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aww man, that's sad new. I felt I had to listen to him singing in Happy Gilmore as soon as I heard about it:

 

Edited by Helmsly

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15 hours ago, Happenstance said:

Carl Weathers died ūüėü

He's pushed his last pencil...

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Nothing really bad, rather annoying: Been trying to paint my nails a couple of times recently and thanks to my shaky hands it always looked quite terrible :p
I love the look itself. Been thinking about doing it for quite a while now and recently got kind of a push by a friend and a conversation with some people. But I need more practice.

My sister recommended getting a manicure so I might actually do that before trying again. Gotta let my nails grow a bit, though.

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My anxiety has ALWAYS been an issue, and I have a million bloody coping mechanisms, tablets and breathing techniques to keep on top of it, but after 15ish years I'm just absolutely exhausted with it. I looked on the NHS app and website about booking an appointment but there's nothing on there, so I will look at ringing the doctors on Monday for an appointment. I'm not sure what I will say, but I feel like I need to talk to them as things are definitely getting worse, for example:

Whenever I leave the house I get tunnel vision. I know, or I have always assumed, that this is a side effect of my anxiety. This past week it has been absolutely absurd though, there was a day at work that I genuinely felt partially blind as I was bumping into things and not realising when people were stood right next to me. I could not make out faces beyond arms length, and everywhere, at best, looked like Skyward Sword in SD. I do have glasses, and I know my site can be fine, as when I'm at home I can see perfectly fine. 

I'm really struggling the last week or so to keep going to work, keep getting up in the morning, and to keep on top of things that I took on which I usually enjoy, such as painting/drawing and posting on the front page of N-E. In general I just feel like lying on the floor and giving up with everything lol. 

Work keep disrespecting my boundaries, and I'm not being heard at all. I hate talking about my anxiety or bringing it up, but I have on a few occasions, in writing and in availability meetings, to say "I need 3 days off a week, it helps knowing I have three days off a week and makes my anxiety more manageable" but consistently they put me in 5 days a week, and they have again for the following 3 weeks. I'm on a 16 hour contract lol, which is part of the reason I took the job, being that it's short hours which I can do extra when I can, so I think I'm well within my rights to refuse or query it, but again, it's just so fucking exhausting having to constantly do it, bring it up, ask for it, when I have gone through official channels to rectify the issue before it comes up. I feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall. And I feel like a failure, inadequate and like I'm letting people down when I have to consistently tell them I need the rota changing because they consistently refuse to listen to my requests. 

I know doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome is a sign of insanity, and so on the one hand I think I should just give my notice in and leave. But I know I'm too scared and too exhausted to find a new job and meet a new set of people. 

But work is work and I've always been a bit scatty with it, it's the fact that I'm struggling to stay on top of anxiety in my personal life again that is worrying me. I didn't mean to rant lol, but I don't feel like trauma dumping on friends, and I don't know how to express myself well at the best of times, and it has always been easier to explain how I feel on these forums lol. 

 

 

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First of all you're neither a failure or inadequate. 

By the sounds of it the thing you need at work is a champion; someone on your side helping to fight your corner. It sucks that seemingly you don't have that. Having a leader/manager, even if not yours or the store manager, who understands you and fights for you would undoubtedly make things better. 

And on the other hand, I get not wanting to move because there's also the uncertainty as to whether it would be better or just simply different. It's a sucky catch 22. 

I don't really have an answer or an idea for how to make things better, but you know where I am if you need anything. 

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9 hours ago, Ashley said:

First of all you're neither a failure or inadequate. 

By the sounds of it the thing you need at work is a champion; someone on your side helping to fight your corner. It sucks that seemingly you don't have that. Having a leader/manager, even if not yours or the store manager, who understands you and fights for you would undoubtedly make things better. 

And on the other hand, I get not wanting to move because there's also the uncertainty as to whether it would be better or just simply different. It's a sucky catch 22. 

I don't really have an answer or an idea for how to make things better, but you know where I am if you need anything. 

Thanks pecan.

I'm sure when my head is clearer I'll be able to sort it out as I have before, I just get in my own head a bit sometimes!

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45 minutes ago, Josh64 said:

Thanks pecan.

I'm sure when my head is clearer I'll be able to sort it out as I have before, I just get in my own head a bit sometimes!

One thing at a time bubba. As much as it may feel like "I need to leave my job in order to fix my anxiety" and thus it's one thing, just getting to a better place before you get to a better place is in itself a goal. 

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Posted (edited)

Thousands of Kickstarter backers left out of pocket as Super Dungeon Explore publisher Ninja Division files for bankruptcy - (boardgamewire.com)

That's £300 I'm not getting back.

 

"An ICV2 report from March 2018 quoted Ninja Division co-owner and creative director John Cadice as saying the company would no longer fund large projects on Kickstarter, citing ‚Äútoxicity‚ÄĚ from users on the platform."

No shit, you dragged your heels and swindled a shitload of people

Edited by EEVILMURRAY

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Isn't that one of the risks of Kickstarter though, that you might not get anything for your investment? I don't know what the terms are like when you back something though.


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18 hours ago, bob said:

Isn't that one of the risks of Kickstarter though, that you might not get anything for your investment? I don't know what the terms are like when you back something though.

It is one of the risks yes, but this was handled in a shitty way. After the pledge they started adding stuff that wasn't mentioned initially, one of the things involving pets which then became its own game to go with it. I think there was another mode they decided to make too. Because of all this they decided to redo the rules for the game we were actually backing from scratch. We weren't interested in all this random shit they were tacking on, you've got our money, just give us what we paid for. Then updates started having lore that started with lines with "lots of people have been asking us about the ice tribe of frozen peak...", when literally no one has been asking for this, the question was "where's my shit?". They really hung their hat on the bloke having heart problems, as if it were a one man project, which I don't think is fair to the guy at all.

This was a slow torture which sadly had only one outcome, but I kept holding out hope. But they wonder why things got "toxic" to them online.

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Ae, shit. A friend of my wife was diagnosed with cancer in the colon three years ago. She was treated and healed but suddenly it has reappeared. In the brain. There is no treatment, and she has about 6 to 10 months left. She's 37-38 and has two children, 6 and 3 years old. Life is really cruel. 

I know her a little but she is mostly my wife's friend, but it's hard to see my wife so understandably sad. She's collecting stuff now to make a gift basket with all kinds of good stuff but there is really nothing you can give or do that numbs the pain, I guess. 

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That's terrible, cancer is an unbelievably cruel thing. I'm sure your wifes support of her friend, and in-turn your support for your wife, is the best kind of gift you can give. 

 

 

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Posted (edited)
On 09/03/2024 at 11:05 PM, Josh64 said:

[blah blah blah] so I will look at ringing the doctors on Monday for an appointment. I'm not sure what I will say, but I feel like I need to talk to them as things are definitely getting worse,

So this spiralled unbelievably out of control. 

I called the doctors the other day, explained that I have tunnel vision and worsening anxiety, and that I believe it's a mental health issue but don't know for certain so would like to discuss it with a doctor either over the phone or in person. They said there are no appointments left for today, which I said is totally understandable, and it's not something I need right away as I have dealt with it for a long time, if they could just book me in for a few weeks time, or even a few months time, that's fine, but they said that's not possible, and the only way to get an appointment was to call every day at 8am and try to get one on the day. 

A few days now I have tried that but with no luck, so today I decided to try 111, I thought it's a non-emergency and they might be able to just give me advice over the phone. I explained my symptoms, just saying that my tunnel vision is getting much worse whenever I leave the house, then she started asking questions, a lot of which started to point towards mental health.

I have had mental health issues and counselling before, and I'm used to being open with my therapists after years of keeping things bottled up, so when asked if I'm suicidal I said "no", but then she asked if I ever had suicidal thoughts, and I said yes, I have suicidal ideation, to which she had a clear tonal shift and said she needs to get in touch with the mental health crisis line and is about to put me on hold, so I stopped her and said "I have suicidal ideation, I have for years, it comes and goes, I know how to cope with it and would never actually do anything, it's intrusive thoughts kind of thing, can flare up when my anxiety is worse", anyway she goes on to put me on hold for 20 minutes, she comes back on the phone and says I need to go to A&E, am I able to get there, and do I think I will harm myself or anyone else on my way there, do I need transport there, and that I need to get there within 4 hours. I again try to explain my situation a bit better, but alas, I go to A&E. 

I go to A&E and wait for about 3 hours after signing in, and man, if I wasn't sure how to explain my anxiety symptoms, that was the perfect place to put me to make literally all of them flare up to 100% lol, it was super full, screaming adults, screaming kids (obviously no judgement there, just explaining the surroundings) and considering I get anxiety in general public places, somewhere as frantic as that is obviously going to make them worse, and I'm stood basically in the middle of the room as there's nowhere to sit and people leaning on the walls.

I'm spiralling in my head a bit at this point, worried about whether they think I'm suicidal and they won't let me leave. I google various things (the number 1 thing not to do in panic mode lol) about what would happen if I left A&E before being seen if it's for a mental health issue (as my anxiety was FULL ON at this point and I just wanted to be alone), , to which I see things that say the police might come to the house and take you back, and other things about going to A&E, having a psychiatric assessment and being kept in some ward. I realise I'm spiralling and put my phone on airplane mode and just read the subtitles that are on the TV, which happens to be Dragons Den (that show is on a real decline, man).

I get called into triage and am finally able to explain the whole situation a lot better. The triage person there said she thinks it's a mental health issue, as if it was a physical sight condition my optician would have picked up on it. It's not something A&E can deal with, but she also can see it's not any immediate danger and I'm clearly just having a worse time than usual, and that I should get in touch with my doctors and "demand to have an appointment booked in for a few weeks time". I then explained what had happened when trying to do that previously and she said that I must insist that I get an appointment and that they will eventually cave. 

Anyway, they said I'm fine to go home and to book the appointment when I can, so thankfully I only ended up spending 3/4 hours there. I'm home now and just relieved to be sat here on my laptop lol. I will follow their advice and get an appointment booked in, and in the meantime just try to relax for a bit and not inadvertently get myself fucking sectioned or something. It's getting myself into situations like this which is WHY I go so long not asking for help, I feel like I can't explain myself to people properly without me downplaying it and getting totally dismissed or not explaining it well and having it blown out of proportion. 

I'm just glad I got a taxi there and didn't tell anyone at the time, so I haven't had to cause any drama with friends or family over what ended up being nothing. But yeah, instead of getting help for my mental health from 111 today I basically got given a fucking anxiety endurance test lol. 

Edited by Josh64
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On 14/03/2024 at 11:02 PM, Josh64 said:

So this spiralled unbelievably out of control. 

I called the doctors the other day, explained that I have tunnel vision and worsening anxiety, and that I believe it's a mental health issue but don't know for certain so would like to discuss it with a doctor either over the phone or in person. They said there are no appointments left for today, which I said is totally understandable, and it's not something I need right away as I have dealt with it for a long time, if they could just book me in for a few weeks time, or even a few months time, that's fine, but they said that's not possible, and the only way to get an appointment was to call every day at 8am and try to get one on the day. 

A few days now I have tried that but with no luck, so today I decided to try 111, I thought it's a non-emergency and they might be able to just give me advice over the phone. I explained my symptoms, just saying that my tunnel vision is getting much worse whenever I leave the house, then she started asking questions, a lot of which started to point towards mental health.

I have had mental health issues and counselling before, and I'm used to being open with my therapists after years of keeping things bottled up, so when asked if I'm suicidal I said "no", but then she asked if I ever had suicidal thoughts, and I said yes, I have suicidal ideation, to which she had a clear tonal shift and said she needs to get in touch with the mental health crisis line and is about to put me on hold, so I stopped her and said "I have suicidal ideation, I have for years, it comes and goes, I know how to cope with it and would never actually do anything, it's intrusive thoughts kind of thing, can flare up when my anxiety is worse", anyway she goes on to put me on hold for 20 minutes, she comes back on the phone and says I need to go to A&E, am I able to get there, and do I think I will harm myself or anyone else on my way there, do I need transport there, and that I need to get there within 4 hours. I again try to explain my situation a bit better, but alas, I go to A&E. 

I go to A&E and wait for about 3 hours after signing in, and man, if I wasn't sure how to explain my anxiety symptoms, that was the perfect place to put me to make literally all of them flare up to 100% lol, it was super full, screaming adults, screaming kids (obviously no judgement there, just explaining the surroundings) and considering I get anxiety in general public places, somewhere as frantic as that is obviously going to make them worse, and I'm stood basically in the middle of the room as there's nowhere to sit and people leaning on the walls.

I'm spiralling in my head a bit at this point, worried about whether they think I'm suicidal and they won't let me leave. I google various things (the number 1 thing not to do in panic mode lol) about what would happen if I left A&E before being seen if it's for a mental health issue (as my anxiety was FULL ON at this point and I just wanted to be alone), , to which I see things that say the police might come to the house and take you back, and other things about going to A&E, having a psychiatric assessment and being kept in some ward. I realise I'm spiralling and put my phone on airplane mode and just read the subtitles that are on the TV, which happens to be Dragons Den (that show is on a real decline, man).

I get called into triage and am finally able to explain the whole situation a lot better. The triage person there said she thinks it's a mental health issue, as if it was a physical sight condition my optician would have picked up on it. It's not something A&E can deal with, but she also can see it's not any immediate danger and I'm clearly just having a worse time than usual, and that I should get in touch with my doctors and "demand to have an appointment booked in for a few weeks time". I then explained what had happened when trying to do that previously and she said that I must insist that I get an appointment and that they will eventually cave. 

Anyway, they said I'm fine to go home and to book the appointment when I can, so thankfully I only ended up spending 3/4 hours there. I'm home now and just relieved to be sat here on my laptop lol. I will follow their advice and get an appointment booked in, and in the meantime just try to relax for a bit and not inadvertently get myself fucking sectioned or something. It's getting myself into situations like this which is WHY I go so long not asking for help, I feel like I can't explain myself to people properly without me downplaying it and getting totally dismissed or not explaining it well and having it blown out of proportion. 

I'm just glad I got a taxi there and didn't tell anyone at the time, so I haven't had to cause any drama with friends or family over what ended up being nothing. But yeah, instead of getting help for my mental health from 111 today I basically got given a fucking anxiety endurance test lol. 

It's better to say something than suffer in silence though, dude. I feel you, mate. If you did want a bit of a chat or something, I'm here. I have Discord now as well and know a bit better on how to work it than I did before, haha.

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26 minutes ago, Beast said:

It's better to say something than suffer in silence though, dude. I feel you, mate. If you did want a bit of a chat or something, I'm here. I have Discord now as well and know a bit better on how to work it than I did before, haha.

Thanks, dance fiend! I have discord too and still begrudgingly use it, but also find it confusing lol. Bring back MSN I say! 

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I used to have anxiaty all the time. I still do to be honnest. Had a full blown panic attack on a plane mid flight to Las Vegas in 2018, that was a bit embarrassing. Nothing to trigger it either, was just sitting there, all of a sudden i think i'm gonna have some sort of heart attack. What made it worse was i was on a freaking plane so i was pretty much trapped there, which worsened my anxiaty.

Used to take diazepam for it, wish i still had those pills. Would knock the shit out of you. Like, can't walk relaxed, think it cuts off a chemical to the brain and relaxes the muscles or something because i couldn't walk straight half an hour after taking one those pills. Addictive though so they really had to pull me off of them.

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1 minute ago, martinist said:

I used to have anxiaty all the time. I still do to be honnest. Had a full blown panic attack on a plane mid flight to Las Vegas in 2018, that was a bit embarrassing. Nothing to trigger it either, was just sitting there, all of a sudden i think i'm gonna have some sort of heart attack. What made it worse was i was on a freaking plane so i was pretty much trapped there, which worsened my anxiaty.

Used to take diazepam for it, wish i still had those pills. Would knock the shit out of you. Like, can't walk relaxed, think it cuts off a chemical to the brain and relaxes the muscles or something because i couldn't walk straight half an hour after taking one those pills. Addictive though so they really had to pull me off of them.

I can't think of a worse place for it to happen! And yeah they can often come from nowhere, which can be hard to make sense of. 

Hopefully you were able to enjoy Las Vegas afterwards!

I haven't had diazepam for it, it's not something they've suggested to me before, but considering it's addictive as you say, I won't even try it if I get the chance lol. I know myself enough now to realise I have a tendency to get hooked on things (which may indeed be an issue if/when I ever plan to come off my anti-depressants but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it) 

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Dealing a lot with anxiety attacks recently, too. Though probably not as severe as what's been posted here by others.
I know the reason(s?), but I can't change it. I struggle to deal with it, though. Don't know how to start. I usually just smoke some CBD and that calms me a bit.

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I think my graphics card is dying and they're so obscenely expensive now.

 

My current one is an AMD Radeon RX 570 8GB so even something like that but cheap would be good.

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