Daft Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I feel like I've needed to cry for the past couple weeks but I can't physically manage it.
Fierce_LiNk Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Ah crap, had a breakdown this morning because I'd forgotten to check my uni email for two and a bit weeks (again) and found I've totally missed a tutorial (again) and ended up self-harming with a steel pot lid heated on the stove. Now my right arm is doing a passable impression of danish back bacon. I haven't seriously damaged myself but I'm completely incredulous to my own anxiety over a course I've got zero-reason to be stressed over and this self-harming is a new business. I think I'll call my mum tonight. And then go buy some bacon. Basically this... Infuriating Jim, I hope you get it sorted. It seems our electric meter is broken. Given we found out our bill for electric alone is £1000 at present. To put it into context, my house mate and I share a three bedroom house, since we moved in last June our quarterly bill has always been between 20-30 pounds for the electric as we're never really here except the weekends and nothing runs except a computer and a laptop. We're now having to read the meter twice a day for a week to ensure it is broken and if it isn't we need to see why the meter went up by 5000 in the space of three months. Thankfully e-on have been really helpful and understood and asked us first before charging us (it was on our electronic bill thing online, rather than paper). So we've been able to put the account on hold. Its unfortunately come at a bad time as if there is something wrong with the meter we've got to hang about and get it sorted. Sigh. I feel like I've needed to cry for the past couple weeks but I can't physically manage it. Take care, people. We're all gonna make it. I'm listening to the Man of Steel soundtrack and it's giving me hope for all of you.
Daft Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 what up dog? The usual malaise of dejection, with a dash of over-load at work and a smattering of people letting me down. I've seemed to have lost the ability to sleep longer than six hours, too. All this being amplified by a real nasty, critical and unreasonable inner monologue. Oh, and apparently I've now developed pretty bad hay-fever. I'm going to get a jar and every time something good happens I'm going to write it down and put it in said jar. At the end of the week/month/year, I'm going to look through this jar...because I'm tired of this shitty feeling.
gaggle64 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 (edited) I'm going to get a jar and every time something good happens I'm going to write it down and put it in said jar. At the end of the week/month/year, I'm going to look through this jar...because I'm tired of this shitty feeling. I did something sort of similar and started a scrapbook a few weeks ago. I remembered I'd enjoyed it as a kid and I felt like I needed some evidence of my own existence. Just one of those cheap ones from WHSmiths. I've only filled 3/4 pages but there's something comforting about it. Cinema tickets, train tickets, thoughts, dreams I've had, quotes & pictures I cut out of magazines, sketches, anything. Having no pressure to only have "good" or "bad" or "interesting" things in it means I feel good just chucking whatever I want in. And then you read it a month later and you can see your own mind and recent history just all sitting there as honestly as possible. It helps give me a sense of myself. Edited June 20, 2013 by gaggle64
Ashley Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I feel like I've needed to cry for the past couple weeks but I can't physically manage it. Hopefully that should help.
Eenuh Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Hope you both start feeling better gaggle and Daft! I have had one of my crappiest days in a while... Today I finally got to see the dentist after one of my fillings fell out of a molar in February. Part of the tooth actually broke off too and there seemed to be decay that formed under the filling. So basically I was left with half a tooth, which I couldn't get fixed until today (so about 5 months later...). I was going to have a root canal treatment on it to remove the three roots and then get a filling in the tooth. Fine, never had that done before but I figured it would be better than having the tooth pulled. I was so wrong to be confident in this. The entire treatment last one and a half hours... and ended up with my tooth still being pulled. =( Basically the dentist managed to remove the roots from two parts, however she couldn't get the last one done. Whatever she did, they just couldn't get the file to go the right way. They took two x-rays just to see why it wouldn't work (she said it looked easy but for some reason it wouldn't work). I could tell she was getting really annoyed, and I was not exactly happy either with my mouth being open wide for that long and the pain from all the drilling and pushing. The sedation never seem to work well for me, had this problem in the past too... So after 1 hour and about 15 minutes into it, she said it might be better to pull the tooth. And even that didn't go too well as it was fucking painful and the tooth kept breaking into pieces, or her tweezers would slip and bang against my top teeth. It was really painful and to be honest, it has made me quite scared of dentists now... I was fine with it before but now I just don't feel like going back again. Which is a problem as I have two more appointments booked. =( Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get this off my chest as I felt really bad when I left the dentist practice. Now I am left with a bloody and gaping hole in my mouth which hurts like hell and I will have to learn to eat with one tooth missing. ='(
jayseven Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 @Daft no matter how awesome the person, if there's no external appreciation it can feel like it's all for nothing, right? If you expand your timescale, though, you'll maybe see that this is just a(nother) rut, eh? Apathy isn't real! I'm sure none of this was helpful. It's really just a placeholder. Consider how long it took me to post this (four minutes so far! I'm so comfortably hesitant.) and... yeah. This is one of those talk-over-gin sorta vibes, I'm feeling. Just be you?
Daft Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Kind of just feels like I'm now always waiting for anything that's good to eventually turn to shit. You know, 'happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet', kind of thing. And I never use to be like that. I've become hopeless. The worst thing is, it feels like I'm not hopeless...but shit keeps going wrong and I'm being made this way. Apart from a three year reprieve at university, it's like life has constantly laid the smackdown on me and I learned to fight against that. It may shock most people to hear, but I'm usually pretty optimistic (People think I'm fine, because I have a really confident facade, but none of that is real...I act like who I wish I was but really, I'm nothing like that). I still am optimistic I guess...but in a kind of 'hoping for the best, but the worst will most likely be the outcome because things tend to go to shit...you know you're probably doing something wrong, things do go spectacularly wrong around you...pretty much everything you touch you destroy...but hold onto that thought that it could all be brilliant, because sometimes life is...before it gut punches you'. /I'm not even going to re-read what I wrote before I post it because I'll just censore myself. HASHTAGYoloBaggins
drahkon Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 @Daft Since my father died I've been pretty much the same as you are right now. This "Life will suck eventually"-mentality stuck with me for the past 4 years. The first 4 months of 2013 have been awful. I was unhappy with my job, my ex broke up with me and pretty much everything went downhill. But like you I didn't show it. I tried to hide the fact that I was fucked up. And everyone fell for that charade. I wanted to be happy and made up a "happy me". I made some decisions (quit my job for example) and somehow this made-up-me seemed to become the actual-me. Yesterday my mom called and during the conversation she told me that I seem/appear to be happier than before. And at that moment I realised that I actually AM happier. That this truly is the real me and all the hopelessness that I thought got into me was the actual charade. My own charade just for me. I didn't want to talk about myself again (been doing that a lot lately), but maybe you can get something out of it. Even if you can't, I still hope you'll figure out what to do.
Twozzok Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 welp, it's not as bad as seemingly any of you guys' problems, but my bank account just went 2p over my overdraft limit so that's gonna be another £8 charge.Bloody iTunes waiting nearly a week to charge me
Jimbob Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Another work rant (these will end one day, maybe) Past few weeks, because it's been getting super busy (150+ calls waiting at all times, 120 of them are angry for the long wait they are enduring). So in an effort to combat the queue and to make sure someone is answering the calls, they cancelled the investment time we get (basically, it's an hour a week you get to catch up on HR stuff, book leave, write a performance review* etc) and shorted the daily 15 minute "buzz" we get to 5 or 10 minutes, heck even cancelling them sometimes. They are now timing breaks, demanding you press "ready" as soon as the call you've wrapped up is done. They bought new staff in to temporally help with the call volumes, and they may as well not be there as they are useless tits. They take a call then spend the next 20 minutes chatting with their friends in a random code before taking the next call. And they don't do the work either, leaving us to fix the mess they caused. We've seen them doing this, complained to management who done fuck all as usual. Some of us chatted to the Union, who talked to management. They also told each wing the same. They apologised for the lack of investment time, but as long as it's busy expect these things to happen. It's funny really, at the moment they are breaching contract. Contracts state we get an hour per week off, but they are doing coaching still**. It does seem at the moment we the advisers are getting punished for the lack of planning management have done. And i've close to had enough, well to be fair i've had enough. To add on top of this the abuse i get on the phone for the long waits. *Performance review, i disagree with it because it's partly my responsibility to do my performance. But it is the team leaders who are meant to to the performance reviews. No-one likes this idea, but it has to be done. **Coaching, they are choosing who gets what. Some are having live listening, meaning the team leaders plug into your phone and listen to 3 calls live. Others are having random calls pulled and coached on them. I had the 3 calls pulled, and refused to have it done on Union advice. I said i want the live done, they said no. Unions said they can't give some one way and the rest another.
bryanee Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I've been getting hunger pains for the past three days, shits annoying and I'm not even fucking hungry.
Ganepark32 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Had a really bad anxiety attack earlier. So bad I had to go and try get my mother to calm me down, twice!!! Over the worst of it but still really shaky and feeling a little on the sick side now. Can't wait until 12pm on Wednesday so I can stop freaking stressing out about this PhD interview that a friend and I have. Though not looking forward to seeing how little sleep I'll get because of this. Just need to think calming thoughts......
nightwolf Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 slmfhfhabebgfregbnjrnemgm. That is my thoughts on my parents moving to France (they've finally signed for a house, so it'll be soon enough) and the utter shit I'll have to deal with if one or both of them dies. Not only will I bury both of them, but the French government will demand I pay 15k+ in tax because of it. Fuck, fuck, fuck. The best option was for my step-mum to legally adopt me in France, issuing me a new birth certificate. But the problem is, it'd remove my birth mother's name off it. Wonderful, let's pretend she doesn't fucking exist. Bah!
Happenstance Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 ....That is the weirdest complaint to anyone moving abroad I have ever heard.
Fierce_LiNk Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 ....That is the weirdest complaint to anyone moving abroad I have ever heard. I thought I might have missed something important. I'm glad others had the same thought. :p @nightwolf, is/are one of your parents ill?
nightwolf Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 No, it wasn't a complaint about them moving, I'm actually really thrilled. This is more a complaint about the red tape that I seem to be involved in concerning my parents moving. The problem is that because my mum is my step-mum that makes things rather difficult for her to own any property if something happens to dad, which also goes the same to me and my sister. Obviously my parents will eventually pass away, hopefully a very long time away, but right now my parents can't really move until we decide as a family what to do. Do I get a new birth certificate and no longer have my birth mothers name on it so that my mum can own the house if Dad dies, what insurance needs to be sorted so that I potentially don't have to pay 50% of all assets my Dad owns if he passes away (because let's face it I'm poor :P). ¬_¬. Red tape is annoying.
jayseven Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 ^my dad and my step-mum just have wills that sort all that shit out. Does that not work in France? Maybe the difference is I'm fairly sure the house was co-signed, rather than just 'owned' by my dad. (before they went to india my step-mum, the neurotic worrier she is, not only showed me where the wills were located but started telling me exactly who gets what and... yeah that was awkward. I don't want to know that shit just yet, fanks.)
MoogleViper Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Are you Dad and Step-Mum not married? Surely she would get everything (unless otherwise specified in his will)?
martinist Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I can hear my parents having sex...I'll be glad when I can finally get the hell out of this house.
Ashley Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 ^my dad and my step-mum just have wills that sort all that shit out. Does that not work in France? Maybe the difference is I'm fairly sure the house was co-signed, rather than just 'owned' by my dad. (before they went to india my step-mum, the neurotic worrier she is, not only showed me where the wills were located but started telling me exactly who gets what and... yeah that was awkward. I don't want to know that shit just yet, fanks.) My dad recently told me that when he dies, the money is going to come to me and then I have to gradually release it to my siblings. Sod that.
Recommended Posts