Posted January 15, 2008 What do you call a girl with one leg? Eileen What do you call a girl with no legs? No-leen What do you call a cat with 3 legs? Cat-leen What do you call a girl between 2 posts? Annette What do you call a girl between 2 houses? Elaine What do you call a girl with a frog on her head? Lily And in response to Kov's DOug one: What do you call a guy without a shovel on his head? Douglas My auntie is called Annette Curtain. No joke. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 15, 2008 Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he needed a poo. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 15, 2008 What sound does a duck make that plays too many games? QUAKE! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 15, 2008 Schizophrenia - it beats being alone! no, thats a split personality, nowt too do with schizophrenia. curse that missconception. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 15, 2008 Q. What is E.T short for? So he can fit into his spaceship. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 15, 2008 A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?" ...Then the horse says "My wife just left me for another man." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 15, 2008 Why did the chicken cross the road? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!!! Hahaha... I don't get it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 15, 2008 Two bats are in a cave. One says to the other "I'm off to find some blood...back in a while!" About half an hour later the bat reappears, with his face covered in blood. The other bat says "Wow, thats alot of blood. Where did you get it?" And the bat replied "I'll show you." So the two bats leave the cave and fly to the nearest town. They stop on the outskirts, and the blood-soaked bat says "See that massive tower over there?" "Yes" "I didn't" Well, I found it funny... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 15, 2008 2 oranges are rolling down a hill, one stops so the other asks "Why did you stop?" To which the other replies, "I ran out of juice" lololololololol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2008 this is one i made up all by myself... i think. What do you call a pea whats tired? Slee-pea! hahahaha AND another one of mine What do you call pasta with a bad memory? Forgetti! hahahaaha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2008 2 oranges are rolling down a hill, one stops so the other asks "Why did you stop?" To which the other replies, "I ran out of juice" lololololololol this is one i made up all by myself... i think. What do you call a pea whats tired? Slee-pea! hahahaha AND another one of mine What do you call pasta with a bad memory? Forgetti! hahahaaha I just told these to my housemate. Her reply: *straight faced, glaring back at me* My reply: "hahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahah!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2008 Well heres a really bad/funny chat up line (I dare one of you to use this) Is that a ladder in your tights or the stairway to heaven? xD My auntie is called Annette Curtain. No joke. There used to be a maths teacher in my school called Mark Hiscock. No joke. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2008 What do you call a women with no legs standing in a strawberry field? A Jammy C*nt Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2008 A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender to recommend a drink to have, the bartender says "Grasshopper" so the guy has the drink and walks home, he meets a grasshopper on the way home and says "hey, did you know theres a drink named after you?" and the grasshopper replies saying "Theres a drink named Irving?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2008 Why did the girl fall off the swing? [spoiler=]Someone threw a fridge at her Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2008 Why did the girl fall off the swing? [spoiler=]Someone threw a fridge at her This one is wrong, the right answer would be: Why did the girl fall off the swing? [spoiler=]Because she had no arms. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2008 I guess only you from UK get that one. cyacle path cyco path psycho path Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2008 cyacle pathcyco path psycho path He's already pointed out that's not what he doesn't "get" -- just that cycle paths aren't red in portugal. They're red in london and the south... and in sheffield... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2008 He's already pointed out that's not what he doesn't "get" -- just that cycle paths aren't red in portugal. They're red in london and the south... and in sheffield... Some places they are Green in London Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2008 How in God's name did we start discussing cyclepaths?! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2008 But bats are blind... Wrong! Most bats have great eyesight. As far as I know there has never been a blind bat. Some places they are Green in London No Platty that's grass. Why did the dolphin jump through the hoop? He did it on porpoise I just made that joke up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 17, 2008 Old woman is knitting whilst driving. Policeman sees her and pulls up next to her and shouts "PULL OVER" She says "No, socks" So I was driving the other day and my boss rang to tell me I've been promoted. I was so shocked that I swerved. A few minutes later, he rang me again to tell me I've been promoted again, I swerved. A few minutes later he rang me to say I've made vice president. This time I swerved and hit a tree. Policeman asked me what happened, I said... ... ... ... ...I careered off the road XD...groan... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 17, 2008 I just told these to my housemate. Her reply: *straight faced, glaring back at me* My reply: "hahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahah!" Haha that's generally the reply i get when i tell them to people! They just don't understand........ More! (but i can't claim these ones to be mine unfortunately) Why couldn't the sailor play cards? Because he was sat on the deck! hahaha why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrrrrrrrr! hahahaha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 17, 2008 A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors. 'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little paper bag. 'Hmm, you look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows,come back and see me in a couple of days.' The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results. 'What's wrong with me?' asked the little paper bag. 'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor. 'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' said the little paper bag. 'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor. 'No, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor. 'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor. 'No, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual relationship?' 'NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor 'Your mother must have been a carrier' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
