Fierce_LiNk Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I feel like dating would just cut into my valuable gaming time. As it is, I only manage to get in about four to five hours of gaming a day. I guess if they'd be willing to sit and watch me play, though... The trick is to find a woman who plays games but not necessarily the same ones as you. I can play Xenoblade or whatever I want on the telly and Ine has the 3DS to do whatever. Animal Crossing, at the moment. So, you can game, spend time together and be in a relationship. Three birds, one giant stone. Win win win win winnnn. @Aneres11, that's quite brave to break it off. It can be an incredibly awkward thing to do. It's cool that both of you are still friendly. Sometimes those sorta things go sour realllly quickly. @drahkon, try to get the dinner idea in there, but it's not absolutely essential. As long as you're spending time alone with each other and getting friendlier (if you know what I mean.jpeg) then you can use your charm and it'll all go fine. Ask her out for a drink after the film, if you're still going to that.
Charlie Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Nothing wrong with a film on the first date, even if it is easy - that helps the date go better! Why choose something hard to potentially spoil date?! The thing is a first date is to get to know someone and see if there is any romantic interest. You can't really do this at the cinema unless you're going out for drinks or food afterwards.
Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I once watched a Danish TV show about attractive people dating, and Gustav, the hilariously awful gay guy, went on a date with someone where they went bungee jumping, and the other guy acted like a total girl and was too much of a wuss to do it. Gustav was so turned off that when it was time to take the guy to the airport, he saw how long the line was and was all, "yeah, I'm not waiting around for this" and left his date there. I've learned all I know about dating from Danish TV shows. On behalf of the Kingdom of Denmark and the entire Danish population, I sincerely apologise.
Fierce_LiNk Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 The thing is a first date is to get to know someone and see if there is any romantic interest. You can't really do this at the cinema unless you're going out for drinks or food afterwards. It can help though if either yourself or the person you are a bit nervous. Not everyone is an extrovert, so I do believe there's a place for those type of dating locations. You could do the whole lot and go for a film, meal and then a drink. Long date is long. Film to break the ice, a meal so you can get chatty and the drink to GO FOR THE KILL. Or, go for the drink first to loosen up and then the meal, and then the film where the dating person can rest on your shoulder, or on your lap, nomsayin'?
Beast Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 It can help though if either yourself or the person you are a bit nervous. Not everyone is an extrovert, so I do believe there's a place for those type of dating locations. You could do the whole lot and go for a film, meal and then a drink. Long date is long. Film to break the ice, a meal so you can get chatty and the drink to GO FOR THE KILL. Or, go for the drink first to loosen up and then the meal, and then the film where the dating person can rest on your shoulder, or on your lap, nomsayin'? I usually do a meal if I can help it on a first date. However, a movie could be cool but then you're losing time of whether you know she's good for you. You sit through a movie for two-ish hours only to find later on she boils bunnies or something, haha. I think if you are going to fit all of them, you should do it in this order: -Meal (because you want to know the chick before the movie starts and she'd probably value it if you ask her questions about herself so it looks like you're really interested in getting to know her. Also, you can both totally have a drink with your meal so there's your secret Dutch courage!) -Movie (because after you've known each other, you can both watch a movie together. I usually found boring ones are usually cool because you both end up getting up to no good anyways because the movie is THAT shit...well, it works for me anyway. Seeing a good one can distract you because either you or her totally want to like kiss and shit but then you or her are all invested in a film...well, I am anyway. I guess it depends on what kind of person she is, haha) -Drinks (well, you've both known each other now so go out, have fun and have a couple of drinks!) And THAT is my masterplan, haha. Time I start putting this in use again, I need to go back dating again!
Daft Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 (edited) So I don't come on this thread often because emotionally I'm a delicate flower that's been fed weed killer and trampled multiple times and I'm one trampling away from just wilting into the dirt. I met someone about two months ago, went out a few times, was great. Like perfectly happy. And then suddenly he basically stopped responding to me. Told me he needed time to himself when he finally did. I gave him space but then I was getting kind of anxious as to what exactly was happening. So every couple days I'd text him, rarely getting a response. When I did it was a vague 'need some time for myself' but me, with what little self-confidence I really have, couldn't tell if he was just trying to shut me down. I texted him and said that was fine if he didn't want to see me again but for my own piece of mind, be blunt and tell me. No response. Me being the naive, and probably foolish, optimist that I am thought that I gave him a couple easy outs and he hasn't taken them...so maybe he really does just need alone time, or whatever. I guess it's the uncertainty that really kills me. And forfuck'ssake I think this unintentional hard-to-get is making me like him more. And as a rule, I don't have feelings because when I do I wear my heart on my sleeve. I throw my trust about with abandon because I'm really a loving but emotionally scarred person - I'm also amazingly optimistic, I hope for the best at every turn...which I'm sure will surprise some people. Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Guess I need to get this off my chest. Maybe I need a hug. He messaged me today, after I asked again for a bit of clarity yesterday, reiterating he was taking some time for himself (kind of felt like I was harassing him but I just wanted a bit of clarity...was I asking too much?). So I guess that's about as certain an answer as I'm going to get. But I'm going to deal. But I don't know... ...Can someone live my life for me? I'm amazing at most of it, except the whole emotional thing. Edit: Me in gif form. Edited July 9, 2013 by Daft
Charlie Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I met someone about two months ago, went out a few times, was great. Like perfectly happy. And then suddenly he basically stopped responding to me. So every couple days I'd text him, rarely getting a response. When I did it was a vague 'need some time for myself' but me, with what little self-confidence I really have, couldn't tell if he was just trying to shut me down. I texted him and said that was fine if he didn't want to see me again but for my own piece of mind, be blunt and tell me. No response. He messaged me today, after I asked again for a bit of clarity yesterday, reiterating he was taking some time for himself To me, that seems like you're perhaps being a little bit 'clingy' (or as some might say, desperate, although that more than likely isn't the case). Clinginess generally puts people off as it's far too easy for them and for whatever reason, that puts people off. I know myself when I've had girls text me all the time it's a bit off-putting. No idea why it is, but it is. A lot of people over on /r/askwomen and /r/askmen say exactly the same thing as well.
Rummy Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Nothing wrong with a film on the first date, even if it is easy - that helps the date go better! Why choose something hard to potentially spoil date?! I'm exactly with Charlie on this - what's the point of a first date if not to get to know someone a bit more? It can be good if you're going for a drink after as it gives some easy conversation material; but I prefer to see how it goes without that first. Aren't going to be watching movies forever! So I don't come on this thread often because emotionally I'm a delicate flower that's been fed weed killer and trampled multiple times and I'm one trampling away from just wilting into the dirt. I met someone about two months ago, went out a few times, was great. Like perfectly happy. And then suddenly he basically stopped responding to me. Told me he needed time to himself when he finally did. I gave him space but then I was getting kind of anxious as to what exactly was happening. So every couple days I'd text him, rarely getting a response. When I did it was a vague 'need some time for myself' but me, with what little self-confidence I really have, couldn't tell if he was just trying to shut me down. I texted him and said that was fine if he didn't want to see me again but for my own piece of mind, be blunt and tell me. No response. Me being the naive, and probably foolish, optimist that I am thought that I gave him a couple easy outs and he hasn't taken them...so maybe he really does just need alone time, or whatever. I guess it's the uncertainty that really kills me. And forfuck'ssake I think this unintentional hard-to-get is making me like him more. And as a rule, I don't have feelings because when I do I wear my heart on my sleeve. I throw my trust about with abandon because I'm really a loving but emotionally scarred person - I'm also amazingly optimistic, I hope for the best at every turn...which I'm sure will surprise some people. Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Guess I need to get this off my chest. Maybe I need a hug. He messaged me today, after I asked again for a bit of clarity yesterday, reiterating he was taking some time for himself (kind of felt like I was harassing him but I just wanted a bit of clarity...was I asking too much?). So I guess that's about as certain an answer as I'm going to get. But I'm going to deal. But I don't know... ...Can someone live my life for me? I'm amazing at most of it, except the whole emotional thing. Edit: Me in gif form. I'm going to say exactly what isn't going to help; it might be the case that he genuinely just doesn't know what he wants/feels - hence he hasn't taken the outs but also hasn't given much of an in. This is much easier for me to say than do - but you can't do much but carry on with everything else and try to just not get too caught up either side of it.
Fierce_LiNk Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 So I don't come on this thread often because emotionally I'm a delicate flower that's been fed weed killer and trampled multiple times and I'm one trampling away from just wilting into the dirt. I met someone about two months ago, went out a few times, was great. Like perfectly happy. And then suddenly he basically stopped responding to me. Told me he needed time to himself when he finally did. I gave him space but then I was getting kind of anxious as to what exactly was happening. So every couple days I'd text him, rarely getting a response. When I did it was a vague 'need some time for myself' but me, with what little self-confidence I really have, couldn't tell if he was just trying to shut me down. I texted him and said that was fine if he didn't want to see me again but for my own piece of mind, be blunt and tell me. No response. Me being the naive, and probably foolish, optimist that I am thought that I gave him a couple easy outs and he hasn't taken them...so maybe he really does just need alone time, or whatever. I guess it's the uncertainty that really kills me. And forfuck'ssake I think this unintentional hard-to-get is making me like him more. And as a rule, I don't have feelings because when I do I wear my heart on my sleeve. I throw my trust about with abandon because I'm really a loving but emotionally scarred person - I'm also amazingly optimistic, I hope for the best at every turn...which I'm sure will surprise some people. Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Guess I need to get this off my chest. Maybe I need a hug. He messaged me today, after I asked again for a bit of clarity yesterday, reiterating he was taking some time for himself (kind of felt like I was harassing him but I just wanted a bit of clarity...was I asking too much?). So I guess that's about as certain an answer as I'm going to get. But I'm going to deal. But I don't know... ...Can someone live my life for me? I'm amazing at most of it, except the whole emotional thing. Edit: Me in gif form. Internet hug for Daft. It's a bit unfair in a way that he hasn't really answered your question and keeps reiterating the same line over and over. It could be genuine that he just needs a bit of alone time, but for your own benefit you need a bit of clarity there, too. Maybe do as he says and try to back off a little and see if he comes around and messages you. If he doesn't, then I guess you know where you stand and you can begin to move on. If he does come around and he wants to take things further, then he'll appreciate it a lot that you did as he asked and allowed him some time. This kind of situation is difficult, though. Been in plenty myself to know. the majority of the time, you have to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Ball is in their court.
Daft Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 (edited) To me, that seems like you're perhaps being a little bit 'clingy' (or as some might say, desperate, although that more than likely isn't the case). Clinginess generally puts people off as it's far too easy for them and for whatever reason, that puts people off. I know myself when I've had girls text me all the time it's a bit off-putting. No idea why it is, but it is. A lot of people over on /r/askwomen and /r/askmen say exactly the same thing as well. I was pretty aware of this. I'm not a massive texter and I was pretty hands off for a while and just let things play out. But then I kind of just wanted to know what the deal was (I wasn't aggressive about it), and I also wanted to know if he was okay because his uncle died and I don't know how people cope with that so that was another factor that complicated everything. I'd much rather be that pestering asshole and make sure someone is okay rather than ignore someone who might be drowning. It was just the weird sudden change that caught me off guard. Everything was great then it wasn't and I didn't know why and I had no reason. Honestly, it kind of killed me that I felt I needed to press but...a bit of communication would have been nice. I didn't enjoy doing it. I have anxiety issues and my faith in people has really taken a battering over the past year so I couldn't avoid how I acted. And while I'm kind of annoyed by how I handled it, I don't think I could have done it any differently. I guess that's life. Would be nice for something to be easy for once, though. I don't want to be the person who assumes the worst. I'm going to say exactly what isn't going to help; it might be the case that he genuinely just doesn't know what he wants/feels - hence he hasn't taken the outs but also hasn't given much of an in. This is much easier for me to say than do - but you can't do much but carry on with everything else and try to just not get too caught up either side of it. Yeah, this is true. Didn't help work was getting really stressful. Work is usually my rock and last week it was a nightmare and everything in life like coalesced into some ungodly maelstrom of disorientation. Almost had a panic attack one morning. Internet hug for Daft. It's a bit unfair in a way that he hasn't really answered your question and keeps reiterating the same line over and over. It could be genuine that he just needs a bit of alone time, but for your own benefit you need a bit of clarity there, too. Maybe do as he says and try to back off a little and see if he comes around and messages you. If he doesn't, then I guess you know where you stand and you can begin to move on. If he does come around and he wants to take things further, then he'll appreciate it a lot that you did as he asked and allowed him some time. This kind of situation is difficult, though. Been in plenty myself to know. the majority of the time, you have to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Ball is in their court. You're right. I'm going to try and put it out of my mind. It's nice to hear that, thank you. I should have posted here earlier. Thanks guys. Needed to get that off my chest. EDIT: Fuck me, my grammar was dire in that post. Was barely in English. Edited July 9, 2013 by Daft
Magnus Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Someone assumed I must have a girlfriend today. I felt like such a stud. Usually people assume I have never known the touch of a woman. :p I'm exactly with Charlie on this - what's the point of a first date if not to get to know someone a bit more? It can be good if you're going for a drink after as it gives some easy conversation material; but I prefer to see how it goes without that first. Aren't going to be watching movies forever! It's great training for all those years you'll spend playing video games next to each other, though.
drahkon Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 (edited) Hm, you guys raise good points. I won't bother her for the next days, anyways, since I don't have much time and she will be gone from Thursday 'til Sunday. Gonna give it some rest and ask her again next week. I'll probably go for "how about dinner or a drink after the movie?" And then I'll have clarity if anything might happen or not. Edit: Wtf, Daft is a girl? Edited July 9, 2013 by drahkon
Magnus Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Never fails to amuse me. I am a bearded man. That didn't stop Rokhed.
Daft Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 I'd probably look pretty classyterrifying in a dress, too.
ReZourceman Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Maybe I need a hug/ Gonna squeeze the shit outta ya' in two weeks. Great hugger. 10/10, would hug again.
Rummy Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Gonna squeeze the shit outta ya' in two weeks. Great hugger. 10/10, would hug again. Did you...did you just hug yourself and leave good feedback?
Ville Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 And you guys wonder why this thread attracts 40 "guests" as once.
Ashley Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 ...Can someone live my life for me? I'm amazing at most of it, except the whole emotional thing. If you find yourself feeling like you need to get in touch, just do this instead: Anyway, actual advice? I went through something similar about 18 months ago and I know how hard it can be. By the sounds of it he's left you in a bit of a tailspin as the flow of communication has abruptly changed and it can be jarring. As others have said, try and forget about it for a little while and wait to hear back. Try and keep yourself busy with awesome things to forget about it. It was good of you to make sure he was okay re: his uncle, but I know you (collective) can get into a headfuck as you wonder if its too much communication, or if there's something else going on etc etc. You know where I am if you ever want to talk. Or not talk and just do something to take your mind off it. Or hug (I may not be as good as ReZ though). Plus I'm PT now so I'm perma-free! Or Jodie's mother is great at hugs! I'm sure she'll be happy to hug someone she's never met if I ask
Ellmeister Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 The thing is a first date is to get to know someone and see if there is any romantic interest. You can't really do this at the cinema unless you're going out for drinks or food afterwards. Do you guys literally meet as the film is starting and then leave straight after? Of course you talk to them before and after by setting some time for drinks or something- the film will at least give you something to talk about. Blimey, I didn't realise I needed to split plans for the whole date, I was just saying the cinema is something easy to do that both will enjoy (as long as a film both want to watch of course).
Magnus Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Shut up, Ellmeister. No one cares what the guy who's already in a relationship has to say.
jayseven Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 That counts as Daft's come-out post, right? Not as dramatic/obvious as Paj, that's for sure. I always like to put the crown on Logic as the long-term victor, with Emotion initially bolting ahead but fading with time. This works fine with neuroses and paranoia and general social conditions, but when it comes to love it is very difficult to really believe that the heart can be bested by the head with time. In my own experience, the heart wins out, regardless of how wrong the love interest would be. I have often felt, when reading this thread, that I've actually played the bad guy. I've changed my mind. I've dumped. I've appeared hot one minute then cold the next. I've led people on. Some of this is because I've tried to push the logic and override the emotion but eventually I have to give in and give up and realise emotionally I am not attracted or attached or in love or whatever. I'm lucky in that I've experienced love, but unlucky because it prevents me from moving on. In relation to Daft, I would say that it's fairly clear this guy is simply not on the same level as you. This other guy is not committed for one reason or another. I would advise a pursuit down the "get over it" path, but I know not how that is done (I am falling in love with my ex-ex again, so what do I know about moving on?), but emotionally that's difficult. Logic can enter the fray if you decide to be abstract and try to understand what it is you want from a relationship. Is it sex? Companionship? Validation? Confidence? Are you attracted further by the disinterest/arms-length approach for a particular reason? Do you recognise and accept that there is a difference between what you feel you want and what you feel you need... and whether, actually, either of these suppositions are even accurate? I would say that the guy isn't as interested as you. I've had to try to politely put someone down, and basically there's no easy way. My ex still struggles to find the line between being friends and hoping for a re-spark and I don't have the heart to just say to her "we're never going to be a couple." I would guess that this guy you're speaking about equally is ball-less about putting the cards on the table. More words in head but they're shit on post.
Ashley Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 (edited) He's mentioned dudes before. He is a Butler-reading SOAS alumni after all, gender ain't no thang. In my news, or lack thereof, been nearly two weeks since I sent that message and no word back. LOL! Edited July 9, 2013 by Ashley
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