Here's the text of a letter I wrote to the manager of the most expensive Five-Star Hotel in Shanghai, after I won a writing competition in a magazine I was given a complimentary stay:
"Thank you for having Mrs Hockley and I stay at the Peace Hotel on Saturday 25th December, I would like to express my extreme dissatisfaction at the service rendered by the staff during our stay.
On arrival, the doorman had his finger in his nose, he opened the door for us more as an afterthought than as an expression of welcome. For the rest of our stay, he was either chatting with the parking attendant or preventing the collapse of the building by leaning against the wall. This was surprising.
Upon entering the building, we met Charles, who was extremely helpful in securing us a parking space. During the check in process he was extremely polite and welcoming and made us feel we were in for a very satisfying stay. Sadly, he was the sole bright spot.
The lady who introduced us to our room did no more than open the door, say "here's your room, any questions?" then she disappeared. We were left to discover all the functions, fixtures and fittings by ourselves. The room was beautiful, though no-one had bothered to empty the bins before our arrival.
After a quick nap, we took a shower and went out for a walk. After which we decided to take a rest in the Jasmine lounge and order a few drinks. The lady was pretty insistent that we should go up to the Cin Cin, I had to ask her if the Jasmine Lounge was still open, which we were relieved to find, it was. We planned on settling in for a long evening, however, after the first glass we found it rather difficult to locate the staff who were always out of our line of sight and chatting with their colleagues around the corner. No-one came to check up on us or ask us if we wanted another drink. We did, but after frantically trying to attract their attention we decided to pay and leave. The bill was certainly very quick in coming.
On leaving our room, we had pressed the service button to have housekeeping make up the room. Two hours later, the room was in the same state we had left it in. We called for housekeeping who arrived ten minutes later - it was around 8pm now. The young gentleman actually seemed like he was offended to have been called, and made us well aware that he would rather have been off discovering a cure for cancer or perhaps solving a few diplomatic squabbles at the U.N.
I asked for a softer pillow, as during our nap I had found it difficult to get comfortable and sleep. I asked for a softer pillow, and the look I received was absolutely priceless. Had I asked to sleep with the young man's sister, I would have expected a slightly more amenable attitude. But he was polite enough to agree to get another pillow. he then asked what he should do with the room. Which given that the bed had clearly been slept in and that the room was in a state of mild disorder, should have been fairly obvious.
We stayed for about two minutes in the room, until we felt thoroughly unwelcome and decided to go for a walk. We found a secluded nook of the hotel on the same floor and took a seat. After twenty minutes the young man walked past us again, didn't acknowledge us, but was pushing his trolley. We took that to mean that the room was ready.
We were wrong. The bed was barely made, the bins still hadn't been emptied and the towels we had used and placed in the tub for replacement had been kindly hung up to dry, they were suspiciously soaking wet having been merely damp a few minutes earlier.
Settling down to sleep, I found that the replacement pillow was still thick and uncomfortable, but I decided to try to bear with it, not wanting to disturb housekeeping and their endeavours to end world poverty. After about 11pm however, I couldn't stand it any longer, and called housekeeping, who again arrived in about 20 minutes with a pillow exactly the same. The gentelman told me "it's the softest one we have" and walked off.
What followed was the worst night's sleep I had since my first survival weekend with the Royal Navy. I cannot believe I had more than an hour's rest for the entire night, and the headache I rose with is still with me.
Perhaps breakfast was coloured by the poor night's sleep, but the sandwich showed a distinct poverty of meat and an overabundance of greasy fried egg. The whole thing was dry and flavourless, Mrs Hockley tells me her eggs were nice but the salmon must have been a baby when when cooked, so half a gramme of meat was to be expected.
By the end of our stay, we were eager to return home. And that is possibly the most galling feeling: when you stay in a luxury hotel, you should be sad to leave. We have stayed in the Ritz in London, the Ritz-Carlton in Hainan, the JC Mandarin and Four Seasons in Shanghai, the London Marriott in Grosvenor Square and the Pudong Shangri-La. We have consistently returned to these hotels over the years - in fact we had lunch at the Shangri-La on Saturday and it was wonderful, the welcome was outstanding, the service superb. But on Sunday morning, both Mrs Hockley and I were desperate to be in our own house again, and that just shouldn't happen.
I realise that this was a complimentary stay, so very little money changed hands, but what was to be a roaring Christmas ended up as an enormous let-down. There's a famous quote by James D. Miles that reads something like "You can judge the character of a man by the way he treats those who can do nothing for him" and I think this applies."
Yeah, I know it was a free stay and all, but I get really grouchy when my sleep is interrupted, and seriously, that headache lasted for a full week.
The upshot is, we got another free night's stay. Actually not sure if we want to go back to be honest.
Then there's this one here - this time at the Radisson. We paid £80 per ticket for the buffet and there was... nothing there. Low quality, bad tasting and poverty of choice.
Note: "Laowai" in Chinese means "foreigner". It's not supposed to be a insult, but if you go to a hotel and the staff are constantly calling you "foreigner" you'd feel unwelcome, no?
"I am writing to express my extreme dissatisfaction at the Christmas Eve dinner buffet held on the 24th.
Firstly, the staff constantly referred to me as "laowai" within earshot, for example "hey, that laowai asked me for another fork" or "That laowai wants something, go and see what's the problem" and "That laowai can speak Chinese!".
Now, while I realise that "Laowai" is not considered a derogatory term by most Chinese people, I believe the correct mode of reference is "Gu ke" for a guest. Having eaten extensively in the 5-star hotels of Shanghai, I have never once been referred to as "Laowai" befiore. The experience was novel. When my wife and I ate at the London Marriott, my wife was only ever called "The Guest" or "The Lady at table no. x".
Which brings me to another point: my wife was variously described as "Her with the laowai" or "That Laowai's Wife" or "That Laowai's secretary". Very welcoming.
The food itself suffered from an extreme poverty of choice: it seemed to consist mostly of noodles and man tou. Which is interesting, considering the 800RMB price tag per ticket. Meat was being handled with torn gloves and bare hands and most dishes were cold on the "hot plates". Had the quality been good, it could have been forgiven, but frankly I have eaten better at business hotels in Shandong. The turkey was spongy -like eating raw meat, the aforementioned hot dishes did not taste at all fresh, the desserts were about the same quality as the cheap cakes bought in the Chrsitine bakery in the metro stations.
What made this worse was that the very next day we ate lunch at the Shangri-La: the price was cheaper (on Christmas Day!) there was a much, much greater variety of food on offer and all of it was served with an attentive and welcoming attitude.
That we paid more for less is in and of itself is galling, but the attitude of the staff was just the icing on the cake. "
they offered us a do-over. There's no way we're accepting.
