bad stuff thread.

[The Bard]

So something weird's been happening with my eyes for the last few months where I'm having trouble moving them from side to side. I can't read properly, and have no idea what to do with myself all day. Doctors are literally the least knowledgeable people on the planet when it's not something you can figure out from sticking someone with a needle.

[Iun]

Had two fits on Sunday. Whole body has been aching ever since. Takes an effort to even cross my legs. Balls.

 

Why are you trying to cross your balls?

[sumo73]

So something weird's been happening with my eyes for the last few months where I'm having trouble moving them from side to side. I can't read properly, and have no idea what to do with myself all day. Doctors are literally the least knowledgeable people on the planet when it's not something you can figure out from sticking someone with a needle.

 

Have you been referred to Moorfields yet?

[MoogleViper]

Why are you trying to cross your balls?

 

Dude, you've got to try it.

[Iun]

Dude, you've got to try it.

 

...

...

...

...

 

 

Ahem. Squee. Very squee.

[jayseven]

@The Bard what sumo said. What you have stated seems to potentially be linked to various forms of palsies and/or strokes.

 

A referral to Moorfields can take a fair bit of time, but definitely get some ophthalmologist advice. Sussex Eye Hospital is located here in Brighton and I'd personally say it's a good 2nd-best to Moorfields (but I'm biased), so ensure you are getting a referral sorted out. Take it from me - eye shit is sad shit, but better to know what it is and whether it's temporary or not. Plus if you come to brighton I will drown some (in)visible sorrows with you too.

 

(I am so blind now I just got one of those white sticks to part crowds of brightonians like the red sea. I get this.)

[The Bard]

@jayseven I feel for you man, it isn't even that bad for me - I can get by following my index finger across a page - and it's still absolutely terrifying. I'll try to get a referral, but I went to the gp and she told me to go to the optician. They couldn't find any nystigmus so the likelihood is that it's neurological. Could be myaesthenia, or Parkinson's from what I can tell. So could mean a lifetime of acetylcholinesterase inhibitors or l-dopa, with the side order of psychosis that it usually comes with. I'm hoping it's a simple deficiency of something.

 

I know you read a lot, how're you dealing with wanting to read but not being able to? Will take you up on the drinking offer regardless!

[jayseven]

There are so many solutions to reading that it genuinely should be your last concern. What you said about feeling bad for me + things are easy for you = that's how you adapt. Seriously - if I could just ZAP my shit into someone else then BAM! They wouldn't know what do to. Whatever it is that you're going through is going to have been a consequence of whatever you have already been through. You may have already endured situations without realising it. But because it was de facto... you had no reason to challenge it! And that's the JOY of this shit. At some point you may (if it is what it is) come to accept terminologies such as disabled... and as 'out there' as it is right now; it's fucking empowering.

 

The GP is trying to do it by-the-book. Opticians then referral to an eye hospital really isn't unusual. Most eye conditions are 'stable' in the sense that the condition is not going to drastically change. As a consequence the NHS will stockpile scenarios like yours. Which happened to me. And, ideally, you should be informed of Massive Shit like this ASAP.

 

But in reality -- your day-to-day life won't change (if it's a thing, because it's going to continue as it has been; slow, subtle changes. But For you? You will change. You're already a decent beast of a human so I can only see positives for you - but you're a londonite so I imagine it's more severe for you. I don't know. I'm talking as if there's definitely something "wrong" and your life has to change as a consequence.

 

I have guaranteed hallucinations as a consequences of my Eye Shit. So far it's all simple, silly stuff that is conflated because I have Ear Shit as well. I'm pretty sure anyone with Eye Shit will mis-see things. It's natural. But what is difficult is specific to each individual. Shit happened to me before I was an adult, so I changed my adult life to fit my shit. You will be in a position where there are tools and people to help you fit your shit into the life you have.

 

Brighton/Sussex Eye hospital has an A&E dept. It is how I was initially diagnosed. Opticians/doctors were useless.

 

Perhaps come down to brighton, have a drink with me, go to A&E for the lols. If the future is just PILLS then... fuck yeah!

 

As for your other qs;

 

My blindness is not what most people would consider 'blind' -- so I can read pretty much fine. My dad has a genetically unrelated eye condition (lol scientists) where he cannot really read. He uses Dragon Software which converts text to speech, and speech to text (and learns based on YOU!)[/url] to help.

 

So this a a convoluted message. On the one hand I want to wish that shit isn't that bad, but on the other, BIGGER hand, I want to offer my sincerest advice in what I have learned whilst dealing with mad shit like this.

 

I feel this is a potential conversation, and I genuinely, genuinely offer my sofa for you. Any time this weekend/next weekend/weekend after you want to come have a chill time and small talk then please do. It will simply involve sitting on my sofa, drinking, maybe playin ps3 or xbox, and ordering dominos pizza (i will pay). If you are up for this then PM me dude. Ultimately this may all be nothing but I'm here if you want to talk about any of the above AND/OR other shit (I can handle politics/news/religion shit).

 

P.S. Yes drunk reply sorry.

 

I just re-read your post and when you say "it isn't that bad for me" followed by "it's absolutely terrifying"... I want you to understand what you've just done.

 

Guilt/shame. Every human is entitled to feel however they feel. Don't think like that, man.

 

@The Bard

 

COMMANDED

 

VISIT

 

RELAX HERE AND FUN

 

DO IT.

[The Bard]

Thanks man, after months of ruminating about it, that's single handedly made me feel so much better about it. Have no energy right now, but I'll hit you up for a chat soon as I get a handle on things.

[Beast]

This is the hardest thing I've written and something that makes me cry every time I think about it (like right now). I've not been talking about it because it's something I wanted to keep away from thinking about it. Basically, without any medical jargon, my Grandad has legions in his brain, which are tumours that could be cancerous. It's affected his speech, he panics more, he thinks he's going to die, he thinks I'm going to leave him and all that sort of stuff. It's hard to even think that three months ago, he was fine. He's a marvel at maths and he's the person I go to for math questions. Then one day, he couldn't add up, he started getting depressed and upset very easily and he says he's fed up of life. We took him to the doctors, did a few tests and told us it was visceral dementia and it would clear up if he stopped smoking. So he did but he got worse as time went on. We thought it was the nicotine, even he did as did the doctors, but eventually, it was out of his system but it was still bad. After many attempts, we took him into hospital last week and we found out all of this. We got told the doctors were far from wrong, that it was legions in the brain that could be cancerous and that there could also potentially be another cancer in the body.

 

All I've done is cry for days. I'm physically and mentally exhausted and I can't concentrate for shit. My Grandad, my Dad and I are extremely close. We talk and see each other every single day. We chat, we have a laugh and if we don't see each other, we're sure to talk over the phone but it's very rare. I can't even begin to think of losing him, it'd rip me apart. I barely held on when they told me what he had. I can cope better with the news but it still upsets me (fun fact: I'm crying typing this). Every day and every night, I've been there, talking to him, holding his hand, making sure he's looked after and making sure he never feels alone. He's been much happier with me, my Dad or Stepmom there than anyone else. They've moved him into the city hospital now and they've already had a biopsy on him and also removed some of the tumour. They told us the risks and it just horrified me but I knew he had to have it. He came through, he's extremely tired and hurting. They still have a way to go but we find out the results soon of whether it's cancerous or not.

 

I'm annoyed with work and how unsupportive they've been. They know I've been really struggling with all of this and I've had two days off. Take note that I've never called in sick this year and when I have, I've done it because I'm REALLY bad but I've never called in sick. Anyway, today I phoned up trying to keep my shit together but ended up crying and told my manager the situation and said "my Grandad is having an operation on his brain that would take hours. It's serious and I was told different risks like blindness, different behaviours, may not wake up, etc, so I won't be in today."

She sighs and says "I have no-one else to cover! What am I going to do? What's happening with you job-wise because I really need to know now..."

I took a minute to compose my shit and shouted "My GRANDAD is having an OPERATION on his BRAIN in a HOSPITAL RIGHT THIS SECOND!"

She said "I know but what are you going to do, really? He's in theater!"

At this point, I'm lost for words. "Are you serious? I'm going to support him when he wakes up! He wants me there so I'm going to be there!"

She says "Call me Heartless but you have a job, you're needed here and there's nothing you can do there! I really don't see why you're there"

I said "Heartless" and put the phone down on her.

I told my Dad and he wasn't happy and called her and told her I wasn't coming in. She was a bit snappy with him and my Dad said "I'm sure he'll just about be fine for his next shift" and she said "Fine, bye"

I just genuinely can't believe how bad it was. I spoke to two of my friends who are managers in different shops and I told them my situation and told them about work too because obviously I've not dealt with anything like this before and both told me it's wrong and I should call HR (separate conversations- they don't know each other).

 

Right now, I don't care about my job. I just want my Grandad to be normal again. My friend who is mega Catholic lets me know she prays every morning and night for him so it's nice to know that God might listen to her, haha. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to face so I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for him.

[S.C.G]

That's awful @Animal...

 

I can't believe your place of work would be that insensitive on top of everything that's going on.

 

You're doing the right thing obviously by being with your Grandad, I seriously hope that he'll be OK and I hope that you'll treasure the time you have with him, whatever happens.

 

Here's hoping he makes a full recovery. : peace:

[martinist]

So I used to send in my old PC to this police technition for repairs who turned out to be a notorious pedophile. He was selling thousands pictures of children to other pedophiles and planning to kidnap a random kid off the street before they arrested him. He seemed like a pretty normal guy when I was talking to him...but apparently not.

[bob]

Why did you have thousands of pictures of children on your computer?

[martinist]

[Goafer]

Why did you have thousands of pictures of children on your computer?

 

To be fair, he probably didn't before he gave it to the technician for "repairs".

[bob]

I was going to say, surely a child porn ring leader getting arresting is a good thing, why would you post it in the bad stuff thread. It's only bad if you were getting your......ooooooh. Oh no.

[Charlie]

This is the hardest thing I've written and something that makes me cry every time I think about it (like right now). I've not been talking about it because it's something I wanted to keep away from thinking about it. Basically, without any medical jargon, my Grandad has legions in his brain, which are tumours that could be cancerous. It's affected his speech, he panics more, he thinks he's going to die, he thinks I'm going to leave him and all that sort of stuff. It's hard to even think that three months ago, he was fine. He's a marvel at maths and he's the person I go to for math questions. Then one day, he couldn't add up, he started getting depressed and upset very easily and he says he's fed up of life. We took him to the doctors, did a few tests and told us it was visceral dementia and it would clear up if he stopped smoking. So he did but he got worse as time went on. We thought it was the nicotine, even he did as did the doctors, but eventually, it was out of his system but it was still bad. After many attempts, we took him into hospital last week and we found out all of this. We got told the doctors were far from wrong, that it was legions in the brain that could be cancerous and that there could also potentially be another cancer in the body.

 

All I've done is cry for days. I'm physically and mentally exhausted and I can't concentrate for shit. My Grandad, my Dad and I are extremely close. We talk and see each other every single day. We chat, we have a laugh and if we don't see each other, we're sure to talk over the phone but it's very rare. I can't even begin to think of losing him, it'd rip me apart. I barely held on when they told me what he had. I can cope better with the news but it still upsets me (fun fact: I'm crying typing this). Every day and every night, I've been there, talking to him, holding his hand, making sure he's looked after and making sure he never feels alone. He's been much happier with me, my Dad or Stepmom there than anyone else. They've moved him into the city hospital now and they've already had a biopsy on him and also removed some of the tumour. They told us the risks and it just horrified me but I knew he had to have it. He came through, he's extremely tired and hurting. They still have a way to go but we find out the results soon of whether it's cancerous or not.

 

I'm annoyed with work and how unsupportive they've been. They know I've been really struggling with all of this and I've had two days off. Take note that I've never called in sick this year and when I have, I've done it because I'm REALLY bad but I've never called in sick. Anyway, today I phoned up trying to keep my shit together but ended up crying and told my manager the situation and said "my Grandad is having an operation on his brain that would take hours. It's serious and I was told different risks like blindness, different behaviours, may not wake up, etc, so I won't be in today."

She sighs and says "I have no-one else to cover! What am I going to do? What's happening with you job-wise because I really need to know now..."

I took a minute to compose my shit and shouted "My GRANDAD is having an OPERATION on his BRAIN in a HOSPITAL RIGHT THIS SECOND!"

She said "I know but what are you going to do, really? He's in theater!"

At this point, I'm lost for words. "Are you serious? I'm going to support him when he wakes up! He wants me there so I'm going to be there!"

She says "Call me Heartless but you have a job, you're needed here and there's nothing you can do there! I really don't see why you're there"

I said "Heartless" and put the phone down on her.

I told my Dad and he wasn't happy and called her and told her I wasn't coming in. She was a bit snappy with him and my Dad said "I'm sure he'll just about be fine for his next shift" and she said "Fine, bye"

I just genuinely can't believe how bad it was. I spoke to two of my friends who are managers in different shops and I told them my situation and told them about work too because obviously I've not dealt with anything like this before and both told me it's wrong and I should call HR (separate conversations- they don't know each other).

 

Right now, I don't care about my job. I just want my Grandad to be normal again. My friend who is mega Catholic lets me know she prays every morning and night for him so it's nice to know that God might listen to her, haha. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to face so I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for him.

 

Sorry to hear about your Grandad, Animal.

 

You're probably aware but you can sign yourself off work for up to 7 days at any time without the need for a doctors note. If you are going to be off for more than 7 days you need a note from your doctor to confirm you are ill.

 

Compassionate leave is slightly different but in short they can't stop you.

 

https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants/your-rights

 

That link has some more information.

[Beast]

It's actually worse than I could ever imagine. I got told last night that it's terminal. They can't do anything about it. They estimate 3 months without treatment or 10 months with chemotherapy and radiation therapy. I never, ever thought I could feel like this in my life. At the minute though, he doesn't know because we all know exactly what will happen when he finds out. Right now, he's happy as Larry eating the nice food and the sweets and cakes and stuff we get him.

 

It's going to be the worst thing ever to watch his heart break, it'll break mine even more. I started having horrible thoughts that made me cry to sleep such as he will never meet my children, never see me meet someone (which he's always telling me he wants)...he'll never see anything. I never thought it was possible but I actually woke myself up from crying.

 

On the day of his results, before I got told, I had my boss approach me.

"Why can't you cover so-and-so's shift. She covered yours!" she says.

"Yes, she covered a shift I wouldn't do because my Grandad was in hospital having a brain operation. Her excuse is a doctor's appointment she can 'easily change', her words not mine"

And she said "Yeah, I'm just saying that it's only fair you swap her shift"

I said "The only time I can get to my Grandad is the mornings because he has my Dad and then the doctors come in and other people and by the time I finish work, he's too tired"

She just said "Okay" and walked off.

 

I've made my decision in leaving as soon as possible. My Grandad and I had a chat a few nights back and he told me that life was too short to be staying in a job you don't have any passion in and to do what I want to do. I'm going to listen to him. I told my friend and he sympathises with me as his sister went through the same thing. There's a job at his place as an Assistant Manager (he's the manager of the place) and said he would help me as much as he can and would let me take time off to spend time with him.

 

I just can't believe this is happening. It just feels like a blur...although @Josh64 is cheering me up a bit quoting lyrics from High School Musical over Twitter right now, haha.

[Iun]

@Animal Feel for you, man.

[Josh64]

@Animal oh man, that sounds terrible My thoughts are with you and your family right now. And your work place sounds very unreasonable about the whole thing. Either they don't realise quite how serious the situation is or they're just total dickheads. Either way, maybe it's best to start a new venture.

 

And I'm glad my HSM tweets were recieved well, I was watching it and couldn't help but think of you :p

[nightwolf]

I'm sorry to hear that @Animal

 

As for the job, your Grandad is right, we spend an awful long time in situations we don't like for reasons that make no sense. Leave the job, quickly. They obviously don't care about your welfare at all.

 

<3

[bob]

That sucks @Animal. Your boss sounds like a arsehole too. Leave as fast as you can!

[Jimbob]

So sorry to hear this @Animal. Your boss however, sounds like a total douche and needs a lesson in management. Get out of there as soon as possible.

[Beast]

Thank you all very much. I just can't fathom how people who I've never met actually have more feelings for me than my own manager who I've known and laughed with for almost a year. I'm not even looking forward to tomorrow either because tomorrow will be the day the doctors will explain it to him until he fully understands. Right now, he thinks he has a chance of getting through it. I just can't bear to see his heart and his hopes become broken.

 

However, if there's one thing I know that exists in this life, it's karma. A few days after finding out my Grandad has terminal cancer, she becomes ill with gallstones in her stomach so she can't come in work. I felt like phoning her up and asking her "so what does this mean for your job? Call me heartless but we have a company to run". It gets better though, she told my assistant manager and said "Call me a bitch but I've been through this with my Dad so I don't understand it"...that, to me, is even worse. She knows what I'm going through and she's still giving me no sort of support? Maybe she didn't love her Dad, I don't know, but she sees how devastated and cut up I am and still I get nothing? I have to cover her arse because the assistant manager is on holiday so it's left to me and the other supervisor to run the shop for the week. It's all good though because I'm getting my own back. The sales are only through the roof because of me and two other people. Lose me and add-on sales drop so I guess I've forgot how to operate the till...

 

What's more, the other supervisor has put the workers, including me, in a separate group conversation on WhatsApp and asked everyone to hand in £2 to get her a big bouquet of flowers and a card! She was only in hospital for two days and now she's at home recovering. Rather than give my £2 to an ungrateful manager, I think I'll just give it to Macmillans and tell them I gave my money to something that'd matter to me. Ugh! I'm just feeling a little hateful and disrespected...doesn't help that this happened the day before my Grandad learns what he has and I'm not going to be there to help him through it.

Edited June 9, 2015 by Animal

[bob]

Some fucker stole my bike last night. Urgh.

 

What a shit.