Frank Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Well I'd say go for it. However, I think it may be better if you moved out first but, honestly, it shouldn't really make much a difference. Actually, if you haven't moved out yet then it might make it easier to really talk with your parents and deal with it properly as long as they're willing to listen. If all else fails you could just do this... very stupid but I can't deny that it put a smile on my face.
Diageo Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Thanks for the advice, I'm definitely going to the parade now but there's no way I'm gonna tell my parents I'm bi, not at least till I live alone.
nightwolf Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Thanks for the advice, I'm definitely going to the parade now but there's no way I'm gonna tell my parents I'm bi, not at least till I live alone. Sometimes parents can surprise you. For instance my parents are incredibly cynical of my friend and her boyfriend as they met online/offline and they've been together for a year this July. However, regardless my parents still stick up their nose. However, when I told them my boyfriend resides in Essex they were actually very 'ok' with it, no turning up noses, nada, which given my past history with my parents is somewhat surprising, even at 20 (gosh I forget I'm that old now), they still find they can rub me up the wrong way about my life choices. I personally would tell them, it's not like they can switch you back and to be honest, parents have a way of knowing these things sometimes.
Diageo Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Turning your nose up as opposed to being actually disgusted and thinking something is not natural, and specifically saying she would cry if she had gay child. I'm sorry but I think it's a big difference. I get it that parents surprise you but I don't have the courage to do it right now. And on the parade front, it doesn't matter anymore because I can't go as I have to work
jayseven Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I'm not sure what you mean by that? Sorry - I mean that you need to not care what she thinks/feels, that you ought to see that her behaviour/opinion is wrong, and you should choose to let her face teh emotional consequences rather than keeping them locked up inside of yourself. Your parents are fully grown adults! They can handle stressors and changes to their habitat. I guess it's hard to really comprehend other types of parents. I pretty much treat my parents as the people who brought me into this world -- I am grateful for them, but I do not think they have any right to control who I am or what I do. But I appreciate that being bi or gay is a different matter!
Goron_3 Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Parents can be surprising, that is definately true. Everyone has their own opinions but their acceptance of the way things are readily change depending on who's involved. That said, I would never tell my mum I had a girlfriend (and I'm 20). She knows we're good friends but god if she found out i was going out with a Muslim, dear god.
Josh64 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Parents can be surprising, that is definately true. Everyone has their own opinions but their acceptance of the way things are readily change depending on who's involved. That said, I would never tell my mum I had a girlfriend (and I'm 20). She knows we're good friends but god if she found out i was going out with a Muslim, dear god. It's a shame that you can't tell them. I always find it hard to see WHY other people find it hard to accept what someone else is doing. A lot of people in my family are the same. I just don't understand it though, if your happy with someone, why should someone else not be and further more why do they have a right to say that they don't like it? I honestly don't think it matters what religion, sex or even age (providing its legal of course) because if them two people are happy in that relationship then they should be able to persue it. I'd much rather see someone happy than bring them down and possibly making them split up, making them unhappy. I'm so annoyed with shallow pricks these days.
EEVILMURRAY Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 So what if it gets mega serious Goron, you won't say a word?
Dan_Dare Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I think, instead of words, you should just film some filthy sex; loop it on the telly and go out for the day. Shock and awe.
Wesley Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Is it bad to find black women unattractive? Maybe unattractive is the wrong way at looking it actually, just... non-attractive.
Ashley Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Is it bad to find black women unattractive? Maybe unattractive is the wrong way at looking it actually, just... non-attractive. I find asian (as in Flink-like, not Japanese/Chinese) to be more attractive than white people. I think its because my granddad was racist and it's a spark of my rebellious youth still alive in me.
Eenuh Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Is it bad to find black women unattractive? Maybe unattractive is the wrong way at looking it actually, just... non-attractive. Not wrong, just a preference I guess? I personally don't really fall for black men either. White or tea-stained men have my preference it seems. =P As for religion, I was a bit wary about telling my parents Jim is muslim, but I just sorta dropped it in during a conversation, and they seem to be very much okay with it (was a bit worried about dad as he can act racist without realising it). I don't think something like religion should be a problem in a relationship.
Wesley Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I find asian (as in Flink-like, not Japanese/Chinese) to be more attractive than white people. I think its because my granddad was racist and it's a spark of my rebellious youth still alive in me. I find Flinky more attractive than anyone. I think if my girlfriend was a Muslim it would be a problem for some of my hill billy family types.
Ashley Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Not wrong, just a preference I guess? I personally don't really fall for black men either. White or tea-stained men have my preference it seems. =P As for religion, I was a bit wary about telling my parents Jim is muslim, but I just sorta dropped it in during a conversation, and they seem to be very much okay with it (was a bit worried about dad as he can act racist without realising it). I don't think something like religion should be a problem in a relationship. He should have been wearing this shirt when he met them: :p Although I doubt his nipples are as pert.
Platty Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Hey Diageo I was in Dublin on Saturday. Didn't realise there was the gay pride thing going on. I headed up to the Guinness factory (doing the tourist thing) and on the way back ended up in the middle of the parade. I was with my missus and we ended up having a right good laugh and enjoyed the atmosphere in the park afterwards with much music and alcohol. Most unexpected but fun. You missed out!
Wesley Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 He should have been wearing this shirt when he met them: :p Although I doubt his nipples are as pert. Would it be bad for me to wear that?
Goron_3 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 So what if it gets mega serious Goron, you won't say a word? That's how it's been so far...We've been together, 9 months now I think? She's also my best friend and the relationship itself is just everything I've ever wanted. We have a great laugh and I know i've made a big difference to her and she appreciates it, so as a relationship it is great. Unfortunately, eugh, religion. Basically we're Sikh, and my family come from India (we're Panjabi). Now, there's a lot of stigma when it comes to muslims as obviously India and Pakistan have had (and still do) some pretty intense moments, and because of that the family are all 'NEVER go out with a muslim'. Hell, having girlfriends is a pretty big no as well to everyone from my mum's generation (Indian culture), but to be going out with a muslim (especially as a Sikh) is pretty much the world thing to do. I think my mum knows on some level how close we are but just takes the whole 'my son's a good boy, he wouldn't have sex before marriage and stuff', because in Indian culture, relationships are pretty much as bad as drugs, drinking etc :/ Her parents are quite liberal and they are aware of us (though havent met them yet, just text her mum are few times, she seems to like me), but regardless of how much they would ever like, nothing serious could ever come out of me and her. They hold some islamic values very close to them and marrying a muslim is one of them. It's a shame. Hypothetically, if we're still going out in a few years, I will have to decide when to break up with her, as the last thing I want is to be around 24-25, and in a relationship that will hurt me a lot when we break up...I don't want to think about settling down at the age of 27-28 or whenever and knowing that I couldn't marry the girl I loved because I was of the wrong religion. Eugh. What a shit feeling. A part of me was thinking the other day I should end it now and hopefully we'll become best friends and stuff, but then I think that's silly as there's a good chance we'll break up for other reasons down the road. It's a shame we get on like we do, it's definately different to past relationships and past girls, I know this one has a lot of longevity in it. Oh. And we are fucking gorgeous together. I might just have to post a pic
Eenuh Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 That's how it's been so far...We've been together, 9 months now I think? She's also my best friend and the relationship itself is just everything I've ever wanted. We have a great laugh and I know i've made a big difference to her and she appreciates it, so as a relationship it is great. Unfortunately, eugh, religion. Basically we're Sikh, and my family come from India (we're Panjabi). Now, there's a lot of stigma when it comes to muslims as obviously India and Pakistan have had (and still do) some pretty intense moments, and because of that the family are all 'NEVER go out with a muslim'. Hell, having girlfriends is a pretty big no as well to everyone from my mum's generation (Indian culture), but to be going out with a muslim (especially as a Sikh) is pretty much the world thing to do. I think my mum knows on some level how close we are but just takes the whole 'my son's a good boy, he wouldn't have sex before marriage and stuff', because in Indian culture, relationships are pretty much as bad as drugs, drinking etc :/ Her parents are quite liberal and they are aware of us (though havent met them yet, just text her mum are few times, she seems to like me), but regardless of how much they would ever like, nothing serious could ever come out of me and her. They hold some islamic values very close to them and marrying a muslim is one of them. It's a shame. Hypothetically, if we're still going out in a few years, I will have to decide when to break up with her, as the last thing I want is to be around 24-25, and in a relationship that will hurt me a lot when we break up...I don't want to think about settling down at the age of 27-28 or whenever and knowing that I couldn't marry the girl I loved because I was of the wrong religion. Eugh. What a shit feeling. A part of me was thinking the other day I should end it now and hopefully we'll become best friends and stuff, but then I think that's silly as there's a good chance we'll break up for other reasons down the road. It's a shame we get on like we do, it's definately different to past relationships and past girls, I know this one has a lot of longevity in it. Oh. And we are fucking gorgeous together. I might just have to post a pic I honestly don't get why you two have to break up because of religion. If she loves you enough and you love her enough, then just ignore the family and do what you please. Otherwise you'd just regret it anyway, if you did break up. Don't see the problem in two people having different religions and then getting married.
Goron_3 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I honestly don't get why you two have to break up because of religion. If she loves you enough and you love her enough, then just ignore the family and do what you please. Otherwise you'd just regret it anyway, if you did break up. Don't see the problem in two people having different religions and then getting married. Family is incredibly important to her though, and religion as well. I guess it's an asian thing, like Family is the most important thing. It's weird. In that same way, it's hard for me to do something against my mums wishes as it's just me and her and she's worked miracles to get me to where I am. Its the whole 'can't let them down thing'. Eugh religion. What is it doing to us.
Eenuh Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 So you'd rather give up starting your own family with the girl you're with now (and I assume you love), than disappointing your own parents? Family is important yes, but you shouldn't let them dictate what you should do with your life, or who you should love/marry. Maybe you'll even find they're more open to this than you think (though maybe it'll take them some time to get used to the idea). Giving up something like this because of religion or what your parents might think/say just seems really pointless. =/
Charlie Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 So my ex-girlfriend is coming round to mine tomorrow to watch rubbish on TV for the evening. This is exactly how we got together last year. We're still good friends after breaking up in January. I do still like her and don't know what to do tomorrow... 1) Nothing 2) Wait for her to do something, knowing that she could be waiting for me to do something 3) Man up and just address the problem face on by asking her/making a move. She came round during the exams to study and we ended up watching TV on the sofa together but I didn't try anything, I thought she seemed interested though. That was a month ago though and since then she's gone out with someone and then broken up with him...
Goron_3 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 So you'd rather give up starting your own family with the girl you're with now (and I assume you love), than disappointing your own parents?Family is important yes, but you shouldn't let them dictate what you should do with your life, or who you should love/marry. Maybe you'll even find they're more open to this than you think (though maybe it'll take them some time to get used to the idea). Giving up something like this because of religion or what your parents might think/say just seems really pointless. =/ I know right Well, if it ever got to that stage, I basically would just tell her parents I wanted to marry her and see what happened from there. We've discussed how frustrating it is before and it's basically led her to tears and she's given the whole 'I can't live without you' speech, and she's always made it clear how much I mean to her so we'll see. It's a shame though, life is complicated. Has flinky told his parents about you then? I mean are they like those proper strict muslims or are they, as I assume, quite laid back about it? So my ex-girlfriend is coming round to mine tomorrow to watch rubbish on TV for the evening. This is exactly how we got together last year. We're still good friends after breaking up in January. I do still like her and don't know what to do tomorrow... 1) Nothing 2) Wait for her to do something, knowing that she could be waiting for me to do something 3) Man up and just address the problem face on by asking her/making a move. She came round during the exams to study and we ended up watching TV on the sofa together but I didn't try anything, I thought she seemed interested though. That was a month ago though and since then she's gone out with someone and then broken up with him... Oh god I've been in that situation before! Erm, I dunno basically I just waited for her to do something but dropped a few hints until she did...I'm assuming you want something to happen then? Man what a great position to be in : peace:
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