Eddage Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 A stranger threw lego at my face the other day. I just didn't know what to make of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 A stranger threw lego at my face the other day. I just didn't know what to make of it. Hmm. The build up was too big. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nintendohnut Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 The healthiest part of the donut is the hole. Unfortunately, you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there. Awwwwwww yeeeeeeaaaaah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oxigen_Waste Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Why did sally fall off the swing? Because Billy threw a fridge at her. Damn, I thought she had no arms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted December 23, 2010 Share Posted December 23, 2010 Why didn't she get back up? Because she had no legs. ------------- I used be to quite indecisive...now I'm not so sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted December 23, 2010 Share Posted December 23, 2010 I'm not gay, but my boyfriend thinks I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heroicjanitor Posted December 23, 2010 Share Posted December 23, 2010 What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadDog Posted December 23, 2010 Share Posted December 23, 2010 My girlfriend just randomly started screaming at me for no reason. "YOU PUT ME SECOND TO EVERYTHING! SECOND TO YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR JOB, EVEN YOUR FUCKING PS3! I'M SICK OF BEING SECOND-BEST!!" I said "Well that would make you 4th best, you thick cunt." ---------- FIFA blames Panorama for 2018 World Cup bid failure. FIFA says: "England crossed the line." Ohhh, you fucking noticed that one this time did you? ---------- The wife just gave me a massive bollocking for throwing a snowball at our son. To top it off, I've been banned from the maternity ward. ---------- Well, that's my Christmas ruined. I've just seen on Wikileaks what my parents have got me. ---------- I lost my wife in a car crash yesterday. It's her own fault for not wearing a seat belt in a convertible, fuck knows where she went. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mad Monkey Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 Whats hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, starts with a C, ends in T and has the letters U and N in the middle? A coconut. I was chatting to some bird outside the pub last night. She dropped a coin on the floor and bent over to pick it up. I said, "While you're down there". She unzipped my trousers and started sucking my cock, I couldn't believe it. I only wanted her to tie up my shoe lace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog-amoto Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession. She said, "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a Transformer. It's stupid. I've had enough and I'm leaving you." I said, "But, Baby, I can change." She said, "There you go again!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goafer Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 Came home the other day to find my girlfriend sat on the doorstep with her bags packed. She said "I'm leaving you because I heard you were a pedophile" I said "That's a bit word for a six year old" A man and a child are walking through the forest late at night. The boy says "I'm scared" The man says "Just think about how I feel, I have to walk back alone" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ipaul Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club. I was confused, I'd never met herbivore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heroicjanitor Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use some lubricant. ###################################### What's the difference between pink and purple? The grip. ###################################### What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diageo Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 So, I got "Inception" on DVD for Christmas. Had to open 4 DVD cases to get to the disk though. ***************************************************************************** I asked Santa for something to wear and something to play with.I got a pair of trousers with holes in the pockets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadDog Posted December 28, 2010 Share Posted December 28, 2010 A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that." ---------- No YouPorn I do not want to play poker, I'm at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted December 29, 2010 Share Posted December 29, 2010 I think it's unfair to say that blonde women are stupid. In my experience all women are equally as stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rummy Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Venison's dear, isn't it? -------------------------------------- Stationery store moves! Both stolen from a Jimmy Carr standup I saw recently where he was attempted the world's shortest jokes, 4 word and 3 word. He may even have had a 2 word one, I can't remember it now tho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diageo Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Venison's dear, isn't it?-------------------------------------- Stationery store moves! Both stolen from a Jimmy Carr standup I saw recently where he was attempted the world's shortest jokes, 4 word and 3 word. He may even have had a 2 word one, I can't remember it now tho. I believe it was Dwarf Shortage. Do I agree that education is getting too expensive?To a degree, yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayseven Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 My sister made up a joke when she was like 5. How long's a gun? A KILLERmetre! ¬__¬ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellmeister Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Jay's sister wins the thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nintendohnut Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 There must be an N-E award for her out there somewhere. Come on, that's amazing. It's like a Christmas cracker joke, for god's sake! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 There must be an N-E award for her out there somewhere. Come on, that's amazing. It's like a Christmas cracker joke, for god's sake! Christmas cracker jokes? Hi there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bard Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 A Christ is for life, not just for Dogmas. -------------------------------------- I buy my dog Cartesian food. I-ams -------------------------------------- What? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EEVILMURRAY Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 I told my girlfriend I had a wank over my ex-girlfriend last night. I knew it wrong but I've got a spare key and she's a heavy sleepr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beast Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 My mate told me this joke and I thought it was a little funny...although it could potentially offend one person here, haha. Boyfriend and girlfriend come home from a date. Girlfriend tells her mom she's going up to her room with her boyfriend. Mom seems a bit hesitant at first but let's them Both go upstairs and after five minutes, mom hears girl scream "BABY! BABY! BABY! OH!" Mom runs upstairs and bursts into the girl's room. "Oh my God, GET OUT, MOM! I'M HAVING SEX!" she screams. "Oh thank fuck for that!" the mom says. "I thought you were listening to Justin Bieber!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts