Sheikah Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I don't really think what you did was that bad, at least it doesn't deserve that kind of response - sarcy comments then ignoring you. Seems a bit over-dramatic. It's easy for an outsider to say but try not to get too hung up about it. If she genuinely cares about you and is worth her salt she's not going to call it off over something so trivial.
The Bard Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Young Jay, I'm going to tell you a story. It's about this one time that I asked a girl to come over to my halls at uni to watch Lost in Translation, and she would occasionally look up at me when nothing of note was happening on screen. Now, the movie finishes, we've had a few beers and I had a good time. I walk her to the door of my block and see her off. And she looks at me like I'm fucking retarded. Dude, she wanted you to slip her your luncheon meat truncheon. Also, if she's at all sane, you'll be able to convince her pretty easily that it slipped your mind because you were worried about your friend. I'm sure she'll think it's quite sweet if she isn't totally crazy.
jayseven Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 @Sheikah you're totally right - I've got to not get hung up on it. Essentially we had a 99% great day with 1% off, so if she's going off on one due to the 1% then she's probably a lot crazier than I thought and It'll be a sign. @The Bard maybe, maybe. I've never really been in the game so I have no idea what the signs are for anything or what I'm supposed to do. All I know is that right now I've bought 4 cans of scrumpy to wallow in, and I'll stay up stupid late as some sort of cathartic ablution.
Jim Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 1. Did you tell the girl why you rushed off? 2. Have you asked the mutual friend what else it is that you forgot? All signs point towards her being bat shit crazy =/
Debug Mode Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Oh Jay.. the spaghetti D: Not that I can blame you, been dropping my spaghetti all over the fucking place when it comes to girls for years now. Talking of which, really need to boost my self confidence. Any one got any ideas? Alcohol just isn't cutting it these days.
Charlie Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 had a great date-day (lunch, show, dinner, movie - with friends), however I've either tapped into the crazy or ruined it all A friend earlier had told me that something had happened to him earlier -- something really awful and maybe embarassing that he didn't want to talk about. He's been going through a rough time recently so I didn't probe too much. When it came to goodbyes and goodnights after the movie (django is fucking long! 11pm it finished) Hot Girl pulled me aside while others walked off and we kissed and cuddled and promised to see each other tomorrow and she went home. I rushed off to catch up with my troubled friend to see how he was. 10 mins later I text HG asking if she got home alright. 20 mins later she texts me saying "yes if case you were wondering even though I walked home alone at half 11 I did get home safe. Thanks." ... Now... fuck. I read this on the bus home, utterly unable to unmake the mistake -- a definite mistake not even offering to walk the girl home. The logic being that she didn't live that far away, that she frequently went home alone from mutual friend's house later than this... and that I've not had to even think about walking anyone home for months, if not years. So I reply and aplologise profusely, saying I'll walk her home next time, and her reply was "no thanks" -- no other word since. So -- mined into the madness or massive mistake? I texted mutual friend who proceeded to tell me I'd "forgotten something else" and I've been wracking my brain ever since, and there's absolutely nothing I can think of. As I said, when we said goodbye we made out and were All Good, so how can I have done something else wrong? It's funny, as I was just telling someone about the often-confused systems of karma, how it can also be a sort of universal balance (or personal balance) where a good thing happens, so something bad must happen to balance it out. Then after all the good so far, this happens. A part of me is just standing back, sturmudgeoned, nodding slowly with approval at my ability to have such Dawson's Creek level drama in such a short space of time. I don't think the start of relationships can be greyscale. Can they? Fingers crossed I get some sort of resolution, or at the least understanding tomorrow. I thought I deserved to be happy, I really did. I started to believe it, too. And now I'm all emo and it's like the elastic band on a crossbow had been pulled past content, satisfied, happy, gleeful, and briefly rested on ecstatic before the pin dropped and the band snapped and I'm here quivering in zero cool all over again! I can, at the same time, be lolling inside about it... but still. Fuck me, right? Dude, don't worry about it. The worst thing you can do is read into it and let it play on your mind. I know this because I would do exactly that. I'm guessing you are too because everyone, when it comes down to it, is a whiny little bitch. I'm first to admit it when it comes to girls I can be a WLB. Phone the girl today at a reasonable time, don't mention anything about last night but say that your friend was in a bad way, you were up late with him etc etc. Essentially make your excuses without apologising for it (because you have nothing to apologise for). Here's a handy AskReddit thread on the matter of texting for all those interesting. I haven't actually read it yet so could be BS.
Beast Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 @jayseven - The thing that kind of gets me is why she's making a huge deal out of something she does anyway, you said she walks home much later than that so what's her issue? The only thing I can think of is that she totally wanted you to go to her place and do some freaky nasty shit...myabe involving whips and chains and stuff...Anyway, in my opinion, I don't think what you did was terrible, you were very concerned about your friend, does she know this? Also, if she was 'scared' or whatever, she would have stayed with you or said something, not kiss you and make out everything was okay and then get arsy. The text was too dramatic but I'm sure she'll be fine once you explain to her that you were concerned about your friend and she'll think that you're caring and stuff but as Charlie said, do not apologise because there's nothing to apologise for. Don't worry too much or over-think shit, Jayseven. I'm sure it'll be okay.
bob Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Sounds to me like she was Being A Woman. Source: I live with one.
Charlie Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Sounds to me like she was Being A Woman. Source: I live with one. Perfect opportunity to use this image I found on Reddit last night!
jayseven Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Thanks for all the responses guys Thanks to being up wallowing, I actually spoke to her again and resolved a lot of things. I told her she needs to be honest and open with me rather than wait for me to guess things, and she opened up a bit. Turns out there were a few things I did wrong on the date that I wasn't aware of, that I was just too nervous to remember to do. Met Mutual Friend today who filled in a few gaps but sympathised with me, and just laughed because it's a case of both parties being hugely interested but hugely scared. - I didn't say "you look nice" when she turned up. She spent 2 hours getting ready and I was so nervous about the whole thing I just thought it rather than saying it. - I complimented her on an owl necklace (MF told me that HG didn't like this because, in combination with not complimenting the dress, it was some sort of error...!) - I went for a cigarette and left her alone. Big mistake. My weak defense is "I asked her if I could and she said yes" -- an instance where mind reading was necessary. That's the sort of thing I let her know was not fair, although leaving her alone is a fair enoough mistake. I also went off for a cigarette with my friend as soon as he turned up as I could tell something was up and left her with two people she doesn't know well. But that's excusable due to aforementioned friend's issues. - After cinema a friend said "going to loo meet you outside!" then HG said "I'm going to the toilet" and I said "meet you outside!" and it turns out there was confusion about WHICH outside - Said "take care" rather than taking the care to walk her home. The last was the 'worst' Ultimately I've learnt that she is indeed woman, and her texts were her being pissy but not as bad as I read into them to be. Also she's confused herself about what "taking it slow" should be, as she is indeed torn. MF told me that if I had then and there said "want to come home with me?" She would've said yes -- even though she had just said "I have work tomorrow so I'm going to go home now" and already insinuated that staying at mine work nights won't happen. - Previously, she had spotted a birthday card on my desk from the ex. I had told her (which is true) we'd not been in touch since we broke up. The card was from last year and it was just part of a stack of cards I brought back with me from Oz taht I left in a pile, but my mum put them all up in a corner of my room. So it was pretty much an exact amalgamation of all of the suggestions you guys came up with! We're good today, probably even better for the 'episode' as I've learned what NOT to do next time, and she's (hopefully) learnt not to expect me to read minds. I'm sure the latter will take time. She's got insecurities and she doesn't know me well enough yet to know that I won't do these things to spite her. It's a 3-day old relationship. I am quite enjoying the rollercoaster!
Magnus Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Women be crazy :p Yeah, but they smell so nice.
jayseven Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Does an online persona show one's true negative personality? And is this reason enough to move on? I think using facebook as a marker is a really difficult thing to do. I don't really tend to post all that much online but that doesn't mean I'm quiet in real life. I also don't contact many other people all that much, again doesn't mean I'm a recluse in real life (... I kinda am though, to be fair). Also is it fair to focus on the neg? There will always be pros and cons. However, ultimately you're talking about a kid, still in school. There's going to be immaturity there in some degree. You can take that to mean "he'll grow out of it" if you like. But I don't think someone's facebook profile should so easily be a reason to move on!
Emma Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 @jayseven A 3 day relationship and she's already pissy with you? What's she going to be like after 3 months when you actually know each other? Blimey!! If someone was spitefully telling me about my 'faults' (you've done nothing wrong) after the third date, I wouldn't be seeing that person again. It's always difficult to get a full idea of what actually happened unless you were there, but from what I've read, you can do better than her James.
jayseven Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I don't think she was spiteful, just scared and insecure. I heard most of those from a mutual friend, and she was extremely reasonable and equally apologetic when we talked. It was her and a bunch of my friends so it wasn't an easy situation for her. Plus she's seriously awesome in loads of ways!
Raining_again Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 OK yes you got it out of her and maybe she understands that instead of being huffy it may be better to actually communicate.. We're all human and we should be allowed a mistake, just as you were "allowed" your mistakes (not that I get them but ok, different point of view etc) Hopefully its just a case of nerves clashing with confusion and everything will work out
CoolFunkMan Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 @jayseven It already sounds like a rollercoaster after 3 days! Seriously though, I'm glad things got sorted. It's probably just nerves, so I'm sure everything will be ok. Just see how it all goes, good luck man!
Blade Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 @jayseven A 3 day relationship and she's already pissy with you? What's she going to be like after 3 months when you actually know each other? Blimey!! If someone was spitefully telling me about my 'faults' (you've done nothing wrong) after the third date, I wouldn't be seeing that person again. It's always difficult to get a full idea of what actually happened unless you were there, but from what I've read, you can do better than her James. I agree. I would have definitely sacked her off.
Fierce_LiNk Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Hmm, think you're all going a bit overboard. Jay had it right, first date nerves and all that. He hasn't done it for a while so he's going to be "out of practice". Also, if she was in a strange environment with people she doesn't know all that well, then she's bound to not feel comfortable. Seems pretty reasonable. First date that mostly went well. Both had nerves, some minor (but not serious) mishaps, and all is now good. I'd remember what not to do next time and just enjoy it. I do see most of her points, really.
Serebii Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I agree with Fierce_LiNK. If it's a repeat occurance then sure, that's warning bells. However, in this situation, there are enough mitigating factors to give the benefit of the doubt
Goron_3 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Congrats on the girl, Jay I expect a picture so I actually judge whether hot girl is a suitable name So, my girlfriend of 9 months has moved to London to start her job and we are doing the whole long distance thing. Have to say, I'm rather enjoying it! Get my space during the week to go to the gym and play video games before spending the weekend with her. Not too bad. Oh. And the sex is like 10x better given we're apart all week. None of that 'is it hard yet? Stick it in!' bullshit you get when you're both working 9-6 and have no time to do anything. Boom.
drahkon Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 we are doing the whole long distance thing. Have to say, I'm rather enjoying it! Enjoyed it, too, at first. The lady and I have been doing the long distance thing for almost 2 years now. And sometimes - of course only when I'm not with her - I feel like I can't do it any longer. When I see her again, though, everything is forgotten. I often think about how it would be if we lived together. I actually think it would be nice. Don't know how she feels about it, and I don't really want to ask, since we have at least 2 more years of long distance relationship ahead of us.
Jav_NE Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Sounds like she really likes you Jay, but be watchful that she doesn't keep going down that track of getting upset/pissy about trivial things like that in future because that would be a real ball-ache! The key thing is not to go grovelling to her saying sorry all the time for this kind of stuff as that will just re-inforce in her mind that she can do that kind of thing and its okay (she will definitely wear the pants in the relationship if it develops like that!). Remember, the best type of girl is a hoe - honest, open and equal :wink:
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