arab_freak Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I just started living on my own and the experience so far is unlike anything I've ever been through. It's not until you start depending on yourself that you really start to see life differently, as cliché as that may sound. That aside, I wanted to see if anyone could provide me with tips/advice on living alone. So far the only thing that's killing me is the sense of loneliness after the long hours I spend outside. I come home to this tiny apartment very late in the day, and just as soon as I step through the door this odd feeling of dread completely overwhelms me. I've considered getting a low-maintenance pet like a cat but I'm in uni for a good chunk of the day and although I feel up to task with the responsibility of taking care of one I just can't see myself with enough free time to feed and clean after it. The internet's been a nice help in finding guides on the practicality of running things like food and laundry, but I'm interested in seeing what you might have to say because I feel like the majority of this forum lived/are living independently.
Ashley Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I'd love to live alone, but I am very conscious of the fact you do need to ensure you have a 'support network' (i.e. friends and family) that you can rely on seeing so that you don't end up lonely. Perhaps take up a class, hobby etc that will get you mingling?
MoogleViper Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Having music or the TV on to add some background noise can stop you feeling lonely. Obviously doesn't work in the long run, but (assuming you see friends/family on a semi-regular basis) it can really help to get rid of the silence, which I find can be half the problem.
Cube Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 (edited) I know the feeling. This solved it: Also, my Dad lives 5 minutes (walk) away from me, so that helps. Edited November 13, 2012 by Cube
Jimbob Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I hope that cat isn't holding up the keyboard?. I got a few friends living alone, they got a network of friends and family so loneliness isn't an issue for them.
Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 It's weird, I was really worried about living alone, but it actually suits me great. Getting the daily stuff like shopping and laundry done came rather naturally to me (which was great, considering housekeeping was something I'd feared would stress me out), and while I do obviously like and need social interaction, I've always felt the most comfortable when I could end the day in private solitude.
Dog-amoto Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I enjoy it. Much prefer it to be honest. Exercise helps - go for a run or the gym after work, as does the internet so I'm never totally alone. spent tonight on Halo 4, chatting to my mate so that was good. Failing that, there's always alcohol
The Bard Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 (edited) I also live alone, and I can confirm that exact feeling of mental and physical torpor that overcomes you as soon as you reach home and realise that there's going to be nothing exciting or stimulating waiting for you through that door. I've considered forming a cocaine habit. What you really need though, is discipline. You need to make sure you see another human face every day, make sure you can converse with someone, because the worst part of living alone is being stranded with your own hyperactive brain, and not having access to a yardstick or a mental benchmark against which to measure the accuracy of your thoughts and feelings . It'll start to drive you crazy. The anxiety of having to maintain a home by yourself is stressful enough in itself. I was working for three weeks where I didn't have the opportunity, nor the motivation to clean my place. You'd be surprised how filthy a place gets in that space of time. I might start hiring a maid. And a hooker. If only there was someone who performed the function of both... A wife! These are all problems for me though, because I have no discipline to speak of. Edited November 14, 2012 by The Bard
jayseven Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Just because it's the place you rest you head and the place you store your things, it doesn't mean it's Home. Living alone can feel like you're in exile, that there's this sudden chasm that opens up between you and perhaps the family and friends that previously helped shape your 'home'. Discipline is good, but also you need to make it so that you look forward to getting home. So ensuring a regular daily routine will help keep the alienation/loneliness on the back burner whilst you adjust to your new surroundings, but also - perhaps more important - is you should take the time to devise some sort of project that will help turn the house into a home. Assuming you're renting then you can't really just redecorate completely (and assuming you're as student, perhaps it's not an affordable option -- but then again you're affording living alone, soo...) you can still dress up a room with posters, plants and trinkets. Creating new memories in a new place also is good - while many will occur as time passes, you can hurry it up by perhaps hosting a housewarming or getting close friends round to 'bless' the place. Lastly, and perhaps in hand with the routine idea, be sure to maintain regular social interactions - join a university society/club, or arrange that every xday of the week you and a friend or two go to the cinema followed by a pub/whatever alternative is socially/culturally normal for you. The internet is a vast and glorious time-sink that is, largely, a good way to be bored whilst doing something. Don't think that you're being stupid, or that feeling alone is an illegitimate thing, or a small concern. Moving house is always a big thing, and moving away from a type of life you're used to -- living with others then living alone, you are forced to question your own strengths. You will test yourself and you will come out the other end stronger!
Cube Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I hope that cat isn't holding up the keyboard? It's resting on my knees.
MoogleViper Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 You need to make sure you see another human face every day, I used to live in a house of six, and there were still days when I didn't see another human face. Unless, of course, you include the people in the street that I sat watching for hours on end, hoping that one day they might become my friend. But you won't include that. Will you? No, no you won't.
Shorty Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Exercise is a great discipline. Hit the gym, or go running/cycling. No serious weightlifting at home alone though, you could do yourself some damage.
Iun Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 After four years of marriage, all I can say to you is TREASURE THIS TIME! Walk around in a dressing gown scratching your balls! Sit on the sofa watching TV idly fondling your balls! Stand around naked in the bathroom pretending your balls are an elephant and make trumpeting sounds with your schlong! Have breakfast in just a pair of undies and fiddle with your balls while you read the newspaper! It's not that you can't do these wonderful ball-related activities when you're married, but when you have someone else living with you, you will get HASSLED and SHOUTED AT for your continuing LOVE AFFAIR with your NUTS. "You TOUCHED your BALLS AGAIN! You must have a DISEASE! Go to the HOSPITAL!" "Leave your BALLS ALONE! There must be something WRONG WITH YOU because you KEEP TOUCHING your BALLS!" And so on. Enjoy your testicles why they still belong to you. :/
Wesley Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 “If you are lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company” But seriously. Living alone is great. There aren't any time stealers.
Rummy Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I can't really comment, having lived at home with my parents for ALL OF MY LIFE. I am being somewhat forced to move out soon though, and so I've been contemplating this. I'm considering having people living with me(a couple who are two of my very good friends) but I worry about both sides of the coin; will living with people be stress in itself if shit goes wrong but also will being all by myself be lonely? Then again, at the moment I spend most of my time at home 'by myself', on tinternets, gaming, or having friends around which I can't see being a problem if I was living by myself - so I think if it were an option I might love it if it was local(likely due to work) as I'd still have all my social 'network' around me. Reckon I could get by pretty ok by myself, or find something to do if not. We'll see how bad it is when I'm actually not as dependant on my parents though.
Murr Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 @Iun has it correct, make the most of it. I finish work an hour before Heather, So when I get home I just chillax, watch a bit of TV. As soon as Heather is through the door, "You could of had tee ready!" or "You could of put a wash on!" later on that evening... Me - I'm gunna play a bit of xbox Heather - Oh... I'll do the washing up then enjoy your xbox *Evil Glare* Or a better one - Me - *Put's TV on to watch Simpsons* H - *SIGH* Me - What? H - We ALLWAYS Watch Simpsons Me - Okay you pick H - *Switches to comedy central, puts friends on* H - *Then picks up her kindle and reads, while friends is on* And also, clearing out a kitty litter tray really doesn't take up that much time, generally keeping a cat doesn't take much time at all. :p
Iun Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 [MENTION=898] As soon as Heather is through the door, "You could of had tee ready!" or "You could of put a wash on!" And your response "I could have been sleeping with that hot new bird at the office, or doing lines of cocaine with Moogleviper, or attending an orgy with Iun but instead I came back home and watched TV quietly. So yeah, if the worst thing I did today was not doing a wash... Then you got it lucky."
Cube Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 So, from the sound of it, I need to replace the bathroom window (with one with the textured glass and a window that can be opened slightly and still be locked) or install a vent.
Murr Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 And your response "I could have been sleeping with that hot new bird at the office, or doing lines of cocaine with Moogleviper, or attending an orgy with Iun but instead I came back home and watched TV quietly. So yeah, if the worst thing I did today was not doing a wash... Then you got it lucky." I'm still annoyed that he blew me off. Considering I'm not all about blowing men off, you should be privileged that I did... Oh wait... blew you off as is in didn't turn up to the coke fest, gotcha
Magnus Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Me - *Put's TV on to watch Simpsons*H - *SIGH* Me - What? H - We ALLWAYS Watch Simpsons Me - Okay you pick H - *Switches to comedy central, puts friends on* H - *Then picks up her kindle and reads, while friends is on* Enjoy the next fifty years, Murr! I can kind of see your fiancée's point, though. We all know the classic episodes of The Simpsons by heart by now, and the newer episodes are so bad I'd probably hang myself rather than have to watch them every day. On the other hand, if all you're going to do is watch Friends, you may as well be engaged to Diego! You should try watching The Big Bang Theory. Then you'd both suffer.
arab_freak Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Appreciate the responses, everyone. Remembering I had a great pair of balls made me realize I had a constant companion despite the circumstances. I did my first grocery run today and I'm new to shopping for food at a budget. Does anyone have any good recipes for cheap, nutritious food? I'm kind of tired of making tuna pasta salad and random sandwich combinations. I'm considering having people living with me(a couple who are two of my very good friends) but I worry about both sides of the coin; will living with people be stress in itself if shit goes wrong but also will being all by myself be lonely? Consider it in the same way you would consider moving into a dorm with a random roommate: would you rather rely on yourself for maintenance and sustenance and choose to live in a single-bed room, or will you take your chances and end up with whatever random stranger you get to live with? I don't know how well you know your friends, but live with someone long enough and you'll get to see the side of them that you never see when you're hanging out with them. Just ask any married couple. A couple of years ago during the summer holiday my parents left the house to myself for a week. Nearly everyone I knew at the time was traveling, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to invite some friends over to the house and have them spend a few days with me (you know, considering our combined efforts would make cooking and cleaning run smoother). What happened next made me realize the magnitude of my mistake: the very people who I thought were my best friends couldn't care less about the state of the house and decided to just be content with eating my food and making a mess of my living room and the bedrooms. I know I don't know your friends, but if you're going to live together you need to make sure they're not total slobs in the sense of "if it's not my house, then I shouldn't care." If you're going to have them stay at your place, chances are good that they won't value its "intactness" as much as you will. If you're all moving out to an empty apartment, then make sure you're not with the type of people who think that as long as they paid their share of the rent they'll be off the hook when it comes to chores.
Murr Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Appreciate the responses, everyone. Remembering I had a great pair of balls made me realize I had a constant companion despite the circumstances. I did my first grocery run today and I'm new to shopping for food at a budget. Does anyone have any good recipes for cheap, nutritious food? I'm kind of tired of making tuna pasta salad and random sandwich combinations. Tuna & Sweetcorn Pasta bake, or any kind of pasta bake is pretty simple and cheap, Spaghetti Bolognese, Pizza's are pretty simple to make and you can go balls out with toppings or just go simple? erm... soups? if you've got a blender, we make alot of soup at our place for lunch at work. Oh Chili thats nice an easy! Other than that I'm pretty lazy and buy frozen pies, or lattice type things, tend to make my own chips or wedges though.
ipaul Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I'm pretty sure I'd hate to live alone. I only live with one other person at university this year and I find that's a little too quiet for my liking. Last year I was living in a house with 9 people (myself included) and although there was obvious downsides to this, I could have happily done it again this year - were it not for the fact that some of them just had this weird unspoken fallout.
Ashley Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 Chillies, curries, stir fries are all cheap and easy. Nutritious depends what you put in them I suppose.
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