Dating/Relationships Thread.

[Platty]

Not the conventional love story but this is mine:

 

Was on a night out with some mates on a thursday night. Got on the bus on the way home, a bunch of girls got on. Got chatting to one of them and seemed to have a lot in common. We both ended up getting off the same bus stop. I said to her maybe see you next week and she was like yeah maybe you will.

 

Never got her number or anything and didn't really think much of it. So anyway next week came, went out again and yet again saw her on the bus on the way home. She was on her own this time so came and sat with me. We ended up chatting more and this time I offered to walk her home from the bus stop which then subsequently lead to some kisses and bang 4 years into the future we live together.

 

So screw clubbing and dating websites. Buses are the way to go

Edited April 21, 2009 by Platty

[S.C.G]

 

I've had the same stuff happen to me. That's why I decided to LEARN this stuff. To improve myself as a man and become aware of this. No-one teaches the good guys stuff like this. And we get shat on. From a height. I got sick of it. Sick of putting my heart and soul into women and getting nothing but rejection out of it. So I finally realised there must be something wrong with ME if things keep going wrong. So I'm doing something about it. I'm LEARNING what it takes to have success and how to attract and keep my self-power. It's invigorating and paradigm shifting. I suggest you try it. What have you got to lose?

 

So basically, you are pandering to their every whim? I'm not trying to say that every girl is 'needy' btw, just saying that you're acting like they expect you to, 'doing as you're told' so to speak only your spinning it in a more positive light with all the 'aplha male' stuff.

 

I'm not saying that you're wrong, far from it, there does seem to be a good deal of truth behind what you're saying, especially as you've researched it, put it into practice and had some success. : peace:

 

It won't work in every situation though and I'm not convinced that it's for everyone, indeed as you say, you were once the opposite of what you are now 'teaching' and that would suggest that it's for everyone but I'm still not convinced, maybe I will try it once, just to see, seeing as I have nothing to lose, except my self respect... though I guess you could look at it as if I don't try it then that's disrespecting myself as well... anyway, w/e I often do this... overthink stuff so I'll stop there and just leave it at I may give it a try but I would still much rather be myself rather than a persona... >>

 

Btw I'm not having a go at you TD, I appreciate that you're trying to help people out with advice just like you helped yourself by learning all this, I'm just trying to 'understand' it is all.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I get where both Jordan and tapedeck are coming from. And I partially agree with them both.

 

It seems the rules of attraction are hard, if not impossible to bend (that's where it's unlike the Matrix, unfortunately). Yet I feel somewhat the same way as Jordan: Why the heck do we need to abide to these silly laws?

 

I also see that from tapedeck's point of view, that's like asking why we have to abide to the laws of physics. But I can't help but think that, while these rules are rooted in our instincts, we are not completely controlled by them. I find it hard to believe that all females go by these rules, which still seem a bit too stereotypical in my head.

 

Disclaimer: This post has no research to back it up, nor was it written with a clear structure in mind. Rather, it came to be as a result of a continuous flow of thoughts that developed as it was being written.

[Raining_again]

I agree with Jordan - what the fuck is the point if a man (or woman!) has to be who they aren't?

[jayseven]

Perspective! You are YOUNG and you have watched far too much TV and Hollywood. Just... be sociable and eventually odds are a girl will be stupid enough to give you a go. THEN you can worry about fucking things up.

[Guest Jordan]

Perspective! You are YOUNG and you have watched far too much TV and Hollywood. Just... be sociable and eventually odds are a girl will be stupid enough to give you a go. THEN you can worry about fucking things up.

 

Agreed... Some people don't get that life isn't like how it is shown in the media.

 

Relationships are tough, they need working at. Some don't understand that and prefer to run away from things. Some don't tell the other person how they really feel. Then the other gets left out.

[S.C.G]

 

Disclaimer: This post has no research to back it up, nor was it written with a clear structure in mind. Rather, it came to be as a result of a continuous flow of thoughts that developed as it was being written.

 

Often the best way Imo, : peace: I think it should all be simpler and in reality it is, it's just overcomplicated by a 'general concensus of opinion' or several of them, so a guy could chat to a girl and she may well 'know' that she likes him but is turned down when he asks because she's following a set of rules laid out by the aforementioned 'GCOO' whereas really she should have just said 'yes I liek you', guy knows where he stands, they get it together, happy ending or w/e.

 

But everyone is different, some girls like to keep stuff a secret, some guys don't like to ask stuff, the world is complicated and invariably shit does or even doesn't happen... *sigh* and so we are back to square one and learning how to create a fake persona to cater for generalisations once again...

 

So in that respect I again agree with where TD is coming from but I don't like the fakeness of it all lol.

 

Ideally all anyone wants is to be loved for who they are and love the other person in the same way surely? It's just a shame that it doesn't seem to be as simple as that in reality.

Edited April 21, 2009 by S.C.G

[Caris]

Agreed... Some people don't get that life isn't like how it is shown in the media.

 

Relationships are tough, they need working at. Some don't understand that and prefer to run away from things. Some don't tell the other person how they really feel. Then the other gets left out.

 

That would be me!

 

Not proud of that mind.

[Ashley]

To be fair, if I did have a relationship it would have to be an "epic" one like seen in the media. The "boy meets girl, falls in love, gets married, lives happily ever after" is far too boring. I want passionate hatred. I want someone who constantly challenges me, and frequently annoys.

 

But then that may be why I'm single :p

 

Although I may slowly be working toward a relationship. Two dates in 9 months. Slow and steady wins the race or whatever the expression is

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Often the best way Imo, : peace: I think it should all be simpler and in reality it is, it's just overcomplicated by a 'general concensus of opinion' or several of them, so a guy could chat to a girl and she may well 'know' that she likes him but is turned down when he asks because she's following a set of rules laid out by the aforementioned 'GCOO' whereas really she should have just said 'yes I liek you', guy knows where he stands, they get it together, happy ending or w/e.

 

But everyone is different, some girls like to keep stuff a secret, some guys don't like to ask stuff, the world is complicated and invariably shit does or even doesn't happen... *sigh* and so we are back to square one and learning how to create a fake persona to cater for generalisations once again...

 

So in that respect I again agree with where TD is coming from but I don't like the fakeness of it all lol.

 

Ideally all anyone wants is to be loved for who they are and love the other person in the same way surely? It's just a shame that it doesn't seem to be as simple as that in reality.

I wholeheartedly approve of and agree with everything in this post! : peace:

[Guest Jordan]

Seeing as we're talking about relationships and the amount of crappy input i've given into this thread. I'm going to just type shit off... Feel free to completely ignore the whole of below. I'm not depressed or anything, i've just got some thoughts. And i lack a blog. So... You know.

 

Since my last relationship, I honestly don't know who i am anymore. I've gone through so many phases of love, hate, pain, denial and i was even thinking about buying an iPhone. This isn't me right now. I don't know whats happened to old Jordan.

 

I want myself back like how I was. As much as things improve with my over all well being, I constantly have negative thoughts about what I used to have. It feels like sometthing is clawing inside my skull half the time. I have to physically hit my own head to stop myself from thinking about it. I mean, like randomly today. I saw something that reminded me of it, just in passing in the middle of a shop. So i stood there in a line, at a shop buying my lunch, holding back the thoughts.

 

I had a dream last night that reminded me of what i used to have. What i've lost. And, I can't say this is what i wanted. Recently, I haven't been out, i only talk to people to exchange pleasantries and i try to avoid people so i don't have to talk to them. If someone asks me over, or to do something I make an excuse. I mean, I haven't been food shopping this week because I can't face going on my own, its like my entire confidence has been shot to hell.

 

And the worst bit is, all my pleas and my feelings go completely un listened to. I don't have closure, I don't know what i did apart from a few choice nasty words. Its like... I know i'm better than this, but for some reason i can't pick my own ass up. I'm not even upset any more, i'm just not liking how things are right now.

 

*Rant over, sorry. Feel free to tl;dr*

[Chris the great]

jordan, it seems to me like your relationship was heavily entiwined with your self worth, even your sense of self.

 

youve clearly got unresolved feelings so its best you come to terms with that.

 

its not even nearly in the same leauge but a few years ago me and a friend were very close, lots of barly hidden love on my side, and im fairly sure on hers too. unfortunatly she fucked me over due to fear, and left me at a loss, it was like id lost a part of me, in a way i had, the niaive, childish part that expected everything to always turn out roses. the reason you dont feel like you know who you are any more is because youve had a pretty significant change in your life, things have have changed, and your going to change with them. its pointless pining for who you were/what you had. focus on who you want to be and what you want from life.

[Paj!]

jordan, it seems to me like your relationship was heavily entiwined with your self worth, even your sense of self.

 

youve clearly got unresolved feelings so its best you come to terms with that.

 

I agree.

[Slaggis]

I agree with Jordan - what the fuck is the point if a man (or woman!) has to be who they aren't?

 

I agree completely with you (I've read nothing else in the thread other than this, so if I'm going off on a tangent, then apologies).

 

It's hard enough being yourself around everyone, let alone trying to be someone else just to impress a guy/girl. I mean, why should you change who you are for someone else? If you have to, then it's obviously not going to work is it? I don't think a relationship can ever work, unless you're truly comfortable being completely yourself around them. What's the point otherwise?

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

the reason you dont feel like you know who you are any more is because youve had a pretty significant change in your life, things have have changed, and your going to change with them. its pointless pining for who you were/what you had. focus on who you want to be and what you want from life.

A great piece of advice, I'd say.

[Wesley]

So screw clubbing and dating websites. Buses are the way to go

 

Change this to public transport in general and I'm with you!

 

Me and my girlfriend are also of (nearly) 4 years. She regrets it every day.

[Guest Captain Falcon]

I agree with Jordan - what the fuck is the point if a man (or woman!) has to be who they aren't?

 

Just throwing this out there, but what if they are trying to be the person they want to be, rather than the person they are. Is that not acceptable?

[Raining_again]

Just throwing this out there, but what if they are trying to be the person they want to be, rather than the person they are. Is that not acceptable?

 

then that person should be doing it for THEMSELVES not for anyone else.

[Eddage]

I dunno whether all the stuff in the OP works but I have to agree with the taking the piss out of them aspect. Over the past 2/3 years I've got a lot more confident and some of this comes out in just mucking about making jokes (pointing out stupid things they do and exaggerating them, etc) and from my experience it definitely works. I guess as long as they know you're not totally serious then it comes across as being confident and having a fun side.

[gaggle64]

I've got nothing against any of the stuff tapedeck has been proffering (it's no worse then most presentation tips or the majority of advertising) but it ain't my cuppa ' tea really. Whether it's a formal meet or angling for some craven debauchery, I prefer the warts 'n all approach to any social situation I think I can get away with. I'm all organic, original me. And that makes me feel good on the inside. Mmm Danone.

[Ramar]

..Wait a minute this isn't the place to arrange a date with N-E members? What a let down.

 

[Jav_NE]

Getting back to the meeting girls thing Jordan, unfortunately it doesn't always work like that. It can work, and you might bump into someone and voila, you feel a connection, but otherwise, you have to make things happen, and that means playing the game a little bit. The truth is, once you've done that and have their attention, you can be more yourself on the first date whenever that may be. I'm not saying to lie and be someone totally different in a club or whatever, butyou have to act more confident, you have to make an impression and thats just the way it is. You have countles dates after that to really show who you are, and if it doesnt work, then it doesnt work.

[Guest Captain Falcon]

..Wait a minute this isn't the place to arrange a date with N-E members? What a let down.

 

 

It is if you play your cards right

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I think it's not so much about being someone you're not as it's about helping yourself become more confident. Being confident and resting in yourself (love that expression) are from what I can gather huge plusses when trying to gain the attention of the opposite gender.

[jayseven]

Shouldn't we all be, like, listening most to the dudes who have luck with the opposite sex? Liek, get DiemetriX in here and just do the opposite of what everyone else has said so far.