The Mental Health Thread - Living in the cuckoo's nest

[gaggle64]

Reading around here it's come to my attention that not all of us are all there - autistic, aspergers, bi-polar, sociopaths, introverted, schizophrenic, the list seems to go on and on.

 

But enough about the Coalition Government...

 

The problem I've found with metal health is that it can affect such a fundamental part of you you might not even know something is wrong, and then you don't know if anyone will believe if it is, but sometimes just saying it out loud helps. So here's this thread. Get it off your chest. Or out of your head.

 

 

I've been talking with one or two folks and I'll leave them to discuss themselves. For myself after spending the full sum of my adulthood in increasingly desperate isolation justified by raging misanthropy, I finally decided to go get a referral from my GP to identify an asperger spectrum disorder.

 

This has been something bubbling in my head for more than 2 years and I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. I always disliked heavily social situations and found myself incredibly exhausted at ones I did like. Increasingly I found myself have long, in depth conversations with people you weren't there without even realising I was falling into it. Even short shifts in class or at work have long had to be bookended with extended periods of isolation to gather myself.

 

What turned me onto it in the end was a cartoon I happened to be watching with my housemates describing asperges, which prompted them immediately to turn to me and ask "Does any of that sound familiar?" And it did. Almost word for word what I had previously identified in myself.

 

Now the paper work's in the system, and I simply feel better simply having finally asked for help, and I do need help. Now I just need to wait for someone in the know to get back to me, have a good fork around and tell me what's going down upstairs.

 

So, what wires do you think you might have crossed?

Edited August 23, 2012 by gaggle64

[Supergrunch]

One of the standard tests used for autism (of which aspergers is a high-functioning form) is the autism-spectrum quotient, which you can take here. As it says in the link, the average score for non-autistic people is 16.4, and autistic people tend to score 32 or higher - I tend to get around 30, so I'm pretty borderline. Some members of my family are more clearly autistic though.

 

Edit: So this time I only got 25. I guess it depends a bit on how I'm feeling at the time, but I probably am slightly less aspy than when I was younger.

Edited August 23, 2012 by Supergrunch

[jayseven]

Great. Accidental backspace. Lose all I wrote. Probably a good thing.

 

Basically, I've been aware from a young age that people are different, and that there are reasons for this. The intertextuality of life -- of being influenced by many different compartments of experience; school, parents, memories, actions, other people, tv, games, experience as a whole -- makes everything explainable, so long as someone has enough time to sit and listen.

 

When i was younger I read a book on Label Theory which is a largely debunked attempt to explain how calling your kid "a little whore" leads to them growing up to be a whore, and generally tries to excuse adult behaviour away as a consequence of childhood. Much like Freud's musing being classic yet utterly, utterly wrong, Label Theory can provide a very useful basis for understanding others, and how your own actions and words can be powerful.

 

Here's an interesting, and slightly worrying, experiment about how nobody in psychiatry really knows what they're talking about.

 

The concept of nobody really knowing what they are doing is pretty much the centrepiece for my mind's perception of mankind. There are so many external factors to one's life that control the limits, that the actual elements of control one does have are completely dwarfed. Yet people roam around in their suits and high heels, shaven faces and make-up; the same people will look at amazonian tribespeople with sticks through their noses and green pigment all over their skin and say "well aren't I glad I don't live in a society where I have to do silly things like that."

 

Yet all this spouting about 'understanding' society on some level... I still just don't understand, sometimes. I get haunted by a little social exchange for days, sometimes. The finality of it all -- the fatality, the inconsequence of anything.

 

I'm probably quite schizophrenic.

 

lol.

[Coolness Bears]

One of the standard tests used for autism (of which aspergers is a high-functioning form) is the autism-spectrum quotient, which you can take here. As it says in the link, the average score for non-autistic people is 16.4, and autistic people tend to score 32 or higher - I tend to get around 30, so I'm pretty borderline. Some members of my family are more clearly autistic though.

 

Well on that test which I have done numerous times I usually score 35-38. Just took it again and it was 38.

 

In regards to the thread, I find it really difficult to find the words that I want to say even now typing this.

 

I dislike large social situations and it gets worse as I tend to avoid them more regularly. As I said recently I skipped to birthday invites so that I wouldn't have to interact with people as that scares me no end.

 

It took me a whole week in my head to gather up enough courage to ask for a day off at work as I was anxious about what my boss might say. (no) I fear being rejected on a small scale so never ask people whether they want to do something with me as I will become extremely hurt/sensitive if they say no.

 

Exhaustion is something I face on a daily basis after work, going out for a day, even just going to the shops. The fact that I was around or near people frightens me and I often come home mentally and physically drained and have to be left by myself. This evening I took a nap once I got in as I needed to escape for awhile.

 

Sometimes I catch myself fixating on certain things like at the moment I refuse to drink out of any other mug than my Harry Potter one as otherwise I will become unsettled. (plus you have to leave the teabag in for exactly 5 minutes) Not sure what that has to do with anything but wanted to write it down.

 

The thing is no one really sees this as I'm laid back and happy it's just I don't feel at peace until I'm alone again into the safety of my room.

 

 

PS: I'm off travelling for 4 months soon and I'm unsure how I will cope. I strongly dislike the outside. :p

[Paj!]

One of the standard tests used for autism (of which aspergers is a high-functioning form) is the autism-spectrum quotient, which you can take here. As it says in the link, the average score for non-autistic people is 16.4, and autistic people tend to score 32 or higher - I tend to get around 30, so I'm pretty borderline. Some members of my family are more clearly autistic though.

 

Edit: So this time I only got 25. I guess it depends a bit on how I'm feeling at the time, but I probably am slightly less aspy than when I was younger.

 

What does my score mean? P.s I in no way display any characteristics of autism, and my friends and I have talked about it/the signs RE: another friend of ours before, so presumably people would have picked up on stuff before.

 

"Agree: 12,41: 1 point

Disagree: 29,49: 1 point

Score: 4"

[Supergrunch]

What does my score mean? P.s I in no way display any characteristics of autism, and my friends and I have talked about it/the signs RE: another friend of ours before, so presumably people would have picked up on stuff before.

 

"Agree: 12,41: 1 point

Disagree: 29,49: 1 point

Score: 4"

That means you're unusually non-autistic in that you display hardly any traits of it, so it's like you say. I think my mum has a score a bit like that too.

[Daft]

"

Agree: 2,5,6,12,16,18,23,33,42,46: 1 point

Disagree: 8,15,24,25,27,37,40,44,47,50: 1 point

Score: 20

"

 

What do I win?

 

Thought it was a bit of a weird test because some of those things I'm good at (like social chitchat) I do mechanically because I find people horrendously easy to predict and "play along" with.

[The Peeps]

I got a score of 22. I guess 20-25 is the nerd score :p for people who aren't particularly outgoing but can't blame autism.

[Supergrunch]

some of those things I'm good at (like social chitchat) I do mechanically because I find people horrendously easy to predict and "play along" with.[/color]

That's more psychopathic than autistic. :wink:

[Daft]

I'm normal. I promise.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I've mentioned before that I'm an autist, though technically my latest diagnosis is mild schizotypy. I got my first autism diagnosis when I was very young and have moved through the spectrum over the years, and at this point in my life I'm pretty well-functioning. What I still need is order, control and predictability; too much stuff stresses me and can be rather heavily taxing on my mental energy. My social skills have also never reached any sort of pinnacle, though they have improved dramatically, and even today being social for extended periods of time tends to wear me out.

 

One of the primary reasons (as I have understood it) for the schizotypy diagnosis is my tendency to get stuck in thought patterns, especially when in periods of low mental energy. These are the periods when my self-esteem can drop through the floor or I can start obsessing over stuff (which can seem mildly OCD-like). When my energy is low or there's too much stuff in my life, I also feel overwhelmed and can't get myself to do anything as even the smallest tasks seem impossible to overcome (even though I can rationally see they're easily doable).

 

A great example is the small birthday party I held for my closest friends last Saturday. For regular party standards it was a small gathering (10 people in total, myself included), but it still drained a lot of energy. While they were here I fixated on my worry that my neighbours would be bothered by the noise (though I've heard no complaints whatsoever), and afterwards I was completely mentally exhausted, which I'm still trying to recover from (due to limited transport options a few of them stayed till Monday). The apartment needs cleaning, and there's a small collection of dishes that needs to be done - both reasonably unproblematic tasks - but currently they just seem like monunmental tasks.

 

Reading back what I've written, it all sounds much more serious and heavy than it feels. I feel I've expressed well what the main deal is, but perhaps the words I've chosen convey the reality too strongly. It probably isn't helping that I'm writing this at twenty past two in the morning.

 

Anyway.

[Iun]

I scored a 32, sounds wrong. I'm just UNCOMFORTABLE WITH CHANGE.

 

Anyway.

 

Yes, I'm, confirmably mental. I've had debilitating OCD for years: I can remember the first instances around five years old - I used to brush my teeth upwards of ten times a day. I still do, whenever I'm anxious. Used to have little mantras for crossing the road, picking things up off the floor etc. When I lived in France for a year I used to get worried about the fridge door not being closed so I'd get up and rock the things back as far as possible to make sure it was closed. Still do it occasionally. Also, I can't have any noise at night when I'm sleeping (imagine THAT in University dorms with 23 other boys who just escaped from their parents for the first time) and if my hands are in any way dirty I cannot concentrate on what I am supposed to be doing. Cannot step on cracks in the pavement, can't walk over three drain covers in a row, have to catch any dandelion seeds in the air....

 

...the worst one is still the teeth brushing though. Thing is, I can control this if I want to, but honsetly, it makes me feel better.

 

And then there's Bipolar disorder. That one is amazingly fun. I can feel the low coming on like the sea at high tide, building slowly, rising into a black undulating sea of despair. At that point, the window begins looking like a terribly tempting option. Then comes the high, which basically turns me into Jim Carrey on caffeine. But I know everything I'm doing, just can't stop it. Like being a camera on the wall and cringing as I watch myself trying to run ten miles in ten minutes.

[MoogleViper]

I guess 20-25 is the nerd score :p for people who aren't particularly outgoing but can't blame autism.

 

Edit: So this time I only got 25.

 

25 nerd high-five.

 

Although I do find social situations somewhat easy. I'm certainly not an extrovert, but I can definitely be comfortable being in a group, and even being the centre of attention (why else would I make jokes?).

[Cube]

I got 26 for that. Probably the standard "socially-awkward nerd" score.

[S.C.G]

I scored 31 but I can't really say I'm surprised as I know that I have aspergers syndrome.

 

It doesn't stop me from doing things in day to day life but it certainly does make things rather interesting.

 

Personally I tend to think of it as a positive thing and wouldn't wish things to be any different, though I suppose given my response to the questions in the test that's hardly a big shock.

[Raining_again]

I am one of the people mentioned in the op. I think gaggle64 has been more help to me than he could possibly realise, just by being there and talking to me about this stuff.

 

I thought I was just having episodes of depression but lately i've noticed that i'm a bit ocd about things, which seem to appear a lot with food. I like eating things a certain way, or eating a particular food once I've found the mood for it, and I take a long time to eat things.

 

I'm really utterly terrified of even minor changes, like even a road diversion if I've never been down that route before. I used to have extremely angry temper tantrums as a teen for no reason.

 

The whole school thing for me was pretty much a no-go. Although I feel a lot of my symptoms are masked by the fact I had psoriasis, i was shy had inability to converse with people etc

 

I booked an appointment with my doctor to talk about it and it took me 4 attempts to just ring to the doctors surgery! I was only able to do this because gaggle encouraged me to, and made me realise i'm not the only one, and pointed me in the right direction

 

 

I scored 47 on that quiz.

[Jonnas]

I scored 24 on the quiz. Slightly socially awkward nerd, then.

[ReZourceman]

Agree: 4,6,16,22,23,26,39,41: 1 point

Disagree: 1,10,15,25,28,29,30,37,49,50: 1 point

Score: 18

 

Lower end of the scale?

 

 

 

 

Do we actually know what's wrong with me?

[Serebii]

37...to be expected really.

 

Can't be the Pokémon Master if I wasn't somewhat unhinged.

 

A friend is studying psychology and touched on autism/aspergers and noted that whenever symptoms were stated, he realised how much I fit them.

 

Nuts to getting it diagnosed though. I read a report about a go in his 40s who ended up getting checked and got classed as Autistic. Due to that, he lost his job and is struggling to find another one. Nuts to that. While I'm happy in my cave at the moment, I don't really know what the future would bring and I don't want to risk closing doors.

[Magnus]

Lower end of the scale?

 

Do we actually know what's wrong with me?

I'm not sure why you're so surprised. The test wasn't for mental retardation.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

37...to be expected really.

 

Can't be the Pokémon Master if I wasn't somewhat unhinged.

 

A friend is studying psychology and touched on autism/aspergers and noted that whenever symptoms were stated, he realised how much I fit them.

 

Nuts to getting it diagnosed though. I read a report about a go in his 40s who ended up getting checked and got classed as Autistic. Due to that, he lost his job and is struggling to find another one. Nuts to that. While I'm happy in my cave at the moment, I don't really know what the future would bring and I don't want to risk closing doors.

 

I seem to recall reading something about the inventor(s) of Pokémon being autistic?

[Serebii]

I seem to recall reading something about the inventor(s) of Pokémon being autistic?

Yeah, he has aspergers

[Rummy]

Nobody's going to like this.

 

90% of this thread will be; 'oh, you're that? ok cool, but *I'M* this'.

 

So, you felt like you've always had a problem, you've finally seen a GP and got a referral, you're going to get a label to tell you that you've got some sort of form of autism or something, yeah.

 

But so frickin' what. Is it going to make a difference? Are you going to find a cure? Is knowing that you have it going to make enough of a difference? Is it going to stop you being autistic?

 

I'm pretty sure my sister's got some sort of autism, she is awkward as fuck, and she is also a fucking idiot. I've never told her I think it, and that's because if she gets the label I think she'll use it as an excuse. Finding out that you might be autistic is all well and good, but what, is it going to stop people deep down, thinking to themselves, that you're awkward and difficult and no fun to be around? When something goes wrong for you and you wave 'oh no but im autistic' in their faces is it going to make a difference? No. If anything it'll make it worse, because everyone's got problems, and I feel sometimes these days there's just too many goddamn excuses. Yet some excuses or reasons count for more than others.

 

Don't get me wrong, this is a cunt post, but I'm not a cunt around people who exhibit the signs. I'll only make limited effort though, and I won't cut them excessive slack. Why should I, everyone has their problems! Go and talk to a starving kid in africa and be all like 'i have autism!'. It strikes me as such a first-world problem sometimes making an issue of it, a big politcal correctness. I find it excessively annoying because I find sometimes, a lot of people like to point out the fact they have it. Hell, there's plenty people out there with WORSE autism than those who are always keen to mention it/point it out. I understand having an explanation for what's wrong is comforting, but where's the comfort when there's no cure?

 

 

 

I'm sure this post will stir some people up, but hell, I'm just saying something which I'm sure people sometimes think but everyone's too goddamn afraid to say. Ok, you have autism, or mental health issues, that's fine. I understand there's a stigma around them, but making such a point of it sometimes just doesn't even help the case.

 

 

Just feels like some cathartic validation to me, and I think that's a waste of time. Sorry if I've offended you, but deal with it. I should add despite my copious use of 'you' I mean a general you, and this ISN'T aimed specifically at anyone.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Unless you've had severe mental issues yourself, Rummy, I don't feel you can say that. Do you actually know how hard it is? I could flip it around and point out that mental illnesses are often not taken seriously, with people saying they just need to "get over it" or something similar. Hell, I've had it "easy" compared to many. Sure, there are probably some who's keen to use it as an excuse, but that post comes off as needlessly cynical about mental illnesses in general.

[Ville]

As it says in the link, the average score for non-autistic people is 16.4, and autistic people tend to score 32 or higher

15.

 

Although I do find social situations somewhat easy. I'm certainly not an extrovert, but I can definitely be comfortable being in a group, and even being the centre of attention (why else would I make jokes?).

 

Pretty much this.