Cheating - The Great N-E Debate

[Aimless]

To me it's all about trust. I think you should have the same faith in your partner as you do in yourself; a loving relationship is about sharing yourself with another person, so you have to be able to trust them. If someone cheats on you then they betray that trust in the most spectacular fashion. They had everything you could give but then thrown it in your face, the obvious message being that you aren't good enough — or simply not enough — for them.

 

Now I'm not a great catch, but if I'm not enough for someone then what's the point? I don't want to live my life as someone's runner-up prize. Perhaps I'm just selfish, but I want to be with someone that loves me as much as I love them, someone that I can trust beyond any doubt, and someone that respects me as I respect them. I don't want to be the fool forever.

[DanielTimothy]

You're overestimatng the difference between humans and other animals...but thats for another thread.

 

Anyway, yea. Cheating Bad.

 

Yeah, because Dolphins often fall out with their Dolphin boyfriends for looking at the hot young Dolphin next door, whilst the girl next door Dolphin is worried that her farther Dolphin might find out she is pregnant with a Porpoise's baby. But farther Dolphin hasn't noticed anything wrong with his daughter because he has been to occupied with how his wife spends so much time with his best friend . . . Sammy the Sea Turtle.

[|Laguna|]

God Damn. Those friggin snakers make me so mad. My win loss ratio is abysmal now :@

 

Oh... wait....

 

But yeah, cheating in relationships is bad, and I don't think anyone out there is really going to say it's good, unless they're total "douches".

On the issue of what people would classify as cheating, I'd say most people know it in themselves deep down when they have cheated on someone although think it's more about intent than the actual deed, but then again, some people are just weak and cannot resist when offered something on a plate at a drunken party. I'd wager that a lot of cheating happens at spur of the moment times when neither person is really thinking straight - like "the Office party" and there is a combination of a lull in the current relationship and the excitement offered by the fling with the foxy co-worker or what have you.

 

I just wonder how many relationships out there contain a partner who cheated but never told the other partner as I'm sure many would try and take the easy route out if they cheated and just try and cover it up.

Me? I think I wouldn't be able to look the person in the eye or say "I love you" if you cheated on them as clearly that wouldn't be true if you had cheated on them in the first place.

[rokhed00]

Why won't I? I'm not saying that people won't get tempted or feel attracted towards other people. That's human nature. But not being able to control yourself? That's not human nature.

 

You're living in a fantasy world there.

If it was human nature to control yourself then we'd be living in a world without war and crime. It is human nature to be weak and give in to desires, peer pressure, temptation, provocation, anger, all sorts of emotions and outside influences. Maybe when you're older and have lived a little you'll see everything isn't as clean cut as you currently think.

[Stocka]

I'd cheat on a girl if I liked the other girl more. That or if I didn't really like the girl i'm with as it is. But that's unlikely. I would NEVER cheat on someone I properly love.

If a girl cheated with me, i'd finish the relationship instantly.

[Twozzok]

Would you expect to be dumped instantaneously if you cheated on someone Stocka?

 

EDIT: and regarding alcohol... as the old saying goes..

 

Alcohol doesn't make you do things you don't want to, it only removes inhibitions from things you've wanted to do.

[Stocka]

Would you expect to be dumped instantaneously if you cheated on someone Stocka?

Pretty much, I wouldn't be shocked anyway. But then to cheat on someone i have to not like them much in the first place

[Guest Jordan]

90% of a relationship is trust, i gotta say that i was 'almost' cheated on once upon a time. Kinda complicated but it took me a while to really forgive the girl even though she didn't go ahead with what she nearly did.

 

I dunno, if Letty cheated on me? It'd be over there and then, i mean, i'd be so utterly heart broken.

[Ashley]

This slightly alcohol induced post may result in me not fully explaining something and people getting the wrong end of the stick, so be warned.

 

Cheating is a mistake. Humans mistake. It happens all the time. Im not going to say it is ever a good thing, but it happens. Same as lying and all those misdimenours. Its all down to the individual but if someone ever cheated on me I'd forgive them. Adultery, or an affair, however you want to put it, is a different story. But cheating, a one (ish) off thing is just a moment of weakness. We all have them.

 

I've found in life that people will continue to screw you over. Especially those you love. Whether its because they love you or not makes it more difficult, or makes it more of an impact, I will not debate. But thats how it goes. Im far too jaded and far too much of a misanthrope to see the good in people, or even really believe its there.

 

And for those who say "if you loved someone you wouldn't cheat on them" can you honestly say a loved one (not necessarily a boy/girlfriend) has never hurt you? Hurting someone doesn't mean you love them less.

 

By half of the people's definition I've helped people cheat tonight...

[harribo]

Alcohol doesn't make you do things you don't want to, it only removes inhibitions from things you've wanted to do.

 

So what your saying is I've always wanted to walk on a bonfire.

[4q2]

There is no excuse for cheating if you are in a serious monogamous relationship.

Being able to resist temptation with others is part of the deal otherwise why tie yourself into it ?

As far as I am concerned breaking off the relationship first before committing/screwing again is the only decent thing to do ( Plus in most cases it will cause a lot less trouble ).

[Gaijin von Snikbah]

Cheating makes it less fun to play football.

[Oxigen_Waste]

I'm a puppet, when it comes to love. If someone cheated on me, I'd forgive them... this assuming two basic principles: if I do date someone, it's always someone I LOVE (as opposite of "kind of like"), and when I love someone, I can forgive anything... ANYTHING.

[Apple_NdiB]

You're living in a fantasy world there.

If it was human nature to control yourself then we'd be living in a world without war and crime. It is human nature to be weak and give in to desires, peer pressure, temptation, provocation, anger, all sorts of emotions and outside influences. Maybe when you're older and have lived a little you'll see everything isn't as clean cut as you currently think.

 

I wouldn't usually do this, but, quoted for truth.

 

Cheating (and I haven't had a good look at every post so this may have already been mentioned) often stems from a person's own insecurities, irrespective of the state of their relationship. In some ways it's a convoluted and disruptive way of fishing for compliments.

[gaggle64]

I would say both giving in to temptations and being able to rise above them is all an integral part of human nature. This is where the whole concept of moral dilemmas come from. There are plenty of people who do horrible things to others without thinking twice, but there are also plenty of people out there who, despite it all, are indeed able to keep a handle on themselves and not act like a gobshite. So why settle for someone who can't?

[Shorty]

when I love someone, I can forgive anything... ANYTHING.

You can forgive them say - sleeping with your best friend over a course of a few weeks, and only stopping because you walked in on it or something like that? Wouldn't you just... stop loving them and start hating them?

[Jav_NE]

Drunken kiss i could forgive, but would be very very pissed off and recquire winning back from said female.

 

Sleeping with someone else is cheating full stop, the complication is how commited you are to that person. If you still love them in spite of the indecency, then i would think it could be overcome if the cheater was tremendously sorry and vowed never ever to do it again and it really was a once off mistake.

 

Again though, they'd have to prove this was true and that they are sorry and love you. It would take time to earn their trust back and hard work to forget, afterall the mental image of the cheater with the other person wouldnt be easy to let go off, especially if you knew them both.

 

It can be overcome, but it shouldnt have to be. Cheaters are scum.

[Jon]

Would I cheat on someone?

 

If I loved them, then no.

 

Would I forgive someone who cheated on me?

 

Hell No.

[Goron_3]

If my girlfriend cheated on me it would be over then and there. We all get tempted, but it is important that we all know how to control ourselves. I know for a fact that if I cheated on my girl i would lose all my self respect; it's an awful thing to do.

 

A girl in my year is going out with a guy (also in my year). They were both virgins, but then she went off and had sex with her ex. Her boyfriend found out but he didn't dump her and they are still going out. I find it amazing how he can still trust her.

[Eenuh]

Then what do you guys think of cybersex? Would you consider that cheating too?

 

I consider it cheating and it would seriously anger me if I were to ever find my partner doing something like that. Normal porn I guess I can sort of understand (though I hate it and would prefer it not to be there), but cybersex is on a whole different level. Maybe it'd be a bit easier for me to forgive (if the other person is a stranger) than real cheating and sex, but it would still take a lot of time and effort from the other person to win me back. Plus again there's always the doubt that they could do it again, as it's so easy to do on the internet...

[Domstercool]

Don't know and don't care. Never been in any situation like that.

[Platty]

What about if you are single and you fall for someone who is in a relationship and they also like you back? What would you do?

 

I have been in this situation and sometimes temptation got the better of me and I think oh well im the single one but then I obviously reverse the roles and think how I would feel if my girlfriend was doing this to me.

 

But after losing out on many girls by not doing or saying anything and experiencing a close friend dying I just go for things now.

 

You only get one chance at life so regret the things you do not the things you havent even tried.

[Bren]

id shit in their shoes

[Jon]

What about if you are single and you fall for someone who is in a relationship and they also like you back? What would you do?

 

I have been in this situation and sometimes temptation got the better of me and I think oh well im the single one but then I obviously reverse the roles and think how I would feel if my girlfriend was doing this to me.

 

But after losing out on many girls by not doing or saying anything and experiencing a close friend dying I just go for things now.

 

You only get one chance at life so regret the things you do not the things you havent even tried.

 

I've been in a similar situation before, it took a hell of a lot but I resisted it. I put myself in his shoes and wondered what I would feel like if it happened to me. Looking back on it now, I wish I had gone for it.

[Stocka]

I dunno, if Letty cheated on me? It'd be over there and then, i mean, i'd be so utterly heart broken.

Sorry to tell you Jordina, but me and Letty have already been a lil naughty :p