'Tales' your parents told you

[EEVILMURRAY]

I came across this just now on the look at my Yahoo news feed thingy:

http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/mum-diary--why-i-ve-told-my-toddler-there-are-fish-in-his-radiator-153433498.html

 

It got me thinking about when I have kids what "lies" I would use to explain things, and now trying to remember what Mummy and Daddy told me when I was younger.

 

Anyone got any memories? Or for those who have kids, what fibs have you used to explain things?

[Blade]

Do this or stop doing that otherwise Santa wont come

 

Is the biggest lie ever.

[Ashley]

Is it a lie? Technically Santa never came because he doesn't exist

[Rummy]

I swear this came up for some reason recently - possibly a conversation at work(ironically around kids and santa and stuff iirc). I was trying to think of some good lies my parents told, but haven't yet realised any - I think they generally didn't give a shit to justify themselves to us pesky kids!

 

A few I've heard of from elsewhere(think all from talk show phone ins);

-Someone telling their children that the ice cream van plays its song when it's run out of ice cream. Totally in that article.

-Someone telling their children the house alarm sensors are Santa's watchful eyes.

-Someone whose mum, for some reason, told her once off-handedly as a child that she was a nurse or something - she then spent her life into her adult years just sort of assuming that to actually be the case until she bothered to actually ask again or something that made it come up as an absolute lie.

Edited December 16, 2013 by Rummy

[nightwolf]

I don't actually recall any lies being told to me as a child.

 

My parents were pretty up front (as was my step-mother) when it came to things. Even things such as why my nana never visited.

 

I'm sure there were potentially lies like this, but they've never been spoken about and I just don't recall.

 

I see no harm in either side! The radiator is a cute thing to stop the kid being worried.

[Dog-amoto]

Happy Birthday @Tales

 

...oh wait...

[Beast]

When I started asking questions about Santa, my dad always had an answer. When we lived in a block of flats, I asked how he'd deliver the presents and eat the cookies since we had no chimney. He said that Santa had a skeleton master key which unlocked every single door in the whole world.

 

When we lived in another house, we had the alarm installed and I asked how would Santa get past the alarm if it was turned on. He said that he was a ninja and could move very quickly to the alarm box and turn it off. I asked how he'd know the code since we weren't allowed to tell nobody and he said "The only people who know the code are me, your mom and Santa".

[The Bard]

My parents used to tell me god exists. That one was a fucking riot.

[MoogleViper]

When I started asking questions about Santa, my dad always had an answer. When we lived in a block of flats, I asked how he'd deliver the presents and eat the cookies since we had no chimney. He said that Santa had a skeleton master key which unlocked every single door in the whole world.

 

When we lived in another house, we had the alarm installed and I asked how would Santa get past the alarm if it was turned on. He said that he was a ninja and could move very quickly to the alarm box and turn it off. I asked how he'd know the code since we weren't allowed to tell nobody and he said "The only people who know the code are me, your mom and Santa".

 

My 3 year old niece was over here (my parents house) a few days ago. She saw the presents under the tree and said, "Has Santa been to this house already?" The look of panic on my mum's face was great. Luckily my sister-in-law had already told my niece that Santa brings presents for children, but adults buy presents for each other.

[Beast]

My 3 year old niece was over here (my parents house) a few days ago. She saw the presents under the tree and said, "Has Santa been to this house already?" The look of panic on my mum's face was great. Luckily my sister-in-law had already told my niece that Santa brings presents for children, but adults buy presents for each other.

 

That's a pretty cool way of doing it. It's like she's telling her Santa isn't real when you're older but he is when you're young...

[EEVILMURRAY]

That's a pretty cool way of doing it. It's like she's telling her Santa isn't real when you're older but he is when you're young...

It's pretty much representative of everything as a kid. You get everything given, when you're an adult you gotta sort yourself out on your own.

[Diageo]

My mam told me if I bit my nails that a nail tree would grow in my stomach and burst out.

[The Peeps]

well that one's true

[EEVILMURRAY]

I must have a nail rainforest in my stomach.

[bob]

Who eats the nails one they've bitten them? Probably the same people who eat bogeys. Never understood that...

[EEVILMURRAY]

Depends on the size of the nail bitten. If I only get a little piece of nail I just grind it down.

[Diageo]

Who eats the nails one they've bitten them? Probably the same people who eat bogeys. Never understood that...

 

That's one of the main reasons why I didn't particularly care about that story, since I didn't ingest the nails.

 

I do however eat the skin around my fingers nowadays, which I think is tasty and satisfying.

[Iun]

That's one of the main reasons why I didn't particularly care about that story, since I didn't ingest the nails.

 

I do however eat the skin around my fingers nowadays, which I think is tasty and satisfying.

 

That's the sign of some anxiety disorder, can't remember which one though.

 

My parents also told me the one about the nails, which stopped me in pretty short order.

[Jonnas]

My cousins, whenever they felt that I was spending too much time playing their NES, they would say I needed to give it a rest because the console was "overheating" and it needed to cool off.

 

"But it doesn't feel hot when I put my hand on it..."

"The overheating happens on the inside"

"...Ok, then..."

 

I also remember someone telling me that one about the nails, but I called bullshit almost immediately: if the fruit seeds I swallow don't grow, how can anything else?

[Fierce_LiNk]

My mam told me if I bit my nails that a nail tree would grow in my stomach and burst out.

 

I was told something similar, but with apple seeds.

 

"If you eat apple seeds, then a tree will grow in your stomach."

"A big tree?"

"Yes."

"But, I'm only small...because I'm 7."

"I know."

Brb, avoiding the seeds like the mother fucking plague.

 

My sister once told me that eating boogies would give you lots of protein. I called bullshit on that. She wouldn't fool me there.

[Diageo]

Apple seeds contain a small amount of cyanide and if you eat enough you can die.

[M_rock]

My parents told me cows always have diarrhea

[Diageo]

That's the sign of some anxiety disorder, can't remember which one though.

 

My parents also told me the one about the nails, which stopped me in pretty short order.

 

Obsessive compulsive disorder.

[Jonnas]

Apple seeds contain a small amount of cyanide and if you eat enough you can die.

 

Only if you swallow, like, a mug filled with apple seeds all at once, though.

[Diageo]

Only if you swallow, like, a mug filled with apple seeds all at once, though.

 

Which would be considered "enough".