Posted November 3, 2007 My oh my, hasn't it been a tough year? It's been one rollercoaster ride after the next. At some times, it seemed a bit too unbelieveable to be true, and at others, just downright unlucky. It's now November, a little over a month away from the downward spiral of when things started to go wrong this time last year. A lot has changed since then, not only the people I associate myself with, but my appreciation for the smaller things in life, the way I view people and how I view myself. My Haven Firstly, I'd like to thank you all for bearing with me on this one, especially with the staffers who have had to listen to me moan and ranting, especially at a time where I couldn't contribute as much as I wanted to to this place. My Haven. and Secondly, I'd like to say thank you all again for the support that you have all given me. All the little things like offering a shoulder to cry on or a place to pour your heart out can really mean a lot to someone, as I found out. What has been Looking back on it all, it seems like such a long time ago, but everything that has happened has happened in just the space of 12 months, if that, which makes it very difficult to believe that one person could have such an eventful year. Some of these things a person may never encounter in their lifetime. I've had some problems, and a bit too much going on. The first thing was the issues with my brother in December of last year. Then, within a few weeks, finding out that my then girlfriend of 3 years had cheated on me with someone else, just days before my birthday. Then, the hassle of carrying on life alone through a school placement, living alone, and finding a new place to live. Friends It has not been easy. Some days I wonder how I even got through. To carry on unmotivated, feeling helpless and outcast, I didn't see a way out. I mentioned in a previous thread that I used to watch the old Champions League Final between Manchester United and Bayern Munich clippings on Youtube. Some nights I'd watch it a dozen or so times, and each time it would raise my spirits somewhat. It felt helpless at times because I couldn't see how things could possibly get better, it was all lost. Then, in a chance encounter, I met up with a friend of a friend, who I had only met the one time. We met up for a drink, and then two of her other associates joined us, and we quickly formed a closely knit friendship group. They kept me going. I looked forward to getting off that train at 5 oclock to see them, to speak to them. This friendship group has saved my life. If it had not been for them, I would not have made it through. I have mentioned that to others, and they seem slightly baffled, but it is the God honest truth. Had it not been for these people, I would have spent every night in that flat alone, with nobody to talk to, with nothing to do except plan for tomorrow, and nothing to look forward to. With them, I knew there would be a tomorrow. At a time when my closest friends from home didn't seem to be there, I needed this. The Summer and The Present After placement, I found a job working in a call centre. I decided it was time for a change, and decided to put myself out there a lot more. I'd randomly talk to people at the coffee machines, on the way to desks, outside at cigarette breaks, or whenever we had a moment to spare. My phonebook doubled in size. I met some amazing people from there, and had one of the best summers of my life. It was alcohol fueled, there were a lot of sexual encounters, and nights where my housemates wouldn't see me for days. I fucking loved it. For those few weeks, I knew I was completely free to do what I wanted. I've never been one to 'pull' girls, but I somehow managed to do it on more than one occassion. It was all new to me, and I sat back and took it all in. I've always had girls as friends, but never really had much luck in the way of them. There were quite a few girls I managed to get chatting to, some more than just chatting, but there were also missed opportunities. The funny this is that you don't regret any of them, and telesales teaches you this. The way it works is that, in telesales, if you keep ringing enough people, eventually, if you keep pitching the product correctly, eventually you'll find your catch. The same works with women. You put yourself out there. There are plenty of girls, especially in Brighton, so one will stick. You just need to pitch yourself correctly. Which made me look at myself. All this playboy/manwhore type stuff isn't really me at all. I got a chance to sample all that, and as great as it was to kiss a different girl every few days, I'm definitely a one woman guy. I like having somewhere there to care about, and for them to care about me. "The greatest gift is to love and be loved in return." Over the past few months, I've developed quite a close bond with some of my new housemates. Last night, a few of us stayed up til about 4 in the morning just talking, and we were talking about the positives and negatives of each of us. My negative was that I say "are you ok?/alright?" too much. I'm over-caring. My positive, as some said, was that "I was caring and sensitive." One of my closest mates said I was the most selfless person they had ever met. I thought about that alot. In the past year, I think I've matured, and I've grown to appreciate things a lot more. Walking into the room and simply smiling and saying hello is alright, but you need to mean it. I look after other people, my friends, because in the same situation I would want them to look after me, as my friends took care of me and made sure I was ok when I was on a low. That has been the biggest change for me. I'm a lot more sociable and friendly than I ever was before. You never know who the next person to save your life could be. The Future I do not know. I'm a terrible planner, which may come as a bit of a shock to some of the staffers, especially as I came up with radical changes to the site a while back, in the planning stages. The thing is, when I plan, it never goes to plan. It's not the way it works for me. There's too many elements; Time, Effort, Input, and outside factors. That is the main problem. Things you cannot control. Usually it is the outside factors which are out of your control which means that your plan never works, no matter how much time or effort you put into it. So, what might these outside factors be? Fuck knows, it could be anything, to be honest. But, I've got some experience under my belt, and that makes me who I am. If the right person comes along, they are taking me as I am, and how I am right there and then. Not as the person I was six months ago. I work hard, doing a stupid amount of hours at work, whilst at uni the same time. It's a lot to readjust to, but I'm coping ok with it. The main thing is that I am ok financially, which means that I'm not struggling to survive til next week on pennies, I can live a little now. Which brings me on to the last thing. Living. A while ago it just seemed the easiest thing to just stop. Why not? There's no hassle, no worries, no pain. You don't get any of that. But, that is not why you're here. You're not put on this Earth to die, or worry, or feel pain. You're put here to Live. That is why it's important that you enjoy living...and that's what I'm trying to do. They used to call me "smiler" at that call centre, because I was always cheerful and trying to keep people happy. Some asked me how I could smile at such a dull job, and how I could smile after everything that had gone on. The answer is you just have to try. Its part of who I am now, and I've only just discovered that. Deep down, I'm a fighter, I always have been and always will be. I am certainly not graceful in losing, and will go to the bitter end. Games taught me that. 5-0 down in a game of footie to your brother, despite his arrogance or laughing as you lose, you keep playing until you that counter runs out. I have never been graceful, and have at times had stupid arguments with people over losing. I don't like it. Over the years I've got better and can control my temper (I get it from my Father), but the principle is the same. If you some of you remember a few years back when I didn't get into Brighton university, and the lengths I went to in order to get enrolled there, I didn't quit then, even though I knew it was unlikely they'd let me in. But I didn't quit, for the simple fact that it's just not something that I can do. And Finally... I've been away a while, so I don't know exactly what has/hasn't changed here. It doesn't matter to me. The essence will always be the same. This community has always been a caring one, and I don't think for a second that it will ever stop being one. I'd like to become part of that community again, if that would be ok. Thank you all very much for taking care of me in the past year, and thanks for your patience on this one. Today is my day. The new year starts here for me, and this is where I start again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Nice to see you again Flink, hope you stick around and enjoy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 So are we going to have that talk on msn or not flinky? :p Sierously though Im glad youve had a good summer and nice to see you back here Ive been asking for you to be reinstated as admin! lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Hey Flinky, we missed you around here. Honest to god people were saying we need you back only a couple weeks ago. And well done on getting yourself back on track. I know people who've fallen on hard times and never managed to get back on track. It's a testament to your strength you've managed to do so. Nice to have you back. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Hi there Flinky, nice to see you back. Congrats on getting through the past year or so. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Trust United to bring your spirits back eh. Good to see you back. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Its good to read something like that because it sounds like I'm sort of going through the same kind of thing you did and its really been playing on my mind recently...so much so I actually had a panic attack last week. I just have this general feeling of isolation and that I can't connect with anyone. I'm always upbeat when I'm around people, always nice, but as soon as no one is around my mood completely changes and I become depressed very quickly. Also, people who I was good friends with last year have drifted away which has made me upset. It hasn't helped that the work load this year is huge, mostly I've kept up with it but between that and applying to a university in Japan, exams coming up, being prepared financially and academically for next year, its just gotten a bit too much. I'm trying to be more adventurous, hopefully try and meet new people...I started this week by going to a Scottish country dancing class with a couple new people I met which was fun, so I hope to keep that up. Its a relief to hear that I'm not the only person who goes through stuff like this, because it feels like it, so cheers Flinky. Its nice to know when things look grim that there is a chance a lifeline will come along. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 It's great to hear you've found pleasure in life again Flinky. You've been through a lot the last year, yet you still managed to get back up, probably stronger than ever. =3 Great to have you back here; we've been missing you! =D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Yay! Does that mean you're staying? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 That was a great read. Glad to see you're back and happy again! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Flink there is only one phrase that suits this topic, "You the man!!". Great to see you've turned the year around and now enjoying yourself. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Good to see you back. Hopefully back to your rightful admin place again soon? A lot of us would like to see it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Trust me, the second he wants his position back, he'll get it. Flinky is one of my best friends on the staff, we used to talk a hell of alot on MSN and such. He's helped me through alot as well as had alot of influence on me over the years. I'm glad to see you back to your old self Flink You've been missed buddy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 I hope you haven't been screwing around with anyone I know back in brighton! :P Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 good to see you back man, sounds like a hectic year, also, this makes me want to read/watch Lord of the Rings Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 I knew most of what happened, but seeing it all stacked up like that. Jimmeny :/ At least you've come through it all though, and become a better person in spite of it all. Kudos to that. Great to see you back Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 As a response to the smiling. Smiling always helps, wether you're up or down, being able to honestly have a smile on your face makes you feel wonders better. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Flinky's back! Awesome to hear from you again. I'm sure it's safe to say everyone missed you. You were always so kind on here and friendly and it was a shame when everything happened to you. But it's in the past and it sounds like quite the year for you. I'm really glad your back, we love you! Smile and the world will smile back. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Fear can't kill you, but... Never gets old. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Welcome back! I think I speak for everyone here when I say you've been greatly missed. Oh, and if you end up as an admin again, then this place can only go up hill - I fondly remember the the Epic Thread's destruction, and the following smiting of wrong-doers. :awesome: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 Nice one Fierce, looks like you finally came through on top of things all right. Good to have you with us again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 3, 2007 *Offers a handshake* Welcome back, mate. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
