MATtheHAT Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I've had a shit day at work, then find this thread. Really cheered me up. Sat here chuckling to myself and the missus is like ''whats so funny?'' I'm like ''you gotta read this'' shes like ''awww, thats so cute, they should have candles and be all romantic'' I'm like ''Fuck that, he should just smash her back door strait in'' She was'nt impressed.
soag Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Make sure you have the lights on. A friend of mine thought he was was "in" but was actually doing something to her belly button. She must have one hell of a deep belly button
Fierce_LiNk Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Make sure you have the lights on. A friend of mine thought he was was "in" but was actually doing something to her belly button. Fucking Lol. Also, don't wank before-hand. It's a daft idea. As Shorty says, coupled with the idea that you'll be nervous, it may mean you don't have sex at all. Keep your tank full. Edit: Echo, hahahha.
ReZourceman Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Or you know, Vageta? :p Yell "It's over 9000!!!!!" when cumming. LOL! Hall of fame this thread right now.
Olympic Gamer Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Wow this thread is still going.. I propose lock it tonight and let King V create a second thread tomorrow after he has beat the meat and treated the feet.
Ellmeister Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Don't think I've ever laughed so much in a thread, the belly button comment won the thread. Erm yes just do what everyone else says. I'd like to tell a story about some ginger guy who unfortunately I know. First time with his gf(pretty much a man anyway), he stuck it in the wrong hole and didn't notice then they got in the shower together and he cock-slapped her. True story as far as I know. Makes me laugh everytime, needless to say she dumped him less than a day after
Guest bluey Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 .... *slight giggle* To be young again. ...i feel depressed >___> hah!! i have a question!!! WHY the hell is it called "coming"?? and why does everyone spell it "cumming"? coming where? going where? where the hell were you? my advice? meh - just relax you'll do fine, ne. but remember: real men dont scream. O____O!
Olympic Gamer Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 ...i feel depressed >___> hah!! i have a question!!! WHY the hell is it called "coming"?? and why does everyone spell it "cumming"? coming where? going where? where the hell were you? my advice? meh - just relax you'll do fine, ne. but remember: real men dont scream. O____O! Real mean dont scream? Obviously your not doing a good enough job :awesome: Im joking ofcourse. But scream for teh lulz.
Esequiel Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I agree with whoever it was that said shout "Its over 9000". Oh and film it for proof.
Guest Jordan Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Shouting "Its over 9000" on orgasm would be completely epic. COMPLETELY.
LazyBoy Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Ahh to be in an epic thread. Right King my boy, you aint going to get past missionary the first time, keep it simple. However we can start playing with a different set of cards the second time, but it depends on the woman you happen to be doing to dirty to. If she's nice and flexible, and has her weight down, then you want her legs resting on your shoulder whilst you're standing up supporting her weight with those piston shaped arms of yours. Now if you decided to super size for the night (and don't be ashamed, I will personally attest to the brilliance of fat sex) then you want to take it old school and bend her over the washing machine. Slap her upside the rump like you're tenderizing that meat for eating. And afterwards, grilled cheese sandwiches.
Guest Jordan Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 What... The... Fuck... Did you really just add in some crazy food metaphores?
LazyBoy Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Yes. Well everything apart from the grilled cheese sandwiches. That was literal.
Dan_Dare Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 I've had a shit day at work, then find this thread. Really cheered me up. Sat here chuckling to myself and the missus is like ''whats so funny?'' I'm like ''you gotta read this'' shes like ''awww, thats so cute, they should have candles and be all romantic'' I'm like ''Fuck that, he should just smash her back door strait in'' She was'nt impressed. you sir, just made my day
Olympic Gamer Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 you sir, just made my day I agree, I totally overlooked the post due to tl;dr.
nightwolf Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Ahh to be in an epic thread. Right King my boy, you aint going to get past missionary the first time, keep it simple. However we can start playing with a different set of cards the second time, but it depends on the woman you happen to be doing to dirty to. If she's nice and flexible, and has her weight down, then you want her legs resting on your shoulder whilst you're standing up supporting her weight with those piston shaped arms of yours. Now if you decided to super size for the night (and don't be ashamed, I will personally attest to the brilliance of fat sex) then you want to take it old school and bend her over the washing machine. Slap her upside the rump like you're tenderizing that meat for eating. And afterwards, grilled cheese sandwiches. HAHA you legend, although I'll never look at fast food the same way
Ashley Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Now granted im a vegetarian but judging on the utensils and the actions I see at work (in a kitchen) doesn't tenderising meat involve a spiked hammer and you visciously smash it. Now I don't mind a bit of rough play, but that sounds like abuse. And not the kinky kind.
Fierce_LiNk Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Some women like it rough though, and he did she say she had lots and lots of experience. Also, one thing, after you have lost your virginicity, don't forget to cuddle her afterwards. DON'T FALL ASLEEEP.
Roostophe Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Greatest thread ever! :grin: I've got no advice, because I'm still a virgin (although the want to finally do it is really, REALLY killing me). But when you're done; tell me how you made her come so I could learn a few things, so then it won't just be "My time" that will come.
Guest bluey Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Now I don't mind a bit of rough play, but that sounds like abuse. And not the kinky kind. there's a kinky kind of abuse??
Fierce_LiNk Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 there's a kinky kind of abuse?? You need to watch Secretary.
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