flameboy Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Ok so two of best friends who I worked with at WHSmith years ago invited me to a pub quiz. So I said yes and thought it would be ace. I invited the girl I went travelling with. Who whilst I am only friends with her, I do really like her and something may yet happen one day. Who knows? Been texting my friend who is going and mentioned I'd invited my travel buddy and said thats great but Phillippa's been invited. My ex-girlfriend of 3 1/2 years who I split up with in Febuary, now we've still kinda kept in touch and are sort of friends. Shes made no secret of the fact that she loves me and wants us to get back together (turns out she met up with my step sister and a few friends in the hols) which isn't going to happen as I like this other girl. So its hard enough spending time with her and is a constant quandry as I think I shouldn't see her but also don't want to upset her by just saying no. I'm just a bit mythed, its not like the friends are mutual friends, I've been friends with them for nearly 10 years and when I text to say didnt realise she'd been invited they just text back saying didn't think it would be a problem. Do I have a right to be a bit annoyed? Also what the hell do I do? The girl I've invited was just on facebook and said she was really looking forward to it so any hope of saying perhaps lets do it another night was shot of the window? So what do I do? I've got no real right to tell my ex that she can't go out where she likes and likewise I can't just tell this other girl she can't come. But I don't wanna waltz in with this other girl and hurt my ex or make other girl feel she is being used as some kind of pawn... Fucking woman trouble, thought I'd left this all behind when I dumped my girlfriend and went through all that shit seeing that mental psycho liar girl afterwards.
Daft Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Bring your lady friend. Your ex sounds like she needs to move on. Help her out.
Ashley Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 What Daft said. You obviously like the new girl, as a friend or 'more' whereas I'm guessing you're just friendly toward the ex and while you don't hate her or anything you'd rather spend it with your backpacking buddy. Maybe just mention before to your new friend that your ex will be there and your friends invited them and see if she's okay with that.
Retro_Link Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Yeah I think you're making too bigger deal of this. Your ex has every right to go, so she should do if she's been invited. Just like you have every right to move on with your life, so yes bring your new girl along because it's important you start doing things with her to see if it has potential and to let her meet your friends etc... Hopefully you turning up with someone new will also help the ex get over things, which it sounds like you want her/she needs to do.
Wesley Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Who cares about the ex, stop being so Damn nice! But in the interest of your new lady friend, why not make sure plans are made for something else. So she will definitely know she isn't just being used on this occasion. Even make it something for just the two, like a movie. Then she'll be all, "Oh, his ex is here, she looks like a skank. Clearly I'm not being used though, because I'm off out tomorrow to the pictures. Damn that girl is skanky." Or something. I dunno how her mind works.
Iun Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Take a chainsaw. Start it up and throw it between them. Tell them the one who wins gets a crack at your manhood.
Jim Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Bring the new girl along, but ignore the ex as much as possible. Does the new girl know she's ur ex? =/
Jon Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Bring the new girl but explain to her your ex will be there and that she still likes you but you don't like her (in that way). Simple.
flameboy Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 Bring your lady friend. Your ex sounds like she needs to move on. Help her out. What Daft said. You obviously like the new girl, as a friend or 'more' whereas I'm guessing you're just friendly toward the ex and while you don't hate her or anything you'd rather spend it with your backpacking buddy. Maybe just mention before to your new friend that your ex will be there and your friends invited them and see if she's okay with that. Yeah I think you're making too bigger deal of this. Your ex has every right to go, so she should do if she's been invited. Just like you have every right to move on with your life, so yes bring your new girl along because it's important you start doing things with her to see if it has potential and to let her meet your friends etc... Hopefully you turning up with someone new will also help the ex get over things, which it sounds like you want her/she needs to do. All good advice, but more than anything I will just feel uncomfortable I think. Bring the new girl along, but ignore the ex as much as possible. Does the new girl know she's ur ex? =/ Nah, I don't think shes seen her ever but she knows I have an ex..
Raining_again Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Just explain to the new girl that the ex may make things uncomfortable, but you had no intentions of causing it, and that you didn't expect her to be invited. That way you don't have to open yourself up to her yet, but let her know that the ex may cause trouble =P
EEVILMURRAY Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 All good advice, but more than anything I will just feel uncomfortable I think. Sounds like you're going to be more uncomfortable about it than your ex will. As Retro said you are making a mountain out of a molehill, you sure there aren't any residual feelings?
flameboy Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 Sounds like you're going to be more uncomfortable about it than your ex will. As Retro said you are making a mountain out of a molehill, you sure there aren't any residual feelings? Not in the sense that I still like my ex no, but residual feelings that I feel sorry for her. She moved from Newcastle to Harrogate to be with me and is currently doing her nurses training and lives in a flat on her own. Its kinda sorted itself in one way, I stopped by my ex's on the way home from town earlier and asked if she was going as soon as I said I was to she said she wudn't go. I in the end didn't even have to tell her about the other girl going. One thing that does wrangle a bit was she mentioned she'd see my friends a few times whilst I was away in South Africa and they didn't think to mention it. They said they'd bumped into when I was away and popped to her flat. Turns out shes also met some other friends of mine. I just don't get why friends I've known for years and years way before my ex would be like this.
MoogleViper Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 One thing that does wrangle a bit was she mentioned she'd see my friends a few times whilst I was away in South Africa and they didn't think to mention it. They said they'd bumped into when I was away and popped to her flat. Turns out shes also met some other friends of mine. I just don't get why friends I've known for years and years way before my ex would be like this. Yeah but look at it from her point of view. She's moved away from her home so she probably doesn't have many of her own friends.
EEVILMURRAY Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 One thing that does wrangle a bit was she mentioned she'd see my friends a few times whilst I was away in South Africa and they didn't think to mention it. Were you miffed they didn't tell you how many times they watched Trisha as well? C'mon man, it's not really your business which other people your friends hang out with, even if you know them too.
flameboy Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 Yeah but look at it from her point of view. She's moved away from her home so she probably doesn't have many of her own friends. I know which is why I did say before I do feel sorry for her. I mean she still sees my stepsisters all the time and such like which is ok. She was even round my house when I was away, but at least they've told me...I feel I've been more than accomodating to this problem shes faced with. I dunno its just hard when your ex is still around. I mean last night my stepmum asked me if she ever thought we'd be at the point when we had a family meal if my ex would ever be able to come as she was still a family friend. I said no its fine if they want to see them but how can they reasonable expect me to be comfortable with her coming round for family meals? What happens when I get a new girlfriend, they either have to cut her off completely or she still keep coming which is just wierd. I dunno, I find it hard, I don't wanna upset anyone but I also have to think about myself its a tough balancing act.
MoogleViper Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 I know what you mean. When you split up with somebody you just want to cut them off completely but you can't do that. There isn't really anything that you can do just try to put up with it and not let it bother you.
Fused King Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Damn, you're blowing this way out of proportion. You could die tomorrow so, just take the gal and if problems occur; TALK! Talk from the heart.
flameboy Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 Well I'm taking the girl now and my ex isn't going. I know I'm likely making a mountain out of a mole hit but I'm just a natural worrier and can't really help it.
Kav Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Damn, you're blowing this way out of proportion. You could die tomorrow so, just take the gal and if problems occur; TALK! Talk from the heart. This is the best piece of advice I read on here. I'd have maybe first spoken to your ex and let her know you'd be bringing a girl so it's not a surprise to her when you turn up. Although as you say, it's sorted now anyhow!
Aimless Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Your ex is not just your ex, she's her own person. You were the one who invited her into your family and circle of friends, you can't expect everyone to blank her just because you're 'done with her', as it were. They aren't just your friends, they're her friends too now. Don't get me wrong, her still being around might not always make things that comfortable for you and I understand that. That's only as big an issue as you let it be, though. She can't force you to be her partner again, if she's a bitch about things then she risks losing her (your) friends, and frankly if a potential new girlfriend is put off because you share friendships with your ex I wouldn't exactly peg them as someone that will stand by you through thick and thin... Relationships aren't all about the good times, they also involve dealing with the fallout when things go wrong. Cutting someone out of your life isn't dealing, it's avoiding. So... suck it up, basically. That might not be the most sympathetic advice, but I'd like to think it's more helpful than pandering to your ego.
Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Well I'm taking the girl now and my ex isn't going. I know I'm likely making a mountain out of a mole hit but I'm just a natural worrier and can't really help it. Dunno if you did anything or if it just never turned out to be an issue, but I wanted to give my 5 cents anyway. I think I'd be honest about the situation. Tell them how things stand and work it from there. If they're decent people, they'll understand.
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