MoogleViper Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Have I ever told you about the Ellmeister Charity Foundation? Is that the one where you give them to the much less well off MoogleViper?
nightwolf Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Probably because most people don't see it as a problem. What's so bad about the partner being there? When I used to live with my friends, they'd visit, some daily and it never bothered me.. I enjoyed having them round, was a great atmosphere. People should live by themselves if they get too annoyed by other people easily, or live with other people of the same understanding. Oh don't get me wrong, partners being over isn't an issue, how else are you going to see them? My issue here is the keys, I find it quite..odd that such a thing is ok with someone, at the very least you'd clear it with your housemate. Perhaps it is paranoia on my part and my friends. But I know I wouldn't want my housemate's partner having the keys nor staying here without them, I don't know the guy and have barely said hello (for one reason or another, my housemate works shift and I'm not really about). I don't trust the guy because I haven't been able to get to know him. Besides, I'd wonder how my landlady would take it, given she's four doors away. Oh sigh, its always a bit complicated living with others. Luckily this time its nothing to do with me!
Raining_again Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Naaaa i wouldn't be ok with that, they basically have access to all of your possessions, and they don't have to pay rent when they are essentially living there!
nightwolf Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Naaaa i wouldn't be ok with that, they basically have access to all of your possessions, and they don't have to pay rent when they are essentially living there! This was, perhaps, my rushed opinion. I had this issue back in university and was pretty peeved by it. I mentioned that if they continued to stay there, they could be in trouble with their landlord and agency and to double check their contract, I'm pretty sure it's a little different to just having partners over for a few days. *shrug* I just wondered if it bothered other people.
Beast Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 This was, perhaps, my rushed opinion. I had this issue back in university and was pretty peeved by it. I mentioned that if they continued to stay there, they could be in trouble with their landlord and agency and to double check their contract, I'm pretty sure it's a little different to just having partners over for a few days. *shrug* I just wondered if it bothered other people. This would bother me so much. I don't think it's right that a key was given to someone you barely know (that's if I read what you said correctly anyway). The right thing to do would have been to have let you get to know your housemate's partner yourself and then given the keys with your permission. After all, it's not just your housemate's house but yours as well. You have your security and your possessions and more to think of.
Charlie Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 This would bother me so much. I don't think it's right that a key was given to someone you barely know (that's if I read what you said correctly anyway). The right thing to do would have been to have let you get to know your housemate's partner yourself and then given the keys with your permission. After all, it's not just your housemate's house but yours as well. You have your security and your possessions and more to think of. Plus I would imagine that house insurance probably wouldn't cover stuff being stolen if the thief was given a set of keys to the house.
Jim Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 At what point does it become okay to give a partner the key to your place then? Honestly it's just a convenience thing, you don't have to jizz around waiting for them to finish whatever they are doing so you can go home with them and enter the house at the same time. Buuuut, I think anything less than around a year is far too early to be giving someone a key to your place :P
Jav_NE Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 At what point does it become okay to give a partner the key to your place then? Honestly it's just a convenience thing, you don't have to jizz around waiting for them to finish whatever they are doing so you can go home with them and enter the house at the same time. Buuuut, I think anything less than around a year is far too early to be giving someone a key to your place :P That's just because you don't want her discovering all your sordid little secrets Jimbo. I know your kind! The gf is talking alot about moving in and stuff, which i dont mind as it would be nice at some point. But after 3 months, it is just nice to think about, not actually plan. Maybe towards the end of the year, but i get the feeling she would move in next week if i asked! Not a bad thing obviously as she clearly loves me enough to do that, and i love her too, but its a bit crazy to be ready for that so soon isn't it?!
Ashley Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 you don't have to jizz around waiting for them to finish Mi scusi?
The Bard Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 (edited) Girl that looks like Eddie Izzard messaged me on OkCupid. We struck up a conversation, after a while she commented on the lack of personal detail in my profile, and asked, in basic terms, what I'm actually like. I responded with this: "1. I often get disastrously drunk and insist on everybody taking their shirts off and dancing to Bomfunk MC's Freestyler. 2. I occasionally communicate mood in Shakespeare quotes (I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth...) 3. I am an embarrassing nerd." Haven't heard from her in two days Edited January 8, 2013 by The Bard
Raining_again Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 At what point does it become okay to give a partner the key to your place then? Honestly it's just a convenience thing, you don't have to jizz around waiting for them to finish whatever they are doing so you can go home with them and enter the house at the same time. Buuuut, I think anything less than around a year is far too early to be giving someone a key to your place :P I guess it depends on your relationship. Certainly if you are sharing with other people you need to make sure they are ok with the idea. My sister has been going out with her fella 2.5 years and they are pretty serious, but he doesn't have keys to our house simply because its not her house keys to give out. Shared living should mean respecting everyone you live with. If you're on yer own any time you trust them enough is fine, but it's totally different with shares.
Beast Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Girl that looks like Eddie Izzard messaged me on OkCupid. We struck up a conversation, after a while she commented on the lack of personal detail in my profile, and asked, in basic terms, what I'm actually like. I responded with this: "1. I often get disastrously drunk and insist on everybody taking their shirts off and dancing to Bomfunk MC's Freestyler. 2. I occasionally communicate mood in Shakespeare quotes (I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth...) 3. I am an embarrassing nerd." Haven't heard from her in two days And here's everybody thinking that honesty was the best policy when it comes to a relationship! :p Still talking to the girl on OKC. Have done since October I think it was, we're getting on cool and I like her. Don't think it'll be anything more but I'd like it if there was. Either way, I'm genuinely happy with just talking to her. We didn't talk over Christmas or the New Year but we've started talking again now.
Jav_NE Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 And here's everybody thinking that honesty was the best policy when it comes to a relationship! :p Still talking to the girl on OKC. Have done since October I think it was, we're getting on cool and I like her. Don't think it'll be anything more but I'd like it if there was. Either way, I'm genuinely happy with just talking to her. We didn't talk over Christmas or the New Year but we've started talking again now. Any chance of a meet up? That's quite a long time chatting
Raining_again Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 So I didn't meet whatsisface (as expected) He said his girlfriend is paranoid enough about our "friendship" enough without him inviting me over....oh er... lol. I know fully why and if I was in the same situation I'd feel the exact same. Neither of us has actually done anything wrong, but we both have very very strong feelings, he even admitted to me that it was not by any means a one way street (which did surprise me to be honest, I always thought it was just a bit of flirty fun and nothing more, and him admitting that has actually made me feel worse if thats even possible?) I did expect it to go that way anyway, not at all surprised! So we're still in limbo. He's still unhappy with his girlfriend but too involved and too caring to wreck it, and im still single, yet feeling emotionally unavailable. I've even TRIED to flirt with guys or get myself warmed up to maybe meeting some people online, but ITS NOT HAPPENING. My heart is completely breaking and I feel like I'm doing something wrong! Fucks sake I've really got it bad! The worst thing is, he expects nothing from me, and actually WANTS me to move on despite him liking me as much as I like him. There is absolutely no element of him using me, its as much if not more on my side!
gaggle64 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Two things occur: 1. What is whatsisface doing if he's letting a mutual attraction go just to prolong a relationship that sounds like has turned toxic? If he's unhappy in the relationship where exactly does he think it's going to be a week or six months from now? If she's being paranoid and/or threatening to harm herself, he should take those as signposts to the next off-ramp. 2. You're not doing anything wrong. You don't have to make yourself be "emotionally available" or invested in anything. You can flirt as much or as little as you want without pressure for success. Don't worry if things aren't happening straight away, that's perfectly natural. You don't have to tackle online dating or anything until you feel comfortable with it. I've got a 3 year old OKC profile I haven't even uploaded a picture to for eff's sake. Why am I even giving you advice?
Beast Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Any chance of a meet up? That's quite a long time chatting This is the only downside. She's great and we get on awesomely but she lives in New York. I don't think she'd be up for a long-distance relationship either and, to be honest, it's not exactly favourable for me either but, and this will sound soppy, with her, I could excuse it. I'm not absolutely in love with her or anything but she's not like the other girls I've spoken to. We've been talking for three months and the messages get longer and I look forward to waking up to them. It wasn't until Christmas week that I realised I did miss them quite a bit. I know I shouldn't feel that way because she could easily go away and never write to me again. I don't know. I just enjoy talking to her a lot and last night was the first time we both messaged each other at the same time so we spoke a little bit. It was pretty cool and a laugh. Cheered me up from the pretty sad day I had and did so through today too. Ugh, I just wished she lived here... Damn.
bob Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Forgive me if I missed this, but why did OKC match you up with someone who lives in New York? That doesn't sound like an optimal match? "Oh yes we've found the perfect girl for you; she lives 3000 miles away, off you go!"
Debug Mode Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Forgive me if I missed this, but why did OKC match you up with someone who lives in New York? That doesn't sound like an optimal match? "Oh yes we've found the perfect girl for you; she lives 3000 miles away, off you go!" Well to be honest, with the amount of people who'll try their luck with pretty much any one on these dating websites, any match is a good'un I guess. Me and a friend sat down drunk at my laptop one night 2 years ago and made a profile on Uniform Dating describing me exactly as I was and even managed to make me sound worse. They even censored my profile and sent me a message inside the service to tone it down (which has long vanished unfortunately). But despite my love for rather staying in playing a video game than going out, "mein kampf" as my favourite book and the status "Ho ho ho, you're all going to be alone this Christmas", still got admirers by the bucket load. It's a good thing the service providers most likely saw through our ruse, because god knows what terrible stuff we would have done with the free messages we were due.
Ville Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Forgive me if I missed this, but why did OKC match you up with someone who lives in New York? That doesn't sound like an optimal match? "Oh yes we've found the perfect girl for you; she lives 3000 miles away, off you go!" More like "Oh yes, we found a girl, mission accomplished."
Cube Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Forgive me if I missed this, but why did OKC match you up with someone who lives in New York? That doesn't sound like an optimal match? "Oh yes we've found the perfect girl for you; she lives 3000 miles away, off you go!" My closest match ever was an American girl who wasn't single.
bob Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I had no idea dating websites were that useless...
Beast Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Forgive me if I missed this, but why did OKC match you up with someone who lives in New York? That doesn't sound like an optimal match? "Oh yes we've found the perfect girl for you; she lives 3000 miles away, off you go!" I put on a filter that basically said I wanted people close to where I live and then she popped up. I didn't really think to look at the location on her profile because it said she was from the UK and that she was near me so I read her profile and liked it so I messaged her. We got to talking when one day, I was on her profile again and realised her location actually said New York. When we were talking, I asked her about what it was like in New York and she told me and then she asked me how it was here and that she couldn't believe she was talking to a Brit and wondered why I'd message her because we lived so far apart and I told her the story. She laughed. Nothing has changed, which is quite awesome. She also admitted to me that it's the longest she's ever spoken to anyone on OKC because usually, she'd either send a message and get two messages back or send one and not get anything at all and I said I got the same thing. In a way, I'm glad that it's matched me like that because she's awesome to talk to but then I'm not glad because of the distance. I would have liked to have known her more face-to-face. I guess we still have messages though.
bob Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Ah, so they do have location filters, they just don't work. Got it.
Ville Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Some interesting test results on online dating by Jon Millward. OK Cupid, 4 months, 10 dummy profiles in the US and UK. Results: • The women as a group received over 20 times more messages than the men. • The two most attractive women received 83% of all messages. • The two most attractive women probably would have received several thousand more if their inboxes hadn’t have reached maximum capacity. • It took 2 months, 13 days for the most popular woman’s inbox to fill up. At the current rate it would take the most popular man 2.3 years to fill up his. http://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction-dating/cupid-on-trial-a-4-month-online-dating-experiment/
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