Posted January 17, 2008 A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors. 'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little paper bag. 'Hmm, you look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows,come back and see me in a couple of days.' The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results. 'What's wrong with me?' asked the little paper bag. 'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor. 'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' said the little paper bag. 'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor. 'No, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor. 'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor. 'No, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual relationship?' 'NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just a little paper bag!' 'Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor 'Your mother must have been a carrier' That is class!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 17, 2008 My girlfriend said to me "You don't take me seriously because I'm diabetic!" I said, "Don't be like that, Sugar." What do you call a transvestite drink? Dame Edna Beverage. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 17, 2008 Bluestar, that was hilarious, mate. How do you make a door laugh? Tickle it's knob! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 17, 2008 Bluestar, that was hilarious, mate. How do you make a door laugh? Tickle it's knob! ... well gee, thanks for reading my post ¬_¬ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 17, 2008 Maybe he did, thought he'd read it somewhere else, and then posted it cause he thought it was amazing. Maybe Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 17, 2008 ... well gee, thanks for reading my post ¬_¬ Sorry, only just noticed it. I was going to say "where did you post that?" but it wouldn't have helped the situation. Ok, I'll think of another: What do bees do if they don't want to drive? Go to the buzz stop. ... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 18, 2008 My girlfriend gives a crap blowjob. She sucks all the fun out of the room. I made that myself this morning. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 Girl goes into a hairdressers in Newcastle and says: "Can you give me a perm?" "Okay" says the hairdresser. "I wondad lurnley as a clood..." .... A lorry load of terrapins has overturned in Newcastle. Local police say it's turtle mayhem. (Up here these jokes are told as happening in Ashington, a place with such a broad Geordie accent even people from Newcastle have no idea what the fuck anyone's on aboot.) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 no, thats a split personality, nowt too do with schizophrenia. curse that missconception. But schizophrenics hallucinate and hear voices and sometimes see people! Reminds me of this terrible joke my friend tried to make up about a bench, a schizophrenic and a pathological liar that made no sense at all, yet he found it absolutely hilarious. Well, I found it funny... I heard the bat one with a tree, and the first bat saying no, then the second saying 'neither did i'. Man, I wish I had some wotsits with me, they had genius jokes! I love terrible jokes, they're the best kind(doctor doctors!). Anyhoo, How do you make a swiss roll? Push him down a hill. A sausage walks into a bar where a cucumber, tomato and a carrot are having a chat. The sausage goes upto the bartender and asks for a drink and the bartender says 'I'm sorry sir but you'll have to leave, this is a salad bar.' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 What's black and white and hungry? Heath Ledger's cat... ... ...I'll get me coat... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 Too soon, dude. Way too soon. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 Whats worse than a dead baby nailed to a tree? Ripping it off. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple? The holocaust What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use lube What do you do if a baby starts choking? Take your dick out of it's mouth What have pork pies and old ladies' vaginas got in common? You have to bite away the crust and lick away the jelly before you get to the meat Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 Two blonds walk into a bar. You'd have thought one of them would have seen it... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 I told that joke to a blonde ex, took her 2 years to get it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking during sex? Slow down and use lube Fixed!! Otherwise it makes no sense Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 Fixed!! Otherwise it makes no sense Yeah, but its not funny at all your way... The whole point of the joke is that you think she's smoking cigarettes at first... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 Yeah, but you still think that she's smoking a cigarette during sex. That's just how the joke goes Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 Yeah, but you still think that she's smoking a cigarette during sex. That's just how the joke goes No you've just stopped it being a joke. The whole point of a joke is that you think one thing and then the punch line makes it another one in a hilarious fashion. (I know not all jokes are like that but this one is ) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 29, 2008 I told that joke to a blonde ex, took her 2 years to get it. I don't get it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2008 I don't get it. Is that sarcasm? I'm just going to explain it anyway.. A bar, as in a pole or something, they both walk into the bar. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) HAHAHAHAHAHA ________ Uggs Edited April 28, 2011 by fex Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
