The Confessions and Advice Thread

[Ashley]

Confession: Whenever I see a rectangular CCTV camera I want to shoot it out. Goldeneye style.

 

Advice: I'm going to do a life drawing recreational course at a local college to boost my portfolio. It takes place at night during which there won't be any admin staff around. I went to a lecture to check it out and they were fine with that. No register was taken nor could it be seen...think I could get away with not paying the £60 and nobody would notice?

[Epic fail]

what happens if you wear a hat walking past the smoke detector

It might not detect you

[Guest Captain Falcon]

It's because you're smoking hot!

 

... i.e. I have no clue. Maybe you smell like smoke?

 

That's probably the best compliment I've ever had so thanks!

 

what happens if you wear a hat walking past the smoke detector

It might not detect you

 

Even with a hat on it, it still gets me.

[tapedeck]

Danny:

From my experiences, people are indeed attracted to certain things. There are a multitude of factors and I was just giving a few 'famous' examples for reference. I didn't mean it to come across as a sweeping generalisation that all women fall into those examples. I could have said men are attracted to women who have self worth...tons of examples.

I don't think it's a stretch to say that, as humans we are attracted to certain things. If you believe that isn't the case I suggest some research into attraction.

 

Flamey: Being a straight down the middle guy: If you had been straight down the middle, when you went on holiday with her you would have got together no? Maybe she was unaware of where she stood and maybe she was waiting for you to be the man she craves? Or if you have recently started feeling attraction then you would be straight up with her - telling you how you feel? Suggestions, nothing more meant by those remarks.

My posts have merely been suggestions, a few tactics to find out if she likes you in return. Sure it's a tad manipulative but why does manipulation have to be a bad thing. We are all manipulated every day of our lives by various things. Doesn't always mean it's a bad thing. If anything you can find out where you stand by being clever AND potentially escalating her attraction for you via being scarce.

 

As I said before, you have two options. Be scarce or meet up and just go for it. But if you tell her you like her etc... she's just going to hold all of the power, you can regain your power AND win by doing the kiss test I wrote down before. Believe it or not I would say women want men to have the power in relationships. (Well, until marriage lol!)

[Raining_again]

Manipulation is never a good thing. A "soppy man" will soon show his colours. So using those "techniques" are just lies. It's better that a person knows who you are.

 

Much as you say women aren't attracted to this and that... its bull. Every single person is different. Some girls just love that kind of attention. Some like the joker. Some like the serious/sensitive guy. I'm thinking your only gonna end up picking up the wrong girl/guy by using sneaky tactics they fancy at the time, then end up not liking what the real you is.

 

I've played mind games before, it can get you the intelligence you want, but it doesn't mean you'll end up happy.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Danny:

From my experiences, people are indeed attracted to certain things. There are a multitude of factors and I was just giving a few 'famous' examples for reference. I didn't mean it to come across as a sweeping generalisation that all women fall into those examples. I could have said men are attracted to women who have self worth...tons of examples.

I don't think it's a stretch to say that, as humans we are attracted to certain things. If you believe that isn't the case I suggest some research into attraction.

Oh, no, I am well aware that some things are attractive to people. Don't get me wrong there - I may be inexperienced, but I'm not completely hopeless. :p I was referring to the generalisation, which you have explained above.

 

Manipulation is never a good thing. A "soppy man" will soon show his colours. So using those "techniques" are just lies. It's better that a person knows who you are.

 

Much as you say women aren't attracted to this and that... its bull. Every single person is different. Some girls just love that kind of attention. Some like the joker. Some like the serious/sensitive guy. I'm thinking your only gonna end up picking up the wrong girl/guy by using sneaky tactics they fancy at the time, then end up not liking what the real you is.

 

I've played mind games before, it can get you the intelligence you want, but it doesn't mean you'll end up happy.

I must admit this is how I feel about it as well. No offence, but turning dating into a "game" in which you have to "win" the other just seems like a very bad foundation for a relationship.

[tapedeck]

Manipulation is never a good thing. A "soppy man" will soon show his colours. So using those "techniques" are just lies. It's better that a person knows who you are.

 

Manipulation is wrong...In your opinion. Manipulation is a facet of life. It just depends what you are using it for.

 

In this context I gave advice on how to find out if a girl is interested in you without directly asking her - which is difficult for a lot of guys. And it would help Flamey.

This is just an alternative to finding out if she likes him. You could argue that by ignoring her is manipulative till the cows come home but you could argue that by directly asking her could result in manipulative answers. (Something a lot of men have probably experienced where a woman says one thing and means another.) Actions speak louder than words. Which also proves that you are right about long-term actions being found out. If a guy is 'soppy' he will blow it if he pretended he wasn't. But that means he is a dolt for pretending to be something he isn't. I'm offering skills/advice, not a guide on how to be someone else. When you learn something new do you say "That's not me, I shall never accept this!" Same thing surely.

 

Much as you say women aren't attracted to this and that... its bull.

 

Like I said for all the possibilities/factors, on a grand scale this still means that people are for the most-part attracted to specific things though. Perhaps you could accept that there may be some truth in this instead of referring to it as 'bull'? The context can be vast, perhaps we're thinking about different cultures/creeds/timelines/universes!

 

Every single person is different. Some girls just love that kind of attention. Some like the joker. Some like the serious/sensitive guy.

 

True. The Joker is a bit of a psycho to me. But I can see why YOU would like him.

 

 

I'm thinking your only gonna end up picking up the wrong girl/guy by using sneaky tactics they fancy at the time, then end up not liking what the real you is.

 

I'm thinking your going to have a greater awareness of what the opposite sex can be like. It's like being aware of it, nothing more. I'm not saying everyone has to do it but merely suggested (as stated above) an alternative measure to finding out if someone likes you.

Women are HUGE manipulators. They do it without even knowing it sometimes.

Even by not stating the obvious you could argue that women are manipulating other people's responses. You even admitted to playing mind games before, I never would have been aware of mind games or anything like emotional 'manipulation' if it weren't for women.

[jayseven]

Confession

At work sometimes I print off a list of stock and walk up and down the aisles with a look of concern on my face, just to avoid serving customers for a while.

 

Advice

How do I prevent/cure chapped lips? This cold is cracking them up and I can't really afford/be arsed with vaseline.

[chairdriver]

Advice

How do I prevent/cure chapped lips? This cold is cracking them up and I can't really afford/be arsed with vaseline.

 

It costs like 89p though. I have a tub which I use relatively often, and it's lasted me about 5 months so far.

 

I can't really think of a way to cure it, apart from Vaseline / general lipcare application.

 

Don't lick them, that's the only advice I can give.

[nightwolf]

Don't use vaseline, its proven to just make lips worse as it only really sticks on the surface rather than protecting your lips.

 

I use carmex alot, but its quite harsh, it really depends how bad your lips are!

[MoogleViper]

I find lipsol(sp?) to be good.

[Molly]

Blistex Intensive Moisturiser. Its not too harsh on the lips and you can use it under other products like gloss or lipstick. Perfect for you Jay :P

[jayseven]

Wicked :P

 

I don't get why licking your lips is bad, though. I'm assuming the surface saliva evaporates pretty quickly, taking with it any other hydration near the surface? Licking my lips then sorta 'sucking' any moisture straight off seems to be working for me so far :P

 

Wicked :P

 

I don't get why licking your lips is bad, though. I'm assuming the surface saliva evaporates pretty quickly, taking with it any other hydration near the surface? Licking my lips then sorta 'sucking' any moisture straight off seems to be working for me so far :P

[ReZourceman]

It costs like 89p though. I have a tub which I use relatively often, and it's lasted me about 5 months so far.

e.

 

*Snigger* :p

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

@ tapedeck

 

What about the whole "not showing your true self/being who you are" thing? Because using all those manipulative methods just doesn't seem sincere or honest to me. If a girl likes you because you're acting in a certain way which is not how you really are, but how you're acting the simple goal of getting her affection, it's not a very good foundation for a relationship, is it?

[MoogleViper]

@ tapedeck

 

What about the whole "not showing your true self/being who you are" thing? Because using all those manipulative methods just doesn't seem sincere or honest to me. If a girl likes you because you're acting in a certain way which is not how you really are, but how you're acting the simple goal of getting her affection, it's not a very good foundation for a relationship, is it?

 

I can see where you're coming from, and agree with you to some extent. However there are things that you have to do in order to get a chance with a girl. This isn't Disney, where true love magically happens in some spectacularly destined way. Sometimes you've got to work for it. We aren't talking about brainwashing somebody or completely changing who you are. Just doing certain things in order to get you the chance to be with her and show her who you are. Once you are with her then yes you should definitely be yourself.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I can see where you're coming from, and agree with you to some extent. However there are things that you have to do in order to get a chance with a girl. This isn't Disney, where true love magically happens in some spectacularly destined way. Sometimes you've got to work for it. We aren't talking about brainwashing somebody or completely changing who you are. Just doing certain things in order to get you the chance to be with her and show her who you are. Once you are with her then yes you should definitely be yourself.

Oh, that I completely agree with. But it's the "being who you are" part I'm talking about. To me it just seems like tapedeck's methods are about doing what you know will attract the girl's attention regardless of whether that's who you are. I could easily go out and act like the bad boy or jock type, but that'd not be who I am. I may be misunderstanding what he actually means, but it seems to me the whole dating thing is being reduced to a game of "making the girl want you". Yes, I want the girl to want me, but not because I made her want me. Of course there are certain things that attract the attention of girls - like the obvious: good, personal hygiene - but it should ultimately be your personality that makes her interested you and "want" you, not the aforementioned "tactical moves". Sure, they'll definitely help the process, but if they're all the relationship is based on, there ain't much in it IMO.

 

Still, I think we may be agreeing more than we think and are simply talking a little past each other.

[Charlie]

m all too keen to underline we are just friends when people question her etc...and today at our staff xmas dinner I said I thought she looked hot and she wasn't too impressed is this just her defence mechanisms coming up?

 

Please tell me you didn't use the word 'hot'?

 

You look really good tonight.

Wow, you look amazing.

I love your dress/hair/whatever tonight.

 

Girls LOVE IT when you compliment them on their clothes. All human's are suckers for compliments and even if they know it isn't true they make themselves think it is true. Or at least, I know I do. We're all vain enough to not be able to see through compliments.

 

But don't call a girl 'hot' to her face.

 

I know I suck at relationships, so I may be totally wrong here ... but I must say I feel tapedeck's methods are very ... manipulative. I do not doubt the efficiency of the methods, but is what you get a true relationship? Are the feelings real? Because to me it seems like you've just manipulated the person into wanting you.

 

Keep in mind that I really have no experience whatsoever to build this on. I'm simply stating my thoughts, and I could easily be completely wrong.

 

I wouldn't say the methods are manipulative at all, not in the sense of what is 'normally' called manipulation anyway. He's trying to find out whether a girl likes him or not and obviously you don't want to ask her to her face. People do things like this all the time in everyday life without thinking twice about it.

 

If I were to say that someone was doing really well at swimming when they're clearly not to raise their confidence it's hardly manipulating them. I'm not going to go out there and say they're awful. You say things in disguise for a number of reasons; to protect peoples' feelings, to help them etc. It's just what human's do and this whole 'dating game' is no different.

 

Tapedecks methods do work. Women, whether they like to admit it (or at least on the whole, obviously not all women do like this) like to play the game with men. They like to be in control and they want to test them to make sure they are good enough. Most do this without even realising it. One of the most common ones is waiting a while before texting back. It's infuriating to the guy if you text back straight away and then she doesn't text back for an hour or so. There are loads of other things like that too.

[Eenuh]

Please tell me you didn't use the word 'hot'?

 

You look really good tonight.

Wow, you look amazing.

I love your dress/hair/whatever tonight.

 

Girls LOVE IT when you compliment them on their clothes. All human's are suckers for compliments and even if they know it isn't true they make themselves think it is true. Or at least, I know I do. We're all vain enough to not be able to see through compliments.

 

But don't call a girl 'hot' to her face.

 

This. Having someone say you're "hot" might be a compliment, but it just doesn't sound good. It translates to "You're hot and I want to have sex with you" or something like that. =P

 

Compliment her on other things, or say she looks beautiful (beautiful sounds so much nicer than hot).

[flameboy]

oops I did say hot...It just came out. I've used other complements in the past, including pretty, beautiful and gorgeous. Perhaps I should have phrased it better...

 

Anyway I dunno about all these games. Like I said I tend to be a straight down the middle guy and due to be having kinda rejected her in the past, I know I've got to take the bull by the horns and do it as she isn't going to make a move for fear of rejection again...

 

She's just me back after I text her about 4 hours ago to ask her a question about something, we often spend out evenings texting whilst we are in bed and one of us invariably falls asleep before we say good night and it was me! Anyway I ain't gonna reply for a while me thinks...

[Jav_NE]

I'm with the manipulation side. Women are defensive, it's just the way western culture has made them out to be. Countless times they have been hit on by absolute knobbers and it has made them weary and cautious of the nice guys out there.

 

So, you have to get through that defense, and sometimes the only way to do it is to use some underhand methods, just so they will notice you in a relationship kinda way. I guess i sound a bit like Hitch here, but it's true. So tapedeck, i would try little things like staying away, flirting, make sure you hint that you like her more than a friend at every avenue. The moment you get a sign that she has not given you the cold shoulder, hit her with your true feelings and hope for the best.

 

Confessions

 

I find some of my Chinese students attractive. They're so small and cute!!! (they're 19-20 by the way, i'm not a paedophile!)

 

Advice

 

How do i chat up a chinese student?! :p I'm kidding. I want to know what is the best way you've found to learn another language? Mandarin is soooo hard.

[Supergrunch]

I want to know what is the best way you've found to learn another language? Mandarin is soooo hard.

I'd say concentrate on tones, grammar and hanzi, and the rest should hopefully follow.

[Charlie]

Anyway I ain't gonna reply for a while me thinks...

 

Well in sir!

 

She'll hate that you aren't texting her back straight away (in a good way). It will make her want you to text her back. Show her that you have something better to do than text her back instantly.

[flameboy]

Well in sir!

 

She'll hate that you aren't texting her back straight away (in a good way). It will make her want you to text her back. Show her that you have something better to do than text her back instantly.

 

I left it an hour then caved in, she didn't reply but then did speak to her on facebook later...

[Fierce_LiNk]

I left it an hour then caved in, she didn't reply but then did speak to her on facebook later...

 

Hmm, I've never been any good at this "playing eet cool" stuff.

 

(In the past, not anymore cos now Ine ees mine) Basically, I would just treat every message as normal. Whenever I get a message, I reply to it pretty much when I see it. It's always been the same with girls, whether I was interested in them or not. That's the way I do things though, and you have to find a way to do things yourself. I couldn't put on an act when I'm with a girl, like leaving a message for a few hours or stuff, because it's not natural for me to do that.

 

I've got a different way of looking at things though. To me, if I did that, it would seem like I was messing the girl about. I prefer to just play things straight and simple. It's worked well for me. The one thing I can say though is that being decisive is important. Be strong in your decisions, and be confident. If you decide not to text her back for a few hours, then do eet, and then be confident in your decision. It's important, in many ways.