Frank Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 This is something I'm perpetually thinking about recently. I'm trying to figure out which is stronger, 'better', more fulfilling. Until just a few months ago I've never made much of an effort in strengthening friendships. Now, I'm making a really conscious effort and the fruits of my work are paying off. They are my Hermione and Ron I feel that, as a culture, we have always been so focused on love (in the non-platonic way, of course) and having some sort of sexual relationship. Anything else isn't as good. I don't know why this is. All you have to do is turn on the radio, open a magazine or switch on the telly. Hundreds of songs dedicated to new/lost love...articles devoted to "finding the perfect (wo)man" and all that silly stuff. It's all grey area, I suppose. Maybe it just depends on the person. It's not in any way clear cut but if I were to use one metaphor I'd compare the story of Harry Potter to the story of Twilight :p Perhaps I'm just being naive? In fairness, my love life has been pretty much non-existent. Maybe I'm forcing myself to compensate or something. I'm not articulate or smart enough to write a huge essay and I'd much rather hear what all of you think about this. (I'm such a Rapheal). From your experience which have you benefited more from? Which is greater? Are friendships too under-appreciated? TELL MEE!!
Hamishmash Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I find friendships to be a hell of a lot more complicated than relationships. I'm lucky in that I'm in a relationship with my best friend, but even other relationships I've had, it's been very simple. Friendships are quite often complicated because nobody's quite sure how far you can go with each other. Like I've had friends who've been crazy... like actually insane... who've wanted me to come and see them at 3am because they're lonely. I know there's that whole "friends should always be there for you" kinda thing but I can't do that. Then there's friends who I think are the coolest people around and I wish they gave me as much thought as I did them. I want to be their best friend EVAH but they're probably happy with their own friends. It's messy. I have lots of friends but they're all in different groups and them mixing is sometimes awkward so... yeah... I prefer hanging out with my boyfriend just because I can relax and not worry so much.
chairdriver Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Well, when I stopped caring about having a boyfriend, I became more happy, and strengthened my friendships, and got more sex. The first time I ever thought about this was when my two main activist-y friends pregnantly didn't participate in a gay marriage thing, which stimulated conversation about the value of relationships, and how sex impacts relationships. A particular quote that sticks in my memory being: "I don't fuck my friends, and I don't try to be friends with the people I fuck." In some ways I wish I had someone that I could lie in bed with and watch TV series with, and have stunning jokes with, all the small stunning things that are borne from relationships. But then, equally, I hate how two people being in a relationship changes the mood of a social event (most of the time). They always leave early. Or have some bullshit argument that ruins the mood. Or, like, just tap energy away by being really settled with themselves. I don't know what I'm trying to say, but, like.. if you go to a club with a couple, I can bet you that you won't have as much fun as you would otherwise. And also, I have this (worrying) thing where I get bored of someone after having sex with them more than 3 or 4 times. I can see myself, in a relationship, either getting really bored and frustrated, or getting more and more sexually adventurous/exploratative, in order to not be bored, to the point of ridiculousness.
jayseven Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 If I had to pick one person to spend the rest of my life with, it'd be my girlfriend. My friends are cool, but I don't think I could spend extended periods of time with them. My girl knows me, whereas my friends tend to see a social side of me, and probably only show me a social side of themselves. It depends on what you consider 'fulfilling' or indeed 'better' in general. It's important to have a range of friends that you can natter with, but for me my girlfriend is my base, my home square that helps put all other relationships into perspective. I very much feel that if you're lucky enough to have a strong relationship, you have more than the majority of friendships can offer. Of course, there are pros and cons everywhere, so it's nonsensical to concentrate on one and not the other (specifically, I suppose, when you actually have the choice). I want to say stuff here about love being more than what you imagine, that cultural references to love tap in to a pre-existing form of love rather than love being merely defined by what our media says it is. Love may be something out of reach for some, but it is still something that can be - perhaps falsely - imagined, and as such any genre may represent an ideal of love which strikes a chord. The matter to which whether love is perhaps misinterpreted or misrepresented is deeper than the surface issue stated in the OP -- the binary choice of friend or doe (lol). My personal belief is that my love is all that friendship can offer and then some, but of course with love comes risk, responsiblity and pure chance in finding it in the first place - so yes. If you must hunt, then hunt for companionship in its easiest form - friends. Compassion follows.
Beast Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Friendships can be better because if they are your true friends and you've gotten along with them for years and years, would you really cut them off for someone you barely know? I mean, having a girlfriend is awesome and everything but with my past girlfriends, life hasn't really been so easy with them unless you were friends with them in the first place. My last girlfriend wasn't my friend first but I met her through a mate and she was pretty cool but it was a shame she spoiled everything by being attention-seeking. Then again, in saying this, friendships can be just as bad as well. I recently (when I say recently, I mean a couple of months ago) found out that people are different to who they were before and we just don't talk anymore because of it. I don't know...it's hard to choose. I would say both have equal value to each other. With your friends, you have them to temporarily get away from your relationship and have a little fun and whatnot. Kind of like a little break because let's admit it, in a relationship sometimes, you need a breather. You need your mates and she needs hers. However, with your partner, they can make you incredibly happy and make you have that feeling that nothing bad can happen and you can do things that you can't do with your mates (depending on who your mates are and what your relationship is with them), plus they keep you warm at night. Both have their advantages and disadvantages so I pick neither/both. If you love both, keep both.
Ashley Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 You know what I hate? Relationship comas. When people become so infatuated with one another they drop off the face of the earth (until the relationship falls apart, either permanently or temporarily, and then suddenly you hear from them again). That's about the extent I can contribute to this :p So umm...if you enter a relationship don't forget about your friends. Its just rude!
Wesley Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Yeah some people do that which is lame. But most often it's just the simple fact that they spend less time with friends (for obvious reasons) and then friends get all annoyed. Also, single people moan too much. EDIT: I suppose it just gets worse when you get older anyway.
Ashley Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Yeah some people do that which is lame. But most often it's just the simple fact that they spend less time with friends (for obvious reasons) and then friends get all annoyed. Also, single people moan too much. EDIT: I suppose it just gets worse when you get older anyway. It's not spending less time. It's spending NO time that annoys me. Single people moan too much? Have you met anyone in a relationship?
Wesley Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Yeah. I agree with Louis CK. Also I'm aware I'm in that category because I don't have anyone dependent one me. Also stop moaning, Ashley.
Dan_Dare Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I've been a little guilty lately of doing a bit of a vanishing act in a new relationship, but I've been on the other side and seen friends just disappear completely so I caught myself and dedicated more time and effort to my friends. It's not hard to do both, but it's easier to just do the relationship stuff.
Eenuh Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 For me my relationships (both of them...) started out as (online) friendships. I guess for me it's the best way. I'm not someone who goes out clubbing or whatever, so I don't really meet any people heh. So I have to lay my traps online and hope I snare someone there. =P I can't really comment on the friendship thing. My real life friends I rarely see and there's only three to begin with. I guess they're more just acquaintances rather than friends. I know I've not seen one of them since February, one a few months ago and one more recently but that's because we shared classes. But now I've graduated I don't think I'll see her again. Online I talk to Sprout daily; I think that friendship has been going for a few years now. But apart from that I'm a loner heh.
EddieColeslaw Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I could never just...go out with someone without being friends first. That's why I get so annoyed with the whole "friend zone" nonsense. Isn't it sensible to want your partner to be a friend to you, too? Besides, if things go wrong, it'll be easier to stay friends, because that's what you started off as. So, to answer Frank's question of friendship VS. bf/gf: friendship --> bf/gf.
Ellmeister Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I could never just...go out with someone without being friends first. That's why I get so annoyed with the whole "friend zone" nonsense. Isn't it sensible to want your partner to be a friend to you, too? Besides, if things go wrong, it'll be easier to stay friends, because that's what you started off as. So, to answer Frank's question of friendship VS. bf/gf: friendship --> bf/gf. Sometimes if things go wrong, it'll be worse because staying friends could be very awkward. Usually mutual break-ups are not mutual.
EddieColeslaw Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Sometimes if things go wrong, it'll be worse because staying friends could be very awkward. Usually mutual break-ups are not mutual. I suppose it depends on the specific people/situation/circumstances for my theory to work, then So speaking generally, instead of: friendship --> bf/gf --> friendship It's: friendship --> bf/gf --> nothing
Gizmo Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 If the relationship (in terms of being bf/gf) is working, then you're friends anyway. The only difference is, you can't have sex with your friends without them complaining about it. If you don't consider your girlfriend to be your best friend then whats the point? Thats not a girlfriend, thats a fuck buddy. Which is fine, but its not a relationship really.
Goron_3 Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 Friendships provide great joy and those who truly know you are the ones you want to know forever. Relationships are different though as I don't think you truly know yourself until you are throwing unconditional love towards someone else. That's a unique feeling.
Kurtle Squad Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) Caught up with a good friend I'd not seen/spoke tp in around 3 years about a week ago: It was almost like we'd only not seen each other for a while. I was definetely best friends with my ex when we were together I'd say just-friendships are better in a sense; they're a lot easier, less stressful etc: or maybe it's just a question of males vs. females? Edited July 6, 2011 by Kurtle Squad
Sheikah Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 I feel that, as a culture, we have always been so focused on love (in the non-platonic way, of course) and having some sort of sexual relationship. Anything else isn't as good. I don't know why this is. I can tell you why: because sex is bloody brilliant!
Kurtle Squad Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 For me my relationships (both of them...) started out as (online) friendships. I guess for me it's the best way. I'm not someone who goes out clubbing or whatever, so I don't really meet any people heh. So I have to lay my traps online and hope I snare someone there. =P As a bloke, I can assure you, we're not hard to "snare". I can tell you why: because sex is bloody brilliant! That's a bit of an exaggeration: s'pretty good, somewhat amazing, but in hindsight, over-rated. Only need it 'cos your bollocks demand it.
Magnus Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 As a bloke, I can assure you, we're not hard to "snare". Hey, just because you're desperate... :p
Dan_Dare Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 That's a bit of an exaggeration: s'pretty good, somewhat amazing, but in hindsight, over-rated. Only need it 'cos your bollocks demand it.
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