The General Public

[McPhee]

Here's another Sainsbury's classic moment. As I'm sure some may remember there was an advert a few years back where it stated that we "scan and pack" which was shown in such a patronising manner:

 

Two women talking about lip stick or some shit, at the checkout, about to pack as is the customers duty, then bitchslapped by the cashier who says "I'll do that, we scan and pack now". The woman pulls a surprised look, like she's just seen a cock for the first time.

 

The sexy thing about this is that no one told us before this advert was broadcast, so you got customers acting high and mighty, standing there tapping their feet like Sonic the Hedgehog. Then we get told behind the scenes, pack the first 3 items. Millions of pounds gone into an advertising campaign where we pack the first 3 items.

 

But then the old demographic enter the fray again, after not falling into a parallel dimension (Magical Trevor was out of stock, we had a shitload of beans though [ha.]) holding 3 baskets, one on each hand, one on their head. Offload everything, breaking the sound barrier with their speed. As soon as they get to the till they've suddenly had their strength sapped from them, they can't move two paces without breaking down into a fit of coughing. That's how frail they really are. As soon as they find out there's no small trolley for them - They go Incredible Hulk Mode. Green skin. Beige tweed clothes rip off and they run around the store for the Sainsbury's Basics spagetti. Soon as they reach the belt after offloading - Bruce Banner Regression.

 

I had one such prick over the summer, trundles along, not a care in the world. Drops his items off nicely. Soon as I say hello:

Prick "Ooh I have a dodgy arm."

Me *whispering* "Is that your subtle way of saying you need help?"

Prick *whispering* "I think so."

I was tempted to grab the lock to the till and crack his skull.

 

Over the summer I perfected a way of "offering" my packing services. I ask:

"Are you alright for your packing?"

Because it implies they're too weak and is a cracking insult if they're not. Sometimes I lend a hand while they're offloading or they're just too slow to keep up with my amazing scanning prowess. Naturally the old demographic comes again and mince their words. "I wouldn't mind a bit of help" they say, which implies they're going to do something themselves. No. "A bit of help" is actually pension talk for "Do it all now, war story blah blah got any stamps".

 

At least you ain't on counters, i actually have to pretend i like these people! They come for a chat almost every day

 

"Have you got any meat?"

 

"No madam, IT'S ONLY THE FUCKING MEAT COUNTER!"

 

or

 

"Have you got any vegetarian kebabs?"

 

This was a classic, possibly the dumbest shit i've ever met. Other highlights being him thinking beef is the body of the cow and pork the legs...

 

my personal favourite:

 

"You can't touch that with you're hands! It's against health and safety!"

 

I've have at least one person a week argue this with me, even had one guy argue with a health inspector! The only complaint i've ever had against me was because i got so fed up arguing with a customer that i removed my shoe and picked they're sausages with my foot. Should have been suspended for it, only got away with it on the basis of "glowing customer feedback". That and the distinct lack of staff, suspending me would have meant no meat counter!

 

Also, WHO THE FUCK QUEUES OUTSIDE A SUPERMARKET AT 6AM? The store doesn't open until 7 and yet we get 10-20 people every morning!

[tapedeck]

Indeed Murray. Supermarkets..!!

 

I work part time on tills in Asda and it is possibly THE worst job ever.

 

It seems like every family mimicking the Waltons expects you to pack for them. Whilst they bitch about relatives/friends or to their kids. Or they bitch that you just packed their eggs UNDER their wine. Retards.

 

Then you get the feckin' idiots that feed their kids kinder eggs, apples, prozac, cif etc and say "oh, scan this"...Whilst handing you a scrap of fucking paper or a buggered up box. And indeed the OLD PEOPLE!!! Buying papers, milk, cream cakes at 8am sharp and bitchin' that the world is a cold, cold place. It's December paps. I'm taking bets on your life-expectancy here. Codgers!

 

Man I hate my skanky job. Then you get the weekends which are like the HOLY grail to the shitty arse wiping "assistant" managers enabling them to ream out such morsels of shit such as "we need the cover on a Saturday night" and "it's part of your contract".

Stick my contract up your loose asda arses you pricks.

 

 

I had to ID someone last week for cider and he had no id (looked 16). He went mad at my till and said it was because he had just shaved. I said I needed to see ID. He then lifted his shirt up and said ...DOES AN UNDER AGED PERSON HAVE A HAIRY CHEST!!

Without laughing I said "I wanna see your ID NOT your hairy nipples"!!!

 

And he left the store and I went on with my shit, shit job. Why do they always buy cider...tut tut.

[mcj metroid]

i've yet to encounter anything memorable. I work un a show shop so im not expecting much....Although i do get very annoying kids questioning whether i;m a guy or girl.. or annoying girl groups whiespering shit like"would ya do him would ya"

[or else you will DIE]

this is a good thread.

[Letty]

The PeerieShop Cafe:

 

All I can think of is this crazy woman who is always in there, and she earns a living playing the oboe on the bank steps.

She always does really weird things, like it was closing time once, and she was upstairs getting changed in the middle of the floor! Like, down to her underwear. And another time she came into the kitchen and started doing the washing up for no apparent reason.

And there are some stairs round the back where the other staff go to smoke, and she pushed one of my friends down the steps once :s

 

And she never leaves when we ask her : /

[LegoMan1031]

I work as a Security Officer for a town centre. Last week i was with one of the local P.C.S.O's and he was putting a parking ticket on a car that had parked in the middle of a service yard (yes the centre!), the argos delivery lorry could not get in- manager was not happy. Guy walks over to us, 'excuse me is it ok to park there (pointed to his car)?' To which no i replied, he asks why and i said coz its got double yellow lines on the road, 'well don't you think you should have signs?', 'NO, its double yellow lines....' The man just looked at us and eventually walked away and muttered something under his voice. Note: If you have a driving licence surely you must know what double yellow lines stand for!!!!!

 

The owner of the car being booked turned up not looking very impressed at seeing a ticket on his car. 'It's a disabled car! The law states i can park on double yellow with a disabled badge!' To which we responded 'yes thats true but 1. You have not got ur badge on display to prove this and 2. Your parked in the middle of a road. He went to kick off on us till his daughter said something on the lines of, they have a point dad, and he got in his car and drove off.

 

I used to work in ASDA, first in the bakery and then on security and got about milloion stores i could tell from them. Customers in a shop are just stupid on the whole (as i'm sure most of u agree!).

[Guest Jordan]

She always does really weird things, like it was closing time once, and she was upstairs getting changed in the middle of the floor! Like, down to her underwear.

 

And she never leaves when we ask her : /

 

My personal favourite was when she walked in, took a jacket off the lost and found rack and just put it on and walked out.

[ReZourceman]

I never had any problems when I was on counters at Waitrose.

 

There were the annoying people...I like to refer to them as "pikeys" they come in around half an hour before closing, every single day like clock work just to pick up some bargains. There were three ;

 

An Indian (He was the nicest of the bunch, so didnt mind doing favours for him) the Mole (she looked like a mole) and Jesus (He was Jesus) Jesus was the worst. They demand you reduce stuff to a ridiculous figure. Like...they dont ask they demand

 

"I want that ham for 10p"

 

...."I cant do it for 10p"

 

"20p, Im not going any higher"

 

"....I can't"

 

"How much then?"

 

"...50p"

 

"....*Sigh* Fine, Ill take it"

 

All annoyed. Fucking pikey wankers. I mean bargain hunters are fine, but this is just a ridiculous level of pikeyness. And of course as they all came in everyday they all knew each other. Sad.

[EEVILMURRAY]

"I want that ham for 10p. Talk to me."

 

...."I cant do it for 10p"

 

"20p, Finaloffa"

 

"....I can't"

 

"Alright, ya twisting ma fuckin' arm. How much then?"

 

"...50p"

 

"....*Sigh* Fine, Ill take it"

 

Remixed for the modern generation.

[ipaul]

This is one of the funniest threads in quite some time, well done

[Ashley]

Stories from today:

 

I told some guy we can't refund a steering wheel because it had been opened but because it was still in good condition we'd put the money on a gift card as a good will gesture. Then we had the conversation I've had several times before; "But its like new" "But it has been used" "But only briefly" "But its still been used, no matter how briefly". Then he huffed and said "just do it before you get me more annoyed" As if hes the only one who is allowed to be annoyed. Sorry that the steering wheel was a bit too big for your child, but thats not my fault. Dufus.

 

And I was refunding a PS3 for some lady and it was taking a while as it was a long process and some woman just jumped infront of several people and said "you've been chatting too long, I've been waiting twenty minutes [which I doubt very much]" and tried to force some money and games into my hand. I just told her I was serving someone and apologised for the wait but she would have to.

[Raining_again]

Hmmm, I don't get customers as such, people that need the service (district nursing, home from hosp service)

 

Had a physiotherapist on once who didn't like the way i answered the phone (I got "Stop your blabbering, what are you talking about") The next time I had her on the phone she made her assistant ring so she didn't have to listen to it..

 

*sigh*

 

I think i made it worse but "accidentally" asking if she was an occupational therapist haha XD

 

Also on the other hand, we get a lot of patients ringing too.

 

I had a cancer patient on the phone crying his heart out, i have to say that was a lot harder to deal with than any nasty person.

[Charlie]

CRACKDOWN ON KIDS ON BOOZE

Dec 28 2007

 

 

 

By

 

 

POLICE in rural villages have spoken of their concern after finding a group of youths with more than 20 litres of booze on Saturday.

 

The haul was uncovered during a proactive policing operation which aimed to deter potential problems from a disco being held in Killearn.

 

Officers were out in force in both plain clothes and in uniform including in Killearn, Kippen and Balfron, checking known teen hotspots and meeting areas when they uncovered the haul from a 30-strong group at a bus stop in Killearn.

 

Three of the group were found with the booze which was seized, but it has sparked questions about where the alcool was bought from.

 

Constable Paul Barr, Community Officer for Blanefield, said: “The robust action taken by the police to remove alcohol from underage youths undoubtedly prevented further problems later in the evening.

 

 

 

Story continues

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“I am concerned regarding the amount and strength of the alcohol seized. This type of activity will continue throughout the festive period and beyond”.

 

 

Three were taken home and spoken to in front of their parents as they were under 16. A report has also gone to the Children’s Panel.

 

 

A 15-year-old boy was found to be in possession of three bottles of vodka, a bottle of cider, and various other bottles of alcopops.

 

 

Three anti-social behaviour fixed penalty notices were also issued to members of the group — two for consuming alcohol in a public place and one for urinating in public.

 

 

A spokesperson for Central Scotland Police added that 230 youths attended the disco in Killearn with no incidents of disorder reported to the police.

 

 

“Enquiries are continuing in relation to the source of the alcohol,” added Constable Barr.

 

 

Forth and Endrick Ward councillor Alistair Berrill praised the police effort.

 

 

“The police worked effectively and quickly to minimise disruption and intercept this potentially hazardous quantity of alcohol,” he said.

 

 

“It used to be that the problems in rural villages would flit around, particularly on the bus route, so it is pleasing to hear of the police’s wide-ranging efforts on Saturday.”

 

 

Councillor Berrill added that using community wardens might help fight off the recurring issue.

 

 

“The result of Saturday shows that an old problem has not gone away. It might be worth considering employing community wardens so that the excellent work they do in urban areas of Stirling can be done for more rural parts.”

 

 

Fellow Forth and Endrick Ward councillor Colin O’Brien added: “It is important to ensure the safety of everyone and, by interrupting the supply of alcohol to this group, the police have done just that.”

 

 

Anyone with information can contact Central Scotland Police on 01786 456000 or information can be given anonymously to Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

 

http://icstirlingshire.icnetwork.co.uk/observer/news/tm_headline=crackdown-on-kids-on-booze%26method=full%26objectid=20293672%26siteid=92391-name_page.html

 

That was the disco that I organised, haha. Now, you may think that I'm going to say that the stupidity in this was the underage people drinking, the actual stupidity is that they got caught. Anyone we found with alcohol in the hall was papped out and wasn't allowed back in. The undercover police came in and told us they'd taken more than 100l of alcohol from people that night which is an insane amount. I really can't believe that to be perfectly honest, they must've taken big crates of beer from people or something.. That's a hell ofa lot of poof juice.

[Ramar]

Last night some guy comes up to me and goes are these 2 for £3.. I look over at the shelf and reply yes.

 

Surely the little label on the shelf where the product is sitting with its name is enough. No of course not, I've ran out of fingers to count the retards who ask me to clarify the price of a product. I'd udnerstand if there was no label or banner saying its price, but when its right fucking there.

 

Supermarkets are evil.

[Shorty]

I love when people say "I'm going to get trading standards on you" or "that sign is illegal false advertising". Obviously these people have first class law degrees

[philcollins]

haha this thread brings the lols! i work at mns, the last couple of sale days have been a nightmare, the sales bring out the worst in people..

 

earlier this woman came to my till with 3 items of clothing from the sale. the first two are both labeled £3..but came up as £6 and the 3rd item was a pair of slippers that came up as £12, not even in the sale and they were labeled £3... the woman had blatently just stuck £3 stickers on all of them, what a fat ****! anyway i got someone else to check and yes none of them were priced at 3 quid.

[Ellmeister]

Working at Envy just shows how the annoying little ****ing chavs care about no-one. They just stick the clothing back wherever. Sometimes even on the floor and they just walk over it >_> Wankers!

[ReZourceman]

"you've been chatting too long, I've been waiting twenty minutes [which I doubt very much]"

 

Aha! Yes! This is great.

 

Working in a call centre is great for this sort of things. The phones tell you how long they've been waiting.

 

"Ive been waiting for over 10 minutes"

"You've waited for 2 minutes and 11 seconds....."

[Emasher]

I once was helping out with a used books and bake sale at my church the proceeds would be donated to children in the dominican republic who couldn't afford to go to school. With the used book sale we were also selling some old children's CD-ROM games (3$ each (£1.53)) some bloke came up to us and asked if he could buy one of the games for a dollar (£0.51). The nerve 3$ was already a good deal on it and its a charity, its not like a garage sale or something.

 

At the same sale some lady came up to us with a book that still had the price tag on it from the store (for some reason it was cheaper than our price but it was worth more than that) so the person demands that we sell it to them for the book stores price even though our price is clearly marked on the book.

 

Not the most funny stories but its all I have.

 

Best thread ever!

[Wesley]

I don't really work with a lot of customers where I work. But there is one woman, and when ever she comes comes to collect a piece of furniture she either, a) cannot be bothered to check it, or b) cannot be bothered to check parts of it that are well wrapped. So she then writes on the check sheet, "Not checked", or, "Legs not checked." And then, the best thing, she signs at the bottom just underneath where it states, "By signing this you agree that the furniture is in good condition and any damages it may have are on your part and cannot be returned or money back or exchange."

 

Such a smart lady.

[redrum217uk]

The whole "this is the price on the box, you have to sell it to me at that price, its the law" thing is rubbish! Even if you did say put a game out that should have been £30.00 but was on for £20.00 the law does NOT say you have to sell it for that price.

 

The shop has the legal right to refuse to sell the item if its an error. If it was done in purpose then yes its illigal, but by mistake nope thats fine! Most places may sell it cheaper as good will but no law says they have to!

[tapedeck]

COUPLE OF MY BEST WORKING EXPERIENCES:

 

FIRST STORY: (Heart-warming Christmas tale)

 

I used to work in sports connection and we had to dress up on christmas eve. I picked Rudolph out ouf the hat and my mate got Santa. So he came in the next week in a santa suit/beard and I wore brown/antlers and the Body Shop girls (drooool) put some red makeup on my nose. (Woot!)

 

Anyway, we were all dressed up and had to go into town for our dinner. We went for a chippy and my mate was stood outside having a tab in his santa getup when I came out with my chips. Some kid was passing by held by his mother and he said "Look mam! It's Santa and Rudolph".

 

My mate stubbed his tab out, looked at the kid and said "Fuck you"!

The parent went spare with him about swearing at the kid so he told her to piss off or he would set Rudolph on her. I was nearly choking on my chips at this moment in time as the parent hurredly scuttled away with (the now) crying child in her arms.

 

Funniest, harshest moment EVAR!

 

 

SECOND STORY: (Ending up with a sacking!)

 

I worked in an insurance office doing applications for Legal and General and we had a bitch of a team leader. She was in her 40's, lived at home with her mother, hated men and only loved cats. She was also brutally honest to a shocking degree. Anyway, I think I was the only computer literate one on my team as she used to give me 50 apps a day to do whilst everyone else got 30. We were top of the tree for completed apps amongst teams and so were rewarded. However, I got pissed off evntually and my accuracy fell to like 89% meaning we dropped out of the "top tier" of teams.

 

So yeah, she had a word with me and I said it was because I was being pushed too hard. yet she wouldn't change it. We then found out a few weeks later that the company had lost the renewal of the L&G contract. Meaning we would all be working on a new contract. We then had to fill in a form about our team leader - Enabling them good positions on a new contract. Our whole team agreed to say how shite our TL was. However, I was the only one who put anything. When she read these she asked me to come in the office with her and so I did. She said I was sick in the head and a nasty piece of work for potentially ruining her future and a loser as I'd never have a position like hers. I requested someone else be there and she said no so I walked out and returned to my desk. She then said she wanted me to leave the team and go and sit somewhere else!

When I returned and had my items out of my desk she came over and started looking through my training files. I'd doodled in the margins and she began chastising me and mocking me for this, saying I was childish and needed to grow up. So I picked my files up and threw them all at her!! I was absolutely raging. I then called her so many words it was like an Eminem put down in 20seconds. The air turned blue and after a silence the entire office started laughing and clapping!! I was steam-red and grabbed my coat and walked out.

 

My mom worked in the same office and came out, gave me a hug and we both went home. My mom kept on working on the new contract yet she said the old team leader never worked there no more. Score one for justice!!

 

Most insane working moment I've ever had to deal with.

[Slaggis]

Lol at you throwing the folders at her! Nice one.

 

Some of these stories are brilliant, keep them coming!

[Guest Jordan]

 

SECOND STORY: (Ending up with a sacking!)

 

I worked in an insurance office doing applications for Legal and General and we had a bitch of a team leader. She was in her 40's, lived at home with her mother, hated men and only loved cats. She was also brutally honest to a shocking degree. Anyway, I think I was the only computer literate one on my team as she used to give me 50 apps a day to do whilst everyone else got 30. We were top of the tree for completed apps amongst teams and so were rewarded. However, I got pissed off evntually and my accuracy fell to like 89% meaning we dropped out of the "top tier" of teams.

 

So yeah, she had a word with me and I said it was because I was being pushed too hard. yet she wouldn't change it. We then found out a few weeks later that the company had lost the renewal of the L&G contract. Meaning we would all be working on a new contract. We then had to fill in a form about our team leader - Enabling them good positions on a new contract. Our whole team agreed to say how shite our TL was. However, I was the only one who put anything. When she read these she asked me to come in the office with her and so I did. She said I was sick in the head and a nasty piece of work for potentially ruining her future and a loser as I'd never have a position like hers. I requested someone else be there and she said no so I walked out and returned to my desk. She then said she wanted me to leave the team and go and sit somewhere else!

When I returned and had my items out of my desk she came over and started looking through my training files. I'd doodled in the margins and she began chastising me and mocking me for this, saying I was childish and needed to grow up. So I picked my files up and threw them all at her!! I was absolutely raging. I then called her so many words it was like an Eminem put down in 20seconds. The air turned blue and after a silence the entire office started laughing and clapping!! I was steam-red and grabbed my coat and walked out.

 

My mom worked in the same office and came out, gave me a hug and we both went home. My mom kept on working on the new contract yet she said the old team leader never worked there no more. Score one for justice!!

 

Most insane working moment I've ever had to deal with.

 

Amazing man. Simply amazing. You have serious balls

[The fish]

It's not as good as Mokong's, but I also have a story to demonstrate that people lack basic knowledge.

 

I've had a similar conversation to the following god-knows how many times over the phone (starts with caller):

 

"I was wondering if it were possible to hire the hall on a Saturday?"

"I'm sorry, but the weekends are reserved for Quaker events, I'm afraid."

"Ah, but I'm wondering about Saturdays."

 

I really don't know what to do - they would probably take it badly if I explain that in most of the Anglophone world, it is generally accepted that "weekends" and "Saturdays and Sundays" are synonymic...

Maybe they've been drinking...