Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

[Charlie]

Scenario 1

 

"Hi, I run a Pokèmon website. I'm too scared to talk to you."

"Ok, bye. I'm going to go and get laid by Charlie now because I hear his Xpert11 team is doing very well!" (nomsayin)

 

This is my preferred scenario.

 

I wished I could say to a girl "I run one of the most well-known websites on the internet" because then, at least, we'd have something interesting to say.

 

Challenge accepted.

 

This weekend, I will tell a girl I run the world's largest Pokemon website and then take the girl home. To prove it, I will live tweet the night on #MissionSerebii for the world to see.

 

 

@Serebii - What you need to do is turn all the stuff you've done for your website into a CV so you can see your accomplishments.

 

• Created the World's largest fan site from scratch
  
• Liase with contacts within the industry in Japan to receive the latest updates
  
• Increased revenue from X to Y over a Z-year period
  
• Other impressive shit
  

[Serebii]

@Serebii, I've been reading through this and thought I should say something because I really wanted to talk to you about this confidence business.

 

How you don't have so much confidence is way beyond me! Like, seriously! You own what has to be the largest Pokemon website in the world (bar the official Pokemon website and even then, I'd be questioning that!) and you're a sound dude as well! You should be having buckets of confidence! All I have going for me in a conversation is that I work in a shoe shop filled with shoes but I wouldn't want to say that because (and no offence when I say this, ladies) I don't want to talk about shoes for the next hour (I say this because this has happened even though I clearly said I don't want to talk about shoes -_-).

 

With your site, it's fascinating and interesting and the topic of the website doesn't even matter. The fact you've built a site from scratch containing Pokemon news and stuck to it until it has become a favourite on the site shows you have determination and commitment and chicks dig a little commitment! Talk about this! If it's because it's Pokemon, don't mention it until later when you say you've been making a living from it and stuff!

 

You honestly do have so much going for you, mate. Yeah, okay, some girls may not appreciate the fact it's Pokemon but some girls might do. Girls dig a bit of geekiness nowaday but everybody is different.

 

I'm only into the Pokemon games, not the movies or the shows (I like the old ones though) and I think what you've done is impressive and I'm pretty sure others who are on this site here are impressed too. My cousin didn't believe I spoke to you until I showed him this forum he goes on and he were impressed and he's a big fan of the games and the show and regularly goes on your site and this was before I even mentioned you. I saw him on your site and told him I knew you. He thought I was lying and I showed him this site. He thought I was cool...well, he finally admitted to himself that I was cool because everybody knows that Dazz is amazingly cool!

 

I'm not going to lie, I find it annoying how you have no confidence about this! I wished I could say to a girl "I run one of the most well-known websites on the internet" because then, at least, we'd have something interesting to say. Instead, I have "I work in a shoe shop selling shoes", which I like to do but I'm not a fashion type of guy, really.

 

If anybody on this site should have buckets of confidence and anybody who should be #1 in the coolness book, it should be you. Not many can accomplish what you have. I just thought you should read this and think it through.

It's really tricky. I have a myriad of issues, both self-esteem based and social

 

I was recently made aware that I never actually look at people when conversing, never maintain eye contact and so forth.

At social gatherings, I always worry about what to say, what to do with my hands. I'm always incredibly quiet and never really speak unless spoken to beforehand.

I used to be huge, and when I lost the weight, I lost it so rapidly it has messed with my mental view of myself.

 

Even with friends I have known for years, I struggle to articulate my thoughts into conversation and when I do, it's often blunt.

 

I have tried numerous times to speak to a female with whom I have not previously conversed. However, it just raises my social anxiety up. I once out of nervous habit, trying to pluck up the courage, tore apart an entry bracelet and scratched my arm like crazy.

 

I am trying to overcome these issues, but it's so slow. I have a fair bit, I used to be much worse. I at least know I'm thin now, and I can hold some conversation.

 

Until I have managed to overcome them, I'll always fail.

[Cube]

My biggest problem is that I don't try.

[Ramar]

This is my preferred scenario.

 

 

 

Challenge accepted.

 

This weekend, I will tell a girl I run the world's largest Pokemon website and then take the girl home. To prove it, I will live tweet the night on #MissionSerebii for the world to see.

 

 

@Serebii - What you need to do is turn all the stuff you've done for your website into a CV so you can see your accomplishments.

 

• Created the World's largest fan site from scratch
  
• Liase with contacts within the industry in Japan to receive the latest updates
  
• Increased revenue from X to Y over a Z-year period
  
• Other impressive shit
  

 

 

CharLAD. #MissionSerebii

[Kaepora_Gaebora]

It's really tricky. I have a myriad of issues, both self-esteem based and social

 

I was recently made aware that I never actually look at people when conversing, never maintain eye contact and so forth.

At social gatherings, I always worry about what to say, what to do with my hands. I'm always incredibly quiet and never really speak unless spoken to beforehand.

I used to be huge, and when I lost the weight, I lost it so rapidly it has messed with my mental view of myself.

 

Even with friends I have known for years, I struggle to articulate my thoughts into conversation and when I do, it's often blunt.

 

I have tried numerous times to speak to a female with whom I have not previously conversed. However, it just raises my social anxiety up. I once out of nervous habit, trying to pluck up the courage, tore apart an entry bracelet and scratched my arm like crazy.

 

I am trying to overcome these issues, but it's so slow. I have a fair bit, I used to be much worse. I at least know I'm thin now, and I can hold some conversation.

 

Until I have managed to overcome them, I'll always fail.

 

I never usually get involved in this thread, but felt compelled after reading this and having a browse through previous pages, if only becuase this is exactly like me, what I used to be like and still am to a degree!

 

In terms of women, you have to take the pressure of yourself completely by not thinking romantically at all. Regardless if it's the hottest woman you have ever seen or not, you're not interested in her like that at all. Just talk to her. However this is my problem, once I get talking I can be quite the charmer (if I do say so...) BUT I can't get talking. I just can't start a conversation at all. So you need a wingman, someone who can get the conversation started and flowing, and which you can chip into every so often (without being creepy) with some witty comments here and there, some women like that outgoing, big personality, others like someone who is a bit quieter and brooding!

 

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years almost, I met her at drama school. Put me on a stage and I'm in my element, cock sure and confident in my abilities. How did I woo her? By sending her a facebook message after 3 weeks of being at the same school without talking to her ONCE! Because I was too scared incase she wasn't interested. So don't rule that out if you already know someone you like but haven't spoken to or contacted properly, I sent her a friendly message on Facebook, and it gave me an 'in', so next time I saw her we smiled about it, started chatting, and it went from there.

 

I was at a comedy gig last night to watch, and after the plan was to chat with the MC with a view to sort some gigs out. Our manager was there, he did all the talking, then the MC came and said hi to me and I just said hi back...and that was it. Froze up. He probably thought I was an arrogant prick, in truth I just couldn't think of anything witty or amusing to make a good impression, so I said nothing. Get me up on the stage though and I'm billy big time. So you HAVE to use your pokemon background and success in conversation. Because then you are in your element, on your stage and I bet you become so much more interesting and animated and attractive. Women like to know what your passion is and, if they don't know what the hell a pokemon is, they like to know you're a success, which you are!

 

I may have re tread some familiar ground here, and it certainly isn't as simple as I have said, but you need:

 

-To take the pressure off yourself by not looking

-A wingman

-To talk about your passion and successful job which involves Pokemon.

 

And finally find peace with yourself. It will take time but when you find yourself attractive, others will too

[Magnus]

You should also stop referring to women/girls as "females". That really makes you sound like a virgin.

[Serebii]

I never usually get involved in this thread, but felt compelled after reading this and having a browse through previous pages, if only becuase this is exactly like me, what I used to be like and still am to a degree!

 

In terms of women, you have to take the pressure of yourself completely by not thinking romantically at all. Regardless if it's the hottest woman you have ever seen or not, you're not interested in her like that at all. Just talk to her. However this is my problem, once I get talking I can be quite the charmer (if I do say so...) BUT I can't get talking. I just can't start a conversation at all. So you need a wingman, someone who can get the conversation started and flowing, and which you can chip into every so often (without being creepy) with some witty comments here and there, some women like that outgoing, big personality, others like someone who is a bit quieter and brooding!

 

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years almost, I met her at drama school. Put me on a stage and I'm in my element, cock sure and confident in my abilities. How did I woo her? By sending her a facebook message after 3 weeks of being at the same school without talking to her ONCE! Because I was too scared incase she wasn't interested. So don't rule that out if you already know someone you like but haven't spoken to or contacted properly, I sent her a friendly message on Facebook, and it gave me an 'in', so next time I saw her we smiled about it, started chatting, and it went from there.

 

I was at a comedy gig last night to watch, and after the plan was to chat with the MC with a view to sort some gigs out. Our manager was there, he did all the talking, then the MC came and said hi to me and I just said hi back...and that was it. Froze up. He probably thought I was an arrogant prick, in truth I just couldn't think of anything witty or amusing to make a good impression, so I said nothing. Get me up on the stage though and I'm billy big time. So you HAVE to use your pokemon background and success in conversation. Because then you are in your element, on your stage and I bet you become so much more interesting and animated and attractive. Women like to know what your passion is and, if they don't know what the hell a pokemon is, they like to know you're a success, which you are!

 

I may have re tread some familiar ground here, and it certainly isn't as simple as I have said, but you need:

 

-To take the pressure off yourself by not looking

-A wingman

-To talk about your passion and successful job which involves Pokemon.

 

And finally find peace with yourself. It will take time but when you find yourself attractive, others will too

I try, but I'm like this with anyone, whether or not they're male, female or some sort of robot. I routinely put off/avoid making phone calls because I just can't do it well. If I have to ask someone for assistance in a shop, I freeze up. It's not just related to romantic situations. It's me being crazy :/

 

I do keep trying, and you are right that when it begins with Pokémon, I can get out of my shell, but it's just hard to get it to that point. An example is, recently a friend I seldom spoke to got into it and started messaging me for aid, advice etc. Then, whenever we meet up (like at a BBQ, birthday etc.), I can get talking but once the subject shifts, I'm back to my quiet self.

 

It's really hard for me to be social in any way, shape or form

Edited May 28, 2013 by Serebii

[drahkon]

It's really hard for me to be social in any way, shape or form

 

Been that way for almost 18 years.

 

I entered drama group when I was 18 (duh). It changed me. It made me come out of my shell and since then I never really think about what other people think of me.

They need to accept who I am, what I do, how motherfucking crazy I can be.

If they can't/don't want to, fine. There are others who do.

 

My point isn't that you have to take part in a play and it will help you, my (and everyone's) point is that you have to be confident in who you are.

 

Of course, all this is easy to say for us, and it's difficult to fully understand what you feel when you are with people, what it is that makes it so hard for you to be social.

But reading through the last few pages, there are some of us who do understand at least a bit.

 

Don't rush things. You said you used to be much worse, so there has been progress.

Keep working on that. But!

 

You will fail at one point or another.

I posted the following in the Awesome Stuff Thread some time ago:

 

 

There's nothing wrong with failing, you're gonna fail.

 

Don't give up. Keep trying.

Don't deny yourself your gift, and I'm not only talking about your passion for Pokémon.

Edited May 28, 2013 by drahkon

[Serebii]

Been that way for almost 18 years.

 

I entered drama group when I was 18 (duh). It changed me. It made me come out of my shell and since then I never really think about what other people think of me.

They need to accept who I am, what I do, how motherfucking crazy I can be.

If they can't/don't want to, fine. There are others who do.

 

My point isn't that you have to take part in a play and it will help you, my (and everyone's) point is that you have to be confident in who you are.

 

Of course, all this is easy to say for us, and it's difficult to fully understand what you feel when you are with people, what it is that makes it so hard for you to be social.

But reading through the last few pages, there are some of us who do understand at least a bit.

 

Don't rush things. You said you used to be much worse, so there has been progress.

Keep working on that. But!

 

You will fail at one point or another.

I posted the following in the Awesome Stuff Thread some time ago:

 

 

There's nothing wrong with failing, you're gonna fail.

 

Don't give up. Keep trying.

Don't deny yourself your gift, and I'm not only talking about your passion for Pokémon.

When I was in school, I was doing Drama too. It just didn't help. Being on stage in front of 1000 people is one thing, speaking one on one is another.

 

I shall endeavour to continue, though

[Charlie]

When I was in school, I was doing Drama too. It just didn't help. Being on stage in front of 1000 people is one thing, speaking one on one is another.

 

I shall endeavour to continue, though

 

Have you considered the idea of therapy? It's not normal not to be able to talk to anyone without getting nervous and freezing up.

[Daft]

I took on the mantra of 'what's the worst that could happen'. I then actually thought about what that meant for a long time and realised the worst that could happen would be to never take risks and live an uneventful life where I risked nothing and gained nothing.

 

...Granted, I might have taken it a little far because now I don't take anything seriously.

 

I used to never make eye contact. Like never. And I didn't even realise how bad I was at it. When I did I made an effort to change that and after a while it's not a problem (although there's that niggling problem in my mind now that my eye contact is too intense...I'm pretty sure it isn't...I'm just paranoid/very self-aware). It's such a weird thing to "fix" though. 90% of the time I feel like a robot, I was like Data in Star Trek, learning to be human. How did I not learn this shit like normal people?... Oh, yeah, school shattered me into a million tiny pieces and forged me into an anti-social weapon of mass neuroses.

 

Probably none of that is very helpful but if I had one piece of advise, it would be to make assumptions. Assume people you don't know will be your friends. Assume they want to hear wat you say like you're parcelling out gold. Assume you're the best fucking thing in the world. It sounds like I'm telling you to be a dick, but if you're a good person that will always shine through. My experience was I wasn't really sure of myself - but the truth is, no one is sure of themselves, not really. So yeah, be a little more self-centred.

 

I've literally only read the last like five posts in this thread so maybe all of what I just said might not be even remotely relevant.

Edited May 28, 2013 by Daft

[Kaepora_Gaebora]

Do you drink at all @Serebii? If so, what sort of drunk are you, does it make things better or worse?

A terrible suggestion I know, but I became a different person when drunk, completely out of my shell and happy as larry, used to chat up girls all the time, no fear and just always used to get up to crazy stuff that made girls laugh (possibly at me), but still managed to charm them! A cliche, but that's got to be worth a shot if you are a drinker!

[Serebii]

Have you considered the idea of therapy? It's not normal not to be able to talk to anyone without getting nervous and freezing up.

I can push through...it's the initiation which makes me freeze and afterwards it's more of a not knowing what to say situation.

 

I honestly don't see how therapy could help. I just have to continue to attempt to power through

 

Do you drink at all @Serebii? If so, what sort of drunk are you, does it make things better or worse?

A terrible suggestion I know, but I became a different person when drunk, completely out of my shell and happy as larry, used to chat up girls all the time, no fear and just always used to get up to crazy stuff that made girls laugh (possibly at me), but still managed to charm them! A cliche, but that's got to be worth a shot if you are a drinker!

I do drink. However, alcohol doesn't have that affect on me. I still struggle with it, I just end up with more energy and a bigger build-up of gas. It in no way alters my personality nor lowers my inhibitions

Edited May 28, 2013 by Serebii
Automerged Doublepost

[Ashley]

All I have going for me in a conversation is that I work in a shoe shop filled with shoes but I wouldn't want to say that because (and no offence when I say this, ladies) I don't want to talk about shoes for the next hour (I say this because this has happened even though I clearly said I don't want to talk about shoes -_-).

 

I'm starting to think that you're the reason we have so many shoe spambots...

 

If anybody on this site should have buckets of confidence and anybody who should be #1 in the coolness book, it should be you. Not many can accomplish what you have. I just thought you should read this and think it through.

 

@Coolness Bears has a book? Is it like Romney's binders full of women?

[ReZourceman]

If I owned Serebii.net I'd make myself a shirt.

 

"The largest Pokémon website in the world isn't even the biggest thing I have."

 

 

#MissionSerebii

 

(Available in non Serebii-specific version. http://www.redbubble.com/people/rezourceman/works/10391987-you-should-see-my-diglett)

[MoogleViper]

However this is my problem, once I get talking I can be quite the charmer (if I do say so...) BUT I can't get talking. I just can't start a conversation at all.

 

I'm exactly the same. Great when I'm in the swing of it, but that initial spark up...

[Coolness Bears]

 

@Coolness Bears has a book? Is it like Romney's binders full of women?

 

[Ashley]

 

[Kaepora_Gaebora]

I'm exactly the same. Great when I'm in the swing of it, but that initial spark up...

 

Must be something in the Oxford water, great talkers...when you get us talking!

Although I never used it for overcoming any fears with the ladies of the world, I have found the book "Feel the fear and do it anyway" brilliant for overcoming quite a few issues, for me especially to do with acting. You may have come across it @Serebii, if not hopefully it could help with any social issues you have, and prove as enlightening to you as it did me!

[Caris]

Trying drinking half a litre of Vodka before approaching a woman Serebii, I think it will help.

[jayseven]

daft has a great point about eye contact. It's vital in all forms of socialisation. It's always interesting, when meeting new people, to see how long it is before they start holding eye contact with you. A lot of people go through stages of never making eye contact;

 

- always looking off to the distance, which comes across as if they're not actually interested in anything you saym rather than the social unconfidence they may be feeling inside

- Face looking at you but their eyes closed, or blinking/half-blinking (so weird), or brief glances at you between middle-far distance gazing

- longer eye contact

 

I tend to try to reduce the amount of eye-contact I make to a level that the other person may feel comfortable with, if it's a person I don't know. Too much can also be off-putting, so what's crucial here is make the other person feel comfortable. Just the task of doing that can alleviate your own pressure of uncomfortability.

 

I actually can't be arsed to continue with this rant, but @Serebii I would recommend reading Manwatching by Desmond Morris. I read it on a holiday as prep for a psychology a-level and honestly a lot of it has stuck with me. It is a guide to habits, fidgets, gestures and cultural differences in social behaviour. There's a fantasic section on insult gestures around the world -- but I guess more importantly there are great cues for helping you spot whether someone is comfortable around you, scared or nervous or shy or whatever. If you are worried about yourself socially then perhaps you can work on the empathy aspect in order to give yourself a new perspective, or indeed appreciation that others really do know what you are feeling.

 

Essentially I think your social issues are far more important to deal with than any relationship-founding issues.

[Charlie]

daft has a great point about eye contact. It's vital in all forms of socialisation. It's always interesting, when meeting new people, to see how long it is before they start holding eye contact with you. A lot of people go through stages of never making eye contact;

 

- always looking off to the distance, which comes across as if they're not actually interested in anything you saym rather than the social unconfidence they may be feeling inside

- Face looking at you but their eyes closed, or blinking/half-blinking (so weird), or brief glances at you between middle-far distance gazing

- longer eye contact

 

I tend to try to reduce the amount of eye-contact I make to a level that the other person may feel comfortable with, if it's a person I don't know. Too much can also be off-putting, so what's crucial here is make the other person feel comfortable. Just the task of doing that can alleviate your own pressure of uncomfortability.

 

I actually can't be arsed to continue with this rant, but @Serebii I would recommend reading Manwatching by Desmond Morris. I read it on a holiday as prep for a psychology a-level and honestly a lot of it has stuck with me. It is a guide to habits, fidgets, gestures and cultural differences in social behaviour. There's a fantasic section on insult gestures around the world -- but I guess more importantly there are great cues for helping you spot whether someone is comfortable around you, scared or nervous or shy or whatever. If you are worried about yourself socially then perhaps you can work on the empathy aspect in order to give yourself a new perspective, or indeed appreciation that others really do know what you are feeling.

 

Essentially I think your social issues are far more important to deal with than any relationship-founding issues.

 

 

Eye contact is incredibly important and is what humans naturally use to show interest in what people are saying. If you're looking someone in the eye you appear to be interested in the other person. Strong eye contact is really powerful.

 

You don't want to hold it for so long that it starts to feel weird though. I can't really tell you how long this is though, it's something that I worked on a few years ago and made a conscious effort to do. You don't want your eyes darting all over the place as it makes it look like you'd rather be anywhere than with that person.

 

 

Made my first #MissionSerebii tweet this morning. It's on.

Edited May 29, 2013 by Charlie

[Blade]

Loving #MissionSerebii

[Beast]

Me too! I'll be tweeting #MissionSerebii to show my support!

[Jonnas]

I don't have Twitter, but I support this mission in spirit.

 

 

@Serebii: It's entirely possible to become better at social interactions. Had you seen me as a dorky teenager, you'd think me anti-social, but I've improved my social skills and self-confidence leaps and bounds since then.

 

Hang out with friends who make you interact, practice in a different place from where you're used to living, or even get some professional help, if you think it's that bad.

 

"Accepting" that things can't be changed is guaranteeing that they won't, like a self-fulfilling prophecy.