Beast Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 I really like this girl at work but I really like her as a friend too. Like, she's funny, she's nice and she's very pretty and I would actually date her but, and I know this sounds really mushy, I actually value her as a friend. Like, if I were to ask her out and it went wrong and things went awkward, I wouldn't be happy and I wouldn't want to risk it. At the same time though, it's cool that me and her share the same sense of humour and stuff. I fancy too many people!
Rummy Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I really like this girl at work but I really like her as a friend too. Like, she's funny, she's nice and she's very pretty and I would actually date her but, and I know this sounds really mushy, I actually value her as a friend. Like, if I were to ask her out and it went wrong and things went awkward, I wouldn't be happy and I wouldn't want to risk it. At the same time though, it's cool that me and her share the same sense of humour and stuff. I fancy too many people! How well/long have you known her?
Grazza Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I really like this girl at work but I really like her as a friend too. Like, she's funny, she's nice and she's very pretty and I would actually date her but, and I know this sounds really mushy, I actually value her as a friend. Like, if I were to ask her out and it went wrong and things went awkward, I wouldn't be happy and I wouldn't want to risk it. Do you think you would still have the friendship, though, without the attraction? In my experience there's normally some sort of attraction within that sort of heightened friendship. I'm not saying men and women can't be platonic friends - it's just that when you are in contact with a female friend beyond the necessary, there's usually something else behind it. Sorry if I'm assuming too much, it's just that I have often found the friendship fizzles out at the same time as the attraction.
jayseven Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Lemme just spell out to you the ridiculousness of being afraid to ask somone you like out on a date, because you're scared you'll lose the friendship. "So I know this girl; she's alright. Not as funny or attractive as others I know, but I wouldn't care if she stopped being my friend. I think I'll ask her out as she must be the one! Plus when we start dating and we hang out with this other girl I fancy but perceive to be out of my league, she can deal with my longful looks and I can continue to life in a fantasy world where I had asked this other girl out, and because I was too afraid to ask out the good girl I'm also going to be too afraid to dump this other girl. Sounds good!" Ok so that wasn't very well put... but the point is that a friendship is worth losing in the quest for compatability. If you know what I mean. The larger problem isn't the friendship but the workplace relationship. And besides, friendships will come and go. Put a note on your calendar for 3 years time that says "do you still know x? If you're not talking anymore then you owe jayseven a 'you were right all along!' PM" and then we can pick this conversation up at a later date.
Raining_again Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 well said @jayseven.... DO EET DOO EET NAOW. Letting feelings stay bottled up is good for no one. Inevitably the feelings will grow, and it will affect the friendship ANYWAY. Been there far too many times where I've hesitated.. let my feelings grow, and i've put myself in a friendzoned position and ended up miserable for it. If it ruins a friendship, they are a pretty crap friend.. I went straight for the jugular with my current man and I wish I had done it years ago.
Goafer Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I went straight for the jugular with my current man and I wish I had done it years ago. I've never heard it referred to as that before. I call mine Jonathon.
Raining_again Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I've never heard it referred to as that before. I call mine Jonathon. Not exactly what I meant, but I cannot deny that either. Well played @Goafer
nightwolf Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Pssh, just ask her already. Boys are...complicated. I forgot how much. My brain hurts.
Fierce_LiNk Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Pssh, just ask her already. Boys are...complicated. I forgot how much. My brain hurts. From what I've been told from a number of girls in the past, boys are relatively easy. Girls, on the other hand, make things complicated. When boys are being complicated, they're usually "thinking like a girl" or over-think things too much. Like girls do.
nightwolf Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 From what I've been told from a number of girls in the past, boys are relatively easy. Girls, on the other hand, make things complicated. When boys are being complicated, they're usually "thinking like a girl" or over-think things too much. Like girls do. Let me correct that statement then. Humans are complicated. I've been pretty upfront about what I've wanted to do, asked for drinks. Got a very non-committal answer and nothing since. Fineee.
Fierce_LiNk Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Let me correct that statement then. Humans are complicated. I've been pretty upfront about what I've wanted to do, asked for drinks. Got a very non-committal answer and nothing since. Fineee. Then he's not worth the time. Regret noooothhhhhing.
nightwolf Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Then he's not worth the time. Regret noooothhhhhing. Pretty much. Especially considering there's a very attractive boy who is asking me round his house this weekend. Snooze you lose boys. :awesome:
Beast Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 How well/long have you known her? Since August/September-time, I think. I liked her a little at the time but not so much that I would ask her out. Now, if we didn't work together, I would most likely ask her out. Do you think you would still have the friendship, though, without the attraction? In my experience there's normally some sort of attraction within that sort of heightened friendship. I'm not saying men and women can't be platonic friends - it's just that when you are in contact with a female friend beyond the necessary, there's usually something else behind it. Sorry if I'm assuming too much, it's just that I have often found the friendship fizzles out at the same time as the attraction. We work together and I can safely say we're probably closer than the other people who work there. The weirdest thing happens every time we see each other, actually: Whenever she sees me, she smiles, runs to me and jumps on me. Like, literally, she jumps on me for a hug and (and I don't mean to sound crude or dirty or anything but this is actually what happens) she wraps herself around me. Like, it doesn't happen every single time but it happens quite a bit. Lemme just spell out to you the ridiculousness of being afraid to ask somone you like out on a date, because you're scared you'll lose the friendship. "So I know this girl; she's alright. Not as funny or attractive as others I know, but I wouldn't care if she stopped being my friend. I think I'll ask her out as she must be the one! Plus when we start dating and we hang out with this other girl I fancy but perceive to be out of my league, she can deal with my longful looks and I can continue to life in a fantasy world where I had asked this other girl out, and because I was too afraid to ask out the good girl I'm also going to be too afraid to dump this other girl. Sounds good!" Ok so that wasn't very well put... but the point is that a friendship is worth losing in the quest for compatability. If you know what I mean. The larger problem isn't the friendship but the workplace relationship. And besides, friendships will come and go. Put a note on your calendar for 3 years time that says "do you still know x? If you're not talking anymore then you owe jayseven a 'you were right all along!' PM" and then we can pick this conversation up at a later date. To be fair, you raise a good point. I'm more concerned with the workplace relationship considering that, in our handbook, we're not allowed to have a romantic relationship of any kind. If we do, one of us would have to move to another store and, most likely, I'd have my Supervisor course taken off of me for breaching the rules or some shit. A relationship has already happened once under my manager's nose and she wasn't very happy at all when she found out and I can't afford to lose this job. As I said, most likely, I wouldn't do anything right now but it was just how I felt at the time. I still like the girl from the other shop though. Saw her again today, said hello and asked her how she was. She said she was tired and had worked all day. Then we both smiled and giggled and we both said bye to each other. well said @jayseven.... DO EET DOO EET NAOW. Letting feelings stay bottled up is good for no one. Inevitably the feelings will grow, and it will affect the friendship ANYWAY. Been there far too many times where I've hesitated.. let my feelings grow, and i've put myself in a friendzoned position and ended up miserable for it. If it ruins a friendship, they are a pretty crap friend.. I went straight for the jugular with my current man and I wish I had done it years ago. Yeah, I think that's what I'll do with the other girl. As I said, I can't with Workgirl because I think it would be too complicated and I think it wouldn't benefit either of us in the long run. I think I may try Shopgirl. Let me correct that statement then. Humans are complicated. I've been pretty upfront about what I've wanted to do, asked for drinks. Got a very non-committal answer and nothing since. Fineee. See, this is what I'm like. I wish there were more girls like this! Just be goddamn upfront about shit, man! Girls, if you like one of us lads, speak your mind and tell us! Don't wait for us to ask you or anything! It's 2013 (going to say 2014)! ===== On another note, you remember USA (the girl who kind of stopped with the whole Skype contact for some reason)? Well, we tweet every now and again on Twitter and she tweeted me telling me that she's coming over to the UK in the Summer. For some reason, even though we haven't seen each other face-to-face in months nor have we spoke to each other properly, I'm still excited. Weird feeling!
Grazza Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 We work together and I can safely say we're probably closer than the other people who work there. The weirdest thing happens every time we see each other, actually: Whenever she sees me, she smiles, runs to me and jumps on me. Like, literally, she jumps on me for a hug and (and I don't mean to sound crude or dirty or anything but this is actually what happens) she wraps herself around me. Like, it doesn't happen every single time but it happens quite a bit. Wow, that's pretty strong then! I'm actually jealous now! To be fair, you raise a good point. I'm more concerned with the workplace relationship considering that, in our handbook, we're not allowed to have a romantic relationship of any kind. If we do, one of us would have to move to another store and, most likely, I'd have my Supervisor course taken off of me for breaching the rules or some shit. That's a very strict rule for retail. I'm surprised.
Rummy Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Since August/September-time, I think. I liked her a little at the time but not so much that I would ask her out. Now, if we didn't work together, I would most likely ask her out. Well, I was basically asking to then essentially say exactly the same as what the others have said. You've known her a couple months, even if you know each other really well(even more so) do eeeeeeeeet. Get it out of the way, now rather than later. Ofc this is ignoring that whole workplace relationship side of things(as I know you've spoken of before). The reason I've ignored that is so you don't let it become too much an excuse, either(not to say it's not an issue, but don't let it become an excuse for this like)
ReZourceman Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 That's a very strict rule for retail. I'm surprised. Yeah that is fucking hilariously strict. "You must be robots and must not like each other." Seems fucking crazy to me. I get it in certain jobs but not chain retail stores. Whut.
Ashley Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 In fairness it says similar in the handbook for my mother's job and she met her future husband there (and he was technically her superior at the time) and they're fine. Bit of a brew-ha-ha when it was discovered, but fine. Two other people there have also started dating. I think it's an ideal rather than a rule, but it also depends on the (regional) manager etc as some will enforce it while others won't.
Rummy Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 It sounds more like the rule is 'if this happens one of you move' which isn't TOTALLY irrational or outrageous, but on the whole it's a bit silly(but to my mind actually quite understandable). Anyway @Animal, you need to ask her. Don't let it get to a point where you're 'too good' friends to do it. For a while I've been feeling that way a lot about someone I know, but it really is that kind of situation where now it's hard to really do anything without risking a lot. Also give me some damn pictures of your suit!
Ellmeister Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I think iris fairly common- mainly to ensure people you are paying money to work aren't busy shagging in the stock room instead or making loveydovey eyes at each other instead of providing good customer service which is crucial for retail. Also, when things to eventually go wrong, the friction and problems will end up affecting store atmosphere/ the team which again is not ideal for the store. It isn't like you get fired for it... Also @Rummy I'm getting a suit next week, can I post a picture?
Beast Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Yeah, I think I will do it. It's scary but I think it'll be okay.
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