Jimbob Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Well, it's been going so well dating that Sophie's agreed to staying over mine next weekend. First things first, she's meeting the parents. I haven't been this happy for a few years.
Raining_again Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 @Jimbob, you are no longer welcome in the club, you are too happy, get out But seriously thats great news mate!
Jimbob Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 @Jimbob, you are no longer welcome in the club, you are too happy, get out But seriously thats great news mate! Fine, i'll create a new club. With blackjack and so on.
bob Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Yeah possibly leave out the hookers, or you won't be in that club for long...
Rummy Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 (edited) it's only been like... 7 or so times. Hmm, rationally I was going to say 7's quite a few times, but at the same time I understand a bit where you're coming from on the lack of communication in the interim. Is the little communication on your part, her part, or both parts? Maybe you're just not those kinda people? What sort of things(if much :p) do you guys tend to chat about when you do see each other? I'm still trying to work out what my thing is. We've obvs spoken about family a few times, but is that just because I know hers? I'm also, kinda like you, not much of an interim chatter but we have been texting each other most days and I try my best to actually make an effort for now when I probs otherwise couldn't be arsed. The weird thing is that every time I see her I feel like she's a bit colder/unreceptive to me, and then warms up a bit as the time goes on and it's not making a lot of sense to me. I don't know if it's an awkwardness of spending time in company of her brother/cousin or something else. I feel a bit more comfortable now than I probably did a week or so ago, and I'll see her for tabletopping later and she said she'll come round Wednesday. Not sure what's going to happen when she's goes back up to uni this week, but I've got a London thing next week and she seems fine with me seeing her after. I have a feeling we're both feeling mutually irrationally awkward and doubtful, and it's just getting over that - I feel like it's moving into something a bit more comfortable already but who knows. My take home to consider from that though @Shorty - what if she's going through exactly the same thing you are and neither of you are plucking up the courage to say/do anything about it? Ofc the brain doesn't tend to err on that side of things, as I've recently come to learn :p Edited April 4, 2016 by Shorty
MoogleViper Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 I met a girl on a night out a few weeks ago. We were talking about sport and I mentioned that I played badminton. She said she wanted to play so we arranged to play badminton and go for a coffee the following weekend. We got on well but I couldn't decide if I was attracted to her (I was a bit but not enough) so I didn't really push anything. However we kept messaging and she asked if I wanted to go over to her house, watch some Full Metal Alchemist (I mentioned that I'd never seen it and she loves it) and bake some cakes (no idea where this one came from). At this point I'm thinking that it's in the bag. I go over on Saturday, I'm getting mixed signals from her (at first it was seeming like a sure thing, then she started treating me like a friend). In the end I went for it and we started kissing on her bed. Then all of a sudden she just stops and informs me that she doesn't sleep with somebody until she's been with them a few months and has fallen in love with them; she asks me if this is OK with me. At this point I should have said "no" - I don't really see a future with her, I was just looking for some fun, short term thing. Unfortunately I'm not the brightest person when it comes to these situations, so in my awkwardness I just said "Yeah that's fine with me". So now I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to string her along. But I also don't want to just end it by basically saying "Yeah I lied, I just wanted to get my end away". My current plan of actions is to just see how things go for a few weeks, and hope they fizzle out (basically the option that doesn't require me to actually make a decision). Any recommendations?
Shorty Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 I reckon you already know the answer :p Seems like it's going to end the same way whether it's tomorrow or in a couple of weeks, except that if she's into you, it's going to be harder on her the longer you lead her on. I'd just arrange to see her again and tell her that you're not actually looking for anything that serious right now. Be honest, apologise that you didn't say the right thing because you were a bit nervous or something. Suggest (whether honestly or just to save face) that maybe you could stay friends, badminton buddies or something etc..
Goron_3 Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 I met a girl on a night out a few weeks ago. We were talking about sport and I mentioned that I played badminton. She said she wanted to play so we arranged to play badminton and go for a coffee the following weekend. We got on well but I couldn't decide if I was attracted to her (I was a bit but not enough) so I didn't really push anything. However we kept messaging and she asked if I wanted to go over to her house, watch some Full Metal Alchemist (I mentioned that I'd never seen it and she loves it) and bake some cakes (no idea where this one came from). At this point I'm thinking that it's in the bag. I go over on Saturday, I'm getting mixed signals from her (at first it was seeming like a sure thing, then she started treating me like a friend). In the end I went for it and we started kissing on her bed. Then all of a sudden she just stops and informs me that she doesn't sleep with somebody until she's been with them a few months and has fallen in love with them; she asks me if this is OK with me. At this point I should have said "no" - I don't really see a future with her, I was just looking for some fun, short term thing. Unfortunately I'm not the brightest person when it comes to these situations, so in my awkwardness I just said "Yeah that's fine with me". So now I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to string her along. But I also don't want to just end it by basically saying "Yeah I lied, I just wanted to get my end away". My current plan of actions is to just see how things go for a few weeks, and hope they fizzle out (basically the option that doesn't require me to actually make a decision). Any recommendations? I'll ask Georgia and she what she recommends... (PS. Is it just sex that's off the cards?)
MoogleViper Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 (edited) I reckon you already know the answer :p Seems like it's going to end the same way whether it's tomorrow or in a couple of weeks, except that if she's into you, it's going to be harder on her the longer you lead her on. I'd just arrange to see her again and tell her that you're not actually looking for anything that serious right now. Be honest, apologise that you didn't say the right thing because you were a bit nervous or something. Suggest (whether honestly or just to save face) that maybe you could stay friends, badminton buddies or something etc.. On one hand that's obviously the right thing to do... ...but on the other hand, have you considered the possibility of me shirking responsibility? I'll ask Georgia and she what she recommends... (PS. Is it just sex that's off the cards?) Didn't go into specifics but I'd imagine so. ("I don't sleep with somebody until it's been a few months." "Well will you jerk me off at least?") I look forward to Georgia's advice (and judgement). Edited April 4, 2016 by MoogleViper
Goafer Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Have you considered telling her you've been drafted into a super secret army and have a top secret mission to kill the king of China. If she questions anything, tell her that that's exactly what a spy would say and tell her that her eyes look "a bit slanty". If she persists, just whisper "they're on to me" into your cuff and exit immediately. You're welcome.
Shorty Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 I think maybe I need to accept that what I've got is what it is, a bit of fun that might go somewhere, but try not to be too disappointed if it doesn't. Enjoyed it a lot last time I saw her, too much to mess this up just because I'm unhappy in between. I think I'm convinced that my options are a) try to make this into something serious soon, or b) move on to look for someone who definitely is looking for something more serious from the start. But what's to say I would end up with either if I said something? Seems more likely I'd end up with nothing. To that end, I have to stop using this as an excuse for why I'm generally unhappy outside work, and put in some effort to improving my life other than in terms of dating. Boom, life epiphany, now I just have to actually stick to that instead of eating and drinking and netflixing myself into a coma every night.
Julius Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 Have you considered telling her you've been drafted into a super secret army and have a top secret mission to kill the king of China. If she questions anything, tell her that that's exactly what a spy would say and tell her that her eyes look "a bit slanty". If she persists, just whisper "they're on to me" into your cuff and exit immediately. You're welcome. Plot twist: she figures you to actually be an extradited Chinese spy after you whisper "they're on to me". You know, Chinese whispers and all.
Kav Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 Taken from the Pokemon thread... Meeting with a girl again tomorrow. Definitely only friends but need to meet people again . Question to everyone how long did it take you to get over your first ? / did you ever find better ? How on earth did this end up on the Pokemon thread ?! In all honesty, I couldn't even manage to bring myself to chat to another girl for a good 8 months. And yes, I've met better since, the Mexican girl I was with was a wonderful lady, I thought the world of her but she wasn't the one... the one I'm with now, I'm certain of it, is though. I'd happily have gone through one hundred heart-aches to have met this girl. She absolutely brings out the best in me and makes me feel like I need to be the best for her. When you do find that one, as you are to her too, you don't break up. You'll find her mate. Firstly, before thinking of loving someone else though, you must come to terms with it ending, why it ended and also that it ended is best for you. When you've come to terms with that, feel who you are, because it will change you somewhat, for the better. Once you understand who you are and love who you are and who you can be, then you're ready to think about loving others again.
drahkon Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Question to everyone how long did it take you to get over your first ? / did you ever find better ? With my first relationship it was me who ended it. So it wasn't really a matter of "getting over her". My second relationship lastet for 2 1/2 years and then she broke up with me. It was tough...took me almost 3 months to get over this because I was madly in love... After that I had nothing going on for almost two years. Not because I didn't find one but rather because I didn't want to. Did I ever found better than the person I was in love with for 2 1/2 years? Yes, and right now the lady I am in a relationship with makes me happier than I have ever been. Once you understand who you are and love who you are and who you can be, then you're ready to think about loving others again. This is so true. After that break up, after I had gotten over it I tried to figure out if who I really am. Something that I've never really done until then...no idea why. When I found out what my "true self" is like (sounds really pretentious) I realized that the person I was in love with for 2 1/2 years wasn't really the right one. We didn't have that much in common and I held back a lot of craziness I have in me just so I wasn't too different from her, just so I "fit" into the relationship. Now that craziness is a part of me that I don't hold back And the lady I am in a relationship now loves it. And I love it, too.
Falcon_BlizZACK Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Question to everyone how long did it take you to get over your first ? / did you ever find better ? How on earth did this end up on the Pokemon thread ?! My first was also the one who claimed my virginity - the very same lady in my old epic thread. Took me more or less about 6-8 months to totally get over, even though I ended it. I think the time span shouldn't be daunting but it should be expected and respected. But YES, you do find better; all of my girlfriends after my first were just progressively better in pretty much everyway and I think its just simple statistics - you've learned what you don't like/want from the past and you'll likely be more attracted to a person who doesn't share the negatives of your ex. @stuwii - Hope alls ok and even if it isn't it WILL be.
bob Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Question to everyone how long did it take you to get over your first ? / did you ever find better ? Well i married mine...sooooo...
Magnus Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Based on what everyone else is saying, that was a mistake, Bob.
stuwii Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 (edited) I think I am just coming to terms with one night that may have ruined everything . Think I broke her heart at that point but then again she planned to see me afterwards and was looking forward to it . Just lost a lot of uni memories and mutual friends over what should have been a smooth breakup . Weird thing is she probably could take ages to get over this too . She broke up with her other ex but still talked about him constantly Edited April 7, 2016 by stuwii Automerged Doublepost
killthenet Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 My first was also the one who claimed my virginity - the very same lady in my old epic thread... Oh man, that thread. One of N-Europe's greatest moments. Could only have been improved if we had all been sat on bleachers cheering you on throughout. I'm currently going through my first break up, a girl I was with for 5 years, we bought a house together and were the very best of friends. Started drifting apart about 18 months ago, kind of unofficially broke up in about March last year, but still lived together because I was in the process of finishing a college course. We got on probably better than when we'd been sleeping together, I started to explore issues with my gender, came out as trans to my friends and family, started living as a woman in September just before going off to university in London, so there was a whole new life for me to focus on, so I hadn't really grieved for the relationship. After about a week in London, I had a serious reoccurrence of my panic disorder, did not feel comfortable any where. Considering how bad my panic had been in the past, it's kind of a miracle that I managed to make the journey to London in the first place but it all came back with a serious punch and, unable to even manage a train journey I foolishly got an Uber from London to my hometown in the midlands. Hoping to just go back and live at my house, I told my ex and she said she didn't want me living there and so I had to stay at my parents house, who hadn't been at all supportive of my decision to explore my gender identity. From that point the facade of a hopeful future completely fell away and all I wanted to do was to go back to being a late 20's man in a relationship with his best friend, but it's not something I can go back to. Now I don't really know who I am any more, my panic disorder is worse than ever, I struggle to even get to the local shops, which in turn is making me more depressed and wanting to get out of the house even less. I can't face my old friends now that I seem to have given up on changing gender, and I feel like i'm stuck at my parents house with no hope for the future, constantly pining for things to go back to how they were 2 years ago - becoming increasingly depressed by the fact that they won't. I have tried to keep up a friendly relationship with my ex, because we still own a house together and like I said, it looked like we were going to continue to be best friends, but she's kept her distance to enable me to get over her and my depression is turning me into a jealous piece of shit, my mind races about all kinds of nonsense and as much as I can tell myself she doesn't hate me, it's a totally different animal when you feel in your gut that no one cares about you and that she's ignoring you, laughing it up with someone new. It's amazing how pathetic depression can make you feel, your brain makes you feel absolutely worthless, but then convinces you that it's just 'first world problems' and a lot of people have things a lot worse, so why do you have the right to feel so appalling? I'm just in a horridly vicious cycle at the moment. Unable to motivate myself to be able to do something creative and functional, and therefore unable to take my mind off all the mistakes that I've made and make a fresh start - and the only way i'll be able to motivate myself to do something productive would be to be able to get over my mistakes, so it feels like an insurmountable task.
Falcon_BlizZACK Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Oh man, that thread. One of N-Europe's greatest moments. Could only have been improved if we had all been sat on bleachers cheering you on throughout. I'm currently going through my first break up, a girl I was with for 5 years, we bought a house together and were the very best of friends. Started drifting apart about 18 months ago, kind of unofficially broke up in about March last year, but still lived together because I was in the process of finishing a college course. We got on probably better than when we'd been sleeping together, I started to explore issues with my gender, came out as trans to my friends and family, started living as a woman in September just before going off to university in London, so there was a whole new life for me to focus on, so I hadn't really grieved for the relationship. After about a week in London, I had a serious reoccurrence of my panic disorder, did not feel comfortable any where. Considering how bad my panic had been in the past, it's kind of a miracle that I managed to make the journey to London in the first place but it all came back with a serious punch and, unable to even manage a train journey I foolishly got an Uber from London to my hometown in the midlands. Hoping to just go back and live at my house, I told my ex and she said she didn't want me living there and so I had to stay at my parents house, who hadn't been at all supportive of my decision to explore my gender identity. From that point the facade of a hopeful future completely fell away and all I wanted to do was to go back to being a late 20's man in a relationship with his best friend, but it's not something I can go back to. Now I don't really know who I am any more, my panic disorder is worse than ever, I struggle to even get to the local shops, which in turn is making me more depressed and wanting to get out of the house even less. I can't face my old friends now that I seem to have given up on changing gender, and I feel like i'm stuck at my parents house with no hope for the future, constantly pining for things to go back to how they were 2 years ago - becoming increasingly depressed by the fact that they won't. I have tried to keep up a friendly relationship with my ex, because we still own a house together and like I said, it looked like we were going to continue to be best friends, but she's kept her distance to enable me to get over her and my depression is turning me into a jealous piece of shit, my mind races about all kinds of nonsense and as much as I can tell myself she doesn't hate me, it's a totally different animal when you feel in your gut that no one cares about you and that she's ignoring you, laughing it up with someone new. It's amazing how pathetic depression can make you feel, your brain makes you feel absolutely worthless, but then convinces you that it's just 'first world problems' and a lot of people have things a lot worse, so why do you have the right to feel so appalling? I'm just in a horridly vicious cycle at the moment. Unable to motivate myself to be able to do something creative and functional, and therefore unable to take my mind off all the mistakes that I've made and make a fresh start - and the only way i'll be able to motivate myself to do something productive would be to be able to get over my mistakes, so it feels like an insurmountable task. Damn, sorry to hear your troubles - Hoping things get better for you!
Fierce_LiNk Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Oh man, that thread. One of N-Europe's greatest moments. Could only have been improved if we had all been sat on bleachers cheering you on throughout. I'm currently going through my first break up, a girl I was with for 5 years, we bought a house together and were the very best of friends. Started drifting apart about 18 months ago, kind of unofficially broke up in about March last year, but still lived together because I was in the process of finishing a college course. We got on probably better than when we'd been sleeping together, I started to explore issues with my gender, came out as trans to my friends and family, started living as a woman in September just before going off to university in London, so there was a whole new life for me to focus on, so I hadn't really grieved for the relationship. After about a week in London, I had a serious reoccurrence of my panic disorder, did not feel comfortable any where. Considering how bad my panic had been in the past, it's kind of a miracle that I managed to make the journey to London in the first place but it all came back with a serious punch and, unable to even manage a train journey I foolishly got an Uber from London to my hometown in the midlands. Hoping to just go back and live at my house, I told my ex and she said she didn't want me living there and so I had to stay at my parents house, who hadn't been at all supportive of my decision to explore my gender identity. From that point the facade of a hopeful future completely fell away and all I wanted to do was to go back to being a late 20's man in a relationship with his best friend, but it's not something I can go back to. Now I don't really know who I am any more, my panic disorder is worse than ever, I struggle to even get to the local shops, which in turn is making me more depressed and wanting to get out of the house even less. I can't face my old friends now that I seem to have given up on changing gender, and I feel like i'm stuck at my parents house with no hope for the future, constantly pining for things to go back to how they were 2 years ago - becoming increasingly depressed by the fact that they won't. I have tried to keep up a friendly relationship with my ex, because we still own a house together and like I said, it looked like we were going to continue to be best friends, but she's kept her distance to enable me to get over her and my depression is turning me into a jealous piece of shit, my mind races about all kinds of nonsense and as much as I can tell myself she doesn't hate me, it's a totally different animal when you feel in your gut that no one cares about you and that she's ignoring you, laughing it up with someone new. It's amazing how pathetic depression can make you feel, your brain makes you feel absolutely worthless, but then convinces you that it's just 'first world problems' and a lot of people have things a lot worse, so why do you have the right to feel so appalling? I'm just in a horridly vicious cycle at the moment. Unable to motivate myself to be able to do something creative and functional, and therefore unable to take my mind off all the mistakes that I've made and make a fresh start - and the only way i'll be able to motivate myself to do something productive would be to be able to get over my mistakes, so it feels like an insurmountable task. Damn, sorry to hear all of that. Hope that you can overcome all of this. Have you spoken to anyone professionally about this? That's a lot to go through alone.
Ashley Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 First love or first sex? Obviously they can't be the same person.
Rummy Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Ladyfriend came over on Wednesday, we watched more HP and I convinced her to play through Journey - tried my hardest not to spoil anything but I kinda did halfway through. She absolutely loved it. Had a bit of a chat Wednesday evening, think we're gonna have some stuff to work past going forwards. It's only been a few weeks but it does feel like aaages - took a bit of a plunge yesterday morning and very gayly asked if I could call her my girlfriend - seems that we're on the same page Totes skipped out on work yesterday and she stayed for the day as I was having friends(including her bro+cousin) over in the eve to watch Code Geass - all she wanted to do was sit and play Monster Hunter beforehand which is also awesome. Just gutted now as I won't see her until Wednesday as she's busy and back to uni in a few days - plus lots of exams/revision and placement after. I'm still wary as it all feels a bit too good to be true, but here's hoping it stays on track. Oh man, that thread. One of N-Europe's greatest moments. Could only have been improved if we had all been sat on bleachers cheering you on throughout. I'm currently going through my first break up, a girl I was with for 5 years, we bought a house together and were the very best of friends. Started drifting apart about 18 months ago, kind of unofficially broke up in about March last year, but still lived together because I was in the process of finishing a college course. We got on probably better than when we'd been sleeping together, I started to explore issues with my gender, came out as trans to my friends and family, started living as a woman in September just before going off to university in London, so there was a whole new life for me to focus on, so I hadn't really grieved for the relationship. After about a week in London, I had a serious reoccurrence of my panic disorder, did not feel comfortable any where. Considering how bad my panic had been in the past, it's kind of a miracle that I managed to make the journey to London in the first place but it all came back with a serious punch and, unable to even manage a train journey I foolishly got an Uber from London to my hometown in the midlands. Hoping to just go back and live at my house, I told my ex and she said she didn't want me living there and so I had to stay at my parents house, who hadn't been at all supportive of my decision to explore my gender identity. From that point the facade of a hopeful future completely fell away and all I wanted to do was to go back to being a late 20's man in a relationship with his best friend, but it's not something I can go back to. Now I don't really know who I am any more, my panic disorder is worse than ever, I struggle to even get to the local shops, which in turn is making me more depressed and wanting to get out of the house even less. I can't face my old friends now that I seem to have given up on changing gender, and I feel like i'm stuck at my parents house with no hope for the future, constantly pining for things to go back to how they were 2 years ago - becoming increasingly depressed by the fact that they won't. I have tried to keep up a friendly relationship with my ex, because we still own a house together and like I said, it looked like we were going to continue to be best friends, but she's kept her distance to enable me to get over her and my depression is turning me into a jealous piece of shit, my mind races about all kinds of nonsense and as much as I can tell myself she doesn't hate me, it's a totally different animal when you feel in your gut that no one cares about you and that she's ignoring you, laughing it up with someone new. It's amazing how pathetic depression can make you feel, your brain makes you feel absolutely worthless, but then convinces you that it's just 'first world problems' and a lot of people have things a lot worse, so why do you have the right to feel so appalling? I'm just in a horridly vicious cycle at the moment. Unable to motivate myself to be able to do something creative and functional, and therefore unable to take my mind off all the mistakes that I've made and make a fresh start - and the only way i'll be able to motivate myself to do something productive would be to be able to get over my mistakes, so it feels like an insurmountable task. I'd second Flink's sentiments and suggest trying to see if you can get any help from some professionals with all of that - it's certainly a big chunk of things to be going through; and as you say/recognise it can be really difficult to be rational or believe realities whilst you're in the throngs of it. Can be so much more difficult with a lack of support network around you too.
Shorty Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Ladyfriend came over on Wednesday, we watched more HP and I convinced her to play through Journey - tried my hardest not to spoil anything but I kinda did halfway through. She absolutely loved it. Had a bit of a chat Wednesday evening, think we're gonna have some stuff to work past going forwards. It's only been a few weeks but it does feel like aaages - took a bit of a plunge yesterday morning and very gayly asked if I could call her my girlfriend - seems that we're on the same page Lucky bastard
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