Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

[Ville]

Sounds like she really likes you Jay, but be watchful that she doesn't keep going down that track of getting upset/pissy about trivial things like that in future because that would be a real ball-ache! The key thing is not to go grovelling to her saying sorry all the time for this kind of stuff as that will just re-inforce in her mind that she can do that kind of thing and its okay (she will definitely wear the pants in the relationship if it develops like that!).

 

Remember, the best type of girl is a hoe - honest, open and equal :wink:

 

I agree. Hope it goes well Jay, but I don't understand why you were apologizing in the first place. First, you didn't do anything wrong; second, she's not above you. Just remember the self-respect, man...

[jayseven]

I don't think I crossed into grovelling. I apologised for not walking her home -- something I definitely should've done. She wasn't aware of the circumstances of why I didn't -- but still, I forgot to even offer. Some people think an apology is this big scarce resource that you can never use. Sure, don't water it down, but don't feel like you have to be right all the time when a situation can be resolved by compromise.

 

It's still early days, but I'm really struggling to see that people think they'd break it off just because of this. I'm not able to present the full circumstances in an unbiased way, but it's not just me giving her a chance here, it's me giving us a chance, ergo giving myself a chance at something great. You don't feel strongly for all that many people.

 

Anyway - dinner and breaking bad at mine in... an hour. Better get ready!

 

(no, that wasn't an invite to you lot, stay away!)

[ipaul]

I was pretty drunk so this memory is a little hazy but..

 

I'm pretty sure one of my friends said she really liked me last night and then kissed me.

 

Shame she's got a really serious boyfriend, with whom I'm also quite good friends.

[Magnus]

Erm, dude? Threesome. Come on.

[ipaul]

Erm, dude? Threesome. Come on.

 

[nightwolf]

I bet every single person on this forum really feels for you, how hard it must be to like someone and they like you back as well :p

 

Yes because dating someone I work with is really going to go down well.

 

Hence the whole 'damn'. Christ man, read into the post a bit more would you.

[Ashley]

Now you see what I have to put up with wolfy!

[Frank]

I think using facebook as a marker is a really difficult thing to do. I don't really tend to post all that much online but that doesn't mean I'm quiet in real life. I also don't contact many other people all that much, again doesn't mean I'm a recluse in real life (... I kinda am though, to be fair).

 

Also is it fair to focus on the neg? There will always be pros and cons.

 

However, ultimately you're talking about a kid, still in school. There's going to be immaturity there in some degree. You can take that to mean "he'll grow out of it" if you like.

 

But I don't think someone's facebook profile should so easily be a reason to move on!

 

Thanks for the reply (:

 

I certainly realise that unfaceted forms of connections like Facebook, which only reveal a certain point of view of someone's character, is not a wise thing to judge a person on. I can't help but see forms of immaturity through it though...

 

1 example, he shows off that he buys 2 iPhones and buys Armani clothing. Stuff like that. It bothers me. But it's not like I'm super hung up on this guy. I guess I find myself being really attracted and then not so much towards him depending on my mood. Eh, I'm over it.

 

~ ~ ~

 

I hope your misunderstanding with the girl has cleared up. To be honest, I think she's ridiculously overly sensitive for expecting you to walk her home and being pissy about it. But I hope she doesn't ask similarly in other ways...

[Mr_Odwin]

But on the flipside, high maintenance bitchy chicks are where it's at (not at all saying that's what @jayseven is dealing with). Who wants someone nice and mellow when you could get someone that might flip their lid at any given moment.

That's my preference.

[jayseven]

Lol :P

 

She has admitted having a tendancy to being melodramatic, and actually her idea of 'melodramatic' is to kind of be "ohmigod... I don't know..." so she's actually pretty chilled. I'm the one overthinking constantly. I panic because I'm a bit odd. She's picked up on both the oddness ("you're different to everyone I've ever met" and the panic stuff ("you talk more than all the other guys I've known").

 

She's been at mine after meeting a friend. I cooked dinner, we fooled around and tried to watch Breaking Bad. It became Breaking Bed... because my bed is shit. She got the last bus home. Then last night a similar set-up, only she was meeting Mutual Friend and they were in town for ages. Comes to like 10pm and I figure it's too late for her to come by just for 1h45mins, so she texts me "sorry going to head home, curl up with a movie ;)" and then "We'll meet soon ;)" and I thought it was fairly obvious -- the winks gave it away -- she was heading to mine. I did a quick cleanup and surprise, surprise, she knocks on my window..!

 

We try to watch a movie, break the bed a few times, and basically she had to leave at 6am to go to work. I went and got a few hours sleep. So yeah... wow.

 

Things are still Oz-themed too much. We keep trying to 'get to know each other' but it keeps turning back. She is fairly adamant that she doesn't want to get too attached before I go, which i guess means no facebook officialising of the whole thing. She was surprised when I said I'd be ok with 8 months apart.

 

Things are going good, but still a bit wobbly because I can't kick my self-confidence into line. Most people I can talk about my weaknesses in a confident manner because ultimately I'm not asking them to share the load, but letting someone in means I'm afraid they'll run away the more they hear about the broken pieces that make up ME. The real danger is in the very fear itself becoming the arms that push away rather than pull together. Damn you overthinky brain!

 

... But yeah, good night :P

[Jav_NE]

You dawwwgggg!

[Beast]

Ugh, dudes, I am so messed up! Need some brotherly (and sisterly) advice!

 

So as you know, I've been getting on awesomely with USA. She's awesome and totally everything I could ask for in a girl: she’s funny, smart, a little geeky and can laugh at herself. The thing that gets me is the distance and I know that it can be solved with going there and back and stuff but it's a problem for both of us financially. Also, I don't know if I just want to be in a relationship where we just visit for a week and then wait for months on end (if we're lucky). She’s still studying and finishes her studies in something like 3-4 years’ time and with the wage I’m on at work, I’m lucky to be able to feed myself, really. At the moment, it's cool talking to her and we're having awesome times on Skype but I don't know how long it'll last so I'm having fun with it as much as I can. We've both said lots of things to each other like how we really like each other and stuff and I mean it and it's nice. I know it might not last and she might get a real-life boyfriend or I might get a real-life girlfriend so as I said, I'm making the most of it. We send each other kisses and say we’re adorable and cute and all that to each other and it’s nice…

 

However, I really do like USA but herein lies another problem except for the distance, there's another girl (let's call her New Girl) who I've gotten to know and I don't know how I feel about her (and she doesn't live far from me at all). Like, I really like her and we kind of flirt with each other...kinda...and she's exactly what I like too. For example, we were joking about Valentine's Day because we’re both single and I was saying how I'd go to Nando's and I'd just totally sit there on my own and scoff my face and stuff and then she was saying how she'd like to join me and that we should go and scoff our faces together. Not just that, we’ve been joking around about other things as well and I realised that I do like her. I did since I saw her but I never actually realised, you know? Again, she’s everything I look for in a girl: Smart, cute, funny, etc, and I know that me and USA aren’t exactly dating (but I really like her too) but I still feel bad. Most likely, nothing will happen with New Girl and me and I doubt things will go further with USA as well but I still feel a little bad.

 

I mean, what do I do here? Should I feel bad or what? I feel bad. USA and I never said we were dating but we did admit we both had feelings for each other. I’m still real happy about that but then everything’s against us and…ugh, I don’t know. I’m probably overthinking things (erm, yes…yes, I believe I am, haha) but I’m single so why do I feel this way? I like two girls and I know one likes me back but then I really like another one and I can see a possible future with her more because she’s in the same area I am…I'm confused...

 

Lol :P

 

She has admitted having a tendancy to being melodramatic, and actually her idea of 'melodramatic' is to kind of be "ohmigod... I don't know..." so she's actually pretty chilled. I'm the one overthinking constantly. I panic because I'm a bit odd. She's picked up on both the oddness ("you're different to everyone I've ever met" and the panic stuff ("you talk more than all the other guys I've known").

 

She's been at mine after meeting a friend. I cooked dinner, we fooled around and tried to watch Breaking Bad. It became Breaking Bed... because my bed is shit. She got the last bus home. Then last night a similar set-up, only she was meeting Mutual Friend and they were in town for ages. Comes to like 10pm and I figure it's too late for her to come by just for 1h45mins, so she texts me "sorry going to head home, curl up with a movie ;)" and then "We'll meet soon ;)" and I thought it was fairly obvious -- the winks gave it away -- she was heading to mine. I did a quick cleanup and surprise, surprise, she knocks on my window..!

 

We try to watch a movie, break the bed a few times, and basically she had to leave at 6am to go to work. I went and got a few hours sleep. So yeah... wow.

 

Things are still Oz-themed too much. We keep trying to 'get to know each other' but it keeps turning back. She is fairly adamant that she doesn't want to get too attached before I go, which i guess means no facebook officialising of the whole thing. She was surprised when I said I'd be ok with 8 months apart.

 

Things are going good, but still a bit wobbly because I can't kick my self-confidence into line. Most people I can talk about my weaknesses in a confident manner because ultimately I'm not asking them to share the load, but letting someone in means I'm afraid they'll run away the more they hear about the broken pieces that make up ME. The real danger is in the very fear itself becoming the arms that push away rather than pull together. Damn you overthinky brain!

 

... But yeah, good night :P

 

Woo! Jay got some! Nice! Still though, I don't think she'd run away, there's no reason for her to. Don't reveal everything about yourself straight off the bat, just reveal bit-by-bit, slowly. The more time she spends with you, the more time she gets to like you more and more. Anyways, don't all girls say they like a guy who's mysterious? No sweat, dude!

Edited February 3, 2013 by Animal
Automerged Doublepost

[Raining_again]

I'm sorry to have to say this but you KNOW that usa won't work out. I mean things may not work with this other girl but I do think you need to be honest with usa and tell her you're not being exclusive.

 

I also think you should go for local girl, why not!

[MoogleViper]

Ugh, dudes, I am so messed up! Need some brotherly (and sisterly) advice!

 

So as you know, I've been getting on awesomely with USA. She's awesome and totally everything I could ask for in a girl: she’s funny, smart, a little geeky and can laugh at herself. The thing that gets me is the distance and I know that it can be solved with going there and back and stuff but it's a problem for both of us financially. Also, I don't know if I just want to be in a relationship where we just visit for a week and then wait for months on end (if we're lucky). She’s still studying and finishes her studies in something like 3-4 years’ time and with the wage I’m on at work, I’m lucky to be able to feed myself, really. At the moment, it's cool talking to her and we're having awesome times on Skype but I don't know how long it'll last so I'm having fun with it as much as I can. We've both said lots of things to each other like how we really like each other and stuff and I mean it and it's nice. I know it might not last and she might get a real-life boyfriend or I might get a real-life girlfriend so as I said, I'm making the most of it. We send each other kisses and say we’re adorable and cute and all that to each other and it’s nice…

 

However, I really do like USA but herein lies another problem except for the distance, there's another girl (let's call her New Girl) who I've gotten to know and I don't know how I feel about her (and she doesn't live far from me at all). Like, I really like her and we kind of flirt with each other...kinda...and she's exactly what I like too. For example, we were joking about Valentine's Day because we’re both single and I was saying how I'd go to Nando's and I'd just totally sit there on my own and scoff my face and stuff and then she was saying how she'd like to join me and that we should go and scoff our faces together. Not just that, we’ve been joking around about other things as well and I realised that I do like her. I did since I saw her but I never actually realised, you know? Again, she’s everything I look for in a girl: Smart, cute, funny, etc, and I know that me and USA aren’t exactly dating (but I really like her too) but I still feel bad. Most likely, nothing will happen with New Girl and me and I doubt things will go further with USA as well but I still feel a little bad.

 

I mean, what do I do here? Should I feel bad or what? I feel bad. USA and I never said we were dating but we did admit we both had feelings for each other. I’m still real happy about that but then everything’s against us and…ugh, I don’t know. I’m probably overthinking things (erm, yes…yes, I believe I am, haha) but I’m single so why do I feel this way? I like two girls and I know one likes me back but then I really like another one and I can see a possible future with her more because she’s in the same area I am…I'm confused...

 

If you don't see either one of you moving across the pond, then there really is no future in the relationships. Long distance relationships can work, but only as an interim until something more permanent is sorted. You shouldn't feel bad for wanting a real relationship, that's why you signed up to the dating site in the first place.

[Beast]

I'm sorry to have to say this but you KNOW that usa won't work out. I mean things may not work with this other girl but I do think you need to be honest with usa and tell her you're not being exclusive.

 

I also think you should go for local girl, why not!

 

I know and I'm not being a guy when I say this but it's gonna be so hard because this is the first girl I've liked in years, literally. She is everything I've been looking for and we've been talking since October. I just feel like I'm kicking her in the teeth or something.

 

I know what you mean though, in my heart of hearts, I know that USA and me won't really happen but I still really like her and I wouldn't want to lose her. How would you say that without contradicting yourself or sounding a little patronising?

 

I do want to ask local girl out (but we work together, it could be an issue if things went bad because it's such a small place and, well, it's like the saying: Don't shit where you eat, right?)

 

If you don't see either one of you moving across the pond, then there really is no future in the relationships. Long distance relationships can work, but only as an interim until something more permanent is sorted. You shouldn't feel bad for wanting a real relationship, that's why you signed up to the dating site in the first place.

 

I can't because I love my family too much and the same goes for her. I don't know if she thinks there's something more in this or not though, that's the thing. I mean, I did say I have feelings for her and I totally meant every word, I'm not that kind of guy who says it but don't mean it. It's also true what you said about wanting a real relationship, I do want it and I can't see it being with USA. I mean, I did but realistically, it isn't going to happen in the long run. I know that but, SOPPY ALERT!, it's nice to think someone is out there who likes me more than a friend and is my type.

[Magnus]

No wonder there are no girls left for anyone else. They're all falling for Dazzimal!

[jayseven]

Dazz; ask her out. Do what I did! Don't make it a date-date. Definitely worth having a shot at something that could be real.

 

(lolz I totes got a dinner date in 45 mins)

[drahkon]

There's something not right with me.

 

My girlfriend broke up with me..again..and this time for good.

 

The same reasons as before...I couldn't change permenantly. It went so well after we tried it again, but I screwed it up..for the second time.

 

I don't know what to say, what to think, what to do. Don't know whether I should just try to erase her from my mind and let time do its thing or fight for her.

 

I just don't know...

[jayseven]

Is it definitely you and not her?

 

If you're in a position to be saying detrimental things about yourself then maybe you do need to take the time to work on that before you play the love game? I'm all about moving on these days so I may be a bit bias, but I think you need to look after yourself first.

[drahkon]

Is it definitely you and not her?

 

I think so.

 

If you're in a position to be saying detrimental things about yourself then maybe you do need to take the time to work on that before you play the love game?

 

Maybe I should work on that, but right now all I can think about is that I lost the love of my life.

 

The prospect of time healing all wounds doesn't comfort me.

[jayseven]

It's not really a comforting thing, it's just a fact. Facts are harsh a lot of the time. it's not meant to comfort you but to remind you that thinking the world is over, everything will suck forever... well that those thoughts are wrong. Have faith in that.

 

She's the only love of your life, so how do you know she's the love of your life? You've not lived your whole life yet. I invested a lot of time, energy, money and love in a relationship that was hollowing me out all because I thought it was the love of my life. it took a long patch of time (talking 7 months this time round -- we broke up before) to really recognise that it was my own stubborn grip on the idea of having one true love that was actually strangling me entirely in the first place.

 

I don't know the full situation but you're, what, 23? The older you get and the more assertive you are of yourself, the more you will chance upon other people of a similar age that, too, have grown up and grown into themselves. I know it's cliché to say "when I was your age..." but it's true. It'll be true in 5 years time when I look at me as a 26 year old. Things do change. The first step towards that improvement is in taking the affirmative step and making that decision, in closing the door on the maybes and what-if scenarios leading to you getting back with her. From my experience, anyway, and that's not going to be the only answer you'll get.

[drahkon]

Thank you.

I understand everything you say, and I truly believe you.

 

The problem is that I'm hopelessy pessimistic right now, one hour after the break-up.

 

The first step towards that improvement is in taking the affirmative step and making that decision, in closing the door on the maybes and what-if scenarios leading to you getting back with her.

 

That's all I want to do. I'm just afraid of the time until then.

[The Bard]

Well, "pessimistic" would be a mild way to put the fact that your brain is going through physical and chemical changes that are extremely similar to drug withdrawal. It'll take a little while, you'll be fine. Talk to other people, make connections - knock the sepia tinge off those memories you've enshrined that tell you that she was "the one," because there is no such thing.

[Beast]

Dazz; ask her out. Do what I did! Don't make it a date-date. Definitely worth having a shot at something that could be real.

 

(lolz I totes got a dinner date in 45 mins)

 

The thing is she works with me and there's actually a rule about having relationships in the workplace where I am which is that if there is anything going on between two members of staff, one would have to be transferred to another store (LOOOL). Obviously, we wouldn't tell anybody since we both love the store we're at but these things have a way of getting out at some point, right?

 

I think I'm going to still do it. I remembered the time I asked a girl out last year in my previous workplace. The shit that caused me was unreal and it wasn't to do with the girl at all but to do with the staff bitching and adding things on. The girl actually set everybody straight and we still talk so that's cool.

 

There's something not right with me.

 

My girlfriend broke up with me..again..and this time for good.

 

The same reasons as before...I couldn't change permenantly. It went so well after we tried it again, but I screwed it up..for the second time.

 

I don't know what to say, what to think, what to do. Don't know whether I should just try to erase her from my mind and let time do its thing or fight for her.

 

I just don't know...

 

Don't fight for her. I used to believe in that but then I thought of something: If you have to fight for her, is there a point? I mean, I know girls are all "A man has to prove his love" and stuff and I think you should maybe let out an olive branch but I wouldn't be begging or owt like that. In the end, no-one is worth that much. Maybe that's me though. I tend to think that if you love somebody, you should just love. Why fight? If you love someone, just love them and don't play games.

 

I wouldn't exactly erase her either. I mean, yeah it totally hurts and it really sucks and trust me, I really have been down this road before where I just wanted to vanish but in the end, it made me stronger and more mentally ready for anything bad like that to happen again. It's all about experience and if it's one thing I wouldn't erase for love nor money, it's that. Heartache is what made me stronger and more confident in a way so I do owe it a little to my ex, who is still a lying bitch but I love her for making me who I am today.

 

I think so.

 

Maybe I should work on that, but right now all I can think about is that I lost the love of my life.

 

The prospect of time healing all wounds doesn't comfort me.

 

I totally get that. Time healing wounds doesn't fit right with me either. It heals but it'll leave scars and those scars will be reminders. The only thing is what you'll remember those scars for: Will you remember them for the life you lived in the past or will you remember them for the day you made the decision at a crossroads.

 

Talk to her in a week's time and just find out where you stand. You'll feel better when you know. Right now, your head is a mess and you don't know which way is up. Once you know, you'll have a clearer image in your head of the path you want to walk down.

 

Thank you.

I understand everything you say, and I truly believe you.

 

The problem is that I'm hopelessy pessimistic right now, one hour after the break-up.

 

That's all I want to do. I'm just afraid of the time until then.

 

That's understandable. I really hope everything turns out okay for you! *bro hugs*

 

...let's go to a strip club!

[drahkon]

Heartache is what made me stronger and more confident in a way so I do owe it a little to my ex, who is still a lying bitch but I love her for making me who I am today.

 

The thing is, my ex didn't do anything wrong. It was all me, and in the end she still gave herself most of the blame. She said she believes she wasn't strong enough to help me.

 

The first 6 months of our relationship have been great. We were happy, we could rule the world.

But then I did all the things that ended our relationship in the end.

 

Now I have to figure out why I did that and how I can change.

 

I've tried to change a couple of months ago, when she gave me a second chance.

I couldn't make it work.

And as jay said, I probably have to work that out before I should ever do something in the love-department again.

 

Talk to her in a week's time and just find out where you stand.

 

What if she doesn't want me to talk to her? I won't be able to find out where I stand..

 

 

Edit: For got to thank you guys for your support. So here goes: Thank you