Finally ended an F-ed up relationship

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

Should have done it a loooooong time ago. I think I'm too possesive making it hard to let go. But now I have, feels like 10 tons have left my heart and my brain.

 

To be fair, as early on as a month into this relationship I had my doubts - when she said to me, a sweet innocent virgin, "I usually don't wait, but for you I will..." LMAO! A bit too forward for my liking, but I tucked it aside as you do when you're blinded by infatuation. As my first girlfriend, I loved her and naturally prefered a slow, smouldering relationship built from a strong and deep foundation of love. She on the other hand, just came out of a relationship (her 3rd) a month before... so I guess we were on different plains from the get go.

 

She was incredibly selfish, not a 'bad' person, but just selfish and was only happy when she got her own way. Its like she would try to control when we can and can not see each other.

 

Everywhere we went out, like a twat, I paid all the time. And it was always myself who had to take initiative before we done stuff ie she never ever could say 'lets do this'. I can't believe this b**** forgot my birthday in July - I had to call her to remind her lol, yet I held no ill-will and I freaking bought her a Sony Vaio for her birthday a month back o_O... For Valetines, I took a week off work then to plan and book the stuff I wanted us to do, a few days prior however, she was like 'do you have any plans for Valentines day, cos Im not really bothered... I wanna take my sister out to the Joe Concert...' Imagine how fucked up I felt to hear that, she didn't even think to invite me. Even then... I still had it in me to call her on saturday at least to say...whatever. But she wouldn't pick up (which she does a lot), my calls weren't answered that day. I knew she might not of had credit since she uses T-Mobile's 5 day pass, but she didn't think to try to get thru to me by other means all day? B$. Only by 4.00pm sunday is when i got a facebook message telling me she left her phone at the hairdressers etc etc... I didn't call (she apparently had no credit).

 

Monday morning, I started my rain of "fuck you" texts. Gee, look how shes now able to text back - she was in bed. Thing is, she did love me ( even though you guys can't see it) but she just took me for granted, using all those crying emoticons, pleading, talking crap. Crazy thing is, even from those barrage of texts I was still kind of willing to give this another chance (bear in mind we broke up for like a week back in october)... But deep down I knew it had to be done. This morning my heart was heavy and my eyes were red from the tears...But from then up until now, a major transformation has occurred; I feel great! honestly. All those feelings of doubt, expectations and fear are all none gone, replaced by a feeling of optimism! And to add to that, i feel even more focused in reaching my goals. Its a great feeling.

 

I think i feel like this because I know this should have been done a long time ago. I just didn't have the strength, I guess. I will learn from this, and what i have learned so far is that, if you're that 'good guy', you shouldn't be so giving, especially to a young person inclining to selfishness. They will just take you for granted. I won't change my approach to love, I'll just be more cautious of who i feel deserves it. Sad thing is, I waited till I was 21, waited in every sense of the word, for that dreamy scenerio of meeting that "one". I'm kicking myself that I felt a bit under pressure to give my virginity (yes, epic thread) up to this bitch... greatest regret of my life. But hey, this is life.

 

I think we need to experience pain like this to make us more realistic in life. I feel more aware as a person, I'm typing this with a straight face and no emotion. I learned a lesson. I just hoped to pass on my experiences just to highlights these cruel realities.

[Iun]

You've done the right thing.

 

We're with you.

[Shino]

You should read the other thread now, man do you look like a fool now.

 

 

Just kidding, glad you've moved forward with it.

[Iun]

It really gets me how "modern" ladies seem to expect equality in all things -choices, career, babies, direction of the relationship, keep their last name.

 

But when it comes to paying the bills, or getting ready on time, they're somehow magically back in the Middle Ages where men where the patient and enduring knights.

[jayseven]

Congrats King_V, on making the decision. It's not easy to admit everything is not ok, especially in your first relationship. How long were you with her? Forgetting your birthday and ignoring you on valentine's isn't very nice at all!

 

From my own personal, limited experience, your first relationship sticks with you for a fair old while. I haven't even seen my ex for about 18 months and it still gets to me sometimes; things still come up that bring back memories, and it's always easier to remember the good times and not the bad.

 

I don't know about you, but I learned a lot. I learned what I can take and what I do not want to go through again. I think it just gets harder from here-on out.

[Dyson]

Should have done it a loooooong time ago. I think I'm too possesive making it hard to let go. But now I have, feels like 10 tons have left my heart and my brain.

 

To be fair, as early on as a month into this relationship I had my doubts - when she said to me, a sweet innocent virgin, "I usually don't wait, but for you I will..." LMAO! A bit too forward for my liking, but I tucked it aside as you do when you're blinded by infatuation. As my first girlfriend, I loved her and naturally prefered a slow, smouldering relationship built from a strong and deep foundation of love. She on the other hand, just came out of a relationship (her 3rd) a month before... so I guess we were on different plains from the get go.

 

She was incredibly selfish, not a 'bad' person, but just selfish and was only happy when she got her own way. Its like she would try to control when we can and can not see each other.

 

Everywhere we went out, like a twat, I paid all the time. And it was always myself who had to take initiative before we done stuff ie she never ever could say 'lets do this'. I can't believe this b**** forgot my birthday in July - I had to call her to remind her lol, yet I held no ill-will and I freaking bought her a Sony Vaio for her birthday a month back o_O... For Valetines, I took a week off work then to plan and book the stuff I wanted us to do, a few days prior however, she was like 'do you have any plans for Valentines day, cos Im not really bothered... I wanna take my sister out to the Joe Concert...' Imagine how fucked up I felt to hear that, she didn't even think to invite me. Even then... I still had it in me to call her on saturday at least to say...whatever. But she wouldn't pick up (which she does a lot), my calls weren't answered that day. I knew she might not of had credit since she uses T-Mobile's 5 day pass, but she didn't think to try to get thru to me by other means all day? B$. Only by 4.00pm sunday is when i got a facebook message telling me she left her phone at the hairdressers etc etc... I didn't call (she apparently had no credit).

 

Monday morning, I started my rain of "fuck you" texts. Gee, look how shes now able to text back - she was in bed. Thing is, she did love me ( even though you guys can't see it) but she just took me for granted, using all those crying emoticons, pleading, talking crap. Crazy thing is, even from those barrage of texts I was still kind of willing to give this another chance (bear in mind we broke up for like a week back in october)... But deep down I knew it had to be done. This morning my heart was heavy and my eyes were red from the tears...But from then up until now, a major transformation has occurred; I feel great! honestly. All those feelings of doubt, expectations and fear are all none gone, replaced by a feeling of optimism! And to add to that, i feel even more focused in reaching my goals. Its a great feeling.

 

I think i feel like this because I know this should have been done a long time ago. I just didn't have the strength, I guess. I will learn from this, and what i have learned so far is that, if you're that 'good guy', you shouldn't be so giving, especially to a young person inclining to selfishness. They will just take you for granted. I won't change my approach to love, I'll just be more cautious of who i feel deserves it. Sad thing is, I waited till I was 21, waited in every sense of the word, for that dreamy scenerio of meeting that "one". I'm kicking myself that I felt a bit under pressure to give my virginity (yes, epic thread) up to this bitch... greatest regret of my life. But hey, this is life.

 

I think we need to experience pain like this to make us more realistic in life. I feel more aware as a person, I'm typing this with a straight face and no emotion. I learned a lesson. I just hoped to pass on my experiences just to highlights these cruel realities.

 

I really enjoyed reading the second half of this post, as it made me think about stuff I've gone through myself recently and how right on the money you are on this subject. Well done for having the guts to finish it as you did, and kudos for getting over it as you have.

 

I think we need to experience pain like this to make us more realistic in life.

 

I think you're spot on.

[Eenuh]

Being taken for granted is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship I think. You will offer up so much, but you don't feel like you're getting an equal amount of effort put back into you, and that's just wrong.

If she wasn't willing to put in effort (and it really seems like she didn't, what with not contacting you or forgetting Valentines Day and your birthday or not paying for anything), then she is not worth your time. So good on you for finally breaking up with her.

 

And don't feel bad about giving everything up for her. It might seem like a mistake now, but like you said, we need to learn from these experiences so we can grow and become an even better person in our next relationship (where we will have a clearer view of what we want from it as well). So like they say, learn from your mistakes.

[Beast]

It's horrible having that feeling of people taking advantage of you. I know, I've been here before with someone I really liked and all she did was use me. Then about a year or two ago, she said 'we're best friends' even though she never calls me, texts me or even speaks to me really, it was just always me talking to her so I don't speak to her anymore and, to be honest, I'm glad. It was one-sided and everything was always her way. But I wanted to be with her so much that I couldn't see that. But ever since then, had no texts or phone calls asking me how I am or anything so I soon realised she's no true friend so I forget about her and move on.

 

King_V, well done for making the right decision and standing by it. I know it must be hard at first but always remember the good times you both had. I read this post and felt sorry for you, I can't believe she treated you like that!But all you have to remember is "The One" is out there, somewhere, waiting for you

[Jav_NE]

Shouldn't you have talked to her first about your concerns? Maybe if you said why you felt unhappy (and not in angry "fuck you" texts) she might have been able to change. As you say, you think she did love you after all.

 

I don't want to make you feel bad, i just hate it when couples give up too easilly when they think there's something there. Love doesn't come around often, not the good kind anyway.

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

It really gets me how "modern" ladies seem to expect equality in all things -choices, career, babies, direction of the relationship, keep their last name.

 

But when it comes to paying the bills, or getting ready on time, they're somehow magically back in the Middle Ages where men where the patient and enduring knights.

 

Exactly... and I truly treated her as my equal. Her being a control freak, I gave her all the time and patience. But slowly it turned into her being the superior... and I still allowed it. Its my personal opinion that women like this just don't know what they want. They just "want".

 

Shouldn't you have talked to her first about your concerns? Maybe if you said why you felt unhappy (and not in angry "fuck you" texts) she might have been able to change. As you say, you think she did love you after all.

 

I don't want to make you feel bad, i just hate it when couples give up too easilly when they think there's something there. Love doesn't come around often, not the good kind anyway.

 

Oh no! I've been saying we should talk for 2 weeks now, but most times she prefered going out with friends, coming home late and then texting me to say "I know we were meant to talk but Im too tired now and need to sleep for work". So even on that night I sent her like a 20 message text describing how I felt, mostly regarding recent issues.

 

For example; her birthday 3 weeks ago. I tried to make it as special as possible, brought her a laptop, brought her over to mine, cooked for her etc a week before. She celebrated her birthday over 3 days. One as a ladies night out, the second she invited me and work colleagues but the third... She didn't even bother to invite me... Infact the only call of the day she gave me was when she was in the cab going to a club with friends, asking me to transfer money into her accounts online! I felt left out, as was the usual feelings she gave me. We've been together for a year, why would I still be treated like something on the side? But i kept it all in, no outburst or anything. The texts I'd sent like 2 weeks ago she couldn't be arsed to reply to. She never thought they were important - that my feelings weren't important. Bare in mind we ended it for about a week in october for similar neglect-like reasons.

 

My texts weren't even angry "fuck you" texts. I was still soft, no swearing. My first text I told her "the tears I shed on saturday, were the last I'll ever shed for you"... Then she replies with 'all i can say is that I am sorry'. And its always like that, when things go into emergency thats the only time she feels necessary to make an attentive response. She purely took me for granted.

[Mr_Odwin]

Well, congrats on getting out of a bad relationship.

Relationships can be great and add to your life but if they're always a drain, or are always having a negative impact, then generally it's time to get out.

[Goron_3]

I think we need to experience pain like this to make us more realistic in life.

 

That's very true king V. Very true indeed. Sounds like you've definately done the right thing to me A step closer to true happiness is what you are, well done.

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

You should read the other thread now, man do you look like a fool now.

 

 

Just kidding, glad you've moved forward with it.

 

No, you're right... I do and I am a fool. I had doubts almost at the start, but I didn't listen and I closed my eyes.

 

Congrats King_V, on making the decision. It's not easy to admit everything is not ok, especially in your first relationship. How long were you with her? Forgetting your birthday and ignoring you on valentine's isn't very nice at all!

 

From my own personal, limited experience, your first relationship sticks with you for a fair old while. I haven't even seen my ex for about 18 months and it still gets to me sometimes; things still come up that bring back memories, and it's always easier to remember the good times and not the bad.

 

I don't know about you, but I learned a lot. I learned what I can take and what I do not want to go through again. I think it just gets harder from here-on out.

 

Thank you Jay. I was with her for a year. But if I am honest things felt pear-shaped a bit earlier. This is why my sadness is intertwinded with relief and I think it is always good to have the ability to endure hardships, because it shows your resolve and strength of character. The FACT that I wanted this to work so bad, I think it means I am dedicated. And believe me, Im not over exaggerating when I say I got a whole heap load of confusing signals.

 

Being taken for granted is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship I think. You will offer up so much, but you don't feel like you're getting an equal amount of effort put back into you, and that's just wrong.

If she wasn't willing to put in effort (and it really seems like she didn't, what with not contacting you or forgetting Valentines Day and your birthday or not paying for anything), then she is not worth your time. So good on you for finally breaking up with her.

 

And don't feel bad about giving everything up for her. It might seem like a mistake now, but like you said, we need to learn from these experiences so we can grow and become an even better person in our next relationship (where we will have a clearer view of what we want from it as well). So like they say, learn from your mistakes.

 

Exactly the feeling. And really I didn't ask for much, Im not the sort of guy that 'needs' things. I just wanted affection. For me, its the little things that count, like a sweet little message over a gift. In general conversation, she would rarely ask how my day has been or how I am. I always ask her this, and isn't it basic to expect a similar response? You love me right? You would want to know how I have been. Conversations were so one sided. All the time its me initiating and her just answering my questions like some FAQ. Then she would complain at me that i don't talk much... I still can't believe that she could never ask me out... Meanwhile she would happily go out with her friends.

 

But as far as I'm concerned, it wasn't my love that was flawed, the only thing I would say is maybe I said too much too soon... But I will still be just as giving in my next relationship maybe even more... I'll just be careful of the woman i give it to, thats all. I won't allow another human being to affect me in a way that it affects the way I deal with decent people.

 

Just want to say a great, mighty thanks for all the supportive messages. I feel like the realities of life have finally hit me, i feel like this was the kick up the arse I needed to be focused and have a bit more self respect and a greater feeling of self worth.

[EEVILMURRAY]

My texts weren't even angry "fuck you" texts. I was still soft, no swearing. My first text I told her "the tears I shed on saturday, were the last I'll ever shed for you"...

I'm sorry, I agree with everything you've said and done, but I couldn't stop thinking of a dodgy RPG character when I read that bit.

 

I'm proud of you mate. HOWEVER! For those with painful memories, we now have pills for this sort of thing.

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

LOL... Just made my day. ^^

[Jonnas]

You definately did the right thing.

 

All you gotta do now is move forward. Keep your head up, you need to remain optimistic and believe that the future holds better things.

[Ten10]

Good job V, you've gained your freedom. It will bite at you from time to time when your mind goes back to those better days but just try to rise above it.

[flameboy]

Good job V, you've gained your freedom. It will bite at you from time to time when your mind goes back to those better days but just try to rise above it.

 

Would agree with this sentiment. I am newly single and things are just starting to settle down now.

[The fish]

Well done matey, you seem to be coping better than others may. A lot of people are terrified of ending long relationships as it's such a departure from the norm.

 

Oh, and things always look better in the morning. Always.

[Charlie]

Well done on getting out of that relationship, King_V. It takes a lot of balls to do something like that, especially as it was your first serious relationship and it lasted for over a year. It will take a while to get over it, but you will! The single life is pretty fantastic for me at the moment. It's been a year since I split up with the girl who wasn't my girlfriend (long story) and I now feel fantastic and have been for the last few months now. Living the good life. Go enjoy it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, and things always look better in the morning. Always.

 

 

I'm sure she's going to feel fantastic when she wakes up.

[Jav_NE]

Hmm, well having heard more about it it seems you did the right thing. Sounds to me like she was using you for your money. Spending just enough time with you to keep you sweet, but not really caring.

 

Never ever buy them expensive gifts unless its a special occasion. You gave her a laptop and a tele?! Dude, unless you want to know they love you for you and not your wallet, lay off the big gifts in future relationships.

[LazyBoy]

A life lesson right there, and it gets easier. Best thing to do now is go get drunk off your ass. Single man on the pull.

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

Hmm, well having heard more about it it seems you did the right thing. Sounds to me like she was using you for your money. Spending just enough time with you to keep you sweet, but not really caring.

 

Never ever buy them expensive gifts unless its a special occasion. You gave her a laptop and a tele?! Dude, unless you want to know they love you for you and not your wallet, lay off the big gifts in future relationships.

 

No... Just a laptop ^^' Though I know she enjoyed me getting her these gifts (shes highly materialistic), she makes a fair wage and could have these things herself really easily. But i do hear you. But thats just me, when there is a special occassion to someone close to me, I like to go all out...

 

But thats probably the best sentence to sum it up: Spending just enough time with you to keep you sweet, but not really caring.

 

A life lesson right there, and it gets easier. Best thing to do now is go get drunk off your ass. Single man on the pull.

 

Yeah, though Im no man whore... It does feel great to be able to look at other women again.

[nightwolf]

Shouldn't you have talked to her first about your concerns? Maybe if you said why you felt unhappy (and not in angry "fuck you" texts) she might have been able to change. As you say, you think she did love you after all.

 

I don't want to make you feel bad, i just hate it when couples give up too easilly when they think there's something there. Love doesn't come around often, not the good kind anyway.

 

One thing I've noticed in relationships, is people don't change when you ask and say somethings wrong, they pretend for a few weeks and then it all slips right back.

 

I'm glad you decided to spilt, you haven't seemed very happy with her for a while. Welcome back to the singletons!

[Grazza]

Chin up, King V. Opposites attract, and it sounds like you are attracted to the same type as me. It's all experience and it sounds like you have judged it correctly and learnt a lot.

 

I can relate to virtually everything you've typed, and I fully believe that she gave you mixed signals and you weren't imagining it or anything. I think that happens quite a lot.

 

Sorry, but for her to say "I don't normally wait..." after one month says an awful lot about her. Not to be rude, but she sounds like a "party girl", to put it politely. But hey, that's probably a lot of why you were attracted to her.

 

King V, you are the most honest person I've encountered and you have my 100% respect. Lets' hope you meet someone who is just enough of the type you like, but who also treats you properly.