Mr. Bananagrabber Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Personally I could never ever forgive someone for cheating on me. I know it sounds weird coming from someone on the internet, but you're so far above people that cheat Flink. I would leave her entirely if I were you, but i'm not. In the end it's up to your (no doubt better) judgment. I do feel gutted for you though
Iun Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Flinky: I had exactly the same issue with my ex. I knew something was wrong, she wasn't cheating on me, but when I couldn't get the truth from her own lips I read her diary... what I found cost me all the love I ever had for her. People who lie just are not worth it, that's the bottom line. If they do it once, they may do it a hundred times, forgiving them just gives them licence to do it again. I'm so sorry, buddy.
AshMat Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 I've been cheated on at least once, it hurts, though my relationship was only 4 weeks when it happened, 3 years? Sorry to hear that, i know what it's like, and i don't wanna sound ahrsh, but i hope they both get hit by a bus or something.
Wesley Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Man, no words can describe how sorry I feel for you. Being cheated on is the worst thing in the world; nothing feels as bad. Personally I don't think you should carry on seeing her at all. For me that's a no brainer; just use your head and not your heart or else your heart will get broken again.
BeerMonkey Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 sorry to hear that link mate i take it your not getting back with her but even so how can anyone go out with someone that has cheated in the past you cant trust him/her
EEVILMURRAY Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Flinky: I had exactly the same issue with my ex. I knew something was wrong, she wasn't cheating on me, but when I couldn't get the truth from her own lips I read her diary... what I found cost me all the love I ever had for her. People who lie just are not worth it, that's the bottom line. If they do it once, they may do it a hundred times, forgiving them just gives them licence to do it again. I'm so sorry, buddy. You can't tell half the story and leave it there!
Fierce_LiNk Posted January 13, 2007 Author Posted January 13, 2007 We sent a few txts to each other last night. Here's the one she sent me: "For whats its worth I would give anything to undo what I did. I realise that probably means nothing and I don't blame you if you never forgive me or love me, but that is the truth and as I haven't given you a lot of that lately, I thought you deserved it now. I love you and I always will." To say that the message absolutely tore my heart apart wound be an understatement. I replied a bit harshly, but I feel so hurt right now: "I love you too, but I never doubted that. I don't know if I can trust you after what you did. You did it once and then you did it again, and all the time you were laughing and flirting behind my back. I don't know if I can forgive you or forget that."
Gentleben Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 If you ask me the relationship was doomed to fail without this happening. There was no trust -you read her messages.
MoogleViper Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 If you ask me the relationship was doomed to fail without this happening. There was no trust -you read her messages. Are you serious? Reading someones messages is hardly a breach of trust. My friends read my, and other peoples, messages all the time. Some people find it interesting seeing what other people have said to each other.
Fierce_LiNk Posted January 13, 2007 Author Posted January 13, 2007 Nah, he's right. I was in the wrong to do what I did. If she was in the room when I checked the messages and knew what I was doing, it wouldn't have been so bad. But, I chose to do it when she out of the room, so I was in the wrong.
Gentleben Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Are you serious? Reading someones messages is hardly a breach of trust. My friends read my, and other peoples, messages all the time. Some people find it interesting seeing what other people have said to each other. Yes a mobile phone is just as personnal as a diary/PDA/Journal. Fierce_LiNk even admits that he shouldn't have been reading the messages.
MoogleViper Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Yes a mobile phone is just as personnal as a diary/PDA/Journal. Fierce_LiNk even admits that he shouldn't have been reading the messages. Well I still think that there's nothing wrong with reading the text messages of somebody that close to you. She shouldn't have anything to hide anyway.
Fierce_LiNk Posted January 13, 2007 Author Posted January 13, 2007 In essence, you're both right. I was wrong to read the messages, but she shouldn't have hid that away. Its a complex thing.
Wesley Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 My girlfriend looks at my messages all the time, I sometime look at hers. It's not a trust thing.. just, I dunno. I look at my messages that I've sent her mostly. Also when I get a text she often answers it first and I tell her what to reply. It's not that we don't trust each other; it's the opposite.
MoogleViper Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Well the way I see it. If he had read her diary that would be different as people often write things in their diary that they don't want anyone but themsleves to know. However a text message is sent to someone. So she shouldn't have anything to hide from her boyfriend that she's willing to tell other people.
Raining_again Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 I don't think its the biggest deal to read someone's messages, especially a relationship like you two seemed to have. I'm sorry to hear it happened to you, and i can't imagine the pain. Just give it time and you'll know whats right. Hope you make it work out, whatever the outcome.
scubahood Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 First of all a little background on me i've been with my girlfriend for a year and a half now we broke up about a month ago after she told me that she had feelings for another guy and didn't want to be with me anymore. She didn't do anything with this guy which is where our stories are different. Anywho I was determined to get her back at first much like you I lost my cool and said some stupid things to her and told her that I was gonna kill the guy as I knew who he is. (Just to note I didn't do anything to him its more fun to see him shite himself when I see him out each week) Anywho after much thinking to myself I realised that the relationship could of been a lot better and that I needed to pay her more attention and do more with her. Before it was literally she would come to my house we'd chat for a bit then i'd get bored and play xbox whilst she wanted a cuddle. Once I realised what I needed to do I told her repeatedly but she was certain it was over so I pulled out the old writing a letter trick worked like a charm and now we're back together and things couldn't be better. Thats my story but for you Link what you really need to do is sit back and think right I know I love this girl but how much. You've got to listen to your heart and try and decide if you want to give it another go or not. It is a huge gamble as it could quite possibly end in even more heartache but the rewards would be amazing if it worked out and I can assure you that it would be better than ever. What you and your girlfriend need to do is sit down together and talk about the relationship, discuss how you both feel it has been going. Maybe there is more you could do or maybe there is more she needs to do. One of the most important things to do is to stay calm though I know its easy to lose your temper in a situation but don't do it in front of her. Chances are she may genuinly regret what she has done but she is going to have to prove to you that she will never stray again. If you two are both willing to try as hard as hell to get this thing back on I see no reason why it can't. Hope some of that helps
EEVILMURRAY Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Nah, he's right. I was in the wrong to do what I did. If she was in the room when I checked the messages and knew what I was doing, it wouldn't have been so bad. But, I chose to do it when she out of the room, so I was in the wrong. Would you rather the affair had continued then?
MoogleViper Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 You've got to listen to your heart and try and decide if you want to give it another go or not. I wouldn't listen to your heart. I personally wouldn't get back with her but that's me. If you are considering getting back with her you need to seriously think about it. You need to think about how you would feel knowing what she has done. You also need to ask yourself whether you could truly forgive her. If you did get back with her you'd need to be able to put it behind you and forget all about it. You couldn't have a good relationship with her if you would still think about him.
Surrealist Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 I have to say I'm on both sides of this argument. Obviously she cheated and that's a huge thing, soemthing that can't be forgotten BUT, like scubahood said, if she really loves you, this whole thing may well make it so she never strays again, and for that it may be worth thinking about. It won't be easy, but it might make you happy in the long run. Don't be too rash either way.
scubahood Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 viper im not saying your advice is wrong im just curious have you been in this situation or had a long term partner?
MoogleViper Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 I have to say I'm on both sides of this argument. Obviously she cheated and that's a huge thing, soemthing that can't be forgotten BUT, like scubahood said, if she really loves you, this whole thing may well make it so she never strays again, and for that it may be worth thinking about. It won't be easy, but it might make you happy in the long run. Don't be too rash either way. But she obviously doesn't love you that much or she wouldn't have cheated on you. viper im not saying your advice is wrong im just curious have you been in this situation or had a long term partner? I've been cheated on but never been in a long term relationship.
Rummy Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Well I still think that there's nothing wrong with reading the text messages of somebody that close to you. She shouldn't have anything to hide anyway. It's the intent behind it, I get a feeling Flink knew he shouldn't have been doing it when he was doing it. For some people, it isn't an issue, for some it is. It depends whether you're sort of 'allowed' to or not, it depends on the circumstances really. So you're both right.
Noodleman Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 Reading a text message deffinatly on the same level of wrong as shagging somebody else imo.
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