Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

[nightwolf]

 

:awesome:

 

Can you two get married - please?

[Kaytee]

First, online dating: not a success. In the end, it started feeling even a bit repulsive, like you and everyone else were shopping for people o_O Everyone with their "criteria" for a perfect man / woman...wow, talk about picky. I did have a profile that was personal, I did take initiative and contacted many women, but most of them just did not reply anything, or were totally weird. Bottom line: wtf...? xD

 

Anyway, I thought I'd rather do it the old-fashioned way, feels much more comfortable...

 

Well, what could you do to change this? I could say I've had the same kind of problem, being shy, problems with acne, not really meeting people outside school etc. I mean the basic tenet of attraction is that when you get to know people, attraction starts to happen. It doesn't matter how great a personality you have, if people can never see that in person...This has been my big problem, since I don't really care about parties, music festivals, just hanging out with people for no reason etc. I'd much rather do something I really like, e.g. playing games, making music / videos etc.

 

As most people have suggested on here, i've tried online dating but I just don't get on with it. I've spoke to a few guys on there and they're very nice but at the end of the day i'd prefer to meet someone in real life, in person.

 

My social life is pretty much non existent now tbh, i'm not really much of a weekend club/bar going person so apart from those places i'm not sure where else I can socialise with others!

 

Plenty of nice guys do come into work actually, but i'm not sure flirting with them whilst serving them games is going to work, but no harm in trying right? :P

[Diageo]

Serving them games? Do you work in Game or something.

 

That's like the perfect place to pick up guys, you already have something you like in common and guys love gamer chicks (if they are themselves gamers at least).

[Magnus]

You could always try online dating but focus your search on guys who live close to you.

 

That'd make it easier to meet up with them and potentially have a non-long-distance relationship.

[Goafer]

As most people have suggested on here, i've tried online dating but I just don't get on with it. I've spoke to a few guys on there and they're very nice but at the end of the day i'd prefer to meet someone in real life, in person.

 

Well that's why you meet up with them. Talk for a bit online, establish if they're obviously mental or not, then find out for sure that they're not mental in person.

 

Plenty of nice guys do come into work actually, but i'm not sure flirting with them whilst serving them games is going to work, but no harm in trying right? :P

 

Do it. Be blatant. Write your number on the receipt or something. Show some ankle.

[Aneres11]

I have tried online dating before.

I'm gay, and have met a few other guys from a site I go on infrequently.

 

When I say meet, I don't mean for sex - that's not the kinda lad that I am.

 

The problem I have found is that most of the guys on these sites are literally after just that. A quick shag.

 

Others are looking for the ideal partner (as we all are I suppose) but though they say they will talk to anyone, half of them will not bother with you if they don't like the look of you.

 

The problem with the gay world - and also online dating IMO - is that everyone is so fickle.

You are judged purely on your appearance - and I know there has to be an attraction, but even if you have loads in common with the person viewing your profile, they will click away because you aren't 'fit' enough.

 

I have recently met with a guy off the site I mentioned above and he was really really nice. He took me to a bar / restaurant place in town for some food and then we went for a walk by the river and through the town - which is lovely at night.

I stayed at his and we played games and watched a film for the rest of the evening and then I left the next day. It was great.

We were texting loads, and before we met after a few messages were exchanged we Skyped / FaceTimed for 5 and a half hours! Nothing rude, we just talked that whole time!

Then when we met there were still no silences or awkward moments.

 

Anyway a few weeks have passed and things are not the same.

He came out of a long relationship about 7 months ago and has said he doesn't want to commit to anything - he just wants to enjoy spending time with me.

I was totally cool with that, but had noticed that he was still frequently using the site we 'met' on. So I asked him if another guy asked him out for a drink would he go. He said yes.

 

It really threw me. We had been getting along brilliantly - I hadn't used the site since I messaged him and there were no other lads on my radar - nor was I on anyone elses - and he just came out and said he would happily go and get to know someone else over a drink whilst doing the same with me.

 

So I then asked him - what if you preferred this other guy after getting to know him - he said that it would mean things weren't working out with me and he would say that "as he likes to be honest".

But that isn't being honest. The honest thing to say would be he has met someone else who he wants to spend time with. I said that it makes him a liar. A lie to prevent my feelings or not it is a lie. And he is ok with seeing other guys after we have spent 3 nights together as well as having what I thought was a really strong connection.

 

We last spoke last Saturday (the texting and calling becoming less and less as he has been busy with work) when he text me to see if I was ok.

I replied with the usual - 'I'm fine, just having a relaxing weekend etc' and then heard nothing all week.

 

I text him on Friday as it was his birthday - I said I hoped he had a lovely day and he responded with a thank you and that he was out in Manchester for a party. In his text back the first thing he said was 'I've just given you some space this week'. I didn't ask for space? I text back with a simple - enjoy your day - as I wasn't going to ruin his Birthday with any unnecessary questions.

 

I expected a response from him over the weekend but so far nothing. I think I know that things are 'over' - even though we didn't have a label or anything - but to just let it fizzle to nothing is a bit crap in my opinion. It's hard to take a little bit too as I don't know the reason why. Am I just not good enough - or is there someone better than me? Who knows.

 

I haven't really spoke about this with anyone - tend not to speak to my sisters or parents about it and writing it all now has made me feel a bit upset / sad. When I have recapped how something started so promisingly and has turned into what it is (what even is it?) it's really tough to take.

 

I know this may not be the typical post in here, but I'm hoping some of you can relate to it so you can kinda understand where I'm at right now. Don't suppose you need to be gay to have been in a similar situation in the past. Just looking for some guidance I suppose - do I do nothing, or demand to know why everything has suddenly stopped?

 

Sorry for the length of this - I just had to get it off my chest I suppose.

[Dyson]

Plenty of nice guys do come into work actually, but i'm not sure flirting with them whilst serving them games is going to work, but no harm in trying right? :P

 

It definitely would, I assure you. From experience!

[Magnus]

Dyson gives away free games to girls he thinks are cute. You could try that.

 

 

When I say meet, I don't mean for sex - that's not the kinda lad that I am.

There's your problem - you need to put out more.

 

Joking aside, I'd just move on. He's hardly the first person to suddenly switch from 'interested' to 'not interested' with no warning.

 

The important thing is to get back on the horse and not let it get to you.

[Aneres11]

Yeah I hear you.

 

I just think I'd rather have some sort of closure from this experience first though - as we spent a lot of time together over the past few weeks and I did feel like there was a connection.

 

So to cut that out and try and wipe it from my mind probably isn't the best idea.

 

But I understand what you're saying. Thanks

[Magnus]

I once had a friend of 4-5 years suddenly cut off all contact with me and I thought that if I could just get an explanation - if I could just understand - I'd get some closure and could move on with my life.

 

It didn't help.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, don't expect closure to make you feel any better.

 

Unless he has a really good excuse for why he's been avoiding you.

 

But he won't.

[Emma]

I do I do nothing, or demand to know why everything has suddenly stopped?

 

That's okay, at least you're out there making some effort!

 

I've been involved in this from both sides. Before I met Dan Dare (I hate using his forum name!!) I'd been doing the whole internet dating thing for about 6 months and had dated quite a few guys, some I liked, some I didn't.

 

There was one guy I quite liked but he was a bit tubby and mysterious and I was a bit 'young' for him. At the time I was gutted he ignored me after cancelling our third date (last minute too). I really wanted to ask him why he suddenly stopped all conversation but I knew I'd get no reply and I'd look a bit obsessive. Looking back now I know it's important to be with someone whose feelings are mutual, plus I don't want to be with someone who just cancels on people like that (what a nob). You're best off not knowing why he didn't want to take it further, it won't make you're life any happier/better by knowing.

 

The best thing to do is just get back on the dating scene and meet more guys, you'll soon forget about this current one. I've found that when I met guys where it didn't work out, there was always something I felt quite early on that seemed not quite right. They'd always be a bit mysterious, or they didn't seem as keen as me, or they'd cancel dates, or not reply to texts on time. You'll realise when you meet someone who is good for you that that other guy really wasn't that great.

 

Hope that helps

[Ashley]

In fairness the 'prioritise the hotties' is one of retail's most sacred unwritten rules.

[Aneres11]

That's okay, at least you're out there making some effort!

 

I've been involved in this from both sides. Before I met Dan Dare (I hate using his forum name!!) I'd been doing the whole internet dating thing for about 6 months and had dated quite a few guys, some I liked, some I didn't.

 

There was one guy I quite liked but he was a bit tubby and mysterious and I was a bit 'young' for him. At the time I was gutted he ignored me after cancelling our third date (last minute too). I really wanted to ask him why he suddenly stopped all conversation but I knew I'd get no reply and I'd look a bit obsessive. Looking back now I know it's important to be with someone whose feelings are mutual, plus I don't want to be with someone who just cancels on people like that (what a nob). You're best off not knowing why he didn't want to take it further, it won't make you're life any happier/better by knowing.

 

The best thing to do is just get back on the dating scene and meet more guys, you'll soon forget about this current one. I've found that when I met guys where it didn't work out, there was always something I felt quite early on that seemed not quite right. They'd always be a bit mysterious, or they didn't seem as keen as me, or they'd cancel dates, or not reply to texts on time. You'll realise when you meet someone who is good for you that that other guy really wasn't that great.

 

Hope that helps

 

It has helped Emma, thank you.

 

It's interesting that you said about them always being a bit mysterious - that is exactly what this guy is like.

 

I agree with what you are saying about moving on not knowing, but I don't think I could do that. What if he is in the same boat as me and he thinks I am not interested? Coz it could look that way I suppose.

 

Hmm, maybe I should just sleep on it and clear me head before doing anything.

[Kaytee]

I'm in work tomorrow so i'll give this whole flirting thing a try. Now is probably the best time too, what with all the main releases out like Battlefield 3, MW3 etc. Also, some of the christmas temps are starting tomorrow so there's always that as well

 

Aneres11- i've had that happen to me too, they seem really keen then suddenly back off, stop replying to texts etc. It's annoying, sometimes they're just too afraid to tell you how they feel or they're just being cowardly and trying to back off the easy way. Just stick to your plan and sleep on it, see how you feel. Try not to over-think about it though, it drives you crazy. Trust me, i'm one of the worst people for over-thinking everything!

[chairdriver]

I have tried online dating before.

I'm gay, and have met a few other guys from a site I go on infrequently.

 

When I say meet, I don't mean for sex - that's not the kinda lad that I am.

 

The problem I have found is that most of the guys on these sites are literally after just that. A quick shag.

 

Others are looking for the ideal partner (as we all are I suppose) but though they say they will talk to anyone, half of them will not bother with you if they don't like the look of you.

 

The problem with the gay world - and also online dating IMO - is that everyone is so fickle.

You are judged purely on your appearance - and I know there has to be an attraction, but even if you have loads in common with the person viewing your profile, they will click away because you aren't 'fit' enough.

 

I have recently met with a guy off the site I mentioned above and he was really really nice. He took me to a bar / restaurant place in town for some food and then we went for a walk by the river and through the town - which is lovely at night.

I stayed at his and we played games and watched a film for the rest of the evening and then I left the next day. It was great.

We were texting loads, and before we met after a few messages were exchanged we Skyped / FaceTimed for 5 and a half hours! Nothing rude, we just talked that whole time!

Then when we met there were still no silences or awkward moments.

 

Anyway a few weeks have passed and things are not the same.

He came out of a long relationship about 7 months ago and has said he doesn't want to commit to anything - he just wants to enjoy spending time with me.

I was totally cool with that, but had noticed that he was still frequently using the site we 'met' on. So I asked him if another guy asked him out for a drink would he go. He said yes.

 

It really threw me. We had been getting along brilliantly - I hadn't used the site since I messaged him and there were no other lads on my radar - nor was I on anyone elses - and he just came out and said he would happily go and get to know someone else over a drink whilst doing the same with me.

 

So I then asked him - what if you preferred this other guy after getting to know him - he said that it would mean things weren't working out with me and he would say that "as he likes to be honest".

But that isn't being honest. The honest thing to say would be he has met someone else who he wants to spend time with. I said that it makes him a liar. A lie to prevent my feelings or not it is a lie. And he is ok with seeing other guys after we have spent 3 nights together as well as having what I thought was a really strong connection.

 

We last spoke last Saturday (the texting and calling becoming less and less as he has been busy with work) when he text me to see if I was ok.

I replied with the usual - 'I'm fine, just having a relaxing weekend etc' and then heard nothing all week.

 

I text him on Friday as it was his birthday - I said I hoped he had a lovely day and he responded with a thank you and that he was out in Manchester for a party. In his text back the first thing he said was 'I've just given you some space this week'. I didn't ask for space? I text back with a simple - enjoy your day - as I wasn't going to ruin his Birthday with any unnecessary questions.

 

I expected a response from him over the weekend but so far nothing. I think I know that things are 'over' - even though we didn't have a label or anything - but to just let it fizzle to nothing is a bit crap in my opinion. It's hard to take a little bit too as I don't know the reason why. Am I just not good enough - or is there someone better than me? Who knows.

 

I haven't really spoke about this with anyone - tend not to speak to my sisters or parents about it and writing it all now has made me feel a bit upset / sad. When I have recapped how something started so promisingly and has turned into what it is (what even is it?) it's really tough to take.

 

I know this may not be the typical post in here, but I'm hoping some of you can relate to it so you can kinda understand where I'm at right now. Don't suppose you need to be gay to have been in a similar situation in the past. Just looking for some guidance I suppose - do I do nothing, or demand to know why everything has suddenly stopped?

 

Sorry for the length of this - I just had to get it off my chest I suppose.

 

Sometimes you have to take the knock to the teeth and realise that in a relationship the extent to which one person likes the other will not be equal on both sides of the equation. From what you've said (sorry if I interpret this wrong!) it sounds like your more invested in the relationship than he is.

 

This happens relatively often, I find. I get excited that I've found a potential significant person in my life, and then it fizzles out and he never texts back. You've got to roll with the disappointment. Things R what they R. Rather than lament the loss and plague him with texts, my instinct would be to just be your hair and look for someone new.

 

And something I think is important, in the dating world: make an effort to make yourself more attractive/alluring! Go to the gym, take a flattering picture, try to write your profile so that you only give a certain amount of information away (mystique is more alluring than reading someone's life story, and their arbitrary borderline fascist opinions). If you feel that your profile is *good* and is a flattering representation of yourself, you're more likely to be confident and confidence is hot [applicable both to real life and online].

 

Basically, reach for your potential, I believe in u.

[Sméagol]

It’s too bad, there’s this Dutch datingsite which has a nice concept, so I was looking for the international version (since most Datingsites seem to be international, meetic is called lexa here for example), but this really seems to be a Dutch-only site.

 

The concept is you don’t really make profiles.. You just anwser a lot of questions. Based on the anwsers, their matching service matches you directly to someone else, there’s no trawling through profiles to look for someone you like. There are pictures, you can’t see them directly, they’re blurred at first, if you talk enough with your match, the picture gradually unblurs. So this does exactly what a lot of people complain about: you get to know someone before you get to know what they look like, it somewhat avoids the “meat marketâ€. Not quite, since I hear a lot of reactions of people about matches dropping out once they find out what you look like, regardless of how all the conversations went.. I don’t think it’s ultimately something for me, since I’m very visually inclined. Still, I think it’s a very novel concept, and I think I’ll make use of it eventually just to develop my lacking social skills (I’m not a great conversationalist).

 

So yeah, that doesn’t really help you, but I’ll let you know when / if they go international, or perhaps someone else knows an international equivalent.

 

I haven’t done anything serious with dating (online or in the real world), need to get my act together first (step 1: get a job). I’m a.. Slow learner. I realise things after the fact. Like last Friday, at my volunteer job in the cinema, this girl who was quite a hottie (who was alone, on a Friday night) smiled to me on her way to the exit. I smiled back. That was it. So I realised afterwards if I had put more effort in getting a job, I may have gotten one by now, then I’d have some more confidence into asking her out or something. As it stands, I barely had the money to offer her a drink .

 

Anyway, I have some sort of plan now, just need that job to kickstart things. Someone from monsterboard would call me tomorrow with regard to a job, but bla bla there are existing job threads.

[Aneres11]

Ah thanks Chair!

 

You guys have all really cheered me up today!

[Ashley]

Ha well I was going to post something along the lines of "I think I've met someone" but then it starts a lot like Arnes' story... Hope things work out for you though dude

 

But yes. We met last night and didn't think there was anything there but apparently. Spent all day talking, first through facebook chat then skype via fb then skype itself as the fb one died. It was weird, spending so long talking to someone I don't know too well so there were silences but comfortable I suppose? If you were bored you'd make some excuse to leave, right? However, we've made vague plans for a drink next week (as we're busy this) so we'll see. But for now it's just a ride, no need to run, no need to hide.

[Magnus]

Don't do this to Ell, Ashley.

[Ashley]

He's my end game.

 

And in fairness he's been dating his beard for over a year now!

[Gizmo]

Well this post became a bit excessive. Update on my "open relationship", if anyone cares. Just needed a place to vent I guess. Spoiler tags to save you guys from the wall of text.

 

So I don't know if anyone will remember, but I met a girl over the summer that I got along with really well and we would have immediately gotten into a relationship were it not for the fact that literally 2 weeks after we met she moved to Reading for a job. But we kept chatting and texting etc and basically decided to be in an open relationship. I wasn't prepared to do the distance thing with someone I had just met, even though I really liked her, because I've done it before with a smaller distance and it was horrible.

 

Also, I've got a stupidly busy schedule at the moment whereby from early September til mid December, I have one free weekend, which was at the end of September. She flew up from Reading to see me that weekend, as it would be the only chance we got to see each other til November (when we'll both be at the same event, but in a massive group of people).

 

That was great, although slightly painful as she arrived late Friday, I had my Grandmothers funeral on the Saturday and therefore was gone most of the day, and then she had to leave like ~6ish on Sunday. So still barely saw her.

 

 

Anyway, in the last couple of weeks we havent been talking much. I sent her a text on Friday which I think was the first contact we'd had for at least a week, and even then it was only like a 3 texts each conversation (she openly admits to being terrible at replying to texts, so this wasn't hugely unusual). In the text on friday I had said basically "Hey, sitting bored in a lab, and suddenly realised we haven't spoken in ages and I miss you" to which she replied with an I miss you too and asking how I was. However, I never then got another reply to my following text.

 

Today I came home from yet another weekend away to this on Facebook: "Laura went from being "single" to "in a relationship".

 

Now, I have done nothing but pull and shag for the last 3 months. It was defined as open and the understanding was if one of us meet someone then thats that, its fine. So its not like I'm hurt or angry or anything, but it was just a bit of a blindside and kinda took the breath out my chest when I read it. I still really like her and if she lived up here we would definitely be together...but sometimes shit just doesn't work out the way you want it too. I want to talk to her about it but I dunno how / what to say thats not gonna sound like "so umm, whats this all about?"

 

I'm clinging to a thought of maybe she is referencing me, and shes changed that because of something with someone in Reading and she want's to identify herself as "in a relationship". But I realise this is highly unlikely. We'll see I guess if it turns into a "with Joe Bloggs" in the next day or two.

 

Like I say I'm not at all angry or anything, but I am due to see her (as part of a massive group of people) in like, less than 3 weeks time and was quite looking forward to it, but now obviously thats gonna go a bit different to what I was thinking...

 

Argh. Knew what it was when I got into it, knew this was inevitable, but its still a bit of a sore one.

 

 

TL: DR - The girl I was in an open relationship with has just updated her Facebook relationship status. Queue sadness.

[Serebii]

That sucks @Gizmo, sorry that things didn't work out.

 

Anyway, party last night didn't prove to yeild results. I'm really starting to give up hope. Have gone in with a whole new outlook so I can try and meet people, make connections and find someone but it's just not working :/

[Dyson]

Gizmo, that sucks. I'm always here for you. Physically.

[Sméagol]

You’ll have to decide now if you’d still like to be friends with her Giz.. If you have to see her anyway, you can take the opportunity to talk and clear things up. Otherwise, the same advice that’s been given to Aneres probably applies, I don’t know if you can avoid seeing her. It’s not quite the same situation though, so I’d say at least have one talk, and decide how you 2 want to continue, don’t see eachother and move on, be friends, but move on etc.

[Frank]

@Aneres11

 

It's great that you've cheered up about the whole affair. Reading your comment, it sounds like one of those things. Sometimes we don't get every answer to every question. That has to be accepted. If you truly believe in him you mustn't give up on him. Enjoy what was. I like to use these experiences as interesting stories for the future. Would Edith Piaf be as great as she was without her misery?

 

Listen. We are the guiding spirits. You will understand. He is a savage. Should you choose the smoothest course, steady as a beating drum? Or swim onwards.

 

Please keep us posted on the affair!