Iun Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 I have finally split up with my girlfriend here in China. After months of cowardice on my part, I told her last night that I hadn't loved her for a long time. She took it fairly badly, but after months of me telling her I cared for her, anyone would be surprised. I feel... relieved, but at the same time so angry that I've hurt her. I changed my world for this girl - I quit a great job, left my family and my home country to be with her, only to find she's not who I hoped or thought she was. I guess that Del Amitri song says it best: It's hard to say you love someone, and it's hard to say you don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fierce_LiNk Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Sorry it didn't work out for you, Big Daddy. You've quit a lot of things, but you're still young and can do a lot of right in this world. If you really want to, you could move back over here, it's always going to be your home, isn't it? It's best to be honest. If you kept it up and told her you loved her every day, you would be being dishonest to yourself, and you don't deserve that. Hope you're ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The fish Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Shame things didn't go as you'd have once liked... Still, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Chin up, and all that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iun Posted July 8, 2008 Author Share Posted July 8, 2008 Yeah, thanks guys. Lying to her would have hurt her more and more. I've been trying for 6 months to put things right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aimless Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Sorry to hear that, Iun. You did the right thing, of course, but I can imagine that rings pretty hollow at the moment. If I'm honest falling out of love is my greatest fear. Everything's great and then... it isn't. And it's no one's fault, so there's this huge blob of blame then you've no idea what to do with. Do you have any idea whether you'll stay in China? Presumably you must still have some kind of life there, even without her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paj! Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 ...Congratulations? Dunno if it's a good thing in the long run, you didn't mention. I suppose it's good you told the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iun Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Sorry to hear that, Iun. You did the right thing, of course, but I can imagine that rings pretty hollow at the moment. If I'm honest falling out of love is my greatest fear. Everything's great and then... it isn't. And it's no one's fault, so there's this huge blob of blame then you've no idea what to do with. Do you have any idea whether you'll stay in China? Presumably you must still have some kind of life there, even without her. I will stay here, I have friends and a life here, even without her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashley Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I will stay here, I have friends and a life here, even without her. And I'm a-coming But seriously. Sorry to hear what has happened. Breaking up is never easy, for either side. Even though what you have done is ultimately for the best it is going to hurt. Handle it in whatever way you feel most comfortable with as everyone has there own. And remember, we still you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyson Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Christ Iun, I'm sorry to hear that. What're your plans now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Stefkov Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I always wondered why you were in China in the first place. Sounds like a horrible situation. As long as you've got other things on your mind it'll be alright won't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackfox Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 To thyn own self be true.. You have to be honest with yourself though, its going to hurt her but you did the right thing not to string her along. Hope you and she are OK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellmeister Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Well its good that you seem happy to have done in (not like happy but happy as in relieved), its better not to have lied to her as you said. What do you do out in China? Thats a hell of a life changer just for a girl, you're committed! =] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan_Dare Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 To thyn own self be true.. You have to be honest with yourself though, its going to hurt her but you did the right thing not to string her along. Hope you and she are OK. This. It'll suck now but think about the positives: you're free of a situation you couldn't be in any longer, and have a chance at a fresh start. Best of luck with everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iun Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Thanks peeps, I wish I hadn't hurt her. But I am done with suspending my happiness for her sake. I was starting to treat her badly - something I promised myself I would not do. And I think it would have just gotten worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bluey Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 i'm glad you're safe in the knowledge that you did the right thing, Iun. dont forget that.. as aimless says, there is a big blob of blame (loving the visual that metaphor gives me~) that will be floating around... and just from my experience unfortunately you might wanna brace yourself and be prepared for her to blame you... *warning: boring personal story follows...* thats what happened to me, i think it was the easiest way for him to deal with it, but i havent really spoken to my ex since telling him i didnt love him anymore... i tried to maintain some kind of friendship but he kept demanding to know exactly WHY i'd broken up with him, not accepting the fact that i'd simply fallen out of love with him. i was as honest and open as i could possibly be with him, but it obviously wasnt good enough so in the end he just stopped talking to me... sucks a bit 'cause he was my best friend... we were "going out" for 7 years (yeah it's a long and boring story, stupid childish relationship - i grew up, he REALLY didn't... it took me about 2 years to realize i wasnt in love and nearly a year to tell him. time wasted. granted i didnt change my life for him, but i stopped it from changing... i've done SO many things in the year and a half that i've been free of him - it was a hard change at first, but i'm really REALLY happy now. it might be tough for a while, but i'm sure you can be the same too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Damn, thats some harsh shit man. But its totally good that you did the right thing for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jordan Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Damn... Thats crazy. All the best for the future Iun, you know N-E are here for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iun Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Damn... Thats crazy. All the best for the future Iun, you know N-E are here for you Thanks Jordan. And you're right Bluey, I've done the right thing. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell, however. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamba Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I don't think you're a coward Iun. Committing to someone in the way you have and changing your life to be with them is an extremely brave and noble thing to do. People should respect choices like yours more. It's a shame that things haven't worked out but things will heal in time buddy. *man hugz* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eenuh Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Ah, I know how you feel Iun. Breaking up with someone you care for (but might not love anymore) is never easy. It hurts, a lot. But time will very slowly heal your wounds, it'll just take time. You might feel guilty about it, but it's really for the best. If you continued, you would just end up hurting her -and- yourself, and then no one would be happy. So it's really for the best. Good luck. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 You'll get through this Iun. Now you can both carry on with your lives. Try doing something different to take your mind off of it. I'm guessing she was a big part of your life, and now you will have lots of spare time that would normally have been spent with her. Make sure you keep yourself occupied. Any chance you'll come to the Sheffield meet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Can't really say anything that hasn't been said. To quote Monty Python's life-important saying: "Always look on the bright side of life." Yes, it hurts as hell right now, but try to look at it this way: You have your whole life in front of you and there are no bonds anymore. YOU decide where your life is going to go from here. That thought has gotta help - just a little. By the way, I have the utmost respect of your way of treating the girl, not wanting to hurt her and trying so hard for her sake. I salute you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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