Kurtle Squad

Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

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I've always told the truth when it comes to letting someone down (when I'm not resorting to beating them back with a shitty stick of course). If there's no chemistry or whatever, then it can't be helped. It doesn't mean they're horrible, it just means I'm not attracted to them. Can't pick who we're attracted to.

 

Reminds me of one slightly mental, but generally interesting person I went on a date with. We went to Bletchley Park to look at the World War 2 codebreaking stuff and the computer museum after. She spent the whole date looking at the museum and barely noticing I was there (including a rather lengthy game of Lemmings at the computer museum). It was fun, but I wasn't really interested in a relationship with her and I got the impression she wasn't either.

 

I sent her a message saying that I didn't feel that there was a connection or whatever and I got a reply that made it sound like she was actually interested, which was genuinely a surprise. Not the best feeling, but it was honest. We stayed friends on Facebook for a while until she found someone who was interested, then I guess she deleted me. Would have liked to stayed friends with her, but I'm glad she found someone and I can understand why she deleted me.

 

Not sure if that story is relevant to anything, just thought I'd share. Because sharing is caring or something.

 

 

I've also been on the receiving end of "I just like you as a friend/there's just no connection", both from an IRL friend and via online dating. Much prefer the honesty and it didn't ruin the real life friendship. I didn't stay in contact with the online people though.

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I've always told the truth when it comes to letting someone down (when I'm not resorting to beating them back with a shitty stick of course). If there's no chemistry or whatever, then it can't be helped. It doesn't mean they're horrible, it just means I'm not attracted to them. Can't pick who we're attracted to.

 

Reminds me of one slightly mental, but generally interesting person I went on a date with. We went to Bletchley Park to look at the World War 2 codebreaking stuff and the computer museum after. She spent the whole date looking at the museum and barely noticing I was there (including a rather lengthy game of Lemmings at the computer museum). It was fun, but I wasn't really interested in a relationship with her and I got the impression she wasn't either.

 

I sent her a message saying that I didn't feel that there was a connection or whatever and I got a reply that made it sound like she was actually interested, which was genuinely a surprise. Not the best feeling, but it was honest. We stayed friends on Facebook for a while until she found someone who was interested, then I guess she deleted me. Would have liked to stayed friends with her, but I'm glad she found someone and I can understand why she deleted me.

 

Not sure if that story is relevant to anything, just thought I'd share. Because sharing is caring or something.

 

 

I've also been on the receiving end of "I just like you as a friend/there's just no connection", both from an IRL friend and via online dating. Much prefer the honesty and it didn't ruin the real life friendship. I didn't stay in contact with the online people though.

 

This is the best way to do. At least then you don't sit and wander for a while until you get the message. If you're straight with them in the first place, less time is wasted on both parts and, I don't know about you but, you'd earn more respect from me for telling the truth.

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Also, the first date I went on from a site went well, but got the "I'm still not over my ex" message afterwards. I'm not saying she was definitely lying, but it seems polite to figure that out before you go on a date with someone.

 

Think I dodged the bullet on that one though to be honest. She was nice enough and easy on the eye, but she had 3 different sleeping disorders; sleep paralysis, night terrors and a thing where she'd hear really loud noises (which didn't actually exist) and wake up. I imagine it would have been like sleeping next to Linda Blair in the Exorcist.

 

She also had a restraining order out on one of her exes.

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This is the best way to do. At least then you don't sit and wander for a while until you get the message. If you're straight with them in the first place, less time is wasted on both parts and, I don't know about you but, you'd earn more respect from me for telling the truth.

 

Let me explain online dating to you:

 

Men go on in huge numbers and machine gun message every single bird they would share their bed with.

 

Women go on in huge numbers and receive vast numbers of messages.

 

The women then get too big for their boots. And the previously lonely and grounded girls who wrote a load of shit on their profiles about how they just want 'a nice down to earth guy who knows how to treat a lady properly and likes nice restaurants, cuddles on the sofa and DVDs and takeaways with a bottle of wine' all of a sudden don't want that!

 

They did want that, but now their getting hundreds of messages saying that they're beautiful, that Guy X wants to take them to Paris, Guy Y would take them out for champagne cocktails at the most expensive bar in town etc.

 

All of a sudden, the nice guy who they were talking to initially is far less attractive. And the mantra about wanting a grounded guy who treats them well is forgotten. All of a sudden she's stopped texting you or binned you off - because she now has options.

 

From which 9 times out of ten she will pick the worst. Because despite the mantra of wanting the good guy, when presented with the choice most women actually choose the 'exciting guy', who actually is not the good guy at all, but a dickhead who looks 'exciting' and talks the talk. She is now dating Captain Douche. He wears a muscle vast, has crap tribal tattoos and uses fake tan. This choice of male backfires spectacularly.

 

Thus, when he's screwed her a few times he gets bored and bins her off, or cheats on her, or borrows money, or tries to fuck her sister etc she is left crying again and lamenting the lack of good guys out there. She's then back on POF looking for the 'nice guy' again - and so the cycle continues.

 

This is the eternal cycle of internet dating!

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Its worse when you have a few dates with them and then the cow says "oooh sorry but i dont want a BF/ havent got time for a BF at present.

 

Indeed, so it wasn't actually that bad she denied me her number. However, she did flirt with me, so the mixed signals confused me :D

 

Anyway, if I ever see her again (which might be next Wednesday at a party) I will try again. If I'm not successful then, I'm done with her and on to the next :p

 

 

Currently I really enjoy being single. The sex with the lady is still going on regularly, so it isn't that bad I haven't found a girlfriend.

If I find the perfect woman, though, I will try to have a relationship with her. :D

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Dammit, I too was wooed on OkCupid by a bad boy with fake tan and tribal tattoos, just look at him!:

 

970490_10152843554300144_54333986_n.jpg?oh=22b1f5d831202660a1657f2ec058eb27&oe=542E72BB&__gda__=1410662130_e4d9ad9512a0e6f40e9cbbbbcb070f88

 

I just want a nice guy!!!!

 

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

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Some times it's easier to lie.

 

I don't know why or how, but it just is. People want the truth, but hey that's just the way people are.

 

It is shitty however, but take it as a way of dodging a bullet - she will lie before you get serious, why bother?

 

@Animal - get you! :yay:

 

I disagree. It is not difficult to say "you are not the one for me" or "i dont think its going to work"

 

I think its bang out of order when you have gone on a few dates, she has been texting you quite a bit and theres nothing to suggest things are not working out well only to sack you off using just out right bullshit. Things like "I don't have the time" or "I don't want a relationship right now" only to see them online and changing a few photos etc is just pissing annoying.

 

But fuck it just keep on dating. Luckily i'm not on the dating scene no more so I don't have to be fed the bullshit these girls spout.

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The sex with the lady is still going on regularly, so it isn't that bad I haven't found a girlfriend.

 

48604087.jpg

 

:p

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I disagree. It is not difficult to say "you are not the one for me" or "i dont think its going to work"

 

I think its bang out of order when you have gone on a few dates, she has been texting you quite a bit and theres nothing to suggest things are not working out well only to sack you off using just out right bullshit. Things like "I don't have the time" or "I don't want a relationship right now" only to see them online and changing a few photos etc is just pissing annoying.

 

But fuck it just keep on dating. Luckily i'm not on the dating scene no more so I don't have to be fed the bullshit these girls spout.

 

Hey I'm not defending it, but it's not just girls you're talking about here. Let's not pretend that guys are perfect, because I've received this same level of crap too.

 

But I'm going to say for some it is easier to say this, than say it straight out. People are weird and that was mostly my point. Some will find it easier to say that and move on rather than tell the truth. Obviously it means you're well aware that you're to cut your losses and move on.

 

I'm not exactly going to condone it nor do I expect the kind of response either, I'm not the bad guy here. I've never used that excuse, nor do I intend too. But I've not been little miss perfect either.

 

Christ, when did this forum get so...angry? Time for another cider. :awesome:

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I don't get it. Are we supposed to believe that Zechs is the nice guy in that story?

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48604087.jpg

 

:p

 

I'm sorry, I won't do it again.

 

Actually, tomorrow...I will.

 

419083_323658941006702_1184894617_n.jpg

 

But I've not been little miss perfect either.

 

You'll always be perfect to me.

 

:heart:

 

/smooth

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Christ, when did this forum get so...angry?

 

Around about the same time Nintendo went down the shitter.

 

fa190889be0d68503941f798b0624fab804e62841fec41f8521bd65c92c7e8a5.jpg

 

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Christ, when did this forum get so...angry? Time for another cider. :awesome:

 

I think people get pissed off with the constant sob stories from girls on sites. Blade is simply venting his anger at what happens.

 

I've had it all before, several times. This is the run down:

 

Girl 'A' tells you she's just looking for an old fashioned gentleman. She's been in a bad relationship. She's no longer confident about her looks (but clearly is obviously a good looking girl and has a great body). Her last boyfriend was either (pick one or a combination) violent, inattentive, wanted too much sex, never wanted sex, cheated or spent all his time boozing with his mates. She just wants a nice guy, the type that replies to texts, takes her to decent places, cares, listens and wants to plan for a nice future - after all, she just wants to settle down with a NICE guy.

 

So you take her out. You reply to all her texts, you get lovely ones back saying how you are the kind of man she's always wanted. You call her, you tell her she looks great when she sends you pictures or when you meet her. You pick up the tab and always make sure the dates are something a little better than drinks or the cinema.

 

In a few weeks you've been sucked in. You actually have feelings for this girl. You're used to getting the numerous texts and you're looking forward to the trips to the beach/Alton Towers/the Peak District (add in some others) that she has talked about.

 

But then BAM. She breaks all contact, drops you like a hot potato and never replies to any of your texts ever again. At BEST you get a shitty reply telling you she's not ready for dating.

 

Then moments later she's back on POF. Actually, she fed you a sob story and basically used you to boost her ego, get some free meals/days out and wanted someone to fill an emotional hole for a while, at which point she's off for an upgrade, as now she's confident, feels good and has been built back up.

 

Now, for the record, I NEVER do this. This is the equivalent of filling a girls head with shite about how much you like her/how beautiful you think she is, just to sleep with her and then never contact her again. If a guy did this, he'd be held up as a monster (and rightly so). But a lot of girls do this kind of thing and mess with guys feelings, and whilst some people here seem happy to dismiss it, it's why @Blade and several other fellas I know get so mad with the dating scene.

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After reading that post, what woman wouldn't want to date you?

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I think people get pissed off with the constant sob stories from girls on sites. Blade is simply venting his anger at what happens.

 

I've had it all before, several times. This is the run down:

 

Girl 'A' tells you she's just looking for an old fashioned gentleman. She's been in a bad relationship. She's no longer confident about her looks (but clearly is obviously a good looking girl and has a great body). Her last boyfriend was either (pick one or a combination) violent, inattentive, wanted too much sex, never wanted sex, cheated or spent all his time boozing with his mates. She just wants a nice guy, the type that replies to texts, takes her to decent places, cares, listens and wants to plan for a nice future - after all, she just wants to settle down with a NICE guy.

 

So you take her out. You reply to all her texts, you get lovely ones back saying how you are the kind of man she's always wanted. You call her, you tell her she looks great when she sends you pictures or when you meet her. You pick up the tab and always make sure the dates are something a little better than drinks or the cinema.

 

In a few weeks you've been sucked in. You actually have feelings for this girl. You're used to getting the numerous texts and you're looking forward to the trips to the beach/Alton Towers/the Peak District (add in some others) that she has talked about.

 

But then BAM. She breaks all contact, drops you like a hot potato and never replies to any of your texts ever again. At BEST you get a shitty reply telling you she's not ready for dating.

 

Then moments later she's back on POF. Actually, she fed you a sob story and basically used you to boost her ego, get some free meals/days out and wanted someone to fill an emotional hole for a while, at which point she's off for an upgrade, as now she's confident, feels good and has been built back up.

 

Now, for the record, I NEVER do this. This is the equivalent of filling a girls head with shite about how much you like her/how beautiful you think she is, just to sleep with her and then never contact her again. If a guy did this, he'd be held up as a monster (and rightly so). But a lot of girls do this kind of thing and mess with guys feelings, and whilst some people here seem happy to dismiss it, it's why @Blade and several other fellas I know get so mad with the dating scene.

 

If the above is true (as we seem to be assuming women are lying and manipulative while men have been the utmost honest and impartial when sharing their stories) we still can't judge anyone as we don't know what's going on in their wider life, how they feel and how this can all change.

 

Yeah, if you start down a path and build up hope, only for it to fall apart, it is painful. But brandishing women (specific ones or the whole gender) as attention-seeking manipulators is short-sighted when we simply can't know what else has gone on.

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To be honest, I do see where @Zechs Merquise is coming from though. I've had this happen to me a few times and it is pretty shitty. However, what I would change about what he said is that it's just all women but I'm pretty sure he was just talking from his own experiences.

 

Personally, I'd rather tell the truth.

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Zechs read about enumerative induction in a logic 101 textbook and spends his days tragically applying it to all aspects of human existence.

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If the above is true (as we seem to be assuming women are lying and manipulative while men have been the utmost honest and impartial when sharing their stories) we still can't judge anyone as we don't know what's going on in their wider life, how they feel and how this can all change.

 

Yeah, if you start down a path and build up hope, only for it to fall apart, it is painful. But brandishing women (specific ones or the whole gender) as attention-seeking manipulators is short-sighted when we simply can't know what else has gone on.

 

Firstly, these things have happened - as witnessed by @Blade and @Animal. They happen regularly, I know other guys they have happened to who post on here and they have happened to me. I also know guys who don't post on here that use sites like POF and they have all had similar experiences.

 

However you have chosen to attack my argument based on a fallacy you have created. That fallacy is that I applied this to 'all girls'. Clearly I stated: "But a lot of girls do this kind of thing and mess with guys feelings."

 

I stand by this, as a lot of girls on dating sites do act in that manner. Not all - and I never said all. I also gave an example of 'Girl A', not all girls, or every single female to ever go on a dating site. But an example of something I know that has happened.

 

And just because your logic states that we can't judge anyone because we don't know exactly what has happened to them - well that's your opinion. I believe the opposite, I can judge anyone I want for whatever reasons I choose.

 

It only takes a moment to send a text and honesty costs nothing. Telling someone straight that you just don't like them, or it isn't right and saving them the heartache of just being ignored for no reason isn't a huge thing, it seems like common decency.

 

Yes, I do judge people. And if you date people, meet them several times, build up their hopes and then ignore them and just blank them without warning, that makes you a bit of a shit bag in my eyes.

 

What's more, I pretty sure that if a female had come on here and the roles were reversed, she had been built up, the guy had slept with her and blanked her never to be seen again, there would be an outpouring of rage about how 'Guy A' was a total cock.

 

After reading that post, what woman wouldn't want to date you?

 

And what woman wouldn't want to date you? I bet when a good looking fella like you walks in the room the panties just hit the floor! Does your awesome one line internet sarcasm come out in real life, or do you just reserve it for sitting behind the anonymity of your keyboard. Bet you're the life and soul of the party :)

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I can judge anyone I want for whatever reasons I choose.

 

There could be other reasons they didn't stick around...

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However you have chosen to attack my argument based on a fallacy you have created. That fallacy is that I applied this to 'all girls'. Clearly I stated: "But a lot of girls do this kind of thing and mess with guys feelings."

 

I stand by this, as a lot of girls on dating sites do act in that manner. Not all - and I never said all. I also gave an example of 'Girl A', not all girls, or every single female to ever go on a dating site. But an example of something I know that has happened.

 

You didn't say 'all', and yet you have definitely generalised in separate posts. For instance, your explanation of online dating:

 

Let me explain online dating to you:

 

Men go on in huge numbers and machine gun message every single bird they would share their bed with.

 

Women go on in huge numbers and receive vast numbers of messages.

 

The women then get too big for their boots. And the previously lonely and grounded girls who wrote a load of shit on their profiles about how they just want 'a nice down to earth guy who knows how to treat a lady properly and likes nice restaurants, cuddles on the sofa and DVDs and takeaways with a bottle of wine' all of a sudden don't want that!

 

They did want that, but now their getting hundreds of messages saying that they're beautiful, that Guy X wants to take them to Paris, Guy Y would take them out for champagne cocktails at the most expensive bar in town etc.

 

All of a sudden, the nice guy who they were talking to initially is far less attractive. And the mantra about wanting a grounded guy who treats them well is forgotten. All of a sudden she's stopped texting you or binned you off - because she now has options.

 

If anyone is to read that they take from it "Here is what online dating is". Not "here is how some women in my experience have behaved on dating websites." That is the key difference - you can choose to deliver your points differently (if indeed your point is not to generalise, which I'm not sure is the case), but you don't.

 

 

And what woman wouldn't want to date you? I bet when a good looking fella like you walks in the room the panties just hit the floor! Does your awesome one line internet sarcasm come out in real life, or do you just reserve it for sitting behind the anonymity of your keyboard. Bet you're the life and soul of the party :)

You're such a hypocrite. You love to imagine that everyone about here (read: everyone about here against your viewpoints) is a nerd or a 'keyboard warrior' when in fact you're the worst 'keyboard warrior' about. You could type for England with your wild generalisations.

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Firstly, these things have happened - as witnessed by @Blade and @Animal. They happen regularly, I know other guys they have happened to who post on here and they have happened to me. I also know guys who don't post on here that use sites like POF and they have all had similar experiences.

 

However you have chosen to attack my argument based on a fallacy you have created. That fallacy is that I applied this to 'all girls'. Clearly I stated: "But a lot of girls do this kind of thing and mess with guys feelings."

 

I stand by this, as a lot of girls on dating sites do act in that manner. Not all - and I never said all. I also gave an example of 'Girl A', not all girls, or every single female to ever go on a dating site. But an example of something I know that has happened.

 

And just because your logic states that we can't judge anyone because we don't know exactly what has happened to them - well that's your opinion. I believe the opposite, I can judge anyone I want for whatever reasons I choose.

 

It only takes a moment to send a text and honesty costs nothing. Telling someone straight that you just don't like them, or it isn't right and saving them the heartache of just being ignored for no reason isn't a huge thing, it seems like common decency.

 

Yes, I do judge people. And if you date people, meet them several times, build up their hopes and then ignore them and just blank them without warning, that makes you a bit of a shit bag in my eyes.

 

What's more, I pretty sure that if a female had come on here and the roles were reversed, she had been built up, the guy had slept with her and blanked her never to be seen again, there would be an outpouring of rage about how 'Guy A' was a total cock.

 

 

 

And what woman wouldn't want to date you? I bet when a good looking fella like you walks in the room the panties just hit the floor! Does your awesome one line internet sarcasm come out in real life, or do you just reserve it for sitting behind the anonymity of your keyboard. Bet you're the life and soul of the party :)

 

You used the term "girls" and then at the end of said some girls. I said "we seem to be assuming all women" and later even said "specific ones or the whole gender". So while I apologise if you thought I thought you meant all of them, I did take care to try and state otherwise.

 

Furthermore, I wasn't suggesting it didn't happen. I just said it is bad to take a few (inheritably one-sided) stories and write it as anything larger than that.

 

By all means judge away, but don't for any second assume it to be anything more than a judgement grounded in assumption rather than knowledge. I have been through the kind of thing you discuss and yes it is painful, but blaming them and thinking it is a highly frequent occurrence makes it worse for yourself. It makes you bitter, untrusting and cynical and that then feeds into how you interpret and what you expect from future romantic engagements. It can become a vicious circle. What if this person felt they couldn't get in touch? What if you'd (not you specifically, general 'you') said that others had hurt you by dumping them? Or she got an inclination explicit rejection would do worse for your emotional welfare?

 

Yes texting is simple and easy in theory but emotions aren't simple and easy and you can never fully understand someone else's. Someone not 'finalising' it is impolite on the surface, but there is much more below the surface.

Edited by Ashley

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Ouch Magnus, you got burned dude. I don't think you'll ever get a girlfriend now ;)

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Ouch Magnus, you got burned dude. I don't think you'll ever get a girlfriend now ;)

That's okay, they'd just use me to make themselves feel better about themselves, anyway.

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Sorry to interrupt this terrific chat going on guys.

 

Had 3rd date with girl I met from POF, she stayed over. She is absolutely crazy. Will probably see her again though.

 

You can carry on bickering now.

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