jayseven Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 RE: Being A Whole New Person I agree with Fish that we are naturally changing as time passes, but to make this response My Own I have to relay this iota of interest via my own personal life. I've gone from a(n over) confident, don't-give-a-shit, my-life-is-so-interesting individual to a withdrawn, I'm-so-boring, nobody-cares-about-me personality in less than a year. This was all unwanted. Unneeded. But previous to this I had gone from a corner-sitter to the aforementioned self-obsessed individual. I made a conscious choice to not give a shit about other people's opinions. I think it's perfectly possible to completely change, but only, really, if the person you are is who you aren't really. Just letting go and being yourself is really, really easy. Trying to be someone you're not is not. Confession: I think too much. It's the paranoiac in me. I've realised that nobody cares as much as me about me, and it's really (suddenly) castrated my ability to communicate, my freedom to speak, my ability to not give a shit. Currently I worry about what everyone thinks of me. Currently I am just simply so damn aware of my position in life. I am not an alpha male. That person is. That person isn't. These people like me. These people don't give a shit about me. My face means this. That face means that. She thinks about cheese. He thinks about Shoelaces. I'm tired of evolving, of finding new this and novel that. I want a brother. I want a sister (yes i have one but she doesn't count because we don't talk and are unalike). I want this whole 'family' thing, but with friends. I want people to want me. Hey! Robert Altman! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightwolf Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Confession: I think too much. It's the paranoiac in me. I've realised that nobody cares as much as me about me, and it's really (suddenly) castrated my ability to communicate, my freedom to speak, my ability to not give a shit. Currently I worry about what everyone thinks of me. Currently I am just simply so damn aware of my position in life. I am not an alpha male. That person is. That person isn't. These people like me. These people don't give a shit about me. My face means this. That face means that. She thinks about cheese. He thinks about Shoelaces. I'm tired of evolving, of finding new this and novel that. I want a brother. I want a sister (yes i have one but she doesn't count because we don't talk and are unalike). I want this whole 'family' thing, but with friends. I want people to want me. Hey! Robert Altman! I know its probably not much, not something you might ever read. But your friends care about you, more than you realise, which is a shame. I know they love your humour, the way your always willing to go out and play chess and drink crappy cider, go to the park and climb stupid stinky rocks! Come on even I care about you, which is something. Sort of. :p No serious, stfu your a cool dude! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cube Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Confession: I think too much. It's the paranoiac in me. I've realised that nobody cares as much as me about me, and it's really (suddenly) castrated my ability to communicate, my freedom to speak, my ability to not give a shit. Currently I worry about what everyone thinks of me. Currently I am just simply so damn aware of my position in life. I am not an alpha male. That person is. That person isn't. These people like me. These people don't give a shit about me. My face means this. That face means that. She thinks about cheese. He thinks about Shoelaces. I've been like that for at least the past 5 years. Luckily I do have a big family (7 siblings, 4 parents, an uncountable amount of cousins....it so big that even my boss is easily linked to my family...which we both discovered a few months after he hired me). Although the only people I see now are either family or work with me. Which is really quite bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashley Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 I want a brother. I have one going spare. He has a girlfriend and a questionably-biological-baby. Yours if you want. And Roost (as I can see the deleted post) we were just trying to point out things may be different from your perceptions. Nobody was trying to make you watch it but simply suggest they're different. But if you want to live in your little bubble than so be it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPAMBOT4000 Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 (edited) SPAMBOT!! I want to know what happened in teh end! where is SPAMBOT?! He must have got some surely?! Cos if he wasn't then surely he would have come and posted all miserable...I want all his sordid confessions!!! SPAMBOT is having BT issues. I don't know if this affects his NE access, but I wanna hear the goss. Haha thanks guys, nice to know you were rooting for me :p I actually drove all the way to Wales wearing jeans that have a massive hole in the crotch. Didn't realise until I got out of the car and the cold air hit my dong. Luckily I'd stopped off at Tesco's on an industrial estate to get some booze so I also got some PRO Jeans from Peacocks. Met her at her house before the party for a cup of tea, she looked really amazing, even better in real life. I got nervously quiet but I think she got that nervous NONSTOPTALK thing so it wasn't too awkward at all. She makes a good cuppa tea - good quality in a woman! Got to the house where the party was at. Only the couple that owned the place were there to begin with. Both were really friendly. The girl I'd gone to see (Emma from now) had told them we'd met on a coach so they didn't treat me like the complete internet-weirdo stranger they probably should have. The guy was a bit of a geek so I was able to talk to him alright, making a few comments and letting him roll with the majority of the convo. Slowly, the other people invited started trickling in. Everyone was so, so nice and normal and there were only about 12 people there at the end so it wasn't too crazy. Also it wasn't like a big group of mates and then me as a stranger. There were about 3 different groups who'd never met each other before so I didn't feel like a total intruder. Anyway, as it was a relatively smallish group we mainly all stayed in one room with the girls thankfully doing the majority of the talking and me making the odd comment and such. I don't mean any disrespect to anyone else there but everyone was a bit of a fellow 'loser' in their own way, so I really began to relax with everyone and have a laugh. Slowly got drunk, nothing too crazy as I wasn't gonna make a twat out of myself in front of new people. Was a really fun night overall. Emma got really cuddly with me the more the night went on until she was just laying on a sofa snuggled right upto me. That night we both crashed in a spare room on the floor. Not gonna get into too many details in case she googles me but, GOOD TIMES Same the next morning so it wasn't just a drunken mistake on her part I don't think. For most of the next day, those that stayed (only 4 others overall) just recovered watching endless American Dad boxsets. Emma fell asleep on the sofa with her head on my chest. Twas really cute. We went back to hers and watched Doctor Who with her Dad. I've never really watched it before but she's geekily obsessed by it. Was alright, didn't really get much of what was going on though. Her Dad was really nice too, usually Dads scare the bejeezus out of me but he didn't seem to mind my presence at all. I said I'd have to go soon but we decided to go for a meal before I did. Then Emma said she was out tonight with friends and that I could probably stay an extra night at hers and we could all go out. Obviously I said hells yeah. But then while we were deciding what to eat, she said "Orr I could come to yours and get the train back tomorrow night?" And I was like Yes! ROAD TRIPP! It was just incredibly random really thinking about it. So we abandoned the meal and decided to get a heap of junk food to eat on the 3 hour trip to mine. Good journey, talked almost the entire way. Got back to Cornwall and there was snow all over the main roads. Not good as I live in the middle of nowhere and if it was bad here, it'd bad near home and... it was. Drove really slowly all the way back. Got to this big, curved, steep, one car narrow, brick walled hill. Got almost to the top and the car started skidding like hell and just wouldn't move anywhere. Started to reverse back down as there was a pub car park at the bottom of it and my place was only about half an hour walk away. The moment I started to take my foot of the brake, the car started to loose control and skid. Got it stationary again and told her to get out of the car and wait for me cause it was so incredibly dodgy, I was pretty certain that at some point I was going to lose control completely and crash. Never been so scared driving. I don't like reversing anyway and the car really wasn't going anywhere I wanted it to. Incredibly I got it down in one piece without even scratching it (though my steering wheel is making 'crunchy sounds' when I turn it now - anyone?) We walked back, her teasing me about coming all the way down here and me making her walk in the snow. The next day was just one of those amazing, simple, lazy, bed-ridden, snuggly Sundays that really make you appreciate the small things (no puns Rez!) in life. I know it was a Saturday but it felt like one of those Sundays if you know what I mean. Anyway the BT thing on my facebook Rez, was because she works at BT, was working this morning so had to go back home last night. Which is why they're a bunch of bastards. Drove her to the train station, roads were better but still pretty dodgy. We had one of those cheesy train station goodbyes. Within 30 seconds of the train leaving I got a text from her which just said "Miss you x" Shit, I thought I was being concise and that was long. So yeah, I'm pretty fucking happy now. I fell asleep as soon as I got back from the train station last night and have just mustered up the effort to post about it now. Shame she lives so far away but.... I've been planning to get away from Cornwall for a long while and anywhere a bit further up country would be a lot closer to her. Anyway that's a crazy thing to think about right now. I'm driving up country to see my mum in a couple of weeks so I'm gonna make a detour on the way back and see her again. Can't wait Thanks for your advice guys and glad I took a chance. Goafer's advice summed it up really. Yes, it could be a disaster but it could be amazing. At least you're not wondering what could have been if you grow some balls and take a chance. Oh and Rez. Sorry, no screaming of your name the time. I'll still be screaming for you when I 'go solo' though :P Edited January 3, 2010 by SPAMBOT4000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Wahay, good man. That was an awesome story. It had solid drama, romance, action (the car...well it was tense) and funny bits ("He didn't seem to mind my presence") Thats awesome man. Happy for joo. Keep us updated on the developments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eenuh Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Nice going Spambot. Sounds like you had a great time together. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goron_3 Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Way to go spambot! You know I was actually waiting for you to post Glad it went well. And i know what you mean about it being one of those 'sunday mornings' so yeah, good one mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 SPAMBOT, that was something straight out of a cheesy, romantic movie! Way to go, buddy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roostophe Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 And Roost (as I can see the deleted post) we were just trying to point out things may be different from your perceptions. Nobody was trying to make you watch it but simply suggest they're different. But if you want to live in your little bubble than so be it Keh, I just knew you would mention the post. (Bloody admin I don't like very much for obvious reasons that happened last June and his probable abuse of power.) It was a waste of posts, to be honest. I said I didn't care what y'all (yes, y'all) think, and I just...don't. Let me live in my bubble and watch Sky Sports, Dave and NHK World TV all day. Plz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flameboy Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 GET IN THERE SON!!! NICE ONE! SPAMBOT YOU ARE A LIVING LEGEND! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashley Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 (edited) Keh, I just knew you would mention the post. (Bloody admin I don't like very much for obvious reasons that happened last June and his probable abuse of power.) It was a waste of posts, to be honest. I said I didn't care what y'all (yes, y'all) think, and I just...don't. Let me live in my bubble and watch Sky Sports, Dave and NHK World TV all day. Plz. What happened last June? But you weren't confessing you disliked it, you were essentially confessing you were a stubborn bastard who wanted to boast about how he dislikes something :p I'm ultimately fine with it, to each their own ^_^. I just found it ironic you said you don't care about our opinions, but quite clearly did Oh and yes, congrats SB Edited January 3, 2010 by Ashley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roostophe Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 1. What happened last June? 2. But you weren't confessing you disliked it, you were essentially confessing you were a stubborn bastard who wanted to boast about how he dislikes something :p 3. I'm ultimately fine with it, to each their own ^_^. I just found it ironic you said you don't care about our opinions, but quite clearly did 1. Whaddayaefink? 2. I am a pretty stubborn barstool, yes. 3. *That fing Catherine Tate says with that schoolgirl character that's really not funny. The one about the face. That one.* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beast Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Way to go, SPAMBOT! So awesome, I'm happy for you mate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayseven Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 no, seriously, what happened last june? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bard Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Ah Spambot. There is nothing in the world like that post-coital glow. I can feel it from here. Maybe thats just the UV from my screen, in the dark, while I masturbate and play one handed Bayonetta though. Vigilance! Bitches don't play, and neither shouldy you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roostophe Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Ooh, I ought to give my congrats to Spambot too. Well done, lad. no, seriously, what happened last june? Ashley went to Japan, the bugger! *Wants to go there.* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Was ipodgate in June? Also, Bravo Spambot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Ah Spambot. There is nothing in the world like that post-coital glow. I can feel it from here. Maybe thats just the UV from my screen, in the dark, while I masturbate and play one handed Bayonetta though. Vigilance! Bitches don't play, and neither shouldy you How'd you get Bayonetta! *Going in for the kill BANG BANG BANG* (I keep doing that, and pretending to place the cool gun back in my boot holster) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramar Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Confession: Although being a member of this site since the Cube-Europe days, I've never really felt like part of the community. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beast Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Confession: Although being a member of this site since the Cube-Europe days, I've never really felt like part of the community. I get what you mean, I kind of do and don't. Somehow I still feel like the new guy (I kind of am, I've been here for like a year or something)...it's odd, lol. But still, you're all a friendly bunch so it don't bother me much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daft Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 *Group Hug!!* (Watch Rez's hands!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayseven Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 You get what you invest. Let it bleeeeeed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coolness Bears Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 I'm eating a candy cane right now, swinging it about and everything. So I feel like the pimp of N-europe! you know what I'm saying? I may not have slept much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bard Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Confession: Although being a member of this site since the Cube-Europe days, I've never really felt like part of the community. I been here since Cube too. I don't feel myself as a part of the community as a whole, but there is small group of outliers that I think I get on with. Plus I've met a few of them, which was rad. Of course, alcohol does reduce any cultural and social boundaries, so who knows, maybe I hate em, but I don't know it =p. Confession: this place is my all purpose method of catharsis, I'm not actually a dick, at least I don't think I am. I donno, any given social context is predicated by a certain conception of identity, and I guess I pander to that. Unfortunately it also tells you that you don't really have a personality, just a bank of behaviorisms that you assume whenever you're presented with a situation (of course, you could argue that this IS your identity, but its too mutable...) Of course, by that measure, I'm a putz of the highest caliber, since your identity is everything to do with what everyone else believes. I also have this habit of caring far too much about what certain people think, as much as I would like to play this trait down, and yet some peoples opinions I have absolutely no respect for. It would be nice to reach an equilibrium instead of being ridiculously nervous in certain conditions, and being a cantankerous prick in others. Although I like my persona when it assumes the latter of these two presets way better. Being a dick is rad. Self evaluation ftl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts