Goafer Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Maybe that's just his personality? You could always ask him to do more in terms of travelling/transport, but the rest may just be the way he is. Basically, you need to talk to him about your concerns.
Magnus Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Talk to him? That's just crazy enough to work!
Frank Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 My relationship is becoming rather... odd. I feel like I'm the man/trousers of the relationship. I drive to him most of the time, i drive us places when I do go to see him, I am the "decision maker" and the breadwinner (by a considerable amount) and I'm always looking after him. And I'm the one that always wants sex....he's the one that says he's tired.... And he's the mushy one that likes hugs and I'm the one with the sore shoulder... I'm not sure how much I like it... I'm by no means a controlling person, quite the opposite... :/ What dooo I doooooo forum? Abolish this old-fashioned view that the man must be strong and the "breadwinner" !! We are a modern society whereby these constricts placed on us should be gone!
gaggle64 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 My relationship is becoming rather... odd. I feel like I'm the man/trousers of the relationship. I drive to him most of the time, i drive us places when I do go to see him, I am the "decision maker" and the breadwinner (by a considerable amount) and I'm always looking after him. And I'm the one that always wants sex....he's the one that says he's tired.... And he's the mushy one that likes hugs and I'm the one with the sore shoulder... I'm not sure how much I like it... I'm by no means a controlling person, quite the opposite... :/ What dooo I doooooo forum? By the sounds of it you both need to have a frank conversation about your needs and what your priorities are. The "honeymoon" period is at an end and you're now starting to look at him and wondering if this is a guy you're going to be putting serious effort into having a longer relationship with. With work and compromise you might bridge the gap but if his primary needs are emotional attention and yours are sex & independence it may be worth wondering if you can't find somebody else who's a better fit (or even multiple people, judging by your appetite ).
MoogleViper Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Signed up to OKCupid two nights ago. Messaged somebody last night after I saw she mentioned SG1 on her profile. Only on the second message but so far she's mentioned so many shows I love (SG1, GoT, LOTR, The Returned). What is the soonest that it's acceptable to propose?
Goafer Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 What is the soonest that it's acceptable to propose? Is she from a middle eastern country? If so, I believe about 3 years old is acceptable if your parents barter a donkey and an acre of fertile land.
MoogleViper Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Is she from a middle eastern country? If so, I believe about 3 years old is acceptable if your parents barter a donkey and an acre of fertile land. I said soonest, not youngest. Believe me, I know how young I can go. Also she's French, but I won't hold that against her.
jayseven Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 My relationship is becoming rather... odd. I feel like I'm the man/trousers of the relationship. I drive to him most of the time, i drive us places when I do go to see him, I am the "decision maker" and the breadwinner (by a considerable amount) and I'm always looking after him. And I'm the one that always wants sex....he's the one that says he's tired.... And he's the mushy one that likes hugs and I'm the one with the sore shoulder... I'm not sure how much I like it... I'm by no means a controlling person, quite the opposite... :/ What dooo I doooooo forum? I think Frank has the right idea. There's nothing wrong with him being how you describe him, but of course there is also nothing wrong with you preferring the alternative. However, is it right to have a serious conversation and ask him to change several elements of his personality? Or is it right to accept that the differences are too severe, and it may be more sensible to accept the mismatch and move on? Compromise is not about severe changes of behaviour as much as it is about awakening hidden senses of understanding, and accepting that people aren't what you imagined they were. Also you've been 'going steady' (like a boat in a tsunami) with this guy for a while so perhaps you're entering a new phase of the relationship. My gf drives to see me and drives me around and I'd say that having a chauffeur is more pimp than being the taxi driver. And if he's the one who decides whether you have sex or not, then that's pretty controlling too. That he earns less money... well that's strangely shallow R_A :P slap yourself on the wrist for that one! :P
Beast Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 With work and compromise you might bridge the gap but if his primary needs are emotional attention and yours are sex & independence it may be worth wondering if you can't find somebody else who's a better fit (or even multiple people, judging by your appetite ).
nightwolf Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 My gf drives to see me and drives me around and I'd say that having a chauffeur is more pimp than being the taxi driver. And if he's the one who decides whether you have sex or not, then that's pretty controlling too. That he earns less money... well that's strangely shallow R_A :P slap yourself on the wrist for that one! :P Not exactly fair, I'd say that for some people that it's nice to be with someone who financially is similar to you. Or able to drive. Or be a little more dominant/decisive in a relationship. For instance, after being with a few different people who cannot drive, its a sore point for me. I spend a lot of my time driving people around, family/coworkers/friends, because none of them drive. Its nice for a partner to be able to drive also. It's not something to turn down a relationship over, but I can see where R_A is coming from!
MoogleViper Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 It depends. @Raining_again, is it because he has less money, or is it just that you would prefer the more traditional gender roles with the man as the breadwinner?
Charlie Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Not exactly fair, I'd say that for some people that it's nice to be with someone who financially is similar to you. Or able to drive. Or be a little more dominant/decisive in a relationship. For instance, after being with a few different people who cannot drive, its a sore point for me. I spend a lot of my time driving people around, family/coworkers/friends, because none of them drive. Its nice for a partner to be able to drive also. It's not something to turn down a relationship over, but I can see where R_A is coming from! I think it is fair although I can understand why some people would think it is quite harsh. I've had a relationship in the past where the girl was a student and had very little money to do anything. We could never go out for drinks or a meal unless I paid, she didn't want to do much except watch films in her room due to lack of cash. It really put a strain on it. You need someone who is in a similar position to yourself otherwise you won't be able to do the things that you want to be doing.
Daft Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 My relationship is becoming rather... odd. I feel like I'm the man/trousers of the relationship. I drive to him most of the time, i drive us places when I do go to see him, I am the "decision maker" and the breadwinner (by a considerable amount) and I'm always looking after him. And I'm the one that always wants sex....he's the one that says he's tired.... And he's the mushy one that likes hugs and I'm the one with the sore shoulder... I'm not sure how much I like it... I'm by no means a controlling person, quite the opposite... :/ What dooo I doooooo forum? People usually don't change. Dump him. Maybe.
Zechs Merquise Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 My relationship is becoming rather... odd. I feel like I'm the man/trousers of the relationship. I drive to him most of the time, i drive us places when I do go to see him, I am the "decision maker" and the breadwinner (by a considerable amount) and I'm always looking after him. And I'm the one that always wants sex....he's the one that says he's tired.... And he's the mushy one that likes hugs and I'm the one with the sore shoulder... I'm not sure how much I like it... I'm by no means a controlling person, quite the opposite... :/ What dooo I doooooo forum? Take it from me, what you want is totally natural and healthy. Most women want a strong alpha male - a provider and someone they feel safe with, not some wimpy beta who has to ask permission to change the channel. No guy who behaves like that will make a woman weak at the knees and want to be carried off to the bedroom for a session of wild love making. It is totally normal for you to want a guy to sweep you off your feet, take you to the bed room and make your legs go weak as he pleasures you. You just need a real man, and from the sounds of it you have a high sex drive, which means you want a man who can keep the pace! If a guy just wants 'snuggles', there's something wrong with the relationship!
Serebii Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 And still I get next to no responses. When I do miraculously get a response, I respond as you would when having a conversation and get no response. I give up.
Beast Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 And still I get next to no responses. When I do miraculously get a response, I respond as you would when having a conversation and get no response. I give up. Never give up. If I've learned anything from this week, it's that. Using a totally different angle here but I've been handing out CVs for literally years in the hope of a job that's near full-time hours. I've had part-time jobs and nothing more. This week, however, I've bagged myself a full-time job. After seven years of looking, I've finally gone and done it. I've learned that the things you want may take a while but when you find the right one and she's right for you, isn't that worth the wait in the end? Would you rather have a girl right now who turns out to be a complete arseturd or would you be patient and find someone who's right for you? Be patient. I know it's easy to say and hard to do but these things can take time and the journey is so much more important than the destination sometimes. I've been single since I was 17/18 and I've not had a relationship since. I've kissed a girl and...something happened with another but nothing ever truly developed into a relationship, which is something I long for. I'm now 23, going to be 24 in five months time but I'm pretty damn sure that one day, I'll have someone who's worth the wait and I'm sure you will too! Take it from me, what you want is totally natural and healthy. Most women want a strong alpha male - a provider and someone they feel safe with, not some wimpy beta who has to ask permission to change the channel. No guy who behaves like that will make a woman weak at the knees and want to be carried off to the bedroom for a session of wild love making. It is totally normal for you to want a guy to sweep you off your feet, take you to the bed room and make your legs go weak as he pleasures you. You just need a real man, and from the sounds of it you have a high sex drive, which means you want a man who can keep the pace! If a guy just wants 'snuggles', there's something wrong with the relationship!
Serebii Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 (edited) Never give up. If I've learned anything from this week, it's that. Using a totally different angle here but I've been handing out CVs for literally years in the hope of a job that's near full-time hours. I've had part-time jobs and nothing more. This week, however, I've bagged myself a full-time job. After seven years of looking, I've finally gone and done it. I've learned that the things you want may take a while but when you find the right one and she's right for you, isn't that worth the wait in the end? Would you rather have a girl right now who turns out to be a complete arseturd or would you be patient and find someone who's right for you? Be patient. I know it's easy to say and hard to do but these things can take time and the journey is so much more important than the destination sometimes. I've been single since I was 17/18 and I've not had a relationship since. I've kissed a girl and...something happened with another but nothing ever truly developed into a relationship, which is something I long for. I'm now 23, going to be 24 in five months time but I'm pretty damn sure that one day, I'll have someone who's worth the wait and I'm sure you will too! That's the thing. I've been going for years. My friends don't go out often anymore. Half of my close friends are now engaged, one has a kid. As such, any meetups are round someone's place, so minimal chance of meeting people there. I work at home which is awesome for flexibility, but horrible for meeting people. Dating sites were necessary, but they just don't work for me for some reason. I just need to give up and focus on building robots to take over the planet. I'm closer to 30 than 25 now and it's getting a bit ridiculous :/ Edited January 24, 2014 by Serebii
Beast Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 That's the thing. I've been going for years. My friends don't go out often anymore. Half of my close friends are now engaged, one has a kid. As such, any meetups are round someone's place, so minimal chance of meeting people there. I work at home which is awesome for flexibility, but horrible for meeting people. Dating sites were necessary, but they just don't work for me for some reason. I just need to give up and focus on building robots to take over the planet. I'm closer to 30 than 25 now and it's getting a bit ridiculous :/ You're in a better position than I am. I hardly ever go out because I don't have any friends bar one and I'm usually round her house on a weekend. In the week, I'm working so I've hardly got time to meet people anyway. I'm not having much luck on dating sites either but I know that there might be someone out there for me. Just don't give in on that, k? :awesome:
drahkon Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I give up. Please don't. It's the worst thing you could do. I've been single for a year now, haven't had any luck with girls, too, but fuck me, there is no way I would ever give up. If I don't try, well, what's the point in getting up every morning? Yes, I have no idea what it's like to have social anxiety as you said you have, but still: Don't you ever give up. Let me tell you something: I don't consider myself attractive, I don't have a well-toned body, I can be a real asshole, I like to talk about myself (as you may have already figured out :p ) and when it comes to talking to a girl I'm always a nervous wreck. But I still try. If I hadn't I wouldn't have found so many great friends a couple of months ago. If I hadn't I wouldn't have had two relationships that made me who I am now. Even if things don't work out with one person (no matter if you want to date or just meet people to find new friends), there are thousands in your vicinity who you can get to know. It's just as @Animal said: I know that there might be someone out there for me. Even if it doesn't seem like that: There is someone out there for you. In fact, there are many out there for you and it's only a matter of time when you will meet one.
gaggle64 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Casual reminder that people do have casual sex beyond the age of thirty. Friendly reminder that the game of life is not a race. Intense reminder that you are super cool motherfucker. This is your time. Seize the day. Never surrender. Victory or death. That's the Chicago way.
jayseven Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 @Serebii I have told my friends that I know of the owner/runner/whatevertitleyouhave of one of the world's biggest pokemon websites (I would say THE but I don't think there are any 90s-designed websites that are actually leading the field anywhere, so I hedge my bets) and every time the are in awe. Like, seriously - you meet these people they would be all stuttering and star-struck and in awe of you. Now, I'm not saying that you should approach random girls with this attitude -- I get that you have some sort of shame/guilt thing which is totally undeserved, but I am saying (again?! is this 2011?) that you have to be comfortable with yourself first before you will find someone who is comfortable with you. If you are constantly seeking recognition or acceptance then you will only find sadness and depression. Type stuff. I do have this one work colleague who would totally bone you - but if you were all coy and "mmmnhhh I want you to reassure me" then she would immediately be switched off. She's seen your pictures and everything. Would bone you. She. Would. Bone. You. Srsly. The looks = good. It's the attitude. ATTITUDE. Also if you learn Swedish then she would probably forgive a lot of attitude stuff. Just speak swedish all the time and she wouldn't care what you said (she can't speak a word of it, just has a thing for the language) she loves pokemon, loves swedish language, and loves sex.
Ramar Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 She's seen your pictures and everything. Would bone you. She. Would. Bone. You. Srsly. She would bone him?...Are we sure, that she is in fact a she? :awesome:
Ellmeister Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 @Serebii I have told my friends that I know of the owner/runner/whatevertitleyouhave of one of the world's biggest pokemon websites (I would say THE but I don't think there are any 90s-designed websites that are actually leading the field anywhere, so I hedge my bets) and every time the are in awe. Like, seriously - you meet these people they would be all stuttering and star-struck and in awe of you. Now, I'm not saying that you should approach random girls with this attitude -- I get that you have some sort of shame/guilt thing which is totally undeserved, but I am saying (again?! is this 2011?) that you have to be comfortable with yourself first before you will find someone who is comfortable with you. If you are constantly seeking recognition or acceptance then you will only find sadness and depression. Type stuff. I do have this one work colleague who would totally bone you - but if you were all coy and "mmmnhhh I want you to reassure me" then she would immediately be switched off. She's seen your pictures and everything. Would bone you. She. Would. Bone. You. Srsly. The looks = good. It's the attitude. ATTITUDE. Also if you learn Swedish then she would probably forgive a lot of attitude stuff. Just speak swedish all the time and she wouldn't care what you said (she can't speak a word of it, just has a thing for the language) she loves pokemon, loves swedish language, and loves sex. Tried translating #missionserebii to Swedish and it just came out with #missionserebii
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