Fierce_LiNk Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I love fairly long stories that have no point, and I've been in the mood for thread creating again, and this was something that I thought might make someone smile. There I was, sitting in my living room, when my housemate comes in from Sainsburys. Today, she has bought a coconut. A coconut: Definition: A hard...thing with such a tasty meat middddle. The dangers: If a coconut hits you on the head, the chances are you will die, if it is done correctly. If not, then you've...got an unusually protected head. So, in she comes, looking excited...and then it turned into puzzlement. - Note: Not my actual housemate. She turns to me and says...Jim, I need your help. I don't know how to get into this coconut. Thankfully, she came to me, as I know a thing or two about penetration, and I've certainly cracked some tough nuts before...scrap that last bit. We take it into the kitchen, looking for a hammer. We do not find a hammer. Instead, we look for a screw-driver. We head downstairs into her room (yes, the men of the house do not keep screwdrivers. What a crazy world) and we find her little set, which was bright pink and the smallest set of screwdrivers I've ever seen. Kinda like this: After an age, we burrow through it, and she uses a combination of screw-drivers and anything long and thin that she can find. (shut up). Eventually, the coconut is penetrated! But wait... The milk isn't coming out... So we have to burrow into the other two holes as well. Eventually, a tiny bit of milk does come out...ever so slowly. And it tasted horrible, nothing like I was imaging. Le Sigh. Then, here comes the trouble. We need to break into it. Find us the hammer. Wait, we don't have a hammer. Jesus Fuck! I look on the internet about the best way to break into a coconut. They all mention hammers. We do not own a hammer! In desperation, we search the cupboards and drawers, and try breaking into it any way that we can. We smashed it with a rolling pin. No Effect. What the hell. We tried cutting it with a stupidly big knife. It blunted the knife. Holy hell. We tried banging it against the wall. Nothing. Then, yours truly comes up with a great idea. We'll drop it from my bedroom, which is the third floor, and into the garden. My housemate, the owner of the coconut has her room next to the garden, so she could just...go get it when its broken. I venture upstairs, and she ventures downstairs. I look out the window, coconut in hand, and she screams "Jim, don't throw it yet! You'll kill me!" So, I waited, and I threw it down... And ta-daa: It was a surprisingly even break, with only a tiny bit of it breaking off and flying off somewhere. So, we took it inside, and it tasted oh-so-good. Now, this is a pretty long and almost pointless post. But, to me, this is a good story. The task itself seems simple: You have an object, but you can't get inside it, or break it. This task probably took us the best part of an hour. And, it was as simple as throwing it out of the window and onto the ground, but it didn't seem that simple. Two questions to you all. 1. Do you like coconuts, and is the story somewhat familiar to you? and Deux: Can you think of a story similar to this, where you needed to do something that seemed easy, but turned out to be quite a task? Much love for reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaggle64 Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I can remember watching my dad spend a small age trying to bust into one of these bitches. He'd go through the entire toolbox and every profanity that could be mustered before we were finally rewarded with the small amount of milk and soft meat within. Good times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eenuh Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I honestly hate the taste and smell of coconut. >.<; Though as a kid I enjoyed using them to recreate the sound of horse hooves by clapping them against each other or on the floor. Yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dwarf Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Coconut is the bane of my life. Bounties are disgusting, on it's own even worse. The smell is also sickening. The stuff they put on the nan/curry bread is tolerable though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Letty Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 My family always smashed it on the path outside our house! Once I edited the wikipedia entry about coconuts to say; 'Coconuts are bear's eggs.' And thats al I have to say on the matter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jav_NE Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Bounty's are amazing! One of the best choccies. Coconut milk is also win. I've only ever had a coconut from a shy at a fair ground. Always good fun to win one and try to smash the sucker open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mundi Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I have always wanted to do that, split a coconut in two and see if that horse think from "Monty Python and the holy grail thing works" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aimless Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I can tolerate coconut when suitably hidden — it can work in curry dishes — but otherwise it's like eating flecks of scented soap. Not a fan. The man-made equivalent to the coconut is of course the heat sealed blister pack. As gamers I'm sure a lot of you will be familiar with this particular evil, its use very common for console accessories and peripherals. They often take upwards of 10 minutes to open even with a sharp knife, and my blood has been spilt by their lethally sharp edges on more than one occasion! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EEVILMURRAY Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Bounty's are most pr0. HOWEVER I SEE ONE PLOT HOLE. The screwdriver image isn't loading up for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirkatronics Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I just crack them open with my bare (RAWR) hands. I really just throw them at the floor at an angle iwhich bounce into the wall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retro_Link Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 'Coconuts are bear's eggs.' And thats al I have to say on the matter! lol, that's awesome! Don't think I've ever had fresh coconut, should give it a go sometime! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirkatronics Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 lol, that's awesome! Don't think I've ever had fresh coconut, should give it a go sometime! Theyre cheap and quite a bit of fun actually. Theyre usually priced from 40-60 for a small one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris the great Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 rookie error. that wasnt a coconut, thats a bears egg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I have always wanted to do that, split a coconut in two and see if that horse think from "Monty Python and the holy grail thing works" You mean using them to make the sound of horse hooves? How can you never have done that? And yes it works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shorty Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Is a coconut a mortal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Is a coconut a mortal? Yes, as it's deadly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I tried and failed/successeeded at opening a coconut @ Aylesbury train station once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Platty Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 lol, you crack me up flinkington Buy a hammer! mind you dropping it out of the window is probably more fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fierce_LiNk Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 lol, you crack me up flinkington Buy a hammer! mind you dropping it out of the window is probably more fun! Miss you, Plattymon. Dropping it outta the window was really, really fun. Seeing it crack at the bottom, haha. The sound it made! I'm just lucky no-one was standing there. Otherwise, instant death. I'm pleased with all the coconut love. I've also never tried the Monty Python style banging of the coconuts to create hooves thing. Hmm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyson Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 That was awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Odwin Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 After reading Letty's post, last night I told my 2 yr old daughter that coconuts were bear eggs. Results: Confused child. Scowling wife. Amused father. In fact, coconuts are the devil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fierce_LiNk Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 After reading Letty's post, last night I told my 2 yr old daughter that coconuts were bear eggs.Results: Confused child. Scowling wife. Amused father. In fact, coconuts are the devil. Dude, I wish you could have youtubed a video of you telling your daughter that. I would happily have paid money to see that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Odwin Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Alas it was a spur of the moment kinda thing. The general evening conversation somehow got to cocunuts, I thought of this thread, I thought of bear eggs, the words were uttered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog-amoto Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Dude, I wish you could have youtubed a video of you telling your daughter that. I would happily have paid money to see that. Seriously, why am I the only one who films my life? I wish other people did it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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