triforce_keeper Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 What do you call a girl with one leg? Eileen What do you call a girl with no legs? No-leen What do you call a cat with 3 legs? Cat-leen What do you call a girl between 2 posts? Annette What do you call a girl between 2 houses? Elaine What do you call a girl with a frog on her head? Lily And in response to Kov's DOug one: What do you call a guy without a shovel on his head? Douglas My auntie is called Annette Curtain. No joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Odwin Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he needed a poo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamba Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 What sound does a duck make that plays too many games? QUAKE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris the great Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Schizophrenia - it beats being alone! no, thats a split personality, nowt too do with schizophrenia. curse that missconception. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyletherobot Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Q. What is E.T short for? So he can fit into his spaceship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monopolyman Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?" ...Then the horse says "My wife just left me for another man." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coolness Bears Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Why did the chicken cross the road? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!!! Hahaha... I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gizmo Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Two bats are in a cave. One says to the other "I'm off to find some blood...back in a while!" About half an hour later the bat reappears, with his face covered in blood. The other bat says "Wow, thats alot of blood. Where did you get it?" And the bat replied "I'll show you." So the two bats leave the cave and fly to the nearest town. They stop on the outskirts, and the blood-soaked bat says "See that massive tower over there?" "Yes" "I didn't" Well, I found it funny... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calza Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 But bats are blind... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellmeister Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 2 oranges are rolling down a hill, one stops so the other asks "Why did you stop?" To which the other replies, "I ran out of juice" lololololololol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woz Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 this is one i made up all by myself... i think. What do you call a pea whats tired? Slee-pea! hahahaha AND another one of mine What do you call pasta with a bad memory? Forgetti! hahahaaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fierce_LiNk Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 2 oranges are rolling down a hill, one stops so the other asks "Why did you stop?" To which the other replies, "I ran out of juice" lololololololol this is one i made up all by myself... i think. What do you call a pea whats tired? Slee-pea! hahahaha AND another one of mine What do you call pasta with a bad memory? Forgetti! hahahaaha I just told these to my housemate. Her reply: *straight faced, glaring back at me* My reply: "hahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahah!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ipaul Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Well heres a really bad/funny chat up line (I dare one of you to use this) Is that a ladder in your tights or the stairway to heaven? xD My auntie is called Annette Curtain. No joke. There used to be a maths teacher in my school called Mark Hiscock. No joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steggy Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 What do you call a women with no legs standing in a strawberry field? A Jammy C*nt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DomJcg Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender to recommend a drink to have, the bartender says "Grasshopper" so the guy has the drink and walks home, he meets a grasshopper on the way home and says "hey, did you know theres a drink named after you?" and the grasshopper replies saying "Theres a drink named Irving?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ninty 182 Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Why did the girl fall off the swing? [spoiler=]Someone threw a fridge at her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shino Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Why did the girl fall off the swing? [spoiler=]Someone threw a fridge at her This one is wrong, the right answer would be: Why did the girl fall off the swing? [spoiler=]Because she had no arms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirkatronics Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I guess only you from UK get that one. cyacle path cyco path psycho path Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayseven Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 cyacle pathcyco path psycho path He's already pointed out that's not what he doesn't "get" -- just that cycle paths aren't red in portugal. They're red in london and the south... and in sheffield... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platty Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 He's already pointed out that's not what he doesn't "get" -- just that cycle paths aren't red in portugal. They're red in london and the south... and in sheffield... Some places they are Green in London Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nintendohnut Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 How in God's name did we start discussing cyclepaths?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 But bats are blind... Wrong! Most bats have great eyesight. As far as I know there has never been a blind bat. Some places they are Green in London No Platty that's grass. Why did the dolphin jump through the hoop? He did it on porpoise I just made that joke up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog-amoto Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Old woman is knitting whilst driving. Policeman sees her and pulls up next to her and shouts "PULL OVER" She says "No, socks" So I was driving the other day and my boss rang to tell me I've been promoted. I was so shocked that I swerved. A few minutes later, he rang me again to tell me I've been promoted again, I swerved. A few minutes later he rang me to say I've made vice president. This time I swerved and hit a tree. Policeman asked me what happened, I said... ... ... ... ...I careered off the road XD...groan... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woz Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I just told these to my housemate. Her reply: *straight faced, glaring back at me* My reply: "hahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahah!" Haha that's generally the reply i get when i tell them to people! They just don't understand........ More! (but i can't claim these ones to be mine unfortunately) Why couldn't the sailor play cards? Because he was sat on the deck! hahaha why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrrrrrrrr! hahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueStar Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors. 'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little paper bag. 'Hmm, you look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows,come back and see me in a couple of days.' The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results. 'What's wrong with me?' asked the little paper bag. 'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor. 'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' said the little paper bag. 'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor. 'No, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor. 'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor. 'No, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual relationship?' 'NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor 'Your mother must have been a carrier' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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