jayseven Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I wrote out this massive reply, but then I remembered that you hate what I say. One thing; by saying "hi you do fun stuff I DON'T CARE TELL ME ABOUT COMPUTER GAMES you display approximately ZERO attractive qualities as well as ZERO recognition qualities. I'm pissed AND pissed off so I'm not replying well, but do you SERIOUSLY not see how your message is BAD?
Charlie Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I think what Jay is saying is that you're talking about what YOU want to talk about (games) rather than what she is doing. Sky diving was a good start. Leave it as that. And learn how to smile and get a good profile photo. I know you're about to say you dont like your smile. It's only as attractive as you feel. Feel good about it and it'll look good. Feel bad about it and it won't.
jayseven Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Thanks Chaz :P Plus the fact that I'd KILL to be serebii in the dating game means I get very pissed off at his "failure" to to assimilate with regular society.
Kaytee Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 @Kaytee who is this guy? Is he somebody you know as a friend already? Or somebody you met online? He's someone I met online. Like I said, we've been talking a lot but I'm just not sure what to say. I'd ask to meet up but I don't have a lot of money at the moment (the joys of being unemployed) so I can't really do that right now, even though that does make sense as the next step.
MoogleViper Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 He's someone I met online. Like I said, we've been talking a lot but I'm just not sure what to say. I'd ask to meet up but I don't have a lot of money at the moment (the joys of being unemployed) so I can't really do that right now, even though that does make sense as the next step. Well it seems like you have two basic options. Carry on chatting and hope something comes of it (the safe option, unlikely to have disastrous consequences, but likely to go on in a limbo state until it all just fizzles out), or take the plunge, whether through asking him directly or meeting up (more likely to backfire, but also more likely to move it towards the outcome you want). Just to go back to your original question (which seems to have been overlooked somewhat), no I don't think it would be a weird thing to ask. And the great thing about the internet is that you can take your time and word it exactly how you want it.
Ville Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I don't understand why you guys are so mad at serebii. The person mentioned both skydiving and gaming in her profile, so he asked about those. Both questions were about HER, like wtf...
jayseven Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 @Ville look at the post again and re-identify the actual questions.
Mr-Paul Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I wrote out this massive reply' date=' but then I remembered that you hate what I say. One thing; by saying "hi you do fun stuff I DON'T CARE TELL ME ABOUT COMPUTER GAMES you display approximately ZERO attractive qualities as well as ZERO recognition qualities. I'm pissed AND pissed off so I'm not replying well, but do you SERIOUSLY not see how your message is BAD?[/quote'] I'm sorry, I know you're in a way trying to help, but you really think writing something like this to Serebii will really help his confidence? Serebii posted it for advice on how to improve his messages, not to be told he's shit at writing messages.
Jav_NE Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I thought it was a perfectly nice message. You have to remember its a numbers game, that particular girl prob just didn't like your picture/profile, but the next one might, as long as the message is good too. You can't take anything personally on these sites. Just send a message and then forget about it. If you get a reply, great, if not, c'est la vie. Just keep going. That's how it works. Yes it's draining, yes it's demoralising, but that's the game you play with these things. Also, even if they say they like gaming, it's prob not a great idea to say that you do too. Girls liking games is hot, guys liking games is stereotypical. Double standards for ya.
EddieColeslaw Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 So I've been messaging this guy for about a month now. Things seem to be going pretty well and it feels like there's some sort of attraction between us but without being too blunt I'm not sure how to ask how he feels or how he thinks things are going. I want to know if he thinks this is going anywhere or if we're just friends, as I don't want to get too attached only to find out he thought we were just friends the entire time. Would this be a weird thing to ask, as I really don't want to freak him out or anything! What about asking for Skype/phone contact details first? That might give you an even better idea of how you feel about each other!
Kaytee Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Well it seems like you have two basic options. Carry on chatting and hope something comes of it (the safe option, unlikely to have disastrous consequences, but likely to go on in a limbo state until it all just fizzles out), or take the plunge, whether through asking him directly or meeting up (more likely to backfire, but also more likely to move it towards the outcome you want). Just to go back to your original question (which seems to have been overlooked somewhat), no I don't think it would be a weird thing to ask. And the great thing about the internet is that you can take your time and word it exactly how you want it. That's what I think will end up happening, that'll we'll spend so much time talking online we'll end up just very close friends and nothing more. I'm going to sound pretty crazy here, but as we met on a dating site, I understand that there might be other girls which is fine as that's the main point of the site, but I just feel like we've connected so well that there shouldn't be another girl. I hope someone else here knows what I'm trying to say without it sounding completely mental! @EddieColeslaw We've already swapped mobile numbers so we've been texting a lot. My mobile broke recently though so I can't call on that but I could try Skype sometime I guess
Gizmo Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 So most likely nobody will remember, but over the last year or so I have sporadically posted in this thread about a girl I met last summer who then moved away and I had a hard time getting over. Well, I saw her again over the summer at another event similar to the one we met at last year, kept in touch since then again, and she's just accepted an internship/will likely lead to a permanent job...in Glasgow So she's gonna be back up here and everything should be great. Just one thing; I'm fucking terrified! Just feels like theres so much pressure now, I've bigged this up in my own head so much over the last year that now it's suddenly very real that it is actually going to happen...that I'm terrified of it not working, something going wrong, or of it just not being as great as I imagine it. Going to have to be super careful with how fast we take it, it seems like we've known each other / been together for a long time but in reality we just haven't. Can only wait and see how it goes, and I'm super excited...just really scared!
Dog-amoto Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 @Serebii Your example message reads a little abrupt to me. Like you're skimming over what's in her profile, and it also looks a bit copied and pasted-y like you chop and change it for different girls: Hey (make sure to add her name if you can) How's it going? (A bit Beavis and Butthead-y. You might as well say "Hey baby" Coupled with the first line, some girls may have stopped reading here) I see you've been skydiving. That's awesome, I've always wanted to do that. (Not really holding my interest - you could maybe ask a pretty obvious question about what she's done like was it scary, or did you do it for charity - doesn't have to be anything in depth, just something she may want to tell you about) Your profile mentions you're a bit of a gamer too. What games do you play? (if she's just a "bit of a gamer" best to leave this question until you know her a bit better) ~Joe Best not to go into too much detail about yourself in a first message, but try to ask a question that would provoke a response. She wants everyone to know she's been skydiving, so ask her something about it which will give her more things to gush about. Maybe you see that she's just got a cat - say that the cat is cute and ask her how old she is, was she a rescue cat etc. You will be ignored by some who don't like your profile, or maybe some girls aren't looking any more but still go on to the dating site to go on the forums etc, so regardless of how well put together your opening message is, it won't matter. Just don't take it personally, don't give up and I'm sure things will happen soon.
jayseven Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I'm sorry, I know you're in a way trying to help, but you really think writing something like this to Serebii will really help his confidence? Serebii posted it for advice on how to improve his messages, not to be told he's shit at writing messages. No - you're right. I'm not even trying to help at this point. I need to learn to keep my fingers pried away from the keyboard if I've nothing productive to say.
killer kirby Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Here is a good tip about woman, take it however you want, you can call it bull, or you can believe what it says.
Beast Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I've gone on my profile again to see whether I'd have any luck and weirdly enough, when I decide to give up, I've had 5 messages from different girls...unfortunately, they were sent from January through to April and a couple of them have deactivated their account. I'm just horrible at online dating. I've never done it and I have absolutely no clue what to put in my profile and what to put in messages. The thing I don't like is some of the questions on there like "List your favourite movies, shows and books" because I think it could ruin a potential conversation. I mean, how would it go: "So what are your favourite movies?" "Oh, so I take it you didn't read my profile then?" ...I'd just rather not tell them but I know that I probably would have to. I just said my favourite genres I like to read/watch...is this a bad idea? Also, Serebii, the ONLY thing different I would have done would have been to ask a bit more about the skydiving part, otherwise that message is fine to me. It might help if I started sending some messages but I just don't know how to start it off...
Magnus Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I'm just horrible at online dating. Yes, I would say that creating a profile and never checking it isn't the best way to go about it! :p And I don't think listing some of your favorite movies would really kill conversation as much as you think it would. Going by your logic, here's how the conversation would go if you didn't list your favorite movies: "So what are your favorite movies?" "Oh, I like Twilight and American Beauty." "Okay, then." "..." "..." It's just a starting point. "You like Twilight? I love Twilight! My favorite part is where Edward's being all sexy, but I don't like the part where Bella is all moody. Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? That started out as Twilight fanfiction!" Man, this hypothetical woman would be perfect for you.
Ellmeister Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Until you change your profile picture I think it'll be a main reason why you aren't receiving any responses. I'll keep saying that in here until you actually listen.
Serebii Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Until you change your profile picture I think it'll be a main reason why you aren't receiving any responses. I'll keep saying that in here until you actually listen. I did, based on @Charlie's advice...
Charlie Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Yeah, but you only changed it from one you had up to another which is not slightly better. As I said in my PM, you need to get new photos that look like you're having fun.
Beast Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Yes, I would say that creating a profile and never checking it isn't the best way to go about it! :p And I don't think listing some of your favorite movies would really kill conversation as much as you think it would. Going by your logic, here's how the conversation would go if you didn't list your favorite movies: "So what are your favorite movies?" "Oh, I like Twilight and American Beauty." "Okay, then." "..." "..." It's just a starting point. "You like Twilight? I love Twilight! My favorite part is where Edward's being all sexy, but I don't like the part where Bella is all moody. Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? That started out as Twilight fanfiction!" Man, this hypothetical woman would be perfect for you. True but I don't like Fifty Shades but she would be even more perfect if she mentioned Harry Potter or The Hunger Games! :p To be fair, I know what you mean though. I saw a girl's profile that said she read The Hunger Games and loved it so I asked if she read the other books too. She also said she did Race For Life so I asked how far she ran. I doubt I'll get a reply from it but hey, I tried!
Serebii Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Yeah, but you only changed it from one you had up to another which is not slightly better. As I said in my PM, you need to get new photos that look like you're having fun. That's like asking the sun to be wet...
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