3. @Animal you definitely did the right thing, good on you, what a twat! I think I'm going to have to file a complaint against my senior, a very formal one. I recently had discussions with my ex-manager about them and nothing was done. Its borderline bullying and I'm getting a bit sick of having them over my shoulder every hour, watching when I take breaks (which by contract is once every hour)and putting me down. Especially given they walk in late every day and yell at everyone. I've had enough.
Beast Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I feel like this week is "Let's fuck Animal off" week or something! Anyway, today I'm walking into the shopping centre where I work and, unfortunately, my shop is in the middle of it so I have to go through all of these people who stand there and ask for charities and whether I'd like the Internet, you know, things like that. I don't mind these people because I know it's their job and I do feel for them when people are rude to them because I just couldn't work doing that if somebody was rude to me. (Tried to do something for the company I'm with before and it happened but that's another story). So before I walk in, my best friend calls me to ask me about whether I'd see her this Sunday. I walk into the centre on my way when I see the charities eyeing me up like I'm some kind of weapon in The Hunger Games that they need to pick up before the others. Oh great! haha. So I'm talking to my friend and Netflix approach me, asking me if I wanted to have a 30 day free subscription. I decline nicely. The guy backs away, gives me a little wave and smiles. Still on the phone to my friend. I then have Virgin who ask me if I want free internet. Again, I decline and say I'm using you guys anyway. He smiles and backs away. Still on the phone to my friend. Then this charity to do with adopting pandas or some shit approach me and ask if I want to adopt a panda (if I were to adopt a panda, I'd want to keep the bloody panda and have it in my house!!! but I didn't say this). I smile nice and politely and say "No, thank you though" and start to walk away, still on the phone to my friend. "Ah, nice tactic to ignore us, pretend you're on the phone and you think we won't ask you" says the most gawkiest (is this a word?) lad I've seen in years, no exaggeration. Whilst he says this, he's clapping sarcastically and the girl next to him is laughing. I turned around. "Excuse me?" At this point, he says nothing so I walk towards him. I'm still on the phone to my mate and she's wondering what's going on. "Listen, you'll hear another man's voice in a bit so just say hello or something, okay?" and she agrees, still bewildered. So I approached him and said "I'm pretending? Why don't you say hello to the fake person I'm having a conversation with?...please...I IMPLORE you to do this!" So I put the phone to his ear and told my mate to "say hello to this nice, polite gentleman with great manners" which she did. His face looked shocked I did it. I said "Crap way of getting people to sign up to your charity. The next time you feel like being a bitch, keep it to yourself and don't speak out loud because one day, the wrong person could hear you. If you've got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" and walked off before he could even say anything to me. On the plus side, the girl wasn't laughing with him anymore...she was laughing at him. So I'm in work in a terrible mood and the security guard comes in and finds out I've had words with the charity guy. I told him the full story of what happened and he accepted it and walked off. About two hours later, he came back and said the other stalls vouched for me and the animal charity now have a warning. If they misbehave next time, they're out. It's good to see that there are nice people about, still, and that justice was done!
ReZourceman Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Animal. You're a fucking hero this week. Although, if you really wanted to take it to the next badass level (and this would have been straight out of a coming-of-age movie), you'd have said (after walking off) "Fuck your pandas." And then you'd put on some sun glasses. YES/ Bad stuff; the controls for Shadow Of The Colossus. Biggest piece of shit ever. If the game wasn't so great I would have stopped playing. Literally dog shit controls.
Beast Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 (edited) ReZourceman said: Animal. You're a fucking hero this week. Although, if you really wanted to take it to the next badass level (and this would have been straight out of a coming-of-age movie), you'd have said (after walking off) "Fuck your pandas." And then you'd put on some sun glasses. YES/ Bad stuff; the controls for Shadow Of The Colossus. Biggest piece of shit ever. If the game wasn't so great I would have stopped playing. Literally dog shit controls. Noted! The next time he starts on me again, I'll get my phone out, start recording and do it, haha. "FUCK YO PANDAAAAAHHHHHHS!" *sunglasses on and walks into the sunset* === I've just had the rudest people this week and I've no idea why! I had a woman in the wheelchair have a go at me because I said hello to her and I've had a family giving me evils. With these though, I bit my tongue...kind of...I have a day off on Sunday so I'm just going to do nothing but relax, work out and go to my mate's house. Edited July 26, 2013 by Animal
jayseven Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 @Animal I'm glad you approach the situations the way you do. That guy has been hired to do a job and he's not supposed to allow himself to get narked off like he clearly did. If the charity got a warning then he most certainly did.
Iun Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Ganepark32 said: So much stress!!! Less than two weeks to get my masters dissertation completed and handed in and I'm still testing people. Which in itself isn't too bad as I've gotten everything I can written up done so all I'll have to do is do some analyses and discussion to top it off. Allow me to express my smugness that mine was submitted over a month ago
Serebii Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Had a massive anxiety attack last night. Never experienced anything like that before, and never want to again. Most of you know I have issues in social situations, well that all reached a tipping point last night. Life sucks
gaggle64 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Serebii said: Had a massive anxiety attack last night. Never experienced anything like that before, and never want to again. Most of you know I have issues in social situations, well that all reached a tipping point last night. Life sucks Sorry to hear that man. Was there a specific trigger or did it just sort of build to it?
EEVILMURRAY Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Right, I'm taking you to a casino and a strip club Serebii.
Serebii Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 gaggle64 said: Sorry to hear that man. Was there a specific trigger or did it just sort of build to it? It was just a massive buildup. Was my birthday night out so everyone was constantly focused on me, asking me what to do next and I just can't handle being focused on like that. I'm a background person...
Beast Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 jayseven said: @Animal I'm glad you approach the situations the way you do. That guy has been hired to do a job and he's not supposed to allow himself to get narked off like he clearly did. If the charity got a warning then he most certainly did. You guys are literally the only people who say these things like "I've been a hero" and "I'm glad you handle situations like that" because a lot of people are like "You need to let it go over your head" and shit but I'm always saying "Nah, bitches need to know when they're being bitches though!". I do feel for those charities because I'd hate it if people were rude to me. I had it when I went out handing leaflets out promoting an event going on and I was like "I bet your mom's real proud of you!" or "Wow, a simple "no" would have been cool..." but it narked me because I was being dead polite, I smiled and I said "No but thank you though". The irony of it is that I was on the phone to my friend so he was trying to interrupt me anyway but let that one swing. Oh I do look forward to seeing his face today and see if he'll say anything to me, pmsl! It's like, I'm totally a nice and happy person but if somebody does something rude or nasty, I'll call it out on them. It's how I've fell out with a lot of people but as I've always said "I'd rather have no friends than have horrible people in my life" Serebii said: It was just a massive buildup. Was my birthday night out so everyone was constantly focused on me, asking me what to do next and I just can't handle being focused on like that. I'm a background person... Ah shit, I'm sorry to hear that, Serebii! Some birthday cake might cheer you up now though! xD Oh and a belated Pokemon birthday!
Eenuh Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Sorry to hear about all your troubles guys. Hope you are okay Diageo, sounds like lots of drama. =( I am currently having a bad moment, missing my home and family. Just had a short Skype session with them and they were all sitting outside in the sun, about to have a nice dinner together. I miss those moments. And I know I will be going home for a short week in August, but it's not really the same. =(
Recommended Posts