MoogleViper Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Perhaps I should just delay it to give me more time to think it through before ending or continuing it. She's away next week, so it would give me time to decide. I can also make different plans to something I'd be more comfortable with. Rescheduling this close to the date (without a good reason) is a bit of a dick move. Just go through with it. Worst case scenario is you've got some good experience. Best case scenario... bow chicka wow wow!
Cube Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Rescheduling this close to the date (without a good reason) is a bit of a dick move. It's too late now, as I've already delayed it (with a good reason, even though it's a lie). It's a lot further away from the date than when she rescheduled the last one, anyway.
Charlie Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Perhaps I should just delay it to give me more time to think it through before ending or continuing it. She's away next week, so it would give me time to decide. I can also make different plans to something I'd be more comfortable with. It's too late now, as I've already delayed it (with a good reason, even though it's a lie). It's a lot further away from the date than when she rescheduled the last one, anyway. Does she know that you're moving in a few months? If she does and is still wanting to see you then I don't think there's a problem.
Cube Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Does she know that you're moving in a few months? If she does and is still wanting to see you then I don't think there's a problem. At the moment, she doesn't know about that.
drahkon Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Things are going well with my girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, it's been only a week. Officially, because the way we were before 'the talk' was pretty much a relationship. I just feel so comfortable around her. There is absolutely NO reason for me to hide anything. The same applies to her. We can both be the stupid, crazy, fucked up people that we are I'm a happy man
Rummy Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 I'm with Moogle on this @Cube, you're overthinking things a bit too much. As for moving, how far are you moving? If it's going to be like...a lot, then it's worth letting her know that at some point, but maybe see her once or twice more first. Or even if things seem to be going well next time you see her, tell her then.
Cube Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 You're right, I probably am overthinking it. If I think on simpler terms I get a different reason: I just don't like her enough.
MoogleViper Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 You're right, I probably am overthinking it. If I think on simpler terms I get a different reason: I just don't like her enough. You don't like her enough after one date? Come on, man; you're just sabotaging yourself now.
Cube Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 You don't like her enough after one date? Come on, man; you're just sabotaging yourself now. Probably, but I'm OK with that for now. I've got other things I need to sort out.
drahkon Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 She said that she's a bit scared to fall back into some kind of weird behaviour, but she wants to work on it. I didn't ask how exactly this behaviour would manifest itself (I didn't want to ruin the moment, as I knew it has something to do with her ex Well, now I know. It's basically some kind of protective reflex she developed because her ex was an ass. This results in her being quite moody or rather having two extreme moods: A good one, where everything is fine and she's really happy and the other one, instigated by that protective reflex. Her ex was pretty much a grade A asshole at the end of their relationship (he didn't pay attention to her at all, he didn't realize when she wasn't alright and he still made jokes/teased her, he didn't make her feel special, etc) and that kinda fucked her up. We're both quite humorous and we tease each other a lot. Her past experience makes it so that sometimes she gets pissed or moody when I make some kind of teasing comment. It's irrational - she said so herself - and she hates it. She's scared it will screw everything up between us (she started crying telling me that ) I told her she shouldn't feel pressured to quickly change things and that I can deal with her being moody from time to time, and she told me I shouldn't change my ways just out of consideration for her. We can both work on it and time will sort the out rest
nightwolf Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Well, now I know. It's basically some kind of protective reflex she developed because her ex was an ass. This results in her being quite moody or rather having two extreme moods: A good one, where everything is fine and she's really happy and the other one, instigated by that protective reflex. Her ex was pretty much a grade A asshole at the end of their relationship (he didn't pay attention to her at all, he didn't realize when she wasn't alright and he still made jokes/teased her, he didn't make her feel special, etc) and that kinda fucked her up. We're both quite humorous and we tease each other a lot. Her past experience makes it so that sometimes she gets pissed or moody when I make some kind of teasing comment. It's irrational - she said so herself - and she hates it. She's scared it will screw everything up between us (she started crying telling me that ) I told her she shouldn't feel pressured to quickly change things and that I can deal with her being moody from time to time, and she told me I shouldn't change my ways just out of consideration for her. We can both work on it and time will sort the out rest I can easily relate to this. I spend the majority of my time quite happy, but I find from past experiences AND the way that I am that sometimes things can quickly go from 'happy steph' to 'wanting to throw something across the room'. It's frustrating because you KNOW it's annoying and not good and you don't want to be like that, but it's hard not to see the red or get upset. I'm working on it. Patience and breathing space are good.
drahkon Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 It's frustrating because you KNOW it's annoying and not good and you don't want to be like that, but it's hard not to see the red or get upset. Yeah, I could see how frustrating it is for her (well, she cried...obviously it troubles her very much). It's even more annoying that you basically can't actively do a lot to change this. Like you said: Patience is key here.
Fused King Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) Questions out of interest: Have any of you experienced a total lack of interest in getting into a relationship again after a fairly long relationship (say 4 years or so) has ended? How have you guys dealt with getting over your ex after a long relationship? Edited March 4, 2015 by Fused King
Agent Gibbs Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) I can easily relate to this. I spend the majority of my time quite happy, but I find from past experiences AND the way that I am that sometimes things can quickly go from 'happy steph' to 'wanting to throw something across the room'. It's frustrating because you KNOW it's annoying and not good and you don't want to be like that, but it's hard not to see the red or get upset. I'm working on it. Patience and breathing space are good. I've got to reiterate this @Drakhon, My girlfriend (of 6 years) is like this, but with time and patience one of two things happen, they get better, or you learn how to get them out of the mood the only time you then have a problem is if you are in a mood, i can't be doing with calming her down if i'm in the same mood, which thankfully is a rare thing for example, she's done something wrong, i tell her off and its suddenly my fault! theres been times when the thing she'd done wrong is so bad i just say fuck it i'm off out Questions out of interest: Have any of you experienced a total lack of interest in getting into a relationship again after a fairly long (say 4 years or so) has ended? How have you guys dealt with getting over your ex after a long relationship? before my current girlfriend i was in a relationship with a girl for just shy of 4 years, a year of which it was a dead relationship (where she used me for money)...after we split up i really just didn't give a shit anymore and was more interested in having fun with my mates I dealt with it, by having fun with my mates, and when i was ready for a relationship i just stumbled into it! you will know when you're ready so just have fun, relax and you'll know when you are ready as for getting over them? for me looking back and seeing the bad helped me realise there was little point being hung up over her. For a time we tried to stay friends, only this translated to her just asking for a lift on a night out twice, and so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable around me when she was in the same place. I cut ties, including with the circle of friends we shared, as they were mainly her friends and the one guy i liked became a bank robber, so he removed him self at her majesties pleasure. A clear head looking over the relationship allows you to detach yourself, don't get hung up over emotion and wanting to go back, just never do that... as cliché as it sounds time is the healer, and absence doesn't make the heart grow stronger after a split, it makes you ambivalent (which is a good thing for moving on) Edited March 4, 2015 by Agent Gibbs wrong patience, time and medical patients HA
S.C.G Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Questions out of interest: Have any of you experienced a total lack of interest in getting into a relationship again after a fairly long (say 4 years or so) has ended? How have you guys dealt with getting over your ex after a long relationship? Yes I have, while I'll never write-off the possibility of having another relationship completely, I have found myself experiencing a lack of interest after my last proper relationship ended; however it's also down to dating sites proving to be a let-down and in the day to say I have a habit of tragically misreading signals, thinking there's something there when there isn't... so now I just assume that nobody's interested by default. I deal with the solitude by taking solace in the fact that I have time to play, collect and review games so it's not all bad. Speaking of which... *gets back to reviewing while listening to videogame soundtracks* Anyway, so my advice is just to enjoy being yourself and doing what you like, I hope this helps. : peace:
Fused King Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Anyway, so my advice is just to enjoy being yourself and doing what you like, I hope this helps. : peace: as cliché as it sounds time is the healer, and absence doesn't make the heart grow stronger after a split, it makes you ambivalent (which is a good thing for moving on) Thanks for the input. My situation is a bit strange at the moment, seeing as I am now in sort of a long distance thing which is new to me, but I'm just taking it as it comes. The thing is, I'm cool with how things are, but wouldn't mind things ending either...it just feels so different from my previous relationship that I can't help but think that I jumped into this too quick just to feel loved again. Then, when I realized this was it, I was content, but nothing more than that...it's as if I lost the ability to love... I do think in the end I might not love her enough, but we don't really have a lot of time to meet, so I'm giving us the benefit of the doubt and I still want to learn more about her and want to be together more to see what parts of her I like and dislike and whether or not I can cope with it all.
drahkon Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I've got to reiterate this @Drakhon, My girlfriend (of 6 years) is like this, but with time and patience one of two things happen, they get better, or you learn how to get them out of the mood Pretty sure she will get better. And I'm also quite confident that I can help her with that, even if it is just getting her out of a bad mood. She just messaged me that she called her mom to talk about it. It seems she's affected by this even more than I thought We started as friends-with-benefits and she just told me she needs certain aspects that differentiate this "sex-only-relationship" (which was actually quite romantic and weird if you consider the typical 'let's have sex-meetups') and a real relationship. Her ex always made her feel like everything's her fault, that she had 'utopian' demands and that never went away. She just doesn't know what exactly she wants or whether what she wants is too much or not. As a result she developed the proverbial hard shell and her soft core never really showed - until yesterday and just now. She basically needs to think about what she wants from me and this relationship, and that takes time. I will of course give her as much time as she needs, and I told her I would help her anytime she wants/needs my help. I have some issues of my own and I need to work on them, as well. Given that in my previous experiences with women and relationships it proved to be difficult to talk to my former SOs about serious stuff, it's a relief to see that my girlfriend is grown up enough to talk about things like that. It will not be easy, but if it works out in the end it will be even better.
nightwolf Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I've got to reiterate this @Drakhon, My girlfriend (of 6 years) is like this, but with time and patience one of two things happen, they get better, or you learn how to get them out of the mood the only time you then have a problem is if you are in a mood, i can't be doing with calming her down if i'm in the same mood, which thankfully is a rare thing for example, she's done something wrong, i tell her off and its suddenly my fault! theres been times when the thing she'd done wrong is so bad i just say fuck it i'm off out I'm fortunate that my boy is very patient and very calm, so as of yet, we've not had any issues with my 'moods' per say. That and he knew about me working on it before we got together. Mostly it's a combination of a stressful job, a stressful flat (sometimes) and money woes. Eventually I like to think I'll be far more rational, if the last few years of improvement is any indication. It's just tough work.
MoogleViper Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Probably, but I'm OK with that for now. I've got other things I need to sort out. Even so, it's a dangerous path to go down. You're subtly conditioning yourself to think that it's OK to sabotage a relationship that isn't quite perfect. Besides.. you know... she's 18... ...fucking legendary!
drahkon Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 My girlfriend just texted me: "It's so nice thinking about you. Really brightens my day :)" Aww man, I'm so happy
nightwolf Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 My girlfriend just texted me: "It's so nice thinking about you. Really brightens my day :)" Aww man, I'm so happy
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