Friend Management.

[jayseven]

I've been, essentially, on 'holiday' for the last month. I've had about 8 days of non-contact with various friends across my hometown of Brighton, and tripped about a little bit to see friends and family as well.

 

Yet I've realised that, whilst developing a new line-up of "core" friends based here, I've had to neglect many previously-close friends for one reason or another. How am I supposed to find the time and/or money to keep in touch with everyone?

 

One potential option is to haphazardly converge all the social circles into one large, behemothic, polyconic sphere... However there are people that won't get on with other people for one reason or another, so it's not possible. I've still not tripped up north to collate another scattering of amigos yet, and I'm worried about how I can manage the time and resources to do so.

 

So how do you do it? How do you make sure you're keeping up to date with your nearest and dearest and your other isolated friends? I feel like I need to invest in a diary and schedule time to meet some friends, but I'm just too lazy to do it.

 

Do you have friends that you can't mix into your core group? Why not? Do you have friends you wish you saw more of but have a reason not to?

 

I just feel like I'm neglecting people, even though I'm seeing people nearly every day.

[Magnus]

I don't even like having N-E people, older online friends and the people I was friends with in real life a long time ago but who I'm now only Facebook friends with because they're mutual friends with my cousin and I don't want it to be a whole thing on Facebook together. Separate but equal! Actually, not even equal. Just separate.

 

In real life, I have no friends, so that's my recommendation. No friends, no hassle.

[Charlie]

I have a three main groups of friends.

 

1) My best friends from school, who I still go out with most weekends

2) 'Skiing' friends, guys I've been skiing with, also from school but different people from group 1.

3) Uni friends, 5 or 6 of us.

 

There are also two other guys I'm friends with who aren't in either group:

 

1) Jim

2) George

 

Group 1 always seem to take priority over all others as I've only got two nights at the weekend and I want to spend them with these guys because they're my best friends! I quite often go to the cinema with group 2 and there are parties and that back home I go to with these guys.

 

Group 3 make an effort to get together once a month. We're all in the same boat in that we have other friends. Making an effort one Friday a month is a good way to stay in touch and keep seeing each other.

 

As for Jim and George, I see these guys whenever I can. If it's going to the pub to watch the football on a Sunday afternoon or the occasional night out. They don't particularly fit in with my 'core' friend group as much either which can make things difficult.

 

I also suffer from the problem that not many live in Glasgow so it's difficult to meet up during the week, and in any case, I don't like going to the pub midweek.

[Aneres11]

I have 1 friend who is like, amaze. Ha. You may know him! @Mike1988uk

 

Known Mike since I was at school and we've always been great friends. We can go weeks without seeing each other but the minute we get together again we spend most of the time just chatting etc.

 

We always text though so we're never not in contact.

 

I then have mates from work who I spend a bit of time with. Like I'll go to their places or we'll go out for coffee or trips to the zoo (such a child!) etc.

That tends to happen more as it's easy to just sort something out when we're all together at work.

 

I also class my sisters as 'friends' and we spend a lot of time together, whether it be shopping trips, cinema, eating out, lunches etc. I probably spend more time with them than friends as we're all so close and get along so well.

It's not really a case of finding time for them either as we always have the time - if that makes any sense?!

 

So that's basically my friend group(s). Small and nicely formed haha.

I have to say I'm not one of these people with a shit load of mates and I quite like having a smaller group of people I can class as true friends who mean a lot to me.

[Beast]

Amen to that, @Magnus. You're probably joking but I'm not. In real-life, I only have a few real-life friends and I have a handful of mates as well who I don't consider friends. My true friends are online on the Xbox and we speak almost every single day. If we don't speak on the day, we text each other or Skype each other. It's been about three or four years so it's pretty cool how we've became something more than just random players on the Xbox. They live near or in Preston and I'm the only Brummie lad in our group. They're awesome. They've asked me to come and see them when I can and I will do once I save up some money.

 

I know this will sound cheesy but I think of you guys as my friends too. I've been coming here for years and I know I can say what I like and there'd be no judgment whatsoever. I usually don't care if there is and I'd just say what I like anyway but it's still nice to know there isn't.

 

I once thought about merging my real-life and online friends together and I did twice. One time was here but they got bored (I think) and the other time was on the Xbox. I did think it a mistake though since I fight a lot with a couple of my real-life friends (I mean as in very heated arguments) but ever since we started to talk again (I stopped speaking to them for months and they came to me and apologised, which I thought was cool), they've not fought with me at all but there's always that kind of thing in the back of my mind to not let my guard down. They don't really join anymore anyway so I'm a little happy about that.

 

If your friends are like mine, keep them separate. You'll get used to it once you start doing it. Sounds horrible, I know, but some things aren't meant to happen.

 

Here's my group of friends. I have:

The Xbox Group

Speak with these every single day. We always text and speak to each other whether one is on the Xbox or not. They also care. Like this morning, I got a text off one of them asking if I was okay because I've been ill and not been on the Xbox. Nice to know they care, haha.

 

Inbetweeners

I have three of these. Two of them made an account on here but they drifted away. One of them we did have bad arguments and we stopped talking for months but he apologised last month for it and we started speaking again. He's been alright since. I call them the Inbetweeners because even though we're friends, I've never fought or argued as much as I have with them. Don't get me wrong, they're nice people when they're nice but sometimes, you can feel on edge like if someone says the wrong thing, it will kick off. Other than that though, they're pretty cool and funny to be with.

 

My Best Friends

My best friend is a girl who I've known since primary school. She's awesome and we talk to each other every week. Her family say they think of me as part of their family, which is awesome. We have a laugh and there's never been a time where we've argued or fallen out, it's just been pure laughs. Another one is a lad who, again, I've known since school and has came out the closet and I was the first one to know (and then told me he had feelings for me...yeah, that conversation was awkward!) but then we just drifted apart but we've got back in touch and we've been speaking like it never happened. Last one is a girl and I've known her my whole life and she has also came out of the closet too and I was also the first one to know. We've not spoken as much as we used to but when we do talk, we talk for hours about what we've been up to and stuff so we have mega catch-ups.

 

I'm lucky to have these and they're all awesome in their own rights but I wouldn't merge them. Not only because they wouldn't really get along with each other but because of the risk of one of them falling out with the other and then it becoming awkward for me (which has happened before).

Edited January 24, 2013 by Animal

[bob]

I think i know how you feel. I have 5 or 6 groups of friends, with whom i act slightly differently. Because of this, i can't do a supermegazord type meet up because i will then not know how to act and ebnd up alienating one group or another, or i'm not sure how they'll get on etc.

 

Because they all live in different parts of the country, it's usually not a case of popping out to the pub to see them, and i usually have to plan a specific weekend to meet up with a certain group. And there definitely aren't enough weekends in the year.

 

Bleargh, i've been neglecting some of them for sure, and i wish i didn't, but what can you do?

[Tales]

I wish I had so many friends I could "manage" them. I have a bunch on friends(most of them are people that is better classified as "people I know") that I know from college, but that's pretty much it, I don't have any close or best friends from high school or home town that I could travel abroad with or simply go out on "the pub" or something or really any reason to travel back home besides family, though I wish I did.

Edited January 24, 2013 by Tales

[Murr]

I've got 3 groups of friends really.

 

Besties - 3 friends who i've been through thick and thin with, Had physical fights with and drunkenly made out with (yup), gone through so many major events in my life with them, and been involved in theirs. Too many good times, and many bad times too. But we've stuck together. Now 1 of them is married, one of them is getting married this year, another is planning to propose this year, and of course I'm getting married next year, so our years of freedom to do whatever we want is coming to an end, but we're still allways hanging out, going on holidays etc.

 

The Fun Guys - As mentioned above, the besties are settling(settled) down, And while I'm getting married next year myself, Heather and I still enjoy going our separate way's from time to time with friends and having a laugh with them. Point being I'm going to Butlins with the boys this year for no reason other than to go out drinking with the lads, the besties can't do this, but the fun guys can. They're all in relationships, and to be fair 2 of them are married, but they're in the same boat as me and Heather in that relationship / marriage, doesn't and shouldn't stop the fun. The girls from this fun guys group are going to Centreparcs, while they do this, the boys are staying at my house for a weekend of xbox and drinks. They're the guys that are settled down, but don't let it stop them have fun with their friends. Just this morning myself and 2 of the guys were talking about going to Dortmund for a weekend to watch Borussia Dortmund, and saying the girls can do what they want that weekend.

 

"Hey how's it going?" guys - The guys that I hung out with at school or college, but never really went out and socialised with them, however at any party we have, or group outing, or party we go to they'll be there, and you just end up talking for them for about half hour trading stories of what happened since the last time you saw them, you then say we should catch up more, but never do until the next party you see them. Everyone get's along, and consider each other friends, but just don't tend to go out of the way to meet up individually, always get invited to, or invite them to our parties.

 

That's about it.

[gaggle64]

I've only got @martinist really. He's my ideal friend though. He usually stays in the same place and when he doesn't you just have follow the trail of satisfyingly exhausted women he leaves behind.

[jayseven]

@Josh64 why did you delete your post?

 

I try to imagine the seating plan for a wedding. Many of the groups of friends would naturally be placed together, but the odd "Jim" or "George" would be difficult to fit!

[Guy]

One thing I'm guilty of with friends is not really making the effort these days. I've lost contact with so many cool people through neglect and laziness. One of my resolutions for 2013 is to try and make more of an effort to see and connect with people, both old friends and potentially new ones.

Edited January 24, 2013 by Guy

[bob]

Apparently at a wedding you're supposed to mix people up to get them chatting and meeting new people, but why would you want to split people up who already know each other and are going to have a fun time together? Never really made sense.

 

Weddings don't make sense.

[Charlie]

@Josh64 why did you delete your post?

 

I try to imagine the seating plan for a wedding. Many of the groups of friends would naturally be placed together, but the odd "Jim" or "George" would be difficult to fit!

 

No need to worry about a seating plan - it's not as if us guys will get a say in it anyway!

 

All I'm going to make sure in my future, hypothetical wedding is that my single boys get put next to single bridesmaids.

[Josh64]

@jayseven It was 3am and I felt like I was rambling on :p

[Cube]

It's easy. All my friends are here.

 

On a serious note, I only have a couple of friends who live near me. I grew in Wales and haven't seen all my friends from there in ages. My housemates from Sheffield are trying to arrange a time to meet up.

[Daft]

Facebook, Instagram, texting/WhatsApp. I've found it's easier to stay friends with a lot of people if you constantly bombard them with pointless messages, or as some like to call it "Banter".

[LegoMan1031]

I have 1 friend who is like, amaze. Ha. You may know him! @Mike1988uk

 

Known Mike since I was at school and we've always been great friends. We can go weeks without seeing each other but the minute we get together again we spend most of the time just chatting etc.

 

We always text though so we're never not in contact.

 

I'm feeling the love here baby.

 

It has to be what, almost 14 years we have known each other know? My word were getting old!!

 

But yes I echo what Aneres11 has said, when we catch up there never seems to be enough time to chat and get some gaming in! ha. He is still one of my closest friends and I do have another who is called Mike (not myself!) (also known since high school but a few years after Aneres11) and finally our resident @flameboy has become a great friend to me.

 

I never find enough time to visit everyone and the fact that I normally work shifts doesn't help! As flameboy is now in a different country our friendship has been restricted to facebook and messaging but we do plan to visit and the fact i'm invited to his wedding speaks volumes of friendship really (which started on here!!!)

 

I do socialise with people from work sometimes but that tended to be easier to a degree because we work the same shift pattern but now I have changed jobs it has made that a lot harder (I am actually meeting up with them for something to eat tonight funnily enough) as we will be in different shifts.

 

And I have other people that I speak to or play games with, namely from here, I have spoken with @Animal over xbox live several times and met up with others to chat and play games (tends to revolve around games! :p)

 

I don't really have any set system in place I just aim to visit my close friends mentioned regulary and others on a as and when if for a specific reason. For example, one friend from work I would go to metal concerts with, which @Aneres11 would rather kill himself before going to one of them! haha.

 

Oh and a final final point... relationships make it harder to see you friends! Haha. Just down to time really, not because they don't let u!

Edited January 24, 2013 by Mike1988uk
Added a paragraph

[Jimbob]

Regular friends

 

These are the ones i hang out with often, usually once or twice a week). And thats mostly in the pub, with occasions going into town or the cinema from time to time. This group has been shrinking, and it's basically down to 3 or 4. A few years ago, it was 8 or more.

 

Work friends

 

Self-explanitory really. These ones i only see at work and chat to from time to time. We do have nights out once a month or so, but it is hard as many are on different patterns. So some nights are more suitable than other nights for people. Again, this group has shrunk due to people leaving or just generally being dicks and not wanting to chat.

 

Facebook/Twitter friends

 

These ones are the ones i can only speak to via these means. Usually because they live so far away (a few live in the US, so hanging out is impossible at present). Socialising is tricky due to the time gaps, but we do leave messages often. Others have settled down with a family.

 

Gaming friends

 

Again, Xbox Live friends and/or 3DS friends. Socialising occurs in-games only.

 

And finally, there is another group. Which fits into Facebook/Twitter and Gaming groups. Which is

 

N-E Group

 

A group of friends living all over the EU/World. Chit-chatter is typically upon here, but has crossed over to Facebook/Twitter and Skype (well not yet)

[Emma]

@jayseven Any plans of visiting Sheffield?

 

.... But yeah, as long as you and your previously close friends are still willing to make the effort every now and again, it won't matter if you can't see them all the time.

 

One of my best friends from uni is coming up on Saturday for my birthday. I only saw her twice last year as she is also a busy teacher who lives 2 hours away, but I know we'll stay friends because we're both happy to make the effort. Plus we have a great time whenever we meet up .

However, one of my best friends from way back only lives about 20 minutes away and I find impossible to meet him because he's always 'busy' with his girlfriend. After about 6-7 invites I stopped bothering.

[Rummy]

I think you're just getting old, @jayseven :p I completely understand your sentiments, felt rather like that last year(and most likely will again come summer, where going out is more frequent). I've somewhat given up now though, my friends are getting older too, we've all sort of come to realise that we can't get together and jam as much as we used to, and I don't think anyone minds all that much.

[Serebii]

I really only have two groups of friends, four if I count you lot and my site chat/forums staff. Unfortunately, my social group has never been big due to me not exactly being able to be a social person (one friend of a friend called me boring because I struggle in social situations)

 

Bournemouth friends

Got a close group of 4 friends here, and we usually hang with extended groups of friends of the others at any point. We usually try to meet up at least once a week, but things sometimes don't go well and it can be two weeks. Got to know the four I'm close to through various friends I had back in the day, now I hang with them and have done for like 8 years

 

Portsmouth friends

I know these through my best friend, who was once just a random visitor on my chat. I frequently chatted with him in the chat and a friendship appeared. Now, we go out drinking in either town every couple of months. Got a good group of friends there, just rarely see them

[Magnus]

Amen to that, @Magnus. You're probably joking but I'm not.

Yeah, of course I was joking. Ahahaha.

 

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I know the feeling, jay, but I think I've come to the point where I've just stopped worrying and let it flow naturally, and it seems to be working out. I'm a bit of an introvert (No shit, Sherlock! :p) and so spend a lot of time on my own, so most of my contact with friends happens online, anyway (Facebook is golden in this regard) - hence why I also don't tend to distinguish between online and offline friends. For that reason I think if people depend heavily on frequent and physical contact with their friends, chances are we're probably unlikely to grow very close to begin with. That's not to say I don't love spending time with my friends, of course, and when we do hang out we almost always have a blast. I also never seem to have trouble clicking with people again even after long periods of not seeing them or even chatting, so I guess that's a good sign of the health of my relationships.

 

Also, I have so many friends from different places and contexts that I simply can't be bothered trying to draw lines and put them in boxes. I call pretty much all my acquaintances friends regardless of how close we are. Relationships are organic, and any attempt at sharply defining or putting labels on them just seems at best pointless, at worst inaccurate.

[jayseven]

@jayseven It was 3am and I felt like I was rambling on :p

Nyaaw! Rambling is where all the fun is at though. It didn't read bad or anything.

@jayseven Any plans of visiting Sheffield?

Yeah! ... Just need to make more concrete dates for it. It's been shifted back and back due to family things. Any day now I should be finding out a rough date for my return to Oz, which will allow me to set up dates for Sheff.

 

Two of my strongest friends live 30 mins away in opposite directions (they used to date then split too, so I can't just arrange for both of them to meet me here in the middle!), so I always feel like I've got to try and see them equally but it never works out that way.

 

I may go draw up a venn diagram of how my friends tesselate!

[Emma]

I may go draw up a venn diagram of how my friends tesselate!

 

I made something similar in my teens, except it showed who and slept with who. It was a very interesting and complex graph, some of my friends weren't as impressed.