Magnus

I think that was his point - that the series has strayed too far from what made it good - hence his reference to SUPER MONKEY BALL BANANA EXPLOSION FUN.

Way to make everyone else feel bad. :p Good for you, though!

Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? :p Unfortunately, my jizz is too precious to waste on an IGN review.

You should have grabbed her breasts while you had the chance! Did he not text you afterwards?

At least I haven't played this one. Mostly because I didn't like the first game, but hey.

I assume you texted this to her?

Just grab her breasts. It shows manliness.

I guess I'll be the voice of reason as usual, then. :p I thought it was awful. It's just... references. Endless references to (primarily) pop culture in the late eighties/early nineties. The thing is, there's no inherent comedic value in just referencing things. Remember Ghostbusters? Bionic Commando? Zelda? It's the video game equivalent of Epic Movie. For it to be parody there has to be a twist on the things being referenced, but everything's just there to make you go, "oh hey I remember that thing". Luigi owns a shop for some reason. In one mission, Guybrush Threepwood makes you undergo sword training. The height of comedy is the Robotnik parody being called Von Buttnick. CRASH BANDICOOT. There, that was a reference. Now lavish me with praise. The game has very little personality of its own and when the villains were revealed to be evil video game publishers who used and abused indie developers, I actually got embarrassed for the guy who made the game because it was so heavy-handed. There's also a snarky cutscene about how parents are responsible for making sure their children don't play violent video games that has all the subtlety of an anvil to the head. And yet, with all my complaining about the endless references, seeing what thing from my childhood would appear next was pretty much my only reason to keep playing, because the gameplay was the worst part of the game. While the game has a lot of missions, about a third of them are over within two minutes if you skip the cutscenes, while the rest are so frustrating that I would rather have my teeth pulled. When you're not playing a mission where one mistake will either kill you or cause you to fail for some other reason, the game is throwing dozens of enemies at you, and once you've finally finished most of them off, you can be sure that the last few will have rocket launchers that can kill you in one hit. Sometimes they spawn right on top of you. Checkpoints are scarce and actually getting to heal during a mission is even rarer, so dying after a checkpoint is often the only way to replenish your health. The last hour or so is pure NES gaming at its worst, with my frustration levels rising until I only kept playing out of spite. Difficulty aside, there's really not much to the gameplay. It's the blandest of Grand Theft Auto gameplay, usually starting out with you driving somewhere, then driving somewhere else, then killing a bunch of enemies, and then maybe driving back home. There, I just described 90% of the missions. The only difference is what thing(s) the game will parody during the mission. Occasionally the game tries to replicate the gameplay of something, but these missions rarely play well, with the 'Splosion Man level being a particular lowlight. The game loves making fun of old gaming tropes and how terrible they are (Water levels! Levels where you have to tail someone in a car!), then makes you suffer through them anyway. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles underwater level is only better because it's not timed. I still died 10-15 times. The main character complains about padded gaming experiences and having to drive back and forth all the time, so he warps to where he needs to go... and then he spends the rest of the game driving back and forth. The design of the city isn't too bad, but I question the logic in making one part of the city its own area. I went there once during a mission and never returned, because how could I? The map is completely useless and doesn't show you where anything is. Its only use is for seeing where the next mission is. Driving around the city GTA-style is fun for a while, but it's filled with empty buildings used for missions and most of the shops are jokes that serve no real function (there are also a hundred different shops that let you change the look of the main character). I went into a shop that sold mushrooms, bought one to see what it did, got set on fire and died and lost all of my weapons. That was the last time I entered a shop. Anyway, my point is that this wasn't fun. It's a frustrating mess that fails at being funny and in every forum topic I've seen where people have asked if the game is worth playing, the only response they seem to get is, "yes! It's got tons of references!" Yes. Yes, it does. (You can't fault the presentation, though. The game looks and sounds great.)

That it was as good as it was back when we all first played it nearly a decade ago? :p This game is part of the Halloween Sale, so now would be the time to get it.

The whole post is needlessly snarky and dripping with fanboyism, but I especially like point 3, which implies there's something wrong with people asking for games that appeal to them rather than games that aren't aimed at the kind of people who post on a Nintendo forum. Like we should all be asking for a Wii Fit U because it would sell a hundred million copies. It's an especially ridiculous point to make in a thread about what it would take to get us hyped.

Fable 3 was alright, just like Fable games are always just alright (we don't speak of the spin-offs). Somehow it never manages to be very good and I'm always left feeling disappointed. If Fable was a color, it'd be beige.

DEAR GOD IT'S CONTAGIOUS. Happy birthday, Coolness. You keep getting older every year, but you never seem to grow up.

To be fair (in a way), the police force on Dexter sucks most of the time, so that's pretty consistent! My theory is that they all know that Dexter is a serial killer and that's why they never catch him. And sometimes they purposely fail to catch criminals because "Dexter will handle him."

That means you've missed out on Heroes and The Journey! I hear those are the best ones. I guess they pretty much have to be better than Fable 3...

But you'll never be able to give up Fable!

It might work better if you spell his name correctly. :p

Maybe the kitten just fell really fast!

Probably because it's on the Vita, you mean. :p I'd consider getting it if I had a Vita, but oh well! Some other time, maybe.

I quite liked Nurse Jackie when I watched it this summer. Usually I hate it when characters disappear with no explanation, but I was halfway through season 2 before I realized that Mo-Mo was missing, so I guess I can't complain in this case.

They've cured the zombies now and the show has turned into a soap opera. You're really not missing much.

Remind me never to try to kill Peeps!

Yeah, Peeps. You should donate! Maybe to ReZ.

I think Flink is just pretending not to be interested in the Wii U so he can surprise Ine with one on Christmas Day. "Who has two thumbs and loves Nintendo more than he loves you? This guy!" She'll surprise him with one too, of course, and it'll be one of those sitcom moments that make up their life together. "I sold my Wii - and its sensor bar - so I could afford to buy you a Wii U!" "And I sold my Wii - and its sensor bar - so I could afford to buy you a Wii U!" And then Flink will say his catchphrase (probably "Kooloo-Limpah" or something), Ine will say "oh, Jim" in that "oh, what a loveable buffoon" sort of way and they'll make crazy monkey love all night. Just like in a sitcom.