nightwolf Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Sweetie, you've always been an absolute catch. Smooth
Raining_again Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 My ex's life seems to be taking more of a downturn... I'm worried for him but at the same time I'm kinda glad i'm out of that... Seeing someone who is relatively normal, is a really nice thing. I'm surprised at how much I enjoy the normal things, absent with the ex, even though I thought it never bothered me? Things like holding hands and having NORMAL conversations that don't involve me being a psychologist.... (I really think I missed my calling) Also since I'm seeing one soag's roomie/best friend, I get to see her, Ivy (daughter) and Luna (kitty!!!!) lots
Beast Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Maybe this girl is a regular on a gaming forum (Sega perhaps?) and wrote in the dating thread that she was going on a date with this guy could she have some suggestions of things to say? After the initial few posts of people saying lame things like 'tell him you're gay', someone says 'tell him you want to upgrade your cunt, and then try and rape him when he attempts to leave.' All those other people were just forum members on their annual meet up, and we're just about to go and draw pictures of penises to show to children. Post of the Century goes to you, good sir! I have never laughed so much at a post!
S.C.G Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 I really can't be bothered with the whole online dating thing any more, nothing but false hope based purely on numbers etc. Not that I'm trying to demean anyone who met on a dating site, if it worked out for you then that's great, really it is - I'm not even being sarcastic I actually mean it - but for me it would seem that it just doesn't really work. Now that I've posted that I'll probably get a message or something on the site - yeah right - but it can be so disheartening sometimes, even if it is 'just a numbers game' as some will keep telling me on here I'm sure... That it may be but if that's the case then I wish there was a way to play the system, as anything with numbers involved can be exploited I'm sure. Meh... anyway back to staring at a blank drawing board.
Daft Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I think the thing about online dating is that it doesn't work until it does.
The Bard Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Yeah but also the "playing the numbers" thing just seems unintuitive and missing the actual vibe of meeting someone you like and instead turns it into a heartless, largely thankless slog. It's literally like grinding for a rare weapon drop in some shitty MMO.
Blade Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I really can't be bothered with the whole online dating thing any more, nothing but false hope based purely on numbers etc. Not that I'm trying to demean anyone who met on a dating site, if it worked out for you then that's great, really it is - I'm not even being sarcastic I actually mean it - but for me it would seem that it just doesn't really work. Now that I've posted that I'll probably get a message or something on the site - yeah right - but it can be so disheartening sometimes, even if it is 'just a numbers game' as some will keep telling me on here I'm sure... That it may be but if that's the case then I wish there was a way to play the system, as anything with numbers involved can be exploited I'm sure. Meh... anyway back to staring at a blank drawing board. Why give up? You're more likely to find a lass online than staring at a blank drawing board. It will eventually happen.
S.C.G Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Yeah but also the "playing the numbers" thing just seems unintuitive and missing the actual vibe of meeting someone you like and instead turns it into a heartless, largely thankless slog. It's literally like grinding for a rare weapon drop in some shitty MMO. You're right, I've just become a bit disillusioned with it all I think, in all likelihood I will keep at it as there are quite a few women on there that I like it's just that sometimes you try as in you send a message, things are going well with regular replies etc and then suddenly the messages stop for no apparent reason. Or the other one is I've sent a message, got a really positive reply but then nothing after that. Perhaps I'm getting it wrong but I thought I was going about it the right way, send the first message introducing myself, literally write a line or two trying to start a conversation about their interests, mention one of my interests - especially if they are similar - compliment them on one of their photos and leave it at that. I just figured that sending an initial message that is at least a small sentence or two long gives them something to go on rather than 'Hi my name's Sam, what's yours?' so I don't really know where I'm going wrong or indeed if I am at this point. Anyway thanks for the words of encouragement/advice guys, it's always good to get some perspective on things like this. : peace:
Kav Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) The difficult thing with online dating is that they'll not just be replying to yourself but other guys messaging them as well. Girls tend to get so many messages coming their way and so you may just lose out to someone else they're hitting it off with more. It's unfortunate but also the nature of the beast. Edited July 30, 2014 by Kav
Sheikah Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 You're right, I've just become a bit disillusioned with it all I think, in all likelihood I will keep at it as there are quite a few women on there that I like it's just that sometimes you try as in you send a message, things are going well with regular replies etc and then suddenly the messages stop for no apparent reason. Or the other one is I've sent a message, got a really positive reply but then nothing after that. Perhaps I'm getting it wrong but I thought I was going about it the right way, send the first message introducing myself, literally write a line or two trying to start a conversation about their interests, mention one of my interests - especially if they are similar - compliment them on one of their photos and leave it at that. I just figured that sending an initial message that is at least a small sentence or two long gives them something to go on rather than 'Hi my name's Sam, what's yours?' so I don't really know where I'm going wrong or indeed if I am at this point. Anyway thanks for the words of encouragement/advice guys, it's always good to get some perspective on things like this. : peace: Which dating site are you on? I get the feeling that some are more geared towards people actually wanting relationships than others.
MoogleViper Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Yeah but also the "playing the numbers" thing just seems unintuitive and missing the actual vibe of meeting someone you like and instead turns it into a heartless, largely thankless slog. It's literally like grinding for a rare weapon drop in some shitty MMO. I do share the sentiment, but isn't that the same as most people's dating experience? Not many everyone meets somebody that they just click with. If you go to bars, clubs, evening classes etc. then you're out there "playing a numbers game". They only difference online is that it's more explicit. Having said that, I don't have much trouble with people messaging me back. I haven't messaged many people, but most have messaged back. Gotten a few messages as well. Actually looking through my messages, I think messages I send get responded to more often than I've responded to messages I've received*. Woops! *If anybody needs help deciphering that sentence, then I'll be happy to help. Which dating site are you on? I get the feeling that some are more geared towards people actually wanting relationships than others. Definitely. From my experience: Tinder - most people just use it as a game/ego boost, the rest are mainly for hook ups POF - just people who want to browse OKC best one I've found for people actually wanting a relationship/online dating
S.C.G Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 OKC... so it would seem that I'm in the right place at least as it's a relationship I'm after as opposed to a one night stand. :p I'll just keep at it, though I won't be putting as much effort into it as I used to, it's just not worth it but I'll keep checking each day just to see who's new.
Sheikah Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 OKC... so it would seem that I'm in the right place at least as it's a relationship I'm after as opposed to a one night stand. :p I'll just keep at it, though I won't be putting as much effort into it as I used to, it's just not worth it but I'll keep checking each day just to see who's new etc. I heard that @kav82 might have someone he could put you in touch with... :p
S.C.G Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I heard that @kav82 might have someone he could put you in touch with... :p :bowdown: Priceless! Well, lets just keep her in reserve for now...
Blade Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 :bowdown: Priceless! Well, lets just keep her in reserve for now... He actually has a selection of crazies for you...
Sheikah Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 He actually has a selection of crazies for you... I expect a Brian Fantana style cabinet assortment of these. Nothing less will suffice.
Kav Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 He actually has a selection of crazies for you... A few crazies and a stalker! ...you're the stalker Blade! Haha
The Peeps Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 What do you guys usually open with when you're sending a first message to someone on a dating site? Sometimes there just isn't anything to go with on their profile and I have enough trouble even when there is !
S.C.G Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 What do you guys usually open with when you're sending a first message to someone on a dating site? Sometimes there just isn't anything to go with on their profile and I have enough trouble even when there is ! This... Perhaps I'm getting it wrong but I thought I was going about it the right way, send the first message introducing myself, literally write a line or two trying to start a conversation about their interests, mention one of my interests - especially if they are similar - compliment them on one of their photos and leave it at that. But I might be doing it wrong so don't take it as gospel.
Sheikah Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 "Let me tell you what the voices in my head are telling me"
The Bard Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 @MoogleViper I've never dated so I can't really comment. How so? I tried OKC for a couple of months in 2012 but it required me to develop a skillset that was a combination of writing a CV and answering work emails, two things that bore me more than anything in the whole world. I never messaged anyone but I got about twenty messages from different girls none of whom were interesting online but whom I'm fairly sure would have been fine had I randomly met them in meatspace. Allowing people to vet the persona they put online is generally a shitty idea for dating. It's different on forums because nothing that happens on here has the same fraught, insecure energy that dudes on dating sites do (apart from Serebii furiously teabagging Nintendo's corpse). Also I'm not the right personality type for online dating, it takes way more patience to wait a week for a message than it does to wait a few seconds for an in-person reply. Also my face is too sexy to translate in all its majesty to pictures. That shit makes me look like a 9 instead of the solid 10 I am.
MoogleViper Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 This... But I might be doing it wrong so don't take it as gospel. I wouldn't bring up something about yourself in the opening message (unless it's directly related to their interests). That sounds a bit egotistical. I've always just asked them about something on their profile. One girl talked about sci-fi, so I asked her about that. Another girl was a writer and mentione NaNoWriMo, so i asked about that. Basically your opening message has to tick a few boxes: 1. Don't be generic. If it looks like you've sent the same message to hundreds of girls then she'll just ignore it. 2. Make it easy to reply to. If she has to spend ages thinking of what to say then she'll just ignore it and move on to the many other messages she receives. Ask her a question or two (but obviously, don't ask questions that are too probing/personal). Example: "Hey, I see you're into X. I'm also into that/I've always wanted to try that. What's you're favourite/how do you find..." It shows that you've read her profile and are genuinely interested, have something in common (without talking about yourself straight away), and have made it easy for her to reply. Also avoid compliments about her looks. It'll just make you seem really desperate, and will put her at a higher standing than you. Think of it as meeting a mutual friend. You might say something like "So friend tells me you're into X". You wouldn't say, "Hey, you're really pretty". If they don't have much on their profile, then why bother sending a message? They obviously aren't that interested in online dating, and chance are conversing with them would be like pulling teeth. You could always just send them a generic message if you really wanted; nothing to lose, just don't expect a reply. @MoogleViper I've never dated so I can't really comment. How so? Well if you don't meet anyone through friends/work, then you have to "look for someone". Whether that's online dating, going out to bars, going to hobby classes or wherever, it's all a case of trying to meet as many people as possible. So yeah, online dating doesn't have much of a romantic "we met through X and just fell in love", but neither do any other forms of looking for someone. They're all just a case of numbers games, some are just more obvious than others. Sorry fi that wasn't what you were questioning.
Cube Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 My problem is trying to keep the conversation going in a text-based form. I asked someone if they wanted to meet in person. She wants to, but she's in Canada until the end of August.
The Bard Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Well if you don't meet anyone through friends/work, then you have to "look for someone". Whether that's online dating, going out to bars, going to hobby classes or wherever, it's all a case of trying to meet as many people as possible. So yeah, online dating doesn't have much of a romantic "we met through X and just fell in love", but neither do any other forms of looking for someone. They're all just a case of numbers games, some are just more obvious than others. Sorry if that wasn't what you were questioning. Oh right, well yeah you do have to look to other places to meet people but you're likely still engaging with them in person rather than deferring your interactions to an online space. It just feels more personal and less like you're middlemanaging something that's "supposed" to be intuitive. Again this isn't me saying online dating is shitty, more that I'm shit at it.
Recommended Posts