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Guest Stefkov

This past week, with the week starting Saturday, has confused me. A lot.

On the 16th I got a text asking me a question about photoshop. So I answered politely saying what () could do. They replied with a thankyou.

I thought it was someone I knew so I asked him in College on Monday and it wasnt him. So I got a bit scared.

Just now I get a text from someone if he could ring me and ask questions about photoshop. So I said yeah.

Seriously, who is giving my number out. Both of them knew my name, the second one was fine cos I kinda know him but the first....didn't even say their name.

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... Er, yes, thank you for the, er... attention? I will make a note to wear a fondle-proof cup on the meet...

 

Just back from teh cinema, and none of us can really tell what to make of the movie... Worth a rent I guess? Also decided to drink some Vodkat (>_<) and redbull tonight during a game of fluxx. LIVING IT LARGE. Oh, yes.

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After a rather easy day at school (mechanics being canceled = win), I went to see my girlfriend, and, amongst other things, watched Wallace And Gromit In The Curse Of The Ware-Rabbit, which is much better than I remembered, but, well, let's just say I'll remember it fondly for other reasons... :indeed:

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Overslept (not that I had anything to do, but would have been nice to have seen some of the morning). Went to town. Failed to find anything for my dad's birthday and mother's day (same day >_<). Did a bit of uni work. Went to see the boyfriend and pretended to be happy.

 

Now trying to do more uni work.

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making out

There's something about that phrase that burrows under my skin every time I come across it. It reads as shorthand for an Americanised, homogenised, boil-in-the-bag view of relationships, all fake roses, chocolates and dutiful façades of feeling; "This is love because that is what I'm told."

 

Err, yeah. I guess everyone has irrational hatreds, mine just happen to revolve around words.

 

Anyway, today I roughed out The Plan. If I can conveniently forget my penchant for procrastination, the first phase will go into action tomorrow. There is no re-run — change happens now or not at all.

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I went to a cuban bar with two girls. I think they both fancied me so my days been preeety good.

 

On the minus side I had to read loads of speeches by Hitler Goering and Gobbles wow those guys go on and on. And they are really full of shit.

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I got woken up and had sex for an hour... and now i'm physically knackered but not tired.

 

Hmm.

 

Thats my day, fuck i have to go to work T_T

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I've been feeling rather unsettled recently, sort of unsure of myself and uncomfortable in my own skin. Part of me wants to storm the world, and part of me would rather just retire to bed for the week.

 

No Gaggle! Don't turn emo!! :(

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It's not about being unhappy or even uncontent with myself really. It just feels like it's time to give myself a spring clean and a fresh lick of paint, but I don't know what colour. Right now I'm swinging wildly between becoming a goth and joining the University amateur rugby team.

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There's something about that phrase that burrows under my skin every time I come across it. It reads as shorthand for an Americanised, homogenised, boil-in-the-bag view of relationships, all fake roses, chocolates and dutiful façades of feeling; "This is love because that is what I'm told."

 

Err, yeah. I guess everyone has irrational hatreds, mine just happen to revolve around words.

 

I know exactly what you mean.

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It just feels like it's time to give myself a spring clean and a fresh lick of paint, but I don't know what colour.

I think we're on the same wavelength; perhaps it's a seasonal thing. I'm going to pop down Homebase tomorrow.

 

I know exactly what you mean.

I should qualify that I wasn't having a go at The fish, nor was I trying to suggest the view I associate with the phrase is one he holds. My contempt is purely squared at the phrase itself.

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I should qualify that I wasn't having a go at The fish, nor was I trying to suggest the view I associate with the phrase is one he holds. My contempt is purely squared at the phrase itself.

 

Regardless, I still know exactly what you mean. The phrase scrapes at me.

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It's not about being unhappy or even uncontent with myself really. It just feels like it's time to give myself a spring clean and a fresh lick of paint, but I don't know what colour. Right now I'm swinging wildly between becoming a goth and joining the University amateur rugby team.

 

What the? My mood depends entierly on xpert! In that case you should be loving yourself! If your depressed im mega depressed!

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Ugh, man, don't talk to me about depression. I don't know whether to add a winkey smiley at the end of that or not... but seriously... UGH. I'm just so tired of everything. I keep on hooking all my hope and faith onto the summer yet to come, as if everything will magically start working out. I know at some point in the next 14 days I'm going to start panicking, and tidy my room then start getting books out of the library, but recently I've realised that immersing myself in my work is just distraction. I'm a sad person, and anything I do is just to make myself forget my position constantly. I don't know the last time I've been truly happy.

 

It sickens me that I'm so fucking emo sometimes, but it overflows just that little bit too much into the 'truth' pile. I keep telling myself I'm actually worth something, that I can do something, yet I constantly find myself held back by trying to be a good citizen, waiting for my future-self to come along and fix everything, and fit into everything.

 

I get pissed off at time passing, and when it doesn't pass at all. I get pissed off at my lack of concentration on anything for more than two days at a time. I get pissed for no reason at all beside it being something to do, and I don't feel bad about it because I'd just be sitting here, sober, with nothing to do, when being drunk at least lets me be honest with myself.

 

What is the solution? What do you do when you realise there is none? What is there that's worth living for, besides pure curiousity of what's to come next?

 

I fool myself every day into believing that I'm worth something, that everyone has something to teach me and that I have something to give back. Anything I do is purely done so I can cross it off of my list of "possible things I ought to be doing right now". I keep wondering just what my life would be like if I kicked it all in. How long could I survive without any effort? Well so far I've survived 21 years... But knowing that everything I do now contributes to the choices I have available in the future just fucking pressures me into doing anything, without knowing just what it is I really ought to be doing.

 

Gah. Whatever.

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Ugh, man, don't talk to me about depression. I don't know whether to add a winkey smiley at the end of that or not... but seriously... UGH. I'm just so tired of everything. I keep on hooking all my hope and faith onto the summer yet to come, as if everything will magically start working out. I know at some point in the next 14 days I'm going to start panicking, and tidy my room then start getting books out of the library, but recently I've realised that immersing myself in my work is just distraction. I'm a sad person, and anything I do is just to make myself forget my position constantly. I don't know the last time I've been truly happy.

 

It sickens me that I'm so fucking emo sometimes, but it overflows just that little bit too much into the 'truth' pile. I keep telling myself I'm actually worth something, that I can do something, yet I constantly find myself held back by trying to be a good citizen, waiting for my future-self to come along and fix everything, and fit into everything.

 

I get pissed off at time passing, and when it doesn't pass at all. I get pissed off at my lack of concentration on anything for more than two days at a time. I get pissed for no reason at all beside it being something to do, and I don't feel bad about it because I'd just be sitting here, sober, with nothing to do, when being drunk at least lets me be honest with myself.

 

What is the solution? What do you do when you realise there is none? What is there that's worth living for, besides pure curiousity of what's to come next?

 

I fool myself every day into believing that I'm worth something, that everyone has something to teach me and that I have something to give back. Anything I do is purely done so I can cross it off of my list of "possible things I ought to be doing right now". I keep wondering just what my life would be like if I kicked it all in. How long could I survive without any effort? Well so far I've survived 21 years... But knowing that everything I do now contributes to the choices I have available in the future just fucking pressures me into doing anything, without knowing just what it is I really ought to be doing.

 

Gah. Whatever.

 

Two things

 

Women number 1 you will meet a new one and wow you will feel good

 

Number 2 Halo 3 coop with me

 

Oh and Number 3 Sopranos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUbUW6XfNhU&feature=related

 

Im sorry im very drunk but really make the most of your life it will get better before it gets worse.

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Want to compare units? That's not an innuendo :P

 

This isn't really a woman thing. I think my relationship just served as an excuse to feel whatever way I did. As for halo co-op... well dude srsly - I have the next 3 days to do so, so just PM me whenever you want to do it. As for 3 - I can't dl much as I seem to be downloading at approx. 5kB/s.

 

EDIT: As for a new girl coming along...well I believe that one has to truly not care if a potential partner is coming along before one does. I'm too aware at the moment, and I am trusting in my 5-year plan...

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