bad stuff thread.

[Iun]

Thanks guys, I appreciate the sentiments. The thing is, I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to see her cry, I don't want her dreams to be shattered. But I want to feel alive again, instead of lurching from payday to payday in silent prayer for relief.

[Cube]

I'm probably very far from an ideal person to give advice, but I have a suggestion.

 

Could you open a new bank account and get your salary paid into that, essentially cutting her off from your money? (I have no idea how frowned upon that may be over there, but here it doens't seem uncommon to have separate bank accounts). Then she may start to realise just how much she depends on you working so much.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

It sounds like she either doesn't realise the reality of the situation or simply doesn't care. But one thing is for certain, you can't go on living like this. As you say, this isn't life. Your happiness is just as important as hers, but she clearly only has her own happiness in mind, whereas you have that of you both. Ergo you need to talk to her, even if it upsets her. If she can't realise how things stand and continues to be selfish, then you need to be selfish and think of yourself, because clearly she doesn't. I know it's harsh, but you can't be there for others if you're not there for yourself first. I can't stress enough how important that is. If you keep sacrificing yourself, your own needs and happiness for the sake of others, inevitably there won't be anything left for any of you. Remember that.

Edited May 17, 2012 by Dannyboy-the-Dane

[MoogleViper]

@Iun - minor point, but you can't expect to be number one if she has a son, he will always take first place. Other than that though, yes you should definitely come above house and wealth etc.

 

Is this not an aspect of Chinese culture? I'm not knowledgable about it at all so I may be spouting shite, but do they not have a strange (from our point of view) sense of honour?

 

As for your troubles, you can't go on like that. Obviously I can't tell you whether to divorce or anything, but something certainly needs to be done. Is she threatening with you with divorce? We've only got your side of the story and don't know any more than your post, but you need to make sure that she's with you for the right reasons. If not you need to decide whether you want to be with somebody like that.

 

I'm probably very far from an ideal person to give advice, but I have a suggestion.

 

Could you open a new bank account and get your salary paid into that, essentially cutting her off from your money? (I have no idea how frowned upon that may be over there, but here it doens't seem uncommon to have separate bank accounts). Then she may start to realise just how much she depends on you working so much.

 

Just to add something with this. My parents have been having arguments and considering splitting for quite some years now. A few years ago they decided to have separate bank accounts (based on my brother and his wife doing the same), and it certainly did seem to alleviate some of the strain.

[Sheikah]

In all honesty, the picture of her that you've painted is that she's horrid. She sounds like she cares more about material possessions than she does about you, and seems to be lacking half a brain when it comes to managing finances and being considerate.

 

I honestly couldn't imagine being with someone so utterly selfish (oh wait, actually I've been there!) If that's truly how she is behaving, I'd say getting a divorce might be the answer. Especially because the problems seem so deep rooted in her beliefs and personality, rather than anything she could commit to change.

[gaggle64]

I sat down at about 10am this morning with a nearly finished essay, due tomorrow morning - simply in need of a few references, a bibliography and an extra proof-read - with the aim of knocking it out of the park before lunch. It's now 0.35 am and I've done something close to dick all on it, with any kind of sleep looking increasingly unlikely.

 

I have however seen more Tumblr & Hentai Foundry in the last fourteen hours then I have so far this month.

 

Because positive life choices and everything.

[Iun]

@Iun - minor point, but you can't expect to be number one if she has a son, he will always take first place. Other than that though, yes you should definitely come above house and wealth etc.

 

Is this not an aspect of Chinese culture? I'm not knowledgable about it at all so I may be spouting shite, but do they not have a strange (from our point of view) sense of honour?

 

As for your troubles, you can't go on like that. Obviously I can't tell you whether to divorce or anything, but something certainly needs to be done. Is she threatening with you with divorce? We've only got your side of the story and don't know any more than your post, but you need to make sure that she's with you for the right reasons. If not you need to decide whether you want to be with somebody like that.

 

.

 

Thanks.

 

No, her son is an important part of her life, and I have done my best to respect that. I don't like the kid, but it's not really his fault and I have tried my absolute best to get on with him.

 

From her side... She would probably say she has been over-generous and compromised too much. In Shanghai, the woman has control of the finances, final say in all decisions and expects to have at minimum a house bought for her before she will commit to marriage. She also will not cook or clean the house - that is the responsibility of the man.

 

The only one I don't completely fulfil is the house thing, as we bought that together. We also have a housemaid who comes and cooks five nights a week. But when she is not here, I do the household tasks. It's perhaps relevant to point out that in the last year we have had five domestic helpers who have left our service. All of them decided to leave as they did not like the rude and dictatorial tone Mrs Iun took with them. Whenever there has been a conflict, it has been my responsibility to smooth things out. All who have left have said to me "Sir, you we're always very polite to me" all of them. And Shanghainese wives get all riled up when their husband finds a mistress from an entirely different part of China....

 

Chinese tradition should not be taken as the benchmark for behaviour: "How We Do Things In China" is a completely subjective statement. Case in point, when I handed over my salary card to my wife it was "because that's how we do things". Going out with a friend who is married to a local, I remarked that he, for some bizarre reason, seemed to have a credit card and several bank cards in his wallet. I asked why he had so much and he hadn't given it to his wife as per tradition and he laughed.

 

A week later we went out and he had nothing in his wallet: his wife had decided my wife was right and that was "how we do things". There are countless other examples, each more hypocritical than the last.

 

I do have a separate bank account, but it's useless when she has spent money before earned or more than we have. Like I said, I slogged my guts out these last months to have some semblance of savings for a rainy day. My wife can always find a way to ensure it rains. I used to be entirely honest with her about money:

 

"How much do you have?"

 

"5000 RMB"

 

"Good, because I bought a new phone that cost 5000 RMB, can you pay for it?"

 

Now I simply refuse to answer or tell her less, in anticipation of the fact that she will spend more.

[Fierce_LiNk]

Regardless of the culture, a marriage is based on trust, honesty and supporting each other. It doesn't sound like she's really fulfilling those needs for you and it sounds like she is taking advantage. Having a house is great, especially if its a nice house. But, there's no point trying to live beyond your means. You could end up losing a lot more than the house.

 

Sorry dude, it sounds like a terrible situation. Although it may upset her, sometimes you will need to put your foot down and say that this is going down the wrong path. She'll either thank you for it later, when she realises the lifestyle is wrong, or you'll both realise it isn't working and go your separate ways.

[Murr]

Last night a friend from my senior school passed away. He had been battling cancer since 2001. He didn't sit his GCSEs due to it.

 

He would think he'd beaten it, and be given the go ahead to only find out a few months later it was back.

 

While alot of my friends from senior school are married, have kids etc... Jon was battling cancer.

 

I went skiing with him and the school a year before he was diagnosed and now. 10 years later he's gone.

 

It's unfair. Im just... Well at a loss for words.

 

The world has lost a truly great and brave person. He didn't let it get him down and always wanted to know how other people were doing, putting other people's problems before his. And always smiling.

 

Can't believe it.

 

RIP Jon, no more pain for you mate

[Raining_again]

what the fuck, my messenger account has gone up the shitter again... I swear I've had about 6 accounts cause they all seem to corrupt in some form.... -_-

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Last night a friend from my senior school passed away. He had been battling cancer since 2001. He didn't sit his GCSEs due to it.

 

He would think he'd beaten it, and be given the go ahead to only find out a few months later it was back.

 

While alot of my friends from senior school are married, have kids etc... Jon was battling cancer.

 

I went skiing with him and the school a year before he was diagnosed and now. 10 years later he's gone.

 

It's unfair. Im just... Well at a loss for words.

 

The world has lost a truly great and brave person. He didn't let it get him down and always wanted to know how other people were doing, putting other people's problems before his. And always smiling.

 

Can't believe it.

 

RIP Jon, no more pain for you mate

 

Cancer is horrible. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Gizmo]

Struggling to find a summer job here in Glasgow :/ Without which paying rent for the next few months when I don't have a student loan to cover it should be interesting...

 

Anybody any tips on how to find something? Good websites or anything? Literally any job will do. Been trying to find a bar job or something but without experience its impossibru.

[Charlie]

In these situations there's only one thing for it... Lie.

 

Change your CV so that it shows you worked in a restaurant back home when you were at school or something. Anything to give you an advantage.

 

You can work in my restaurant/bar if you want.

[nightwolf]

Becareful with that, if they remotely try to check this 'bar/restaurant' you could be in some interesting position.

 

I think you may need to see what you're writing on your CV/cover letter, I find it's the only way (besides appearance) that a person can judge who you are.

[Charlie]

Becareful with that, if they remotely try to check this 'bar/restaurant' you could be in some interesting position.

 

I think you may need to see what you're writing on your CV/cover letter, I find it's the only way (besides appearance) that a person can judge who you are.

 

But the restaurant has now closed down. I can give you the mobile number of the manager at the time if you want?

 

Frankly, jobs are hard to come by these days and student jobs for the summer just as hard. You need to do anything you can to get ahead of the game.

[nightwolf]

But the restaurant has now closed down. I can give you the mobile number of the manager at the time if you want?

 

Frankly, jobs are hard to come by these days and student jobs for the summer just as hard. You need to do anything you can to get ahead of the game.

 

Lying on your CV, to me at least, is a shady way to go.

 

I know finding jobs are hard, fuck knows, I did go to uni myself and spent most of my time in House of Fraser wearing expensive dresses I had to pay for that made most of my pay disappear.

 

Here's a few ideas that don't involve lying:

 

1. Don't say it's a summer job, most of the time, it's not good to them if you're only around for a while and the job could potentially become full-time if you need it (this is what nearly happened to me before Jagex offered me a position)

 

2. Make sure your cover letter is appropriate, if its a pretty cool, funky bar, make your cover letter that way! If its a formal clothing store, vice versa. Make sure you put across that you understand their brand and take an interest

 

3. Sign-up for job newsletters, there's a lot of bigger companies that will do this so if anything comes up that you could apply for when its around.

 

4. Get your friends on the case, a number of my friends have gotten jobs by applying for the places their friends work and the references make a huuuge difference.

 

I personally still think lying isn't the way to go, but its your cv and your time. Good luck. :awesome:

[The fish]

Oh, great, the anti-science 'tards are coming to my town on Sunday with the aim of performing a "decontamination" (read: criminal damage) on an experiment being done at Rothamsted. The park is literally across the road from where I live, and I, for one, plan on going over there and filming these dickheads in their campaign of ignorance. If I get footage of any of them destroying plants, I'm going to the police. The website organising these nutters has a "legal briefing" and tells people to bring overalls, which makes me expect scenes of this:

 

(The image, quite coincidentally, is from a story about this weekend).

 

They have every right to be idiots and anti-science, and even burn books, as abhorrent as it is. But to march into my town, to the place with the world's longest running scientific experiment, where my grandfather worked, and attempt to destroy an experiment that could prevent crop failures the world over - I'm not fucking having it. They've refused to engage the scientists in discussions or even a public debate, and I can't help but feel they're not actually concerned, they just want to smash and destroy stuff, especially stuff they don't understand. I'm going to film the anti-intellectual Luddite bastards, and, if they destroy plants, I'll be happy if I can help put even one of the morons behind bars.

 

Get the fuck out of my town, dickheads.

[Cube]

If you are able to bring your own biohazard protection and dustmask, please do

 

Do they expect to get AIDS from the crops or something?

[Eenuh]

Dreading today... Need to call back a customer with bad news. And they were already pissed off before as this has been going on for weeks. Urgh. They are going to verbally kill me. =(

[Charlie]

Dreading today... Need to call back a customer with bad news. And they were already pissed off before as this has been going on for weeks. Urgh. They are going to verbally kill me. =(

 

Are you not told to hang up if they are rude to you?

 

From my knowledge if they threaten, swear or shout once you warn them you'll hang up. THen if they do it again you hang up.

[Eenuh]

Are you not told to hang up if they are rude to you?

 

From my knowledge if they threaten, swear or shout once you warn them you'll hang up. THen if they do it again you hang up.

 

I think it is up to our own discretion. The thing is that if I were to hang up on him, I would most likely still have to call him back at some point anyway and I doubt he will be happier then.

 

I think the main problem is that I have no solution for him, so he is going to be left with a phone that does not work properly.

 

Stupid smartphones. =P

[Retro_Link]

Urgh... didn't get the graduate job I interviewed for last week.

 

[kinda thought I wouldn't, and I'm not sure it's even what I want tbh]

 

But still sucks.

 

#SoLostRightNow

[Sheikah]

Oh, great, the anti-science 'tards are coming to my town on Sunday with the aim of performing a "decontamination" (read: criminal damage) on an experiment being done at Rothamsted. The park is literally across the road from where I live, and I, for one, plan on going over there and filming these dickheads in their campaign of ignorance. If I get footage of any of them destroying plants, I'm going to the police. The website organising these nutters has a "legal briefing" and tells people to bring overalls, which makes me expect scenes of this:

 

(The image, quite coincidentally, is from a story about this weekend).

 

They have every right to be idiots and anti-science, and even burn books, as abhorrent as it is. But to march into my town, to the place with the world's longest running scientific experiment, where my grandfather worked, and attempt to destroy an experiment that could prevent crop failures the world over - I'm not fucking having it. They've refused to engage the scientists in discussions or even a public debate, and I can't help but feel they're not actually concerned, they just want to smash and destroy stuff, especially stuff they don't understand. I'm going to film the anti-intellectual Luddite bastards, and, if they destroy plants, I'll be happy if I can help put even one of the morons behind bars.

 

Get the fuck out of my town, dickheads.

You have my full support. Catch those ignorant bastards and turn their arses in.

 

So ridiculous that people think GM is any worse for people than regular crops. The risk of human gene transfer is no greater than regular crops (extremely low anyway given food has to go through your stomach and gut first). It's ironic that the same morons that are ignorant about science with regards to GM wouldn't think twice about accepting the output of other scientific discoveries like antibiotics (because that obviously just comes from trees). Even more ridiculous when you consider we have been artificially rounding up the genes we want through selective breeding for centuries.

Edited May 24, 2012 by Sheikah

[Ashley]

A company I really want to work for is going to some job fair thingy this weekend literally 2 minutes from my house...except I'm heading back home for the weekend. What horrible timing!

[Jimbob]

Ok, had a call from the hotel i booked for the meet. Turns out they overbooked for that particular night. I suppose it's a good thing really, they could have told me on my arrival. Had to find somewhere else instead, bit pricier this time around.