Fused King Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 I'm even scared of typing it out of the fear that my girlfriend will somehow come across this thread. Basically, I've become a bit more intimate with the girl (hand-touching kind of contact in my room pretty much after midnight. Restraining myself not to go further) I got to know better and sort of have a crush on and even though we've both been very open about our feelings for eachother, we both know that we have relationships with someone else. The thing is that the relationships we have are making us unhappy in certain ways. She barely sees the guy she's with, but loves him when they're together, though she also thinks of me when they're together. The feelings I have for my girlfriend are diminishing, but we just came out of a really troubling period so I am willing to see if my feelings for her might come back. Add to that that we've made plans and booked a plane for Japan to go together. I feel like that will be a test for our relationship, see if there might be a spark, something that reinvigorates my love for her. So even though we both (me and my crush) want to go on with our relationships to see if things will change/work out, we also have feelings for eachother and I am unsure as to where this will lead us. I now even feel that I have to be the one to protect her from herself, because once the physical touch kicked-in I sensed that she wouldn't have minded it if it went even further than that. Another thing is that my crush knows my girlfriend, they're not friends but we sometimes hang out together and my girlfriend wants to get better acquinted with a friend of my crush, so shit is intertwining. I'm telling you guys, I thought that after the kind of physical-touch night I sort of had things under control more, but now that I think about it I don't know what to do. I kind of, sort of, not really but still quite, feel guilty that I had an intimate moment with my crush, but at the same time it also felt really good too. Love, relationships, sex. I am unsure what it all means to me at the moment, and even though I see myself ending my current relationship after Japan (which would be somewhere in August) I also don't see myself throwing myself towards my crush. Time will tell, but my feelings pull me right back in the now, and right now I just want to be with my crush, but the guilt, and the secrecy, and ooooohhhh, terrible. I just hope I can keep it all a secret for a few months and maybe keep my distance to get back in touch with my girlfriend.
gaggle64 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 This seems like the sort of issue that begs a simple question with a tough answer: Which relationship do you want?
Ramar Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 I am no longer single. About 4 weeks ago I went to a friends engagement party and caught up with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. We spent the night chatting, she spilt her drink down me... A date, a few group outings and a couple of drunken walks home from the pub later, I've managed not to scare her off.
The Bard Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 That takes the biscuit, the cake and pretty much the entire bakery for the world's most sober description of one's own love life
Charlie Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 I am no longer single. About 4 weeks ago I went to a friends engagement party and caught up with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. We spent the night chatting, she spilt her drink down me... A date, a few group outings and a couple of drunken walks home from the pub later, I've managed not to scare her off. So it was a new girlfriend rather than Arsenal's diminishing title hopes that have made you less active a month or so ago. Congrats!
Goron_3 Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 I'm even scared of typing it out of the fear that my girlfriend will somehow come across this thread. Basically, I've become a bit more intimate with the girl (hand-touching kind of contact in my room pretty much after midnight. Restraining myself not to go further) I got to know better and sort of have a crush on and even though we've both been very open about our feelings for eachother, we both know that we have relationships with someone else. The thing is that the relationships we have are making us unhappy in certain ways. She barely sees the guy she's with, but loves him when they're together, though she also thinks of me when they're together. The feelings I have for my girlfriend are diminishing, but we just came out of a really troubling period so I am willing to see if my feelings for her might come back. Add to that that we've made plans and booked a plane for Japan to go together. I feel like that will be a test for our relationship, see if there might be a spark, something that reinvigorates my love for her. So even though we both (me and my crush) want to go on with our relationships to see if things will change/work out, we also have feelings for eachother and I am unsure as to where this will lead us. I now even feel that I have to be the one to protect her from herself, because once the physical touch kicked-in I sensed that she wouldn't have minded it if it went even further than that. Another thing is that my crush knows my girlfriend, they're not friends but we sometimes hang out together and my girlfriend wants to get better acquinted with a friend of my crush, so shit is intertwining. I'm telling you guys, I thought that after the kind of physical-touch night I sort of had things under control more, but now that I think about it I don't know what to do. I kind of, sort of, not really but still quite, feel guilty that I had an intimate moment with my crush, but at the same time it also felt really good too. Love, relationships, sex. I am unsure what it all means to me at the moment, and even though I see myself ending my current relationship after Japan (which would be somewhere in August) I also don't see myself throwing myself towards my crush. Time will tell, but my feelings pull me right back in the now, and right now I just want to be with my crush, but the guilt, and the secrecy, and ooooohhhh, terrible. I just hope I can keep it all a secret for a few months and maybe keep my distance to get back in touch with my girlfriend. What type of relationship do you want, with either girl? I also think it's a bad idea to think 'We'll break up after Japan'; why did you book a holiday with her if it's near the end? Also, this whole 'restraining yourself for going further'...That's basically code for 'I had a wank as soon as she left'
Ramar Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 So it was a new girlfriend rather than Arsenal's diminishing title hopes that have made you less active a month or so ago. Congrats! Haha! Exactly that, cheers.
Ashley Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 I'm even scared of typing it out of the fear that my girlfriend will somehow come across this thread. Basically, I've become a bit more intimate with the girl (hand-touching kind of contact in my room pretty much after midnight. Restraining myself not to go further) I got to know better and sort of have a crush on and even though we've both been very open about our feelings for eachother, we both know that we have relationships with someone else. The thing is that the relationships we have are making us unhappy in certain ways. She barely sees the guy she's with, but loves him when they're together, though she also thinks of me when they're together. The feelings I have for my girlfriend are diminishing, but we just came out of a really troubling period so I am willing to see if my feelings for her might come back. Add to that that we've made plans and booked a plane for Japan to go together. I feel like that will be a test for our relationship, see if there might be a spark, something that reinvigorates my love for her. So even though we both (me and my crush) want to go on with our relationships to see if things will change/work out, we also have feelings for eachother and I am unsure as to where this will lead us. I now even feel that I have to be the one to protect her from herself, because once the physical touch kicked-in I sensed that she wouldn't have minded it if it went even further than that. Another thing is that my crush knows my girlfriend, they're not friends but we sometimes hang out together and my girlfriend wants to get better acquinted with a friend of my crush, so shit is intertwining. I'm telling you guys, I thought that after the kind of physical-touch night I sort of had things under control more, but now that I think about it I don't know what to do. I kind of, sort of, not really but still quite, feel guilty that I had an intimate moment with my crush, but at the same time it also felt really good too. Love, relationships, sex. I am unsure what it all means to me at the moment, and even though I see myself ending my current relationship after Japan (which would be somewhere in August) I also don't see myself throwing myself towards my crush. Time will tell, but my feelings pull me right back in the now, and right now I just want to be with my crush, but the guilt, and the secrecy, and ooooohhhh, terrible. I just hope I can keep it all a secret for a few months and maybe keep my distance to get back in touch with my girlfriend. This seems like the sort of issue that begs a simple question with a tough answer: Paper Mario anyone?
Rummy Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 ... I just hope I can keep it all a secret for a few months and maybe keep my distance to get back in touch with my girlfriend. My personal advice is definitely keep your distance, because if you don't you will be tempted - and you're potentially going to hurt at least 1-3 people. I do agree the whole 'going to break up in august/after japan' mentality is bad but I see where you're coming from with it. Try not to think of it like that though, think of it as a period over which to give it your all. The grass is always greener on the other side, especially in the youth of a new romance - you and crush could last a month realise you hate each other, wish you'd never left each of your respective partners, and become completely embittered both with each other, yourselves, and general life as a result - wishing you had back what you had before but standing little to no chance of it. I have, of course, taken an extreme - but how much have you thought about if the new thing doesn't work out(not a good enough reason to stick with the current thing if that isn't working out either, mind).
Fused King Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 (edited) My personal advice is definitely keep your distance, because if you don't you will be tempted - and you're potentially going to hurt at least 1-3 people. I do agree the whole 'going to break up in august/after japan' mentality is bad but I see where you're coming from with it. Try not to think of it like that though, think of it as a period over which to give it your all. The grass is always greener on the other side, especially in the youth of a new romance - you and crush could last a month realise you hate each other, wish you'd never left each of your respective partners, and become completely embittered both with each other, yourselves, and general life as a result - wishing you had back what you had before but standing little to no chance of it. I have, of course, taken an extreme - but how much have you thought about if the new thing doesn't work out(not a good enough reason to stick with the current thing if that isn't working out either, mind). I am still looking positive towards the relationship I have with my girlfriend, and I really want to go to Japan with her. It's just that there is also this feeling that I just feel we're too different and that we will go our seperate ways sooner or later. But, like you said, I am definitely not going into the trip to Japan with a 'this is the final voyage' kind of mentality, even though it might seem that way. I do try, but feelings, be feelin'... I also do not want to be in a relationship with my crush, but I would like to see what we mean to eachother someday, maybe. I know I am playing a dangerous game, but it's just so hard to keep distance when we see eachother once a week during badminton practice. This seems like the sort of issue that begs a simple question with a tough answer: Paper Mario anyone? A good suggestion. Maybe I should replay Paper Mario and The Thousand Year Door with my crush and see where it goes from there What type of relationship do you want, with either girl? I also think it's a bad idea to think 'We'll break up after Japan'; why did you book a holiday with her if it's near the end? Also, this whole 'restraining yourself for going further'...That's basically code for 'I had a wank as soon as she left' We booked back in January when things were still more peachy. Little did I know that a lot of things would change on the road to July. I actually feel as if I want to be single and (re)discover love and all that jazz. If I were to break up with my girlfriend I wouldn't flock over to my crush, but I would just be open about my feelings and see how for we could go with eachother. I feel that I have to learn more still, before I decide to share my life with someone else fully. The relationship I have now was forged during my late teens, I was a completely different person then. So now it sort of feels like I have left that behind, and maybe I should leave my girlfriend along with it. I just don't try to think too much about it, but I just have this feeling that I want to be more independent and love myself more, and 'break free' so to speak, because I've had to hide my true self all my life and now that I've finally learned how to have self confidence and all that I want to follow that road more and see where it takes me. ----- My gut tells me that somewhere this year, you guys will be hearing the conclusion to this escapade. Edited April 25, 2014 by Fused King
Raining_again Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I don't even know what to do with myself on Saturday night anymore... not that I DID anything, asides spending time with my best friend Every time I think about never going up to see him again, it feels like my heart is being physically pulled out of my chest.. its pretty bad when you actually look forward to your job so you can take your mind off all of the shit going on in your head..!! Breaking up with me just before a 4 day weekend was poorly timed on his part!!!
Serebii Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 (edited) Actually found a girl who liked Nintendo & Pokémon on one recently, but after I responded to her response, I've heard nothing. I didn't even get to the "I own Serebii.net" bit. Pity. Edited April 27, 2014 by Serebii
drahkon Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I didn't even get to the "I own Serebii.net" bit. How many times...you have to lead with that :p I remember posting something like: "I currently don't want a relationship." in here. Well, I'm in that mood again Let's see how long it'll last or rather let's see when another pretty girl comes around.
Raining_again Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I've been tooting around on okcupid, talking to a few nice people. Nothing majorly serious. Just trying to keep my head out of that place... I got a text from him earlier saying "Just in the shower, will be with you in about an hour". Cue major confusion and upset, paranoid that he's going to see someone else and it was all a shambles. But it was just his mother-in-law. (long story, but hes on good terms with his ex wife's family, shes more like a sister to him, and his mother in law is like his real mum as he has a really bad relationship with his own mother)
nightwolf Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Ah poop, it sounds like he really needs to be careful about your number, hopefully he apologised? Left the boy at the station about ten minutes ago, fuuuuck. I'm a little infatuated with him, ><
Raining_again Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 How the fuck do you confuse peoples numbers these days? I mean that sounds like a reply text, and nearly all phones follow a conversation style system. How the fuck can you make that mistake? Its not even possible? Its not even like Ellie is likely to be near to Hannah in the alphabet lol
S.C.G Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Its not even like Ellie is likely to be near to Hannah in the alphabet lol Unless he didn't have anyone else in his phone book with names beginning with either 'F' or 'G' then I can vaguely see how it might be possible if your names were right next to each other but even if that were so, yeah it's still unlikely or at least difficult to do something like that unless he wasn't really paying attention. Anyway, hope you're holding up ok. *hugs* ---------------------------------- Not much to say in my world regarding dating other than if anyone remembers that woman I was talking to on the dating site - the one that vanished along with her account obviously meaning temporary account deactivation or me being blocked *shrug* - well I noticed that she reappeared a couple of weeks ago, coinciding with when the schools tend to break up - she's a teacher - so I did think about maybe sending her a message but I decided against it. I'm in two minds because on the one hand I did really like her - still do a bit - but then that happened and it got me thinking 'oh well, never mind' but now she's back on the site but not on that often... I'm tending not to check the site that often either just once or twice a week maybe, she's still there last time I looked, still apparently single so yeah. To message or not to message basically and if so then I'm wondering where to start? (again) We had exchanged several messages, have some shared interests etc, I got a fair share of replies but I definitely sent more messages than her but not a load - it was just one every other day or so - just to try and keep in contact... but maybe that in itself was too much? She'd always seem to be busy with work, more in a genuine way than as an excuse so I don't know maybe in a way I came across a bit too strongly at the time; you can tell that I'm really not very good at this. Perhaps I'll just send her one saying 'Hi, remember me? still single? good me too... want to meet up one day this week/month/year? talksoonkthxbai' [/jk] Then again, might be best to just leave it.
Blade Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 @S\.C\.G You say that you have exchanged messages in the past. You have sent messages more than she has to you. She disappeared and now reappeared. Maybe send her one message but then if you don't receive a reply then just leave it.
Charlie Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I don't even know what to do with myself on Saturday night anymore... not that I DID anything, asides spending time with my best friend Every time I think about never going up to see him again, it feels like my heart is being physically pulled out of my chest.. its pretty bad when you actually look forward to your job so you can take your mind off all of the shit going on in your head..!! Breaking up with me just before a 4 day weekend was poorly timed on his part!!! Get yourself back into the gym. Smash it again!
Ashley Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I don't want to give false hope, but an explanation for the text thing might be that he was looking at your messages, saw the other one come in and didn't respond straight away. When he did go to respond, he just did it where he left off and didn't check. If that makes sense? But yeah as Charlie says, SMASH IT. SMASH ALL OF THE THINGS.
Raining_again Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 So I decided that I need some facebook rehab.... Too many reminders of him and his friends... I feel oddly freed? I had kinda been talking to him a bit here n there, nothing major. But a couple of nights ago I was like, y'know I feel like I really need to move on, would you be ok if I start seeing other people and we still be friends... He basically did not give a toot, but at the same time I feel like he hinted that he really didn't want me to? So I started getting frustrated, as you would. I apologised for getting cross, and said i was here if he was having a crisis, but that I did also need space. I think its the best chance of us ever having a friendship again. I feel fucking awful, but it gets easier every day
Raining_again Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 nerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgle I've been on okc and talking to some seemingly decent people... but my heart is just not in it. Anytime its brought up (someone asking ohh are you still seeing the fella etc) and I tell them I'm not with him anymore, I almost feel the need to correct myself, as if... what am I saying, I'm still with him? I have not had any closure in this whatsoever. Reality and how I feel don't match up. I feel like by talking to people, flirting etc that I am cheating on him. Even though I know I'm not.
MoogleViper Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 nerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgle I've been on okc and talking to some seemingly decent people... but my heart is just not in it. Anytime its brought up (someone asking ohh are you still seeing the fella etc) and I tell them I'm not with him anymore, I almost feel the need to correct myself, as if... what am I saying, I'm still with him? I have not had any closure in this whatsoever. Reality and how I feel don't match up. I feel like by talking to people, flirting etc that I am cheating on him. Even though I know I'm not. Why not take a break from OKC for a while? If you jump straight back on it then your head won't be in the right place. Give yourself a few weeks and you'll be in a much better place. That's my two pence anyway.
Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Yeah, it sounds like you need more time to process this before getting back into the dating game.
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