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About Julius

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    Frequent Poster
  • Birthday 12/24/98

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  • Nintendo Systems Owned
    DS, Wii, DSi, 2DS, New 3DS XL, Switch, NES Classic, SNES Classic, Wii U
  • Other Systems Owned
    PS1, PS2, Xbox 360, PS4, PS3, PS Vita, PS5
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  1. Taking a Break

    Hey N-E, This is something I've been going back and forth in my head over for a few months now, and while I'll get into it more below, the short and long of it is that I'm going to be taking a break from posting on and visiting the forums for a while due to my mental health. I'm not sure if it'll be a month, or two, or six, or longer. This didn't really feel like it belonged in the good, or bad, or neutral stuff threads, and the main reason I wanted to say something about taking a break is because I feel like I post regularly enough that just stopping out of the blue might be cause for concern, and I didn't want anyone worrying for my wellbeing, just based on some comments I've made in the past on here about my mental health not exactly being up to snuff. The reason that I've decided to take that step now is because I've been off work for the last month - one week of that as planned annual leave, though I spent the entirety of that week stuck in bed - initially due to episodes of vertigo, extreme levels of fatigue, and a few other symptoms. I do a lot of self-reflection and introspection, but looking back at the last few months as I've been able to with no distractions due to being cooped up in bed the last few weeks, I've realised that, deep down, I'm quite plainly not happy - I normally get down while I'm sick due to the sheer fact that I am sick, and it annoys me because I'm at a stage where I hate being sick with a passion, just because of what I've gone through over the last few years with being sick pretty incessantly. There's been a lot of middle-of-the-night outbursts of crying while I just stare out of the window, or sit up on my bed in a dark room. In hindsight, for the last six months or so I think I've had every tell-tale sign of stress, or burnout, or however you want to label it, ranging from a burning scalp and shedding way more hair than usual (no family history of balding) to an eczema breakout basically looking like it has aged the skin on one of my fingers by some 50 years, to eating unhealthily and binge-eating to not eating at all and putting on a load of weight in a pretty small period of time (overweight for the first time in my life and a bunch of stretch marks can attest to the fact that my body wasn't built for this weight, though I can make peace with stretch marks as I still have a bunch from when I started working out in high school), to nearly collapsing a few times due to sheer exhaustion, to brain fog, to struggling to sleep and struggling to wake up, and so on. I think I've got out less this year than I did in 2020. On top of all this, my work life simply sucks these days - and that's all I'll say about that part of my life I think. And financially, while coping, out two-person apartment energy bills have gone from £60 to nearly £300 per month and apparently I'm £1000 in debt (yeah...I'm not going to be taking that lying down) due to some botched job at my energy provider. I have blood tests tomorrow and an eye test on Sunday to confirm that everything is as it should be, but reflecting on the last 5 or 6 years of my life and all of my previous illnesses, I think while maybe I could turn up deficient somewhere (because of eating inconsistently/binge-eating), I'm not remotely scared that it's something more serious, in terms of being a life-threatening X or Y (mental health is, of course, very serious). I'd kind of love for it to be, just because then I'd have answers, but I don't think that will be the case. I think it's most likely going to be mental. Yesterday I placed a phone call that I've been putting off the last couple of years, which was to get the ball rolling on therapy. It was long overdue. And it was kind of heartbreaking, even just for an initial assessment, to explain some of the stuff I went through as a kid, whether it was with my family, or a particular friend in high school, or a bunch of other events, to a complete stranger over the phone. It got even more heartbreaking when, even after all of my introspection and reflection, a bunch of questions basically asking how often I find myself feeling down turned into "yeah, that's how I feel pretty much all the time...and I have done for years. I can't remember the last time I didn't feel like that." Again, to reiterate: I don't self-harm, I won't start to; I haven't planned to do anything stupid and will continue not to, and I have my own personal reasons for having such a strong stance on this. I went through something with someone growing up which gave me a deep resolve that I could never seriously consider suicide as an option. I could never even remotely consider putting someone through what I went through at that age. I'm not looking forward to tackling all of that with someone, to be honest - but I know I need to. I was referred to see a clinical psychologist, and today I've started reaching out to some of their recommended practitioners in my local area. I'm scared, to be honest, but I feel like I'm already on my way to getting to the root of my issues from years of reflection on a lot of these events and my thoughts on them - but I need direction to dig deeper, ask harder questions, and learn how to manage things from here. I think it's going to be a struggle, but I've got to try to wrestle back some level of control over my life. Which brings me onto taking a break from N-E: to be honest, I've struggled more and more as the year has gone on to post here, and when I have, looking back, I think it's mostly come from a place of trying to distract myself from everything that's been going on around me; same goes for how I've been treating games and other forms of escapism. I don't think I've even posted in this year's Gaming Diary thread, which is crazy, because it's a thread I normally love to write longer pieces for. The last couple of months I've been trying my best to step back and not rush to post something first - a habit I have definitely found myself getting into; this obviously isn't a fault of N-E's, but rather just shows what my relationship with this place has become, and it doesn't feel healthy to me deep down when I scramble to put up a thread. For the same reason, I'm even trying to delay gratification wherever I can elsewhere - even though I'm signed off from work I still haven't watched Andor, and probably won't until the weekend. It's going to be a bunch of small steps. While I'm definitely going to miss talking about games and everything else I talk about on here with you all, I think the best step for me right now is to focus as much as I can on my own path, and just putting one foot in front of the other until it becomes normal again. I have weight to lose, my mental health to improve, and just generally need to find a way to at least be more content, if not a bit happier, with my life. And I simply have no idea how long that's going to take. So, until next time, whenever that is, N-E - it's been a pleasure, and take care of yourselves while I'm gone!
  2. The Best Gaming Music Ever.

    Was watching Dunkey's Nintendo Direct vs Sony Direct video, got to Bayonetta 3, and he played Riders of the Light... ...and now I need to play Bayonetta. I already knew SEGA's Sound Team generally went hard, but damn, that's one hell of a track!
  3. In a shocking turn of events that no-one could have predicted, RADWIMPS will be in charge of the soundtrack for Makoto Shinkai's next film, Suzuke no Tojimari. In other news, water is wet
  4. Grand Theft Auto VI

    Just imagine
  5. The trend of job listing announcements and underwhelming blog entries for huge projects continues. From EA's news section: Such an interesting time for the industry when it's a constant toss of the (three-sided?) coin on whether a game is announced closer to launch, gets a CGI trailer years out, or is shuffled onto a blog down some back alley. I'm definitely surprised in this case, just considering the property involved, and maybe even more so considering D23 was just a couple of weeks ago! See you in 2025 or 2026
  6. As is tradition: GameXplain's mega-analysis for Tears of the Kingdom comes in at nearly 50 minutes long! Takes me back to the simpler times of watching their old BOTW (Zelda for NX!) trailer and gameplay breakdowns Short answer: no Longer answer:
  7. Not related to the eShop, but related to the winding down of services for both consoles: Image Share will be discontinued as of 25th October 2022.
  8. Playstation 5 Console Discussion

    Yeah, I think you're right about that. Also, with the detachable disc drive either being bundled in or sold separately, I think that in light of the recent pricing changes for both the Digital and Disc Editions of the PS5 as a result of the current economic climate, this is a great opportunity to give people the push to buy the console at a Digital Edition price of £389.99 rather than the Disc Edition at £479.99, and then at some time down the road, leave it up to them to pick up the detachable disc drive. And if they never pick up the detachable disc drive? Well then, PlayStation get the even greater benefit of more digital sales! Got to imagine Xbox are considering it for the Series S, I swear there were rumours dating back to the all-digital Xbox One S that they were planning on something like this.
  9. Playstation 5 Console Discussion

    According to Tom Henderson, the PS5 is set to get a new model next year...with a detachable disc drive. This model is reportedly set to replace the current models.
  10. Grand Theft Auto VI

    Yeah, apparently the guy leaking everything attempted to blackmail Rockstar...which seemingly didn't go as planned. Looks like Rockstar are trying to file takedowns on YouTube, but once it's out there, well...it's out there Apparently he's also threatening to leak the source code for GTA V and GTA VI, too. So, unfortunately, it looks like it could still get worse for Rockstar if there's any truth to what he's saying
  11. Grand Theft Auto VI

    So, maybe one of the biggest leaks in the history of the industry went down earlier today. Bunch of clips posted of a very early, in-development GTA VI, with code and low poly models all over the shop, but might give an idea of some of the ideas they're trying to implement (such as more ways to interact with NPC's). And it's been confirmed to be real by Jason Schreier: Honestly...this sucks. The announcement was very lackluster (but hey, that's seemingly the industry standard these days, that or a CGI trailer), but Rockstar seemed to be heading in the right direction in terms of representation, treatment of staff, trying to avoid crunch and some of their previous pitfalls, etc. And then a dev build, which is super rough and likely includes some prototype ideas, leaks like this.
  12. Final Fantasy XVI (Summer 2023)

    Somewhat surprisingly considering their plans to show the game at last year's TGS, this game skipped it this year, at least in terms of showing up in a big way. Still, we got a couple of tidbits, like this wonderful promo art, reaffirming that Summer 2023 release window: Yoshi-P also turned up at the TGS Japan Game Awards and revealed that he expects the next trailer for the game to come out around next month, and that in the next info drop after that, they plan to share the game's release date.
  13. A Collector's Edition was also announced for Switch, PS4, and PS5: Seems to only be available at the moment from the Square Enix Store, priced at £169.99. Looks good, but it was always to struggle to live up to the first game's pop-up: