Posted November 20, 2005 I dunno what the point of this thread is to be perfectly honest. I don't know if you care about what im about to spew out in my moderatly drunkish state (only had 2 double vodka lime and lemonades but drank them quickly), nor do I know if I care about whether you care or not (gee don't I sound arrogant). Just kind of wanted to share, because to share is to care. So anyway, enough of the dull intro. My brother-thing, brother, Richard. That person who came out of the same woman as me. Whatever the hell im actually referring to him as, I don't know any more. On the one hand I still hate him, for all the shit he's put the family through. Not just since this started but his whole 21 years of "fuck you" attitude. Hes self-centered and immature nature has surrounded us for most of that time. He was so shite to me until he was 18 (so 15 years), used to "practice" wrestling on me and just generally be shitty to me. Then he got blindingly drunk on his 18, apologised and kinda kept to it for a few months, then reverted. Then about two years ago...yeah must be. My parents and younger brother went on holiday and we were left together. He often had his girlfriend round and she complained that she felt unwelcome but to be honest, why should I welcome her? They were fucking in the living room while I was sat upstairs and he even said to me "its not often we get the house to ourselves." and I just replied "you don't, IM STILL HERE!" so thats no so relevent. But anyway in July when my parents went on holiday again; this time with close family friends and my nan, I thought it'd be the same all over again (sans girlfriend) but nope, much less fun. Little background. Hes always been a bit too keen on girls, anything with a pretty face. Back in year 10 (so i was 15/16 and he was 18/19) it started, people I know coming up to me saying my brother tried to flirt with them. First it started with the school's slut, but then built up. To this day when someone says "I saw your brother the other day..." I worry a little bit. Ive become used to laughing it off, I have a very non-chalent attitude and he has very bad chat up lines. So back to July of this year. July 27th. My parents et al went off on their holiday while I got up at silly am (as it became known) and went to work at...Shrewsbury I think. This summer I travelled round the county helping Woolworths re-merch (and then I go get fired by them, nice pay back for the 85 hours of over time I did for them in August, but different story). It was a pretty good day, several of us had lunch together and had strawberries and our old head of entertainment was in cause she now works for EUK. So all was fine and dandy until I got home. My brother (seems like im settling for "my brother") was waiting in the doorway and then hit me with it. "I don't know what you've heard but some girls..." forget the quote, basically accused him of being a bit too handsy. Wasn't the first time and hes been to court about it before but let off for lack of evidence. It seems like theres either a) a group of girls out to get him or b) a little pact in my town that if someone gets gropey with you say its my brother. Anyway, then he told me the police had taken the computers to find evidence, all computers. The family's, my little brother's and mine. Which I saved up for and spent a great deal of money on. Which I had some work on and which obviously had all my files, bookmarks, photoshop brushes etc. They also raped everything, they took the router, the modem, the bloody USB cables! So I tried to phone the station but was put on hold for five minutes. To be fair they wouldn't have given two shits. So I went round my "grown up" friends house. Hes only three or four years older but very mature and I explained and just broke down. I was a mess, could barely finish a sentence without tearing up. I was just broken. So he hugged me and consoled me and let me take a breather and offered to take me to the station but I decided I was in no state. So the next bet was the pub. He said I should ring some more people, so I rang my best friend and his finacee (also a friend) as I figured they'd be all mature about it. So we went to the pub and I told them, again with the tears. But anyway I think im getting lost, this aint a blog. So next two weeks I had to deal with it, cause he wouldn't. Then anyway, my mom bought a new computer for me and my little brother (oh Richard moved out to some about two weeks after) and we had to get Virgin internet cause theres no 12 month contract and I've had to pay for that cause my mom's money is tight. Sorry, blogging again. I dunno. Basically, its been five months, nearly exactly and last week he was arrested because they found "evidence", what I don't know exactly. But hes on repremand until Friday when he'll appear in court, probably going back in repremand until a proper trial which could be a year away. Should be getting the PCs back soon but I think they're going to wipe them. If they found evidence of say child porn (dunno if they did) then they're gonna wanna wipe that. Which I dont blame them but its damn annoying. And it was on a local radio station....Wednesday it was. Named and everything and a few people we know have heard. They're shocked and behind us but its still... hmm. My little brother is in high school and is getting bullied because of it because kids are shite. Especially at that age. And I just feel sorry for him because this hasn't been easy on us, any of us. I just wish it never happened (well dur) but its just something thats gonna affect me for life. I know its self centered to think of myself but well fuck it. I wanna be moderatly well known, cause I still plan to create a TV show and I dunno, have visions of this all beind splattered across the sun. Swapped rooms with my little brother which im kinda glad of because it has haunting memories, or made up ones. I just have this image whenever im in there. On movies and such (its on a Killers video) where kinda ghostly figures of past appear round you. I picture the police just being in my room. Seeing my photos of friends on the walls, seeing the emotional note my mom left befoe she went on holiday. Hell even seeing my boxers I left on the floor. So thats one room haunted. Richard's room is haunted with the image of my mom - the day he was arrested last week...two weeks ago? Whenever it was. He phoned her and asked to bring some stuff and I went with her to his room and she was running in auto, I could tell she wanted to break down but was holding it together. And I just feel sorry for her, shes an ace mom and she doesnt deserve this, nobody does really. And this thread? I dunno, im not looking for sympathy or "sorry to hear"s (i'd appreciate it, dont get me wrong. im not ungrateful but im not scrouging for them) but more theraputic. Ive tied as much as I can. As Veronica Mars (so i love that show perhaps a bit too much) said tidying is very theraputic "because for a few short minutes you're in control." But now I need to splurt. Im dropping out of college (cant handle the work load on top of work and whats going on, its okay thought cause it was filler til Uni in sept) on Monday but may see if I can still go see the support peopley thing. Theres got to be someone I can just go talk to because I need somone I dont know, someone to spew to and for advice. I want to be strong on the surface but im sinking toward depression. I can feel it and I dont want it. So yeah, if you managed to read that essay, well done. Hell im going to bed (well watch Buffy) now. I may wake up tomorrow and delete this thread. Ive gotten it out of my system which is something I needed. Whether its the right outlet, I dunno. We'll see. Thanks to those who read and some people may annoy me at times (constant moaning, but in a kinda "gotta love em" way) I do love this community. Its a nice place at the end of the day. So anyway im stopping now! I promise! See, done. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 i don't really know what to say, but i suppose that's not the point you just want to know that someone's listening. your brother sounds like a prick, i don't know how you've coped with him over the years. *hugs* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Your brother sounds exactly like my little brother, except for the child porn bit, but you never know it may be in his future i wouldnt be suprised. If you ever need to talk to anyone I'm all ears. Just remember always look on the bright side of life, stay strong and know that your a good person. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Veronica Mars does indeed rule! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Man thats really tough for you and the people you love :/ Its good that your talking about it and I hope you get through it as you are a decent guy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 cah, you sure do like to type a lot, but it was interesting. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Chin up Ash, might seem bad now, but as they say it will get better, were all here for you mr admin boss Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Sorry to hear all that's happened Ashley, how old is your little brother? Hopefully it will all blow over as far as gossip goes soon anyway. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Your brother is as retarded as mine. How old is he now? Mine is 23 and finally starting to mature. For years he slept with random women thinking he was gods gift to women. He fractured my skull a couple of times on the wrestling thing too. TV influences kids :p. Sorry to hear about all that shit Ash. At least he'll be out of your hair soon enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Seems to me as if you are already dealing with the depression you mention because you are talking about it and sharing a very personal family problem with us that a lot might try to sweep under the rug . I dont think your blogging selfishly, one persons misguided attitude in a family can affect the other family members greatly depending on how much you give a shit about that person . It seems you give a shit where others would give up and that is the stuff real decent men are made of and you have my respect for that. It takes balls of steel to post such personal feelings and having trust in those reading it . With you around there is hope for humanity yet , I take my hat off , Thank god there are still some real people in this world . We need more like you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 You really like writing, don't you? Anyway I hope you'll get through this. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Wow... and my "stepsister" (even though she's not even related she just says that) thought she was having a hard time. 1.Your brother sounds like a total dick. 2.Cheer up, everthing should sort itself out. and if.. no, when your life sorts itself out you can always get adult tuition at a college or something. Get that education back. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Just remember that you are a better person than your brother. It's not your fault he's a jerk, and you shouldn't feel weighed down by his burden, although I know it's near impossible not to. Remember that you are one of the favorite, most respected and most well known of the whole community of over 1000 people here. We love you! *hugs* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Sry to hear bout all this shit m8, but dont worry, it will get better. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Shit, that must be awful to have a brother like that, as in the end of it he's your family and nothing can change that but I'd say feck him (not literaly) and try not to get sucked into his world and his problems. Hopefully this prison sentence (is that what he got, cant be arsed to re-read) should be a wake up call and he will now mature and come out a changed man. Must be hard for you, but must be extra heavy on your Mum, is she coping allright with it? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 I can't imagine how terrible that must be for you. i suppose coming on here and forgettin about that stuff helps for a while? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 ok more things we have in common...brothers we hate to the bone... sorry to hear about that ash, but think about when u get your own place Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 A long read but I for one am glad that you did it as all the little bits of info you've released over the last couple of months have driven me mad with curiosity. Hope all goes well and you enjoy not having pressures for a while. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Just an overall thank you for the nice words from pretty much everyone except for EM's rather ambigious "[15.15.15]" which im curious about. I do have a tendancy to overtype, the words just take over. Happens in my blogs all the time. Sorry if I overtalked, especially where I drifted off to pointlessness. My little brother is 16 tomorrow Katie. Hes in his last year of school and I dunno how long this is gonna last. If nothing happens of it then maybe it will blow over, but if it goes further I think he may have to deal until he finishes school. I dunno whether hes going to college or what but at least college is a more mature place, people are less judgemental from my experience. Jordan, hes 21. He is very immature and naive but hopefully as you say this experience may make him grow up a bit, he may finally see his actions have consequences. I wish I could hate him as much as I want to, cut my ties and all that but that won't help my mom. She hated him because he has always been such a dick to my mom, even when she tries to help. I dunno what her stance is now, she is supportive of him and all that but I dunno whats going on in her head. Gonna stop typing because all the kind words, replaying of events and emotional music (damn you Sarah McLachlan :P) is just getting to me. Cheers dudes and dudettes, I appreciate it all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 your brother sounds like someone i know, very self centered and doesnt give a crap about anyone but himself. hard times ash. But your internet buddies are here along with your actual friends. we listen, talk and help. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Just an overall thank you for the nice words from pretty much everyone except for EM's rather ambigious "[15.15.15]" which im curious about. I think that's refering to the character limit, and how it should be scrapped. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. Sorry to hear that things aren't peachy atm, just keep your head high and time will sort things out sooner or later Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 This won't last forever, buddy. Focus on that university experience that's not so far away. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 Hey, don't worry about coming across as selfish or self-indulgent. It's only instinctive to worry about yourself in such hard times, and to be honest, you have every reason to do so. The passion and feeling conveyed in your writing (nevermind the situation you described) is enough to show anyone that this is not only something very serious, but something that has been truly disheartening for you. You may not be looking for sympathy, but you deserve it. All I can say is, don't let this make you lose faith in yourself, and certainly not your ambitions. Although your future may perhaps seem quiet uncertain and even empty now, better days do await you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 20, 2005 I wish I could hate him as much as I want to, cut my ties and all that but that won't help my mom. She hated him because he has always been such a dick to my mom, even when she tries to help. I dunno what her stance is now, she is supportive of him and all that but I dunno whats going on in her head. If I were you I'd tell her to stop supporting him and maybe then he might realise how much of a dick he really is. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
