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What type is she? And what ball did you use?

 

The Love Ball of course.

Loveball.gif

 

 

I decided to change my avatar and signature back to something I used back in the day (though I updated the signature to be biggerrrrr). =D

 

Tonight we'll probably be eating Chinese! Whoooooo! Been ages since I had it, it's so delicious! ^____^

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Just had a startling vision of our existence. We are creatures of reaction, unable to control in any way but loop and repeat the same actions and claim them to be novel. It's not a depressing thought when you look at how the nature of our being is one of a continuous, ever-increasing complexity in reaction to patterns. The future is controlled by the present, the present by the past, but we always fail to factor in the other strands of reality when we try to use teh past to predict the future.

 

The inability to correctly assume the future leads us to think that there is some sort of element of control or choice, when really the future is utterly predetermined, but we are just too blinkered to predict it correctly.

 

It's not a depressing thought, just a real one. We can take joy in the unknowing, but only stupidity is found in the assumption that we can ever guess what is going to happen next. There's never more of a reason to do as you please than the maxim that we can't help but live by; the footsteps ahead of us are only placed on certain ground, and the certainty comes only when we have seen where our feet are able to be placed. We are lagged, we are stupid, but we are alive. Even if life is just a mere act of observation, of watching our bodies collide with one another, it is still more than ignorance.

 

The pattern is ever evolving, repeating but still changing. There is nothing wrong with it. There is everything right and proper, and correct and true. Even as I type this I can imagine both the physical and the theorised responses to a partial extent where an actual commentary is unnecessary. While I tread close to the line of disputing myself, I need not be anxious or wary with the potential of the oncoming phases of time, but only aware that they could occur. In some ways, my own imagining is just as real and perhaps even more so than if they don't.

 

But that's just part of the pattern. The only 'control' I have over your reactions is in this initial action in the first place - and if my argument is that my action, here, is just a flower stemming from teh seeds of all that has come before then surely I have no control at all, and thus neither do you.

 

I liked this.

 

The only thing I can think of in response is

 

We are creaturs of the wind

Wild is the wind

 

Which is from a Nina Simone song, but the lyrics always kinda left me with a similar feeling to what you just said, about collision/reaction/no control etc. I just didnt know how one'd express it well. [/random]

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Tonight we'll probably be eating Chinese! Whoooooo! Been ages since I had it, it's so delicious! ^____^
What's your fav?

For me... Chicken/Beef & Vegetables in BlackBean Sauce, Sweet & Sour Spare Ribs and Vegetarian ChowMein... and Rice!! :grin:

 

Then the leftovers for lunch the next day!! :D

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This week I've had more of a life and I am happier for it. Even though Tuesday was a nightmare, I'm moving on from it. Wednesday I went back to London and met friends for dinner, we then went to the Emirates where I sat in the home end to see my team go 2 nil up, only to lose 4-2 in the end. Some magic moments with my friends though, it was extremely fun. Sphie came back to mine, just to return to the city in the morning, pretty pointless, but I'm so glad she did. I love her. Sometimes I think she's a carbon copy of me, other times we couldn't be more different. Makes for a thrilling friendship.

 

Friday I had my 2009 year end review and I got ''Exceeded Expectations'' which is lovely, but the main reason for doing these is pay/bonus related. If we were getting a bonus, I would get more than others for performing well, but it's extremely unlikley we'll get one. Still, nice to be recognised. Etc.

 

Yesterday I went to Londinium again and met two bessies for a 3 hour lunch. Spent a good deal of time trying to persuade my friend who lives in Lincoln to move to the city, her boyfriend lives there and apparently he's ''the one'' (yuck, etc) and it would mean I get to see her loads! Anyway she left to meet him so we went and had coffee for another 3 hours. Talking about our lives and general philosophy, mainly. In the evening we headed over to Sway, some club/bar I've never been to, for our friends birthday. I haven't seem him in ages and jesus christ, he looks amazing. Super trim and hot. Phew. I don't fancy him or anything, I was just stunned. Apparently I complimented him so much he wondered if I wanted more. You see, I have this problem in real life, as well as on the internet. :P The night was good, I enjoyed muchly.

 

Slight rant coming. Left the club to get the last train home with an hour to get to the station. Went to Holborn where my friend and I started going down the escalators. Half way down, the loudspeaker came on saying ''THERE IS A SERIOUS SECURITY THREAT, PLEASE EVACUATE THE STATION IMMEDIATELY''. Assuming this was a bomb, my friend and I turned round and tried to run up the down escalator, rocky style. Didn't get anywhere, it was almost comical. Eventually got out of the station and walked to Russell square. Got all the way to the platform to find trains not running westbound so had to use another line to go south, to get ANOTHER line to go north to Marylebone. Ridiculous. Got on the last train just as it was leaving!!! at 00.10 to find it was going all around South East England and stopping everywhere, I didn't get home until 2am. Insanity.

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Saw Brand New at Wembley last night, was amazing. The ending to the night wasn't so.

 

Got to Paddington at ten past 1 because of a STUPID DRUNK BITCH >_< And then all of a sudden this piercing noise came on saying evacuate immediately just like Molly's experience. How strange, don't think anything happened. Had to stay in a hotel and I was so full of anger I could have killed her right there and then. She wanted to get in a taxi and then run away! I was like helllllllll no.

 

Got back this morning minus contact lenses, so I had to rely on the two girls I was with to help me like a blind man (which I effectively was). Headache is now kicking in. Blergh.

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I had a good week in general and got a lot done. Had a Maths exam on Thursday which went smoothly, and then an Italian oral on Friday which again I can't complain about. After that exam, me and one of my best friends headed to Meadowhall, and he had this big plan of buying everything he needed whilst I was just along for the ride. Turns out he got nothing, and I got a lot. Had a fantastic time with him though, I've known him since were about 7 or something, and he's always lived around the corner from me so all we did over summer holidays was twat around endlessly, so much so it's practically impossible to know what we're on about as an outsider these days.

 

Then yesterday, I met Ashley at the station and again we went to Meadowhall, and saw Toy Story 2 3D. It was cool to see the film again, although I wouldn't say the 3D added much. Then we had quite a funny walk to Chris's which took us near an hour, but was a good laugh.

 

Today I should've been out again but I was feeling like an absolute wraith this morning, and as of yet have still done no work or anything productive whatsoever except go food shopping and drink tea in an effort to feel better.

 

On the love interest front, I'm meeting said mystery man again in a couple of weeks in Birmingham for a few drinks and lunch, then again when I go home for the weekend over February. I think he's great though, he's 4 years older than me but it's not weird at all. Infact I prefer it a lot more, and it's nice to just have that extra sense of maturity and headstrong-ness without it being creepy or frowned upon, or him being flaming. 19 and 23 is hardly a big difference. Yay to my life so far, although a little extra motivation in the area of revision wouldn't go a-miss. 40% is the key.

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On the love interest front, I'm meeting said mystery man again in a couple of weeks in Birmingham for a few drinks and lunch, then again when I go home for the weekend over February. I think he's great though, he's 4 years older than me but it's not weird at all. Infact I prefer it a lot more, and it's nice to just have that extra sense of maturity and headstrong-ness without it being creepy or frowned upon, or him being flaming. 19 and 23 is hardly a big difference. Yay to my life so far, although a little extra motivation in the area of revision wouldn't go a-miss. 40% is the key.

 

I think its all about mental maturity... I mean you can get 35 year olds that still act 15 :heh: 19 and 23 ain't too much of a difference methinks! Good luck with it!

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Guest Captain Falcon

So another "fun-filled" evening up town was had last night. When we were at the gym, one of the guys said he had a good feeling about the night and asked me if I felt it. My reply? That his overwhelming positive vibes were giving me bad ones... It turned out we were both right as he enjoyed it, but me not so much.

 

I wasn't being pestered by some creature this time though. Having had a few drinks before we left, and then tanking up in the one of the cheap bars before going somewhere else and doing shots, I was quickly becoming quite tired. And so I felt the need to sit down. The problem with that is that when I sit down, it's like I can't hear the music and my mind begins to wander... and that's not a good thing.

 

I was looking at some pictures on my phone but my mates grabbed it off me and forced me to my feet to get it back and once I got it, the song being played changed and I just started welling up and then... well I'm sure you can guess what followed.

 

I then spent the rest of the night just with one of the lads just talking at the bar.

 

Ride home in the taxi had the other two question the the other guy on why I was talking to him since he rarely comes out with us. Given he was the only one to come find me when I slipped away, let alone notice I was quite upset, it was hardly surprising we ended up talking. As soon as that place closed, we went home. I must have spent about an hour though outside one guys house as we were just talking about stuff and what had happened so I didn't actually get in until gone 4.

 

I think I'm going to have to reduce my nights out as it's not doing me any favours if all I do is get worked up and depressed.

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I was looking at some pictures on my phone but my mates grabbed it off me and forced me to my feet to get it back and once I got it, the song being played changed and I just started welling up and then... well I'm sure you can guess what followed.

 

I then spent the rest of the night just with one of the lads just talking at the bar.

 

Surely these aren't the "mates" to be hanging around with if they do stuff like this? Does it happen often?

 

I've found recently that I do enjoy going out for a night out, but I tend to enjoy myself a lot more when I've not gotten myself drunk. I think alcohol is terribly overrated and it saddens me that a lot of people, especially those around me, seem to think it's the only way to have a good time.

 

Chin up though, Captain Falcon!

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Text
smiley_slapacrossroom.gif

 

I agree with Razz, and from your last few 'night out' posts, it sounds like you get led on quite easily 'Falcon. Think you need to be a bit more assertive, and you don't have to just go along with everything. If you're feeling shit, or things turn out crap, just call it a night... don't let yourself just sit their, have a bad time and watch your mates acting like jerks!

Edited by Retro_Link
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Guest Captain Falcon
Surely these aren't the "mates" to be hanging around with if they do stuff like this? Does it happen often?

 

I've found recently that I do enjoy going out for a night out, but I tend to enjoy myself a lot more when I've not gotten myself drunk. I think alcohol is terribly overrated and it saddens me that a lot of people, especially those around me, seem to think it's the only way to have a good time.

 

Chin up though, Captain Falcon!

 

smiley_slapacrossroom.gif

 

I agree with Razz, and from your last few 'night out' posts, it sounds like you get led on quite easily 'Falcon. Think you need to be a bit more assertive, and you don't have to just go along with everything. If you're feeling shit, or things turn out crap, just call it a night... don't let yourself just sit their, have a bad time and watch your mates acting like jerks!

 

My mates weren't being idiots toward me - they were trying to get me on my feet and dancing as opposed to sitting their and letting the alcohol get to me. They gave me my phone back as soon as I got up so I wasn't upset over that. But whenever I disappear, they think I'm off being sick or something when in actually fact I'm just feeling completely down in the dumps. But since I always come back eventually, they normally just leave me be.

 

When I first started going out with them, I used to have a great time and never wanted to leave but even in just a short amount of time, it's all changed. And yet I still trick myself into the idea that it will be different this time. But it isn't and I can't be doing that.

 

I feel like I've wasted far too much of my life as it is and I started going out with them to try and make up for it. But now, it just feels like I'm throwing it away again - albeit in a different way. It all feels so pointless.

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Good weekend spent hanging around with martinist - I sometimes feel lowly and inferior until something happens that forces me to compare myself to someone else. Then I remember I am in fact one of a handful of gods treading lightly in a world of lesser mammals scrabbling blindly about my feet. It's always good to be reminded of that. :heh:

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Crazy day, I went to bed Saturday at 9, fell asleep around 10. But I woke up at 00:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. I had to get up at 5 to get to London for 8 to catch the coach to Stoke. I ended up sleeping most of the way their and back, and the match was crap.

 

Oddly I enjoyed the day though.

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Started the work In my sketchbook I was meant to do, "3 double-pages of drawing from life". But it's so what I'm not in the mood for, so I kinda jus experimented in different materials, and eventually just drew from photos cause a) my bathroom (where I'm doing most of my drawings) is really hot and b) i'm looking at relationships between humans and the space around them, so I need a person (me) in them in some form.

 

This morning I just felt really...eurgh. Dunno. Kinda down, thinking about stuff, but not overly. Headache, had really heavy breathing and was generally shivery. Then I had a bath (since I'm looking into baths for my project I'm indulging in them myself for the first time in ages) and felt a bit better.

 

Just...not been into what I've drawn at all really.

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Been at work today, was pretty bad given I have no voice whatsoever, well I do, but its forced and is abit ridiculous. I had to continously talk to customers which has put abit of a strain on my voice. Must see the doctor. Otherwise work was actually alright.

 

Went to see a friend and she made me tea - roast dinner. It was awesome, very tasty and nice to catch up with her.

 

Decided against staying in bed and finally got round to seeing Jayseven and also visiting the infamous Ashley. Ashley got me the doug toy from UP which is awesome and I love ashley <3. It was actually the most fun I've had all week so that was awesome.

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Booked today off work to rest and relax, but who decides to wake up and refuse to go back asleep at the exat same time as I would of got up for work, so here I am now downstairs playing with rattles and stuff. As fun as it is I wanted a wee lie in lol

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Blergh.

Got an exam at 9. Bitch ass news test that I really don't care for. I oppose the inclusion of such a ridiculous process in a creative module.

Was up till 12 doing my essay last night. The last sections are always so hard to finish on these damn things, even though the actual writing only gets easier.

 

Ah well, should be meeting everyones favourite narcissistic admin Ashley in town later before he runs off to the train station. Winner!

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