Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 So uh, how does one "be a man" enough to tell some one that they like them? It's been about 5 years around since I've actually told a girl/asked them out, because I kinda reached the point were it was just better not to say anything at all. Well, I know I'm not exactly an expert on love affairs, but seeing as I was recently in the same position, my advice would be to just tell her upfront. Granted, the girl I told it to was not interested, but she appreciated the honesty and straightforwardness, and it spared us a lot of uncertainty and awkwardness. The only reason I usually avoid this sort of shit is because I'd rather things not go awkward like they usually do if there's no interest. Well, some people claim awkwardness is inevitable and friendship impossible in that situation, but that's untrue, at least for me personally, as evident by my aforementioned experience. In fact I found it much easier to move on and remain friends with her because we'd been upfront about our feelings. It made everything much clearer and easier to deal with. Honesty and straightforwardness make life much more easy and simple. That's my personal experience, at any rate.
Ellmeister Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Well, I know I'm not exactly an expert on love affairs, but seeing as I was recently in the same position, my advice would be to just tell her upfront. Granted, the girl I told it to was not interested, but she appreciated the honesty and straightforwardness, and it spared us a lot of uncertainty and awkwardness. Well, some people claim awkwardness is inevitable and friendship impossible in that situation, but that's untrue, at least for me personally, as evident by my aforementioned experience. In fact I found it much easier to move on and remain friends with her because we'd been upfront about our feelings. It made everything much clearer and easier to deal with. Honesty and straightforwardness make life much more easy and simple. That's my personal experience, at any rate. Has there been no difference to how it was before then? It has gone back to normal?
Ellmeister Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I just didn't believe such a thing could happen!
Magnus Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Maybe it's really super awkward, but Danny just can't pick up on the social cues.
Fierce_LiNk Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Maybe it's really super awkward, but Danny just can't pick up on the social cues. I hate to break it to you, Danny...:p No matter what she says or does, you will always be the guy that wanted to give her the D.
drahkon Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Currently on the verge of sending a message to my ex via facebook (the only way I could communicate with her, besides email). But something inside me is stopping me from doing that...thank god. The awkwardness would be incredible, especially because I unfriended her on facebook after our relationship had ended.
Fierce_LiNk Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Currently on the verge of sending a message to my ex via facebook (the only way I could communicate with her, besides email). But something inside me is stopping me from doing that...thank god. The awkwardness would be incredible, especially because I unfriended her on facebook after our relationship had ended. If you do that, you will hate yourself more. Forget about her. You say you've unfriended her, leave it that way. Go your separate ways and move on. Don't be a Jose Mourinho and always linger around Chelsea. Enjoy Inter, enjoy Real. Chelsea was a long time ago.
Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I hate to break it to you, Danny...:p No matter what she says or does, you will always be the guy that wanted to give her the D. Well, you can believe what you want. She told me she wanted to stay friends and avoid any awkwardness between us, and I trust her. I trust she was and is honest with me about her feelings, and nothing suggests otherwise to my experience. I'm honestly a bit surprised that the idea of remaining friends is apparently so inconceivable.
Debug Mode Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I hate to break it to you, Danny...:p No matter what she says or does, you will always be the guy that wanted to give her the D. God damn it Flink, I love you, and despite how true that last sentence is, I didn't really want to hear it when making up my mind
ReZourceman Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Currently on the verge of sending a message to my ex via facebook (the only way I could communicate with her, besides email). But something inside me is stopping me from doing that...thank god. The awkwardness would be incredible, especially because I unfriended her on facebook after our relationship had ended.
Beast Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I was a very moody person. One day amazingly cheerful, the other day I just threw every single bit of my bad mood at my ex.And that - in the long run - destroyed her. No and no. Have been together with my first girlfriend for almost two years and was madly in love with her. A couple of months after that had ended I met my now-ex. That's not it. She is not wrong for me. I know she is right for me. Of course, you can say "You can't know that, how do you know that, there are others, etc."...I can't say that. I thought I can, and for the first few hours of last night I kind of could. I did everything you guys told me. Didn't ignore her, but I also didn't pay attention to her. It was fine. But somehow I ended up sitting next to her and that changed everything. I think what I was trying to say this morning is: Why is it that this little thing, this little moment - me 'having' to sit next to her - fucks my mind/heart? Maybe it's the right thing to do, but maybe I need to make another mistake...take a risk. Doing nothing will hurt, but the feelings will fade away, as you said. Taking the risk, getting into touch with her again, may be devastating but it may also end up being the best thing that can happen. None of us can tell you what to do but I can tell you what I've done/would do. I do believe in second chances to an extent. It's all good and well that you really want to talk to her and get back together but what about her feelings on the situation? I don't mean to sound like a douche here but do you think that she would want to get back with you and if you think yes, what reason would that be? Personally, I would just let her get on with her life and you with yours and one day, you'll meet someone else. Yeah, it hurts for a bit and yeah, it might be a mistake but not only do we learn from the choices we make but we also learn from the risks. You can play it safe or jump into the deep end. I wouldn't if I was in your shoes. It might take time but time heals all wounds, I'm the perfect example of that. Whatever you decide to do though, I wish you all the luck in the world, mate! It is. For the last 8 months I've been working on that. It was a slow process, too slow to save the relationship.But now it's fair to say: I've done it. It kind of sounds dishonest given my sitation and state of mind/heart. It's the prime example of "easy to say". But I changed. And for the last two months this change was for no one but me. It wasn't for her, it wasn't for us. It was for me alone. I keep thinking: Is there anything to lose, if I try to get back in touch with her? We don't talk, we don't see each other...I'll lose literally nothing if it doesn't work out. True but you might hurt yourself more. Absolutely think of the pros AND the cons too before you do anything. So uh, how does one "be a man" enough to tell some one that they like them? It's been about 5 years around since I've actually told a girl/asked them out, because I kinda reached the point were it was just better not to say anything at all. MY MIND'S TELLING ME NOOOOOOO! ...... BUT MAH BODEEEH, MAH BODEEEEH'S TELLIN' ME YEEEEEES! BAAAAYBBBBBEEEE IIIIIIIIII DON'T WANNA HUUUUUUUURT NOBOOOOOODEH! BUT THERE IS SOMETHING THAT I MUST CONFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.... to you...
Debug Mode Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Uh yeah, my problem went a lot better than expected. Date get! (Even though tonight probably qualifies as a date, despite the fact we had to abandon some one)
Aneres11 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 So I had a date with a guy at the weekend. We had been texting around a week or two before we decided to meet up. We just went for a coffee (or three, as it turned out) at Starbucks and seemed to get on quite well. He is newish to the area and lives about 20 minutes away from me (in the car). I had a good time, it was nice to kind of click with someone pretty much straight away but I think he's the kind of guy that most people would be able to chat to and feel comfortable with in no time at all. We're going out to Pizza Hut tomorrow night. Date 2! Already! Ha check me out. Dating is all pretty alien to me - I've been on quite a few dates, don't get me wrong, but none have progressed like this could. As in he's actually a nice guy and not a fuckin idiot as most gays I've met tend to be. I get the impression he likes me and I do like him too, it's just whether it's enough to push on with for something more serious? Who knows. Anyway, I guess that's what the second date is about right? Gauge the feelings, awkwardness of date 1 out the way so can just carry on enjoying (hopefully!) each others company?! We'll see. I shall report back fellow daters / love searchers.
Debug Mode Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 ~date stuff~ Man, I sympathise heavily with this. I've been on dates before, but the concept is still fucking alien to me. I got lucky with the current situation I'm in, as it became pretty apparent pretty quickly that we're both digging each other. Just keep going bro, if it's progressing, what's to argue with huh? Or proceed according to Magnus's comment :p
Aneres11 Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Ha. Well Magnus' suggestion really only applies to straight people. For gays it's normally sex before date 1 - if the random hook up sex is good you might get a date. Gross right?! Ha. Anyway we went out to Pizza Hut last night. Pizza was damn good :P I found myself liking his company but also realising that I'm not sure he is my 'type', but I couldn't tell you why, how, when, what. It's a bit confusing. There is a physical attraction to a degree but I just can't decide whether I am into him in a way that makes me want to continue progressing things. Does this even make sense? I'm a bit confused ha. I feel like it wouldn't be fair to carry on giving him the wrong impression by agreeing to another date in case he likes me more than I like him. It also doesn't help that we kinda had a cheeky kiss last night either - which fucks things up a bit more... Eurgh. I dunno, I moan when I'm dateless and when I'm dating I'm not happy either ha. Life of a monk for me I think from now on haha
Pancake Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I think go on one more date, and then if it's still confusing, write it off as "too confusing". Dates can be confusing, but by the third date you should kinda know if you're attracted enough to not mind if it's confusing. If it's still bugging you then it's probably not good to continue.
Aneres11 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Thanks Pancake. We've pencilled in a cinema date for next Wednesday so gonna go there and see how it goes. I'm not sure but think this date will hopefully make it clearer. He's a nice guy but we're very very different I'm finding. Like his upbringing has been totally different to mine for various reasons and he's lived the uni life the last few years and been situated in different places in his life. I have lived in the same house my whole life, went to the local primary and high schools, went through college via sixth form at the same high school and have been in full time employment for 6 years now at the same place which is 15 mins away from home ha. Now I know none of it matters if you get on with the person but I feel like because of the way our lives have been so far there's a barrier between the type of people we are and the way we understand stuff. It's strange. Hopefully date 3 it will all become clear ha.
Blade Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 You say you are going to cinema. Are you going to go somewhere else afterwards? I always found the pictures to be crap date as you dont really speak to with your date.
Beast Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Yeah, I tend to avoid the cinemas as a date unless you actually properly KNOW them but it's okay if you're making a day of it and you're going somewhere else afterwards. === I think I really like USA. Like as in seriously like her. It's weird. Like at first I realised I really liked her but if I don't speak to her after a day, I start to really miss her and my chest goes all weird and stuff. Like right now, I'm missing her. I know I'm becoming a bit attached and stuff but I can't stop it and I don't think I want to. She says she really likes me too. We live far away though and we realise anything could happen with someone else but we'd remain good friends, which is fine. It's all very confusing to me but I'm really happy but I probably shouldn't be...ugh, feelings! UAAAARRRGHGH! FML! lmao.
Aneres11 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Oh yeah it won't just be cinema and then home ha. Likelihood is we' grab some good before that or he mentioned going back to his afterwards so we could chat some more etc. I'm cool with that. I may change the cinema idea though as I do agree it's not the best date. I never do cinema on date 1 or 2 as it is indeed pointless but date 3 seemed reasonable. However given the situation I'm in of not knowing my feelings just yet, it may be an idea to park that and think of something else...
MoogleViper Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 The cinema can be quite good if you're not Mr Confident. You're spending time with them and getting more comfortable with them. And then afterwards you go for food, get to chat with them. And if you're not a skilful raconteur, you at least have the movie to talk about.
Charlie Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 The cinema can be quite good if you're not Mr Confident. You're spending time with them and getting more comfortable with them. And then afterwards you go for food, get to chat with them. And if you're not a skilful raconteur, you at least have the movie to talk about. My friend suggested a comedy club for a first date. You can talk inbetween acts and it'll be easy because you can talk about the previous act. No pressure, lots of laughs which means she'll remember you in a positive light. As long as you don't get picked on by the comedian you're sorted.
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