Charlie Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation. Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex. Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years. Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr. Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply. "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down. "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex." Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police. Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'." Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink. The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan. He now lives in Ayr. I would've thought you could do anything yo uwant with your bike behind closed doors? This should be a word of warning to all the rest of cycle-sexualists! We're onto you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haden Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 Charlie says: surely you can do whatever the hell you want with your bike behind closed doors Haden says: yeh lol Charlie says: (getting worried?) Yeh yes I am! You sicko Moria I bet u planted on some poor drunkard who woke up with spokes hanging off his crotch! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
triforcemario Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 ....HOW THE FUCK do you fuck a bicycle in the first place?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stalin Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 In other news, man invents the wheel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slaggis Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 Oh dear god, thats mental. What a weird man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Posted November 14, 2007 Author Share Posted November 14, 2007 ....HOW THE FUCK do you fuck a bicycle in the first place?! Yeah, you've got to wander about the logistics of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramar Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 What exactly did the guy do against the law? Obviously its a bit odd that he was fucking a bike, but come on the man has to live with being caught pants down with a bike. Surely thats enough shame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coolness Bears Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 Wow! what a weird piece of news to hear about just before your going to sleep... The obvious questions are What? How? and Why? *Has nightmares* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supergrunch Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 My sister sent me something about this a while back: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml This is the best bit of the article: He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however. Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshmellow Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 I'm just not seeing why the man is being punished. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackfox Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Only in Scotland Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanielTimothy Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 3 years probation? For fucks sake, that's a little harsh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShadowV7 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 My god, what a start to the today. Made me laugh. But I wonder how it could of been done... But just wow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LazyBoy Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however. Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993. That is the greatest thing I have ever read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rokhed00 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Disappointed, I was expecting something about a bicycle seat being replaced with a dildo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Bull shit. My t-shirt was grey not white. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 I'm just not seeing why the man is being punished. I think it's because he was in a Hostel. That's what I'm always in my bedroom when I do... ...never mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbob Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Ummm, now that is strange. How the heck do you have sex with a bike, unless you remove the saddle and use the hole for the action i don't really understand. Plus, it was funny reading the article as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Well theres a lot of places where the bars overlap, thus creating something that...you know... ...You can hump. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rokhed00 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Well theres a lot of places where the bars overlap, thus creating something that...you know... ...You can hump. How desperate must you be to know that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 How desperate must you be to know that? What, you've never seen a bike? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jordan Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Well... Surely no matter what hole you put it in, the things made of metal. How exactly is that pleasuable? >_> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rokhed00 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 What, you've never seen a bike? Not in that light, no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Heh. The akward silence of a bad comeback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rummy Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Well... Surely no matter what hole you put it in, the things made of metal. How exactly is that pleasuable? >_> What if there were burrs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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